June 9, 2009

"Knowing that that loving feeling doesn't last and that women have a 'sell-by date,' women should pursue the 'gold digging imperative'..."

Hmmm. Marriage advice over at abc.com.

45 comments:

Sofa King said...

Hasn't this been obvious to men for a while now?

Marriage advice for men: don't.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Is this something new or is it a return to the traditional goal of marriage?

traditionalguy said...

The cruelist part of slavery was the power of the"owner" to sell a slave downriver at any time he wanted thus destroying the male/female and children nuclear family. The qwners used the threat to "put you in my pocket" to the slaves who misbehaved. That same cruelty used by Gold-diggers, no matter how wealthy they get from it, is a great evil.

MadisonMan said...

Both authors -- Los Angeles mothers Daniela Drake and Elizabeth Ford -- say they "married for love, but reaped the consequences."

Because, you know, it certainly isn't their fault that the marriage foundered.

Better advice for all: Learn a trade. Become self-sufficient. (And I'll add, in case my kids ever read this: Support your Parents!!)

Aaron said...

Seriously, this whole thing seems downright reactionary.

First, contra this bitterness, romantic love can last longer than a couple years. my wife and i are on our 5th.

Second, why not instead get rich, or at least financially stable and then find a guy who will make you happy and not screw that up too much?

And i will add that divorcees are not always the best advice-givers on marriage. of course sometimes you can learn the most from a thing by its destruction, but that is not usually the case.

Marcia said...

Reading the substance of the article, I have to agree with the authors: "How a man treats his finances -- if he is not willing to honor his debts and obligations -- is an indicator of how he will treat you in the marriage."

It's not nearly as provocative as the title of the book or this post make it seem. For long-term happiness, it's better to marry a guy who's responsible than a chronic insolvent without a steady income, no matter how charming he is.

Kirby Olson said...

Marriage as the oldest profession is the cure to bad marriages? It sounds circular.

One of the problems with dumb people is that they are dumb. It's probably why these two were divorced in the first place. Their husbands thought they were dummies.

The thing is to marry smart, which means to marry someone who is clever and wise, and sort of witty. People say that money talks, but I've yet to see it.

rhhardin said...

The inclination comes from an evolutionary imperative, namely find a guy who will reliably do stuff for you and the future kids.

Gold-digging is a stand-in for reliability. As is self-sufficiency.

Or you can do it the old fashioned way and look for actual reliability, and skip the gold and the self-sufficiency.

lyssalovelyredhead said...

I agree with Marcia- I've rarely seen a relationship fail where the faults that caused it weren't apparent from the start, to anyone not blind to them. Pay attention to the person and how he treats everyone, not just how he treats you when he's trying to get in your pants.

BTW, the loving feeling certainly can last, and grow. Mine and I are celebrating our eighth today, and I am certain that it is every bit as good, in fact, better, than it was when we were fresh and young and new.

EDH said...

How a man treats his finances -- if he is not willing to honor his debts and obligations -- is an indicator of how he will treat you in the marriage," she told ABCNews.com.

"I want a man who is financially savvy," said Borgella, who asked to see her prospective husband's credit report.



Good, I'm glad you think so.

So signing that pre-nup won't be a problem?

NSFW: Gold Digger.

Quayle said...

Hasn't this been obvious to men for a while now?

Well, as least since Jane Austin, where you could have read all about the quandry women face on this issue.

Fred4Pres said...

Then again, remember the concept of "furniture" in Soylent Green?

(An aside: The notion of “furniture” is probably my favorite aspect of Soylent Green’s vision of the future. In an especially stark illustration of the devaluation of human life, wealthy men like Simonson often rent their dwellings “furnished” with attractive young women who serve as both domestic help and sex objects. The economy is apparently so wretched that a woman with the allure to succeed as furniture counts herself among the privileged few.)

Penny said...

"MRI scans now reveal a "complicated biological cocktail of hormones" that light up in the brain when people are in love, according to the book. And, Ford notes, the activity is in "the most primitive, reptilian" part of the brain."

Good luck with that advice ladies. For most of us, this "love" thing is as it ever was, and when it comes, it wraps itself around your heart...not your head.

Fen said...

"I want a man who is financially savvy," said Borgella, who asked to see her prospective husband's credit report.


EDH: Good, I'm glad you think so. So signing that pre-nup won't be a problem?

Hah! Best post in thread.

nansealinks said...

love is a gut feeling in your LIver (and your hackles.) i think persians know that.

too many americans have fatty liver disease pr elevated functions of that to notice.

campy said...

Today's abc.com advice to women: gold-dig.

Tomorrow's abc.com advice fish: swim.

nansealinks said...

which is why the opposite is true,too. when you think about sleeping with someone of different oriemtation, be you straight or gay, or think about pedophiles or rapist or something where sex and love is opposing, lots of people say it makes them want to throw up.

yep that is your liver

traditionalguy said...

The marriage as a corporate merger concept also requires due diligence to know the details about his family inheritance prospects and the health of his wealthy parents. This information is necessary in order to better time the divorce. This seriously is the advice the smart woman uses today. As soon as the prospects for income or inheritence fade, the divorce is only months away. We are seeing many heart broken men the last few months being put into a golddigger's pocket by divorce because the hard times are making the Pie that the golddiggers married to split up and run off with getting smaller. It's all a timing issue, like the stock market. There is an upsurge of divorce today among the once wealthy and their trophy wives.

Bissage said...

It may well be true that there is an upsurge of divorce today among the once wealthy and their trophy wives.

Still, it’s my belief pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives.

Whether it’s a woman and a man, or a man and a woman, it seems pretty clear that some can and some can’t and some can’t.

But hey, that’s just me.

What do I know?

Paddy O. said...

Bet there's a sudden upswing in interest about cowboy culture among these circles.

class-factotum said...

I'm not in favor of golddigging but I have no sympathy for women who marry men who are financially irresponsible (i.e., huge consumer debt) or who have modest incomes and then complain that they have to keep working once the kids come along. You knew when you married that guy that he didn't earn enough money for you to quit your job. You knew that you would be working to help pay that debt. Live with it.

Big Mike said...

I don't know about that "loving feeling" not lasting -- we're coming up on our 35th and I'm still nuts about my raven-haired beauty.

The River Otter said...

Ann, you are everything I like about DIGG and without anything I hate about it.
You're like having an awesome filter to bring out cool stuff from the unwieldy Interwebs.

Kirk Parker said...

Aaron,

"romantic love can last longer than a couple years. my wife and i are on our 5th."

Congratuations! Here's hoping you make it to (and past) your 32nd, like we have. And while it's in many ways a different kind of romance than it was several decades ago, I can't really think of any ways that it's inferior.

William said...

I know of this Columbian girl of good family who is quite attractive. She moved into an apartment she could not afford in order to be a member of of a wealthy parish. She is very involved with church activities in that wealthy parish. She hopes to meet a good man through her church activities. She is gold digging but in a responsible, mature way. Her aunt told me of her in glowing, approving terms. Some cultures are still supportive of honest, honorable gold digging.

traditionalguy said...

In the wealthy circles the pre-nup is negotiated like a divorce settlement itself, which it is. To make a pre-nup stand up the 3 legs of the stool are (1)full disclosure (so she won't ask for too little)which is an attached financil statement just like the Banks use, and (2) independent counsel...each has separate lawyers to show no manipulation used, and (3) get it executed a couple of months before the ceremony so that no last minute sign it or else coercion can tearfully be alleged. See, even in Holy Matrimony, the lawyers save us from liars and thieves dressed up like loyal lambs.

Penny said...

Honorable gold-digging is an oxymoron.

Penny said...

Marriage may not start off as a business partnership, but no one who has divorced could see it as anything else. I think pre-nups make perfect sense, even though the thought of them takes some of the glow off that "love and trust, til death do we part" thing.

nansealinks said...

gold digger or goldschlager

Penny said...

I had to look up what goldschlager was, nansealinks. I guess my taste for gold ends with my jewelry. But heck, if we ever cross paths and you want to buy me one of those...great! Not that I'm golddigging for some free goldschlager or anything. ;)

save_the_rustbelt said...

Wow, did my wife make a mistake.

And 35 years later she still doesn't understand the marry for money thing.

Hope she doesn't find out now.

blake said...

Jane and Marilyn said it better: "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor one."

Actually, stuff like this would seem to be a pretty good blow against marriage in general. Regardless of what the content is, if the headlines are all reading "Marry him for money," some men are going to read that as "dump her when you get bored".

ricpic said...

A question: if he marries her for her looks and she marries him for his wallet what do they talk about?

blake said...

A question: if he marries her for her looks and she marries him for his wallet what do they talk about?

Negotiations over plastic surgery?

Glen said...

This essay attempts a nasty little conflation.

A man with few assets and a man who is a deadbeat are not necessarily the same things, are they?

There's nothing to indicate that gold-digger's suffer lower divorce rates than the rest of the population. Why should this be so if they're making the wiser choice at the foundation of their marriage?

traditionalguy said...

DEFINITION TIME OUT: Gold digging has been an accusation people say about a woman who marries into money and people believe she is not smitten by the man so much as the lifestyle his money provides the couple. That's not bad, although it may be sad. Todays Golddiggers actually pre-plan the divorce for about the 5th year to enjoy their half of his money Without being married to him. This is more like a certain President's plan to re-distribute the wealth.

cubanbob said...

If that is the MO these woman have,good luck to them. Few men who are wealthy make that mistake the second time around. They will either have long term girlfriends or new hotties every few years. In tough times the guy will certainly have the upper hand as the competition for him increases. So cash out ladies while you can cause the party will soon end.

fivewheels said...

Old news indeed. What always riled me about that flare-up of "First Wives Club" b.s. in the '90s, and all the crying on Oprah about how this evil society makes these horrible men trade in their wives for the newer model, was that it always, always ignored the other side of that story.

For every old rich guy dumping the first wife for a new trophy babe, there was a younger guy, probably putting in long hours to work his way up, who got dumped by that trophy babe for the richer model the minute she could snag him. The difference is, there isn't a whole infrastructure of talk shows and chick lit and vapid magazines to complain about that half of the equation 24/7.

Happened to me twice. And yes, the proper lesson I took from that was that I had to start dating a better class of woman, which usually meant, ironically, disdaining the "upper" classes.

nansealinks said...

goldschlager as a triple meaning. just like ann's quips here that she hides behind and denies when put on display.

sshlager can be a quirky german language hit parade song that is not really deep philosophically, but sometimes in the aesop fable way it is. A gold schlager is one that hits the top of the chart.

a schlager is someone who schlägt, who beats or pounds. maybe a beater or maybe a type of gold smith if you stretch the meaning.

Bissage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bissage said...

Once upon a time I had a sexy girlfriend. She was what was euphemistically referred to back then as a “serial monogamist.” She dumped me, of course.

Years later I learned she had settled down and was living with a very rich guy who was old enough to be her father. It seems he had abandoned his second wife and kids so she could divide her time between writing the Great American Novel and yoga class.

I admit I was a little shocked when I found out.

But I was also kind of flattered. This was because I remembered well the times she told me that I have an excellent penis.

Hers was an expert opinion, in that regard.

Big Mike said...

For a great comment on the "gold digging imperative" go to this on snopes.

Pogo said...

Gold-diggers are commodifying their consent, monetizing their mons, dealing their DNA.

There are better and older synonyms.

Glen said...

Bissage said:
...This was because I remembered well the times she told me that I have an excellent penis. Hers was an expert opinion, in that regard.

---
This was before or after you took her shopping?

shade said...

Liaisons!
What's happened to them?
Liaisons today.
Disgraceful!
What's become of them?
Some of them
Hardly pay their shoddy way.