June 18, 2009

On swatting a fly.

1. BBC gives you 10 ways to swat a fly — including a technique called The Barack.

2. PETA doesn't appreciate The Barack: "We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals. We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals."

3. There's a song called "Never Swat a Fly." I'm familiar with the old Jim Kweskin version ("Don't do that, Delores/You should never swat a fly"), but here's the 1930 Abe Lyman version. Lyrics:
Never swat a fly, he may love another fly
He may sit with her and sigh the way I do with you
Never harm a flea, he may have a favorite she
That he bounces on his knee the way I do with you
Never stop a moth when he is gliding through the air
He may have a date in someone's flannel underwear
Ah! Ah! Be careful!
Never spray a nit with a great big can of Blitz
He may think some nit has it the way I do with you

51 comments:

rhhardin said...

Lautreamont says the best way to kill flies is to cut their heads off.

Ophir said...

Obama's feat is fine, but he's no Mickey Mouse.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Neat clip Ophir. Not only did it have fly killing, but it also showed kids how to smoke grass!

Pogo said...

En boca cerrada no entran moscas.

Hoosier Daddy said...

Obama is a pussy. Anyone can use their hands. If he really wanted to impress me he would have nailed the bastard with chopsticks like Mr. Miyagi.

Eli Blake said...

You left out the part where PETA is providing the White House with a special trap that will trap flies harmlessly so they can be released outside.

I bet the next thing they will start handing out is a hypo syringe so you can draw out your own blood and place it in a trough for the mosquitoes to drink out of.

Well, I guess I better go to the kitchen and check on how my mousetraps are doing.

Eli Blake said...

And how is this for irony:

Crushing a fly flat in a millisecond so it has no time to feel anything is cruel and we shouldn't do it, but if the fly gets trapped in a spider's web and the spider eventually shows up, paralyzes the fly and then sucks out its inside while the fly is still alive, that's natural and therefore OK.

I remember when I worked in Albuquerque there was a woman who was a member of PETA where I worked and some of us guys (I admit it, I was one of them) used to stand out in front of her office and talk about hunting just to see if we could get a rise out of her.

RLB_IV said...

"If he really wanted to impress me he would have nailed the bastard with chopsticks..."

How about his tongue. Obama reminds me of Jeremy Fisher.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

Bitch when are we going to get a vlog with full frontal?

I, like the rest of my fellow republicans, want to see your tits.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

I want to see them dangling just above the keyboard, just waking up to start the day. Maybe a nipple dips in to some Fage pronounced Fagay yogurt. that would be hot.

Now get to it Marge.

Hoosier Daddy said...

Titus my friend, stick with hog and leave the golden bozos to the men who know how to work and appreciate them for the glorious gifts they are.

Now go take a dump or something.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

Hoosier I appreciate a nice rack like any straighty, probably more.

Women's tits are hot. I like them. My girlfriends let me feel them and they jump up and down and make them bounce for me.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

I love womens tits.

They give life.

They are beautiful.

They are voluptious.

I want to feel them.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

I feel a nice pair of women's tits every time I go out. I demand it.

I also want to do Iranian protesters but who doesn't?

Methadras said...

My brother and I had this really cool way to kill flies. We used to take our pellet guns, without pellets, and just pump them with air. Not a whole lot, but enough to make it matter, probably 5 pumps or so. Then we would stay as far away from the fly as possible and sneak the business end of the pellet gun as close to the fly as possible. It didn't sense danger from any heat or sudden movement in air pressure from a human so it would just stay there and we would pull the trigger. POW!!! The fly would either die right there from the instant air shot or it would be stunned senseless at which point we would pick it up with tweezers and pull it's wings off and watch it try to walk. So much fun.

Oh, sorry. I forgot the obligatory FUCK YOU PETA!!! YOU SISSYS!!!

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

I want to see Althouse's tits.

Bitch, show them.


Let me milk them.

Let me suck them.

David said...

For Jesus sake, Titus, shut up!

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

I want Althouse's tits in my mouth.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

Oh david, you want her tits too.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

I want a pair of tits in my mouth now.

David said...

Now, here's the skinny on the fly thing.

Obama did not swat the fly, he grabbed it. Or so it appeared. If the incident were run at proper speed (which is Vulcan video semi-warp blu xray) you would see that Obama's Vulcan tongue grabbed that fly at a distance of four feet, slapped it against his forehead and then tossed it on the floor. Gibbs knows all about this (so does Michelle) but Gibbs is afraid of Obama and Michelle knows what's good for her. The hand thing was a misdirection, a cheap magic trick.

Note to Peta: I never swat flies. I let my dog do the work. She loves to chase them down, stun them with a nip of a flash of paw, watch them buzz in a circle on the floor and then eat them. My dog is, of course, an animal, so she is blameless.

And Titus, you have no idea what I want, because I do not blurt out every impossible fantasy that comes to mind.

LoafingOaf said...

I am sorta into animal rights, but I'm also a speciesist. It doesn't bother me when someone kills a fly. But it REALLY bothers me when Sarah Palin supports aerial wolf hunting. That really makes me angry. And I despise the meat industry in America, which tortures animals (including intelligent animals such as pigs) in abslutely horrific fashion. But I can't get myself to worry about killing insects. In fact, I am known to snag a carpenter ant running around my floor and throwing it into a spider web just to see the spider give it a cruel death. But I feel bad about this after I'm done enjoying it. I'm sick of those annoying big black ants, but perhaps I've allowed myself to become excessively evil towards them. :(

former law student said...

the 1930 Abe Lyman version. Lyrics:
Never swat a fly, he may love another fly
....
Never spray a nit with a great big can of Blitz

I strongly suspect Abe Lyman wanted to use the trademarked insecticide Flit in his lyric:

"Never spray a nit with a great big can of Flit."

Flit advertising was Dr. Seuss's pathway to fame. "Quick, Henry, the Flit!"

http://orpheus.ucsd.edu/speccoll/dsads/flit/flit27.shtml

Methadras said...

HAHAHAHA!!! Titus coveting that which he could never have. Secretly pining to want to be the gender to covet that which he could never have. Oh wait a second honey. I'm sure if you paid good money, you could get the nicest pair of tits on yourself that you ever wanted. Then you can pinch loaves and cop a feel on yourself and never leave the house.

EDH said...

No tick is safe from Sandra Bullock

“The Proposal” star can certainly pull it off. According to one stunned extra on the North Shore set of “The Proposal,” Bullock grabbed a tick off the head of another day player while shooting the movie in Rockport last spring...

“While waiting for the cameras to roll, she suddenly asked someone to get her a Kleenex quickly,” Estiloz said. “Bullock told the extra with the long hair to hold still and she took the Kleenex and grabbed the tick out of his hair.”

Apparently not all leading ladies are so accomodating!

“She passed it to a crew assistant to dispose of, and then joked about it with the extras while making the guy with the tick feel better about the whole thing,” said Tim, adding that the industrial park outside of Rockport was in a wooded area.

“I know of very few actresses or actors who would have done that,” said our spy. “In fact, most would have demanded the tick-affected extra be removed from the set.

“The Proposal” is in theaters today.

Audities said...

Interesting. Jim Kweskin, Abe Lyman. Mel Lyman had been Kewskin's banjo & harmonica player prior recording of "Never Swat A Fly". As far as the internet knows, there's no relation between Abe & Mel, except both were Californians). Mel could have taught B.O. a thing or two about building a cult following.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

I actually have no interest in having tits myself.


I love being a man and have no interest in being a woman.

For some reason breeders think fags want to be women. Sorry not all fags. I have no interest in being a woman.

Now, please, who amongst us does not hope between the flower and spider pictures a tit may appear?

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

And Methadras can never have?

Hello, I feel my girlfriends tits all the time. But it doesn't satisfy me. I can't get enough tits.

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

When I was home in Madison last weekend I felt my mom's tits. I told her they were firm and holdin up well through age.

Like I said I can't get enough of feeling a pair of tits. But who amongst up can?

TitusLovesUSoMuchIreallyDo said...

I want tits damm it. I want tits bouncing and running and jiggling.

I want tits in my mouth. I want tits with lipstick on the nipples to accentuate them.

I want tits.

Give me tits.

Tits.

Methadras said...

Hey Titus, maybe you want to talk to some of those fags that not only want tits, but wish they could breed. It's amazing a mouth breather like you can shamble on this earth an not realize that your perpetual irony is showing. By the way darling, you might want to talk to your fag breeder friends too and find out how they were able to get over their faggotry long enough to stare at a pair of tits and slip the mothers of their children their longing comeupance.

Your life is but a joke.

John Stodder said...

But I can't get myself to worry about killing insects.

Yay sanity!

A cat I used to have taught me how to kill flies. Obama's method usually isn't effective. What you do is grab the fly with one paw, then in the same motion stuff it into your mouth.

If you don't want to eat it, you throw it out a window or down the toilet.

Methadras said...

I believe flies have a visual perception that is about a thousand times faster than a human beings. That's how the are able to avoid swats on such a regular basis or at least flying clumbers from bottom catchers like Titus.

Ann Althouse said...

@Audities Thanks for the prompt about Mel Lyman. I remember reading an article about him in Rolling Stone, back in the 70s, one of the most amazing things I'd ever read.

Ann Althouse said...

@Titus As always, thank you for your brilliant literary stylings, which I imagine my students find quite hilarious.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Titus : I want Althouse's tits in my mouth.

You know, I see an opportunity for Althouse to monetize her blog here. She could have silicon replicas of her tits made (like the silicon love dolls, but just the tits) and sell them on her webpage. They could come in different colors: authentic, Twitter green, and black.

I know I'd buy some.

Scott M said...

Anyone ever go over to PETA's website and dig for their official stance on abortion? The first time it dawned on me to see how an animal rights group viewed unborn humans was around 2001. Last time I checked, it hasn't changed.

In a nutshell, it says something to the effect of, "since the pro-choice movement does not have any official stance on animal rights, PETA does not maintain any official stance on the abortion issue".

Unbelievable.

It's not okay to kill a fully grown, barely aware meat animal for food or, gasp kill a fly, but it IS okay to lance an unborn human's skull and suck out the gray matter. Simply because said human hasn't passed the eight or so inches down the birth canal.

knox said...

I am sorta into animal rights, but I'm also a speciesist. It doesn't bother me when someone kills a fly. But it REALLY bothers me when Sarah Palin supports aerial wolf hunting. That really makes me angry.

Now be honest, it's not Palin's wolf hunting that bothers you, it's the fact that she's alive on the planet.

knox said...

Coming soon: titus comments at length on Palin's tits...

former law student said...

titus is not the only gay man I have heard of who appreciates tits. Consider that we all might have suckling in our background.

In law school there were two classmates with breasts of improbable size and firmness that I hoped I would someday see free from their cradles. Alas it was not to be.

Joe said...

What's PETA's stance on vaccinations and our war against viruses? Do they oppose the use of antibiotics?

Anthony said...

Roman Emperor Domitian was obsessed with flies. He would stab at them in his office, when he was supposed to be doing paper work.

According to Seutoneus, when someone asked an aide if anyone was in with the emperor, the aid replied -- "not even a fly"

amba said...

When I lived in NYC I was like a capricious god to my roaches. (Sorry, bloggingroach.) It was me or them (actually, it was me and them, because there was no way I was ever going to get rid of them all, but I had to keep their numbers down). Most of the time I killed them with vicious, vengeful glee, but every once in a while I'd see a little one drinking from a drop of water, for all the world like an antelope at a water hole, and I'd recognize kinship with it and spare it.

I wanted to tell them that if they mutated so they'd smell like roses, or cloves, or coffee, they'd survive much better. They have the nastiest smell. Well, I suppose it smells wonderful to them.

My only concession to compassion was to think to myself whenever I smashed one, "Like flies to wanton boys are we to th'gods;/ They kill us for their sport." Just to recognize that something that much bigger than me can and someday will squash me, too.

amba said...

En boca cerrada no entran moscas.

Pogo won the thread before it even got started.

amba said...

LOL. Titus is just the id of this place. If he didn't exist you'd have to invent him -- in your dreams.

amba said...

Mel Lyman, musician and guru of the Lyman Family, aka Fort Hill Community. Perceived at the time as more benign Manson wannabe. They published a paper called the Avatar. Very interesting bunch of people, actually. Especially later.

amba said...

Today his name is Tit-us. Go on and tit us, Titus!

amba said...

She could have silicon replicas of her tits made

That reminds me of the girls who made silicon molds of rock stars' penises and put them on display like a sorry crop of mushrooms.

amba said...

This one's for Scott M, on PETA and abortion. (You won't like it, but then neither will they.)

Audities said...

Annn wrote re: Mel Lyman:
"I remember reading an article about him in Rolling Stone, back in the 70s, one of the most amazing things I'd ever read."

Ann, David Felton's article had a similar affect, creeping me out more than the Manson story, as those people were certified nuts and somehow seemed unreal. But the folks pulled in by Lyman could have been someone you knew. I found an online copy & have been reading it again. Anyone else interested may do so here:

http://www.trussel.com/lyman/melmind.htm

Ann Althouse said...

@Audities Thanks. What got me was that Kweskin was involved. I thought he was such a good guy (based entirely on listening to the music).