January 26, 2011

"When I was younger, I drank a quart of blood a day for about six weeks."

"I'd get it at the slaughterhouse. I'd heard about those Masais, you know, those seven-foot African guys; they'd drink cattle blood for strength. Then one day a little clot got stuck in my throat and that was it for me."

34 comments:

knox said...

Don't ask me about politics. I don't like to get into Barbra Streisand-ism. Let's stick to what's important.

JLL, I love you!

Coketown said...

Eww! EWW! Reminds me of the time I was offered blood sausage and almost gagged on being told what it was: coagulated blood sealed in intestines.

And while it's great LaLanne lived so long with his strict rules, there's still those 98 year olds who celebrate their birthdays with their 400,000th cigarette or some such weirdness. Personally I'd opt for birthday cake and no cigarettes.

Palladian said...

I'd opt for a blood-based birthday cake stuck with 98 burning cigarettes.

Allen said...

I drank in one little clot and my mom developed a mania / she said 'You're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Transylvania'

Tibore said...

"You've got to satisfy you. If you can't satisfy you, you're a failure."

Hmmm... there's a bad masturbation joke in there somewhere, but I can't quite put my finger on it...

Bob Ellison said...

What a wuss! It took two clots to stop me.

dont tread 2012 said...

"If you want to change somebody, don't preach to him. Set an example and shut up."

A lifetime of wisdom in one lesson.

Methadras said...

Fucking idiot. He didn't even do that right. The Masai Mara people do not drink their cattle's blood all by itself. What they do is they get a long necked gourd. Then they slightly puncture the neck of the bull and the blood spurt from that goes right into the gourd, then they seal it shut with mud, if I remember right. Then they get the milk from their livestock and mix it with the blood in the gourd. They put in a long stick and mix it really well and then twirl the stick in the mix and draw it out slowly. What happens is, is that the milk coagulates with the blood and sticks like a thick film to the stick and they eat it.

It's like a tasty treat to them. This guy is a moron and didn't even do it right. Fucking idiot.

ricpic said...

Gag me with a spoon.

Masai bloodshakes, all around!

edutcher said...

Like dont tread, I liked the quote about setting an example. In the military, it's called leading from the front.

I don't agree with everything in the piece, but you gotta love a guy who says it isn't about the money, it's about people's lives.

Hopefully, his legacy won't be lost.

ken in sc said...

OK, what about Chinese chicken blood pudding?

Kirby Olson said...

Did he ever develop from the neck up?

Lawgiver said...

All you gotta do is deep fry the blood clots in a beer batter and serve them with some grilled ibex and steamed broccoli. It's all good...

David said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Quaestor said...

It's spelled Maasai and they're not seven footers.

madAsHell said...

Wow!

The Masai are not 7 feet tall. They drink a mix of sour milk, and cow's blood. They live in "tents" (yurts?) made of cow shit. There is nothing glamorous about this lifestyle.

On the other hand, they walk through Kenya's Ambocelli National Park, and....
"fear no evil,
for thy staff,
and thy rod.
They comfort me."

I've seen it....the lions run from the Masai.

pavlova8 said...

how is eating blood different from eating meat?

Quaestor said...

how is eating blood different from eating meat?,

For one thing raw blood is almost indigestible. It mostly passes through and come out the other end as a tar-like sticky goo. The Maasi include blood in their diet primarily as for its symbolic quality. As human food it mostly sucks.

Freeman Hunt said...

I'm with knox. I love the guy.

William said...

I was hoping that he would break a hundred and do some terrific feat of strength on his birthday. Remember the dead monk in the Brothers Karamazov. Everyone believed that he had lived such a sanctified life that his corpse would not stink after death. But, of course, it did.... It's pleasant to think that there is a fulcrum point of diet and exercise, sleep and effort, sex and virtue that will give us such health and tranquility that we will be balanced forever above mortal corruption. And there isn't. Still Jack Lalanne kept his poise longer than most, and nearly everyone wanted him to live forever. As a feat, that is almost as hard to pull off as immortality. I am very sorry that he died so young. It doesn't bode well for me.

Henry said...

Quote: "Would you get your dog up every day, give him a cup of coffee, a doughnut, and a cigarette? Hell, no. You'd kill the damn dog."

How can you not love the guy? So his knowledge of African tribes is from Ripley's Believe it or Not. Who cares?

Faretheewell, strongman.

Joan said...

William, the rest of your comment is so serious that I'm left hoping (guessing) that your "died so young" comment is tongue-in-cheek. LaLanne was 96 years old. He was simply tremendous, and it's great that there is so much of video of him up on YouTube.

How could there be a fulcrum point between sex and virtue? They're on the same side of the scale. You need to put chastity and wickedness on the other end, and then find a midpoint between the pairs.

William said...

@Joan...At the present time, your grade in longevity corresponds to your age in years. Die under sixty, and you have failed the longevity exam. In your sixties, a D student. Seventies a C, and so on. Jack LaLanne got a 96 which is definiitely a A. However, when you consider the hard work and extra effort he put in, he deserved an A plus with extra credit. He really should have broken a hundred with a few extra years added on for good behavior. It wasn't a fair mark.

Chip Ahoy said...

What caused him to get pneumonia?

EDH said...

If you lose a couple of inches off your stomach, your business down there will look an inch longer.

I thought you did that by trimming your pubes?

Or so I've heard.

Shanna said...

NO birthday cake (or any kind of cake/pie) for 75 years???? That's not living.

kcom said...

"All you gotta do is deep fry the blood clots in a beer batter and serve them with some grilled ibex and steamed broccoli. It's all good..."

It also goes well with lion tacos.

Paddy O said...

I want to know where I could buy that shimmery jumpsuit.

Someone needs to get the original and put it in the Smithsonian. Which makes me wonder how many he owned. Did he open his closet and it's wall to wall purple jumpsuits?

Anyhow, I really do want to find one. If you're wearing a jumpsuit like that you'd better be exercising regularly, so it's good incentive.

Drew said...

Jumpsuits for everyone!

http://www.myjumpsuit.com/




wv: "honsom" . . . You'll look honsom in a jumpsuit!

Pastafarian said...

The Maasai also perform cunnilingus on their cows to stimulate milk production. I wonder just how committed this guy is to carrying on their traditions.

Fred4Pres said...

Born Again Workout!

I loved the skipping the politics part.

The Masaai thing was interesting. I also have to agree with him about milk, but I love cheese. Why is that?

Fred4Pres said...

I remember JLL as a kid. He was on TV with that white german shepard of his.

JLL was the real deal. Then Richard Simmons came and everything went downhill fast.

Fred4Pres said...

Pastafarian said...
The Maasai also perform cunnilingus on their cows to stimulate milk production. I wonder just how committed this guy is to carrying on their traditions.

1/27/11 10:38 AM


Dude, I think you just cured me of my love of cheese.

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