April 6, 2011

"7 Basic Things You Won't Believe You're All Doing Wrong."

Oh, I'm doing at least some of them at least part right. And as to the ones I'm doing wrong or part wrong, I believe it, at least partly.

17 comments:

Paddy O said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paddy O said...

Great, now Congress is going to take away our toilets.

Pastafarian said...

PaddyO, the way things are going, we'll all be squatting over a hole. We won't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

madawaskan said...

#1 is how China does it.

madawaskan said...

I think that's how they have their kids too.

I was in a multicutural--oh forget it.

Geoff Matthews said...

Cracked.com - making me smarter for 5 years going.

edutcher said...

Squatting is how the Hebrews had kids (the birthing stool) and it was a better way than what the Egyptians did - less pain, less time, etc.

You don't need an ISP, either, just a Bible.

Paddy O said...

I also like the suggestion that because people throughout much of history did something it must be better or more natural. The showering one especially made me laugh.

You know what else people did throughout history? They died at a much higher rate and much younger.

Paddy O said...

Freedom. That's another thing we're doing wrong. Because most people throughout history and much of the world today don't have freedom. The human individual just isn't set up for it.

Better to take away our toilets, showers, and light bulbs because we're better off living without freedom.

Paddy O said...

If Sarah Palin gets wind of this she'll be accusing the Obama administration of forming pooping panels.

campy said...

You know what else people did throughout history? They died at a much higher rate and much younger.

More than once per person?

William said...

The purpose of a shower is not to get clean but to wake up. Are people's schedules really so crowded that they need to spend five minutes less time taking a crap? I would recommend comfort, not efficiency, in this endeavour.....As I get older, I sleep more and more erratically. I think a troubled sleep has more to do with the bladder than the conscience.

vza said...

I am not a big fan of these squatting recommendations! When I traveled in the Middle East, we traveled around the countries on public buses and microbuses. Stopping at gas stations usually involved the hole-in-the-floor squatting. No toilet paper, a hose for washing, and this awful stinking hole that I was always afraid of falling into. Little old women would come in and stick their feet in the sinks to wash before prayers, so naturally water was all over the floors. Oh, how I hated those stops!
In the small, inexpensive hotels we stayed in, there were regular toilets, but you were not allowed to flush the toilet paper. All toilet paper was to be disposed of in wastebaskets. Evidently, the plumbing system could not handle the waste. Loved the region, but never quite adapted to the holes in the floors.

mc said...

For a time the fast food restaurants in lower CT had signs on the bathroom doors imploring folks to flush their T.P.

If I had grown up in some Mexican back valley and you told me I could flush the paper and it would go away you would only ever have to tell me once, I'd be that excited.

Before any P.C. codger lays into me with the racism and ignorance meme let me beat them to it:

Why Yes! I am stating clearly that there were numbers of illegals not flushing their shit out of stupid filthy habit such that they needed signs in their native tongue imploring them to do so. Lemme throw in the word filthy again, and, --Filthy!--once more. Bed Bugs! Just throwing that in there for good measure as well. Bed Bugs!! Apropos of nothing I wrote bed bugs, no?

Yuck.

On the other hand I take it giving birth can be approached like shitting only you go the extra mile in hoping the turd breaths right? Position wise that is...

Phil 3:14 said...

Don't buy the breathing bit. Its taking limited research in ill individuals and extrapolating it to the healthy population.

The sleep one is also up for debate. Our sleep patterns tend to be disordered but "normal" is a continually moving target. If you feel rested in the morning and don't have an overwhelming need for naps during the day, you're probably doing fine.

As for bathing and brushing, body and breath odor seems to have been ignored. We like it when the guy sitting next to us on the subway doesn't smell like a used sock or smell like last night's party when they speak to us.

Just sayin'

Phil 3:14 said...

As for toilets, it becomes a bigger issue when we get older and have a tendency towards constipation. The dilemma is, its easier to get off a high toilet seat but its harder to do your business on one.

One solution is a little foot stool that sits next to the toilet and is slid over with one's foot once sitting on the toilet. With feet and knees elevated it simulates the squat.

I'm still waiting for someone to invent the senior potty that has a little lever that you push once sitting that then lifts your feet off the ground six inches.

The Crack Emcee said...

Scott M and FLS are going to hate this, but I knew every one of those already - except for how to have a baby (I've never had to have a baby). Here's another one:

Don't make the bed after you wake up - you keep parasites and other nasties alive when you do.

I swear, people to me look DUMMMMB!!!