June 8, 2010

"The film begins moments after the sinking of the Titanic."

"All who have drowned are brought back to life by a futuristic race of mermaids, called the Mantocks, who welcome the humans to their underwater paradise. Soon after, JACK DAWSON is elected king of the underwater humans. DAWSON requests that all humans be returned above water, a request that is denied by KING MANTROCK. The humans are slowly brainwashed into worshiping their mermaid saviors. Meanwhile, the sunken TITANIC has become a haunted underwater wasteland inhabited by RAGGARO and his band of mermaid pirates. Will the humans ever free themselves from their mermaid slavery? Will the mermaid pirates wage war on Mantock?"

(Via Cinematical, via NY Mag.)

34 comments:

Fred4Pres said...

Did you just think this up or did something prompt it?

kent said...

Hell... it STILL makes more sense than the "plot" of Avatar.

Fred4Pres said...

Okay, sorry, I missed the link. Come on, this has to be a joke? Right?

If not, I am going to take a wild guess that James Cameron is not involved.

Fred4Pres said...

kent, Avatar had a plot, however thin. Floating moutains of unobtainium vs. a mythical race of merfolks.. Okay, let's call it a push.

And why didn't that greedy human mining company in Avatar just gobble up a few floating mountains of unobtainium and call it a day? The natives would have been upset, but not a lot they could have done about that.

Fred4Pres said...

Did Cameron get his idea about unobtainium from this?

El Pollo Real said...

Who will play Maj. Archibald Butt? I bet this real hero gets his ass kicked in this revisionist tripe.

Slow Joe said...

I would watch this before I watched Avatar.

It would be wonderful if that blue diamond thing was a dues ex machina plot device. Somehow it could thwart some evil spell or something, and Jack somehow communicated to Rose that she needs to throw it overboard. I never understood why she'd throw that away after all those nice people tried to salvage it. I guess it was worth money which means it was evil? Could have fed 100,000 kids with that thing.

kent said...

Fred: the very first mention of (*snicker*) "unobtanium" was the precise moment when my geologist wife had to be restrained from throwing something at the movie screen. ;)

Shanna said...

Is it wrong that this sounds kind of awesome? Although I'm sure it will actually suck. Most movies do.

Actually the main problem is bringing the Titanic into it. If it were just a movie about evil mermaids it might be kind of cool.

Bob_R said...

Feed 10,000, make ten minutes of Avatar...whatever.

SteveR said...

That reminds me, Kate Winslet has nice breasts.

MadisonMan said...

Will Celine Dion warble the title track?

Oligonicella said...

Water World for preteen girls.

Oligonicella said...

Which begs the question, will the mermaids be all glittery and fluttery, like the Barbie mermaids?

EDH said...

So, old Rose should have jumped overboard instead of just droping the Heart of the Ocean Diamond in the spot over the Titanic?

At which point Dawson says "'Never let go,' huh?"

traditionalguy said...

More life after-life stories. Somebody alert Crack Emcee. But I still like to hear about people conquering death, and I plan to do so for a long time to come.

Fred4Pres said...

There was a Titanic inspired graphic novel/comic book about the Captain and many of the passengers surviving the sinking and living in air pockets in the ship. The Captain then managed to use deep sea thermal vents to keep them alive for decades.

Does anyone remember that? Sounds a bit more plausible than the merfolks or Avatar.

TRO said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TRO said...

Are the gal mermaids (redundant I know) topless? We haven't had a boob post in a while and this seems like an excellent opportunity to return to that wonderful subject.

TRO said...

"There was a Titanic inspired graphic novel/comic book about the Captain and many of the passengers surviving the sinking and living in air pockets in the ship. The Captain then managed to use deep sea thermal vents to keep them alive for decades.

Does anyone remember that? Sounds a bit more plausible than the merfolks or Avatar."

Goliath Awaits, starring Emma Samms, who if memory serves, had a great set of boobs.

Dead Julius said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
William said...

In rewrite, I bet the mermaid pirates become mermaid vampires. The undead, unmammals feeding on the Titanic revivors: At the moment of feeding, they become great white sharks.

Data Schlepper said...

How can the Mantocks be futuristic if the film begins moments after the sinking of the Titanic? It sank in the early 20th Century. Are they time travelers?

If they are mermaids, shouldn't their name be Girltocks (sorry, Womantocks, er Wimmentocks)?

Fen said...

Avatar had a plot

Underneath the whiteout: Dances with Wolves

Fen said...

We haven't had a boob post in a while

Lets take another look at those gills?

paul a'barge said...

Here is the Craigslist Link

Fred4Pres said...

The movie is worse than I remember...but I like Emma Samms.

Fen said...
Avatar had a plot

Underneath the whiteout: Dances with Wolves

6/8/10 3:39 PM


Influences included Rousseau, Pocahontas, Dances with Wolves and of course these guys.

Fred4Pres said...

This is very wrong.

LordSomber said...

Wouldn't he have to negotiate territorial disputes with Aquaman or Patrick Duffy?

edutcher said...

LordSomber said...

Wouldn't he have to negotiate territorial disputes with Aquaman or Patrick Duffy?

Naw, Lloyd Bridges bought up all the property with the residuals from "Sea Hunt".

david7134 said...

Please say this is not true. In the original movie, all I did was sit and pray that the guy would go ahead and die so I could leave.

ErnieG said...

If you're going to do a derivative work based on the Titanic, you could not do better than this:

http://www.angryalien.com/0604/titanicbunnies.html

Andrea said...

If the Sharktopus is involved, it could be something worth watching.

Oh wait. No.

Kelly said...

Isn't a male mermaid (as if there actually is such a thing) called a merman?