January 18, 2011

"I am working to make a delicious Wisconsin human cheddar."

"I purchased the milk from [a woman who] shipped it to me in ice, from Wisconsin... I found [her] on an online marketplace for breast milk – where women regularly arrange to sell and donate their milk. It’s pretty interesting, women set the price of their breast milk depending on if they provide blood work, and also the health of their diet."

Via Metafilter.

This remind me of Ricky Gervais and that rice pudding. From his Newsweek list of things that annoy him:
People who think they're "eccentric." What does that mean? You wear lots of different hats? You ride a funny-colored bike? That makes you eccentric? A friend of mine moved out to the country, and the woman next door came round; she was sort of hippie-ish, very long hair, back to nature, all that stuff. And she says, "I've made you a rice pudding, and I've made it with breast milk, because, you know, waste not, want not!" So my friend took it, threw it away, washed the dish and gave it back. He said to her, "Thanks, that was great!" I couldn't believe it. I told him that he should've said, "No, there is no way I'm eating that. Definitely not. Do not bring me any other bodily-function puddings."
That's the cleaned-up-for-Newsweek version. Get the podcast, Series 5 Episode 2. I don't have a complete transcript, but Wikipedia quotes:
Ricky: Surely you draw the line there, of a stranger’s breastmilk.

Steve: Oh yeah yeah, no absolutely… any kind of jizz flan....

Ricky: Here’s a cum sandwich. It doesn’t matter if it’s natural, it’s fucking disgusting.
ADDED: The A.V. Club says:
Of course, anyone looking to whip up some human cheese should definitely hit up the Dairy State for the breast milk, but that’s not the argument here. No, the real question is: Is cheese really the best place to start the “human milk” dairy product revolution?

31 comments:

Fred4Pres said...

Ricky was funny at the Golden Globes too.

Fred4Pres said...

Beware the omlets at this chick's place!

jimspice said...

It's kind of odd, if you think about it, that milk from a neighbor is gross, but milk from another species is just hunky dory.

MadisonMan said...

Human beings are the most energy-costly producers of milk. You have to buy them food, clothing, shelter, etc. It's laughable to think of this milk as sustainable. It's nothing but gimmickry.

Human cheese brings one thing to my mind: smegma.

Superdad said...

soylent green?

Skyler said...

I'm not sure why it's worse to drink milk from human beings than it is to drink milk from cows. The women are probably a lot cleaner than the cows are. And the product is designed for fellow humans, not baby cows.

That being said, it's still awfully weird to think this is a worthwhile project.

The Crack Emcee said...

Nasty Ricky, passing judgments.

Why can't he be "nice" (and do as he's told) like everybody else?

Triangle Man said...

I'm not sure why it's worse to drink milk from human beings than it is to drink milk from cows. The women are probably a lot cleaner than the cows are.

There are only a handful of pathogens that can be transmitted from cow to human via milk.

jr565 said...

Let me echo that RIcky was hilarious at the Golden Globes. He was absolutely vicious towards some actors who had to sit their and squirm while he tore into them and bit flesh.
Basically saying the only reason that The Tourist was nominated for anything was due to bribery and then seeing Johnny Depp's face was just hilarious.

I'm sure he wont be back again.

Sheepman said...

I'm not sure why it's worse to drink milk from human beings than it is to drink milk from cows. The women are probably a lot cleaner than the cows are.

Humans eat all sorts of crap, cows eat mostly grass and grains.

Also, it seems that all the cheese we eat is from the milk of vegetarians (cow, sheep, goats). The idea of a cheese from cats or dogs is repulsive.

bgates said...

We can't have people just agreeing on their own to buy and sell milk, no matter where it comes from. Where's the FDA? Where's the USDA? Have either the buyers or sellers been inspected and licensed by the proper governmental authorities? Who's done the testing for lead content?

Next thing people will be wanting to buy their own light bulbs without permission, and at that point the country's basically turned into Somalia.

dont tread 2012 said...

This reminds me of the same type of people that claim drinking your own urine has benefits.

Sorry, gross. Keep your breast milk cheese and give it to your dog if you want.

bagoh20 said...

A marketplace for breast milk? Fun!

All kinds based on diet and lifestyle. There could be an alcoholic version - Lohan Cream Liqueur.

The Crack Emcee said...

dont tread 2012,

This reminds me of the same type of people that claim drinking your own urine has benefits.

Two things:

This is the first one.

The second is I've got a picture (a major crime according to Meade) of a guy blowing himself and I can't decide if I should put it in a post. Any thoughts?

bagoh20 said...

"a guy blowing himself and I can't decide if I should put it in a post. Any thoughts?"

When you have a post that addresses rugged individualism and independence. It's the Macho Response.

The Crack Emcee said...

Oh, and BTW:

Stop Being Stupid Assholes (With Your Assholes)

The Crack Emcee said...

bagoh20,

LOL

Fred4Pres said...

Tweet of the year?:

If Charlie Sheen was offended by Ricky Gervais' joke at the Golden Globes, he needs to get off his high whores.

5:49 AM Jan 17th via web
Retweeted by 100+ people
davecaughey
Dave Caughey

Quaestor said...

Cheese is my favorite food, so I'm thankful that the idiot whose plan is to make a cheddar from mother's milk didn't plan to make a stilton. That would have been the end for me.

I didn't read the article Ann linked to, just her excerpted quotation. That was disgusting enough, thank you. However someone who did follow through might be able to answer this: What source of rennet has this lunatic Käsehersteller? Since it's human milk shouldn't the rennet be made from a human stomach? And what about pasteurization? Is that in the plan as well?...Ought to be seeing as that is the chief difference between a Wisconsin cheddar and a genuine cheddar.

Reading this thread has made me gag at least twice. I'm feeling barfish... Ta.

edutcher said...

Hmmm. If you're not a guy and you didn't go to the source to get the milk, what's the point?

(Troop would have wanted it that way)

WV "plution" what's in the air after rush hour.

David and Jenny said...

Not to dump milk on the thread, but Ricky Gervais needs to rework his rice pudding bit. As a nursing mother, I can tell you that human breastmilk completely obliterates rice starch. Ever try to feed a baby rice cereal made with breastmilk instead of water or formula? It is an utter (udder?) mess. The rice is gone within minutes.

Fred4Pres said...

The idea of a cheese from cats or dogs is repulsive.

Why?

The reason we do not get cheese from cats is pretty self evident. Imagine trying to milk cats.

Freeman Hunt said...

Gross.

But not as gross as the offer from a local woman to have one's placenta put in caplets for consumption.

Fred4Pres said...

Depending on the mom giving it, I might not mind collecting the milk.

Am I wrong to say that?

While I will pass on human breast milk, all I know is breast milk is a lot less offensive than dishes made with placenta. I was never that much into organ meats to begin with and human placenta is something definitely off my menu.

Renee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Renee said...

There's a reason why it's taboo, because breast milk is designed to nutritionally feed infants (and toddlers) who are dependent on their mothers, who can't chew or digest other forms of food. Adults are perfectly capable of eating food meant for developed digestive systems for their own dietary needs.

Then there is what happens when a woman feeds her child, the hormone oxytocin is release and they bond reducing postpartum depresssion. Breastfeeding is a way to connect. Even if she is pumping, she is connecting with her child. Even if it is formula/bottle, the mother is holding her baby against her chest. The goods in question (milk) is neither a skill/trade or a knowledge base service by the woman, she just 'produces' like an animal.

As for over producers with leftovers in the freezer, there are a lot of preemies in NICU units that could use that milk.

MadisonMan said...

I think milk/cheese from any non-vegetarian is going to taste...interesting. Even if they are a vegetarian, if your source is eating lots of garlic and onions (or even a few), or cruciferous veggies, good luck getting a cheese to taste anywhere near palatable.

When we used to get milk from Blue Marble Dairy, we'd sometimes get bottles with a terrible flavor, because the cows' silage got wet and fermented. Cows don't care, they'll keep eating, but their milk tells the tale.

dont tread 2012 said...

@ The Crack

Nice. 'Urotherapy', I believe it is called, claims some benefits - the caveat is getting past the 'whang'.

As far as your 2nd idea goes, I would advise keeping the self-fellatio under wraps if for nothing else to keep things civil.

The Crack Emcee said...

dont tread 2012,

I would advise keeping the self-fellatio under wraps if for nothing else to keep things civil.

The "new civility"? Dude, you're daring me, aren't you?

dont tread 2012 said...

@ The Crack

Picture Robert Conrad with the battery on his shoulder...no, not really.

Nobody wants to see The Won in such a tawdry shot. Not presidential.

c70338a4-42b6-11e0-a69f-000f20980440 said...

human cheese or any dairy product creates a natural reaction of repulsion in the majority of humans because there is no barrier to prevent disease being spread through the milk from one human to another. Your brain is trying to protect your body by making the idea of drinking a stranger's body fluids repulsive. It is exactly the same (in terms of hygiene)as having unprotected sex with that person or drinking their spit. In the case of cows, goats and sheep there is a natural barrier in that humans are not susceptible to the same diseases as those animals.
Sure, humans are the only mammals to drink milk from other species, but we are also a rarety in that we do not stop as other species do, drinking milk after infanthood.
Ricky is absolutely correct in that podcast - if you want to drink your own breast milk, then whatever - but it is arrogant and irresponsible (and undeniably a bit deranged) to pass it off to someone and expect them not to be disgusted by it. If I offered you tea, and as I was setting it down before you, I spat into it because it is a natural and sustainable source of milky whiteness - I doubt you would be pleased to drink that tea. For that matter, semen is full of protein, carbs, vitamins and minerals, but I doubt we'll see a rising market in cum cakes anytime soon. How can you possibly be offended that other people don't want to drink or eat your baked or fermented body fluids?