May 20, 2009

Not buying shoes.

Yesterday, I was looking at some shoes in a store, contemplating buying them, and a little bearded salesman came over to me and said: "These are great shoes. They're made to dissolve in landfills, and no animals were used."

What should I have said?

75 comments:

Lem said...

Oh, that’s too bad.
I was hoping to find something for my coffin.

Pogo said...

Sounds like perfect footwear for the environmentally conscious vegan serial killer.

Pogo said...

Damn; I was hoping for some espadrilles with an immortal sole.

Pogo said...

I'm not very fond of cattle.

Do you have any pumps made of dead cows?

Bushman of the Kohlrabi said...

"Do you have somethng lined with baby seal skin. It't the only thing that feels good on my corns"

Pogo said...

Well, bearded man - have the lambs stopped screaming?

AJ Lynch said...

Enough about shoes, my little man, tell where I can find the pot of gold!

AJ Lynch said...

As if any woman has ever thrown away a pair of shoes.

Paddy O. said...

Silliness!

What are they made out of? That's what I would have asked. What shoes won't dissolve in landfills? What kind of shoe is especially made to dissolve in landfills? Made out of corn?

Indeed, dissolving in landfills and Vegan sensibilities are fine and all, but that's not enough for today's socially conscious crusader.

What about the poor? What about the children?

Important questions to ask. The answer, of course, is to buy some Toms.

rdkraus said...

I'll have two pair once over with a side of bacon.

John said...

Ann,

You live in Madison. I wouldn't be surprised if there is some kind of ordinance that requires all shoes to disolve in landfills and not be made of animal products. Beyond that, the salesman obviously knows his audience. He just had the misfortune of running into the one woman in Madison that doesn't find his pitch appealing.

MadisonMan said...

But I was thinking of walking around a landfill! I don't want them to dissolve there!

Pogo said...

Are the shoes invisible as well?

tommy said...

Will the animals that were not used to make the shoes dissolve in that land fill?

Pogo said...

These would be great when we go baby seal stomping in the fall!

ricpic said...

How 'bout them Mets?

AllenS said...

"What should I have said?"


How about "go fuck yourself".

Lem said...

I’m a lobbyist for big beef.
What else you have?

traditionalguy said...

Whoa! If no animal was "used", then we are supposed to give up all domesticated animals and go back to pre cave-man. If it disappears when it is discarded, then it is designed to self destruck and deny a dirty human ever interferred with this pure planet owned by the goddess Gea. It looks as if we are being told to self destruck and leave no trace behind. Such traces as happy (un-aborted)children and grandchildren enjoying this earth that we inherited and have every Right to bequeath to our descendents. We have gone from a simple culture war of the Boomers into war for our survival with these mind control geniuses. By the way, we are free to offend these idiots, or we will slowly suffer real consequences from passivity in face an attacking enemy now dressed up in faked "Save Purity" clothing.

L. E. Lee said...

I know that man with a beard who works at that shoe store and he gave me the flip side of the encounter.

"So this older, doughy looking woman with Warhol hair came into the store and looked at these shoes that are marketed as being eco/animal friendly. I gave her the sales pitch that was recommended by the sales rep for these popular shoes. The lady then looked all offended as if I singled her out!"

Hoosier Daddy said...

"What should I have said?".

Nothing but I think cackling laughter would have been good.

Shanna said...

I wouldnt' have bought them. It's gotten to the point where I want to throw things at anyone who tries to use "green" or anything about the environment to sell me stuff. You know what's good for the environment? Not buying a bunch of useless crap.

Anyway, animal products are very biodegradable.

Rockeye said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lem said...

What's a landfill ;)

rhhardin said...

Corfam was a bust as a shoe material, but has been great for medical treatment of cattle that have suffered really bad burns.

Rockeye said...

"Actually I'm looking for a pair of shoes whose primary virtue isn't the ease with which I'll discard them. Do you have anything I'd like to keep?"

As an aside, if God didn't want us to eat animals he shouldn't have made them taste like meat.

mcg said...

Given that my feet smell like a landfill I'd prefer not to wear shoes that will disintegrate upon walking.

dbp said...

How do they know when they have been put into a landfill? That is, I presume they won't dissolve when I get them wet or leave them in the back of my closet for 6 months. Will they start to decay if I stand too close to a trash can?

Curtiss said...

They're made to dissolve in landfills.....And so are you, Shorty.

mcg said...

"Yes, but when I dispose of them in my backyard bonfire, will I get a buzz from the fumes?"

John said...

Of course if no animal was used to make them, how many toxic chemicals were used instead? Probably a lot. If you ever want to have some fun at other people's expense, ask a new hybrid owner if he worries about what the toxic chemicals in his battery are doing to the environment.

vet66 said...

But were they strappy?

Leave it to the progressives to design a shoe made of hemp that you can dispose of by smoking it. Gives new meaning to "High" heels.

Bob said...

"Really? Well, I suddenly have a desire to see you dissolved in a landfill, you little bearded shit."

Juris Dentist said...

"I am surprised you did not recognize me! I am a well-known, smug intellectual who panders to people who don't care about the environment or the treatment of animals. But thanks for giving me the chance to show my superiority, little man."

Pogo said...

The fun response would be to quickly make a cross with your fingers towards the clerk and scream "Back! BACK! Get thee behind me, vegan!"

AJ Lynch said...

Pogo is on fire today!

class-factotum said...

To quote the immortal Joan Cusack in "Working Girl,"

"$5,000!!! and it's not even leathah!"

TMink said...

"You have obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a shit. How cute!"

Trey

Ann Althouse said...

"You live in Madison. I wouldn't be surprised if there is some kind of ordinance that requires all shoes to disolve in landfills and not be made of animal products. Beyond that, the salesman obviously knows his audience. He just had the misfortune of running into the one woman in Madison that doesn't find his pitch appealing."

This was in Cincinnati, in the rich part of town.

John said...

"This was in Cincinnati, in the rich part of town."

Similiar audience. Rich people love to feel like they are saving the world. I live in a rich part of Washington DC and there are tons of McMansions with Prius parked in the drive.

Pogo said...

MARK TWAIN, environmentalist:
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its animal-free eco-friendly landfil-soluble shoes.”

Pogo said...

You should have fluttered your eyelids and said softly, "Uh uh. I'm into leather."

Pogo said...

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things: Of shoes and sandals made of sealing wax, cabbages and strings
And why the garbage is boiling hot
And why the pigs are kings."

Pogo said...

Sorry.
Too much fun.

Big Mike said...

AJ Lynch nailed it. A few years ago I got my wife to go through her shoe boxes -- she still had shoes from thirty years ago, when we were dating!

Pogo said...

"My boss is such a witch; she even stole my little dog!.

Do you have any shoes that dissolve in water?"

Pogo said...

Honey, the angels wanna wear my red shoes.

They ain't going to no landfill.

Smithsonian.

Big Mike said...

@John, at least there are Priuses in the drives. Where I'm at the limousine liberals drive big SUVs -- plastered with bumper stickers about saving the planet all over the back.

NKVD said...

Since he had a beard we know he wasn't Dopey.

EDH said...

I come at this the other way. There may be a tendency here to over compensate.

Hey, at least this guy was trying to sell his product in the open market based on free choice and consumer preference. That, to me, always has to be respected. Retail ain't easy.

What I don't respect are people who try to "sell" you "green" based on the coecive removal of choice from the marketplace. Typically, people you do not find on the retail floor.

So, I would have said "thank you" to the salesman, asked any questions I had, and bought or not bought the item based on whether I liked the shoes and thought they were a good value. Obviously, they caught Althouse's eye.

Althouse did not recount any attitude nor air of superiority, so until then I wouldn't project that onto him.

For the record, I've never worked in retail, but I think it's a little too easy to heap scorn on those who do.

Pogo said...

Scorn retailers?
Hate animals?
Hate the earth?

Non.

These are mere words, AJD and EDH.
A hoot, some fun, a little tweak of the nose, symbolic and not real, being mere internet musings.

Self-righteousness is so dreary.

Jason (the commenter) said...

"I'd like a shoe that lasts, not one I'm going to throw away."

Disposable products are not green!

commenter said...

ann asks what she should have said.

i've seen only a few of her blogging heads, i think she has the spontaneous ability to add superiority in her eyes and voice. I wonder , ann, did you?

Ruth said...

If I click my heels will they take me to Kansas?

Chip Ahoy said...

An old friend stopped by with new friends to pick me up for dinner. I was last in the SUV. Once in, one them said,

"Let's go El Tejado. They're pretty good. Muy authentico. They were even written up in Westword."

I said, "Fine. I'll try not to hold that against them."

The van erupted into laughter but I wasn't being droll. A writeup inevitably means certain death to whatever made a place attractive -- new menu, new prices, new crowd, etc.

Rockeye said...

EDH is the voice of wisdom today. Retail DOES suck and at least the dude had a job and didn't sound like he was being a dick. Maybe "dissolves in landfills" is code for "not made of the unspeakably tacky pleather."

Dust Bunny Queen said...

I had a client yesterday tell me he was going to buy a MacBook because it was a "green" computer. I looked at him and thought....are you insane? Computer=green? Do you know HOW they manufacture chips and the other components?

Oh well, to each his own delusions.

Theo Boehm said...

I think Pogo should hire himself out as a comment ghostwriter.
As a mere comment mortal, I would have been glad to have put up just ONE of those!
**Still laughing**

Titusiseatingfageyogurtthankyou said...

As a member of PETA I would of said rap em up.

Titusiseatingfageyogurtthankyou said...

I am crowning right now so I am going to go in the loo and pinch a loaf.

EDH said...

Pogo,

I enjoy all of your comments, a fan really, and nobody enjoys a "hoot, some fun, a little tweak of the nose" more than I do.

My comment wasn't intended to criticize any of the satirical commenters in this thread. I took those comments for the "internet musings" on politics and culture that they were. I probably wasn't clear enough that when I talked about heaping scorn on people in retail, I meant those who actually mistreat those who work in retail.

After all, Althouse did ask what should be said to a real person that she encountered in a real life situation.

I thought one heterodox comment that delved into the perspective of this one "little bearded salesman" and how he should be treated would make the thread more interesting, and needn't be viewed as a self-righteous preening or a wet blanket on the fun of the topical comments tackling more global issues.

Isn't that what we strive for at Althouse?

Titusiseatingfageyogurtthankyou said...

OK, I am back. False Alarm. The loaf wasn't ready to be pinched yet.

Laura(southernxyl) said...

"What should I have said?"

"How nice." And kept it moving.

We're all entitled to our little causes, aren't we? I sure feel entitled to mine.

pj (lowercase) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
former law student said...

Well, so are Kleenex boxes, but I wouldn't want to walk in them.

Pogo said...

Theo and EDH have me feeling simultaneously happy and distressed.

That's quite like my job and marriage, so I must have that effect on people.
=P

I never snark at the help, having been the help most of my life. My parents and siblings were the help.

In the otherwise dismal movie Sweet November with Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron, there was one scene I really enjoyed, in which he declined a job offer because the potential new boss made the waitress cry.

Start at 6:40.

pj (lowercase) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BJM said...

rhhardin @ 8:02

Corfam was a bust as a shoe material, but has been great for medical treatment of cattle that have suffered really bad burns.

Corfam, eh? Who knew? I've been putting stone ground mustard on charred steaks all these years.

cardeblu said...

What should I have said?

"Thanks, Al. How's Peg?"

mariner said...

Laura(southernxyl):

I think Pogo comfortably wins the thread, but "How nice" is great too!

Robin Goodfellow said...

If it breaks down in a landfill that means it releases CO2 when it decomposes. As we all know, global warming caused by excess atmospheric CO2 is the most serious existential hazard human civilization has ever known. Thus, biodegradable materials are evil! Think of every non-biodegradable carbon-based material that you throw away as a little carbon sink, saving the Earth from the menace of global warming one piece at a time.

PatCA said...

"Do you have a map showing all the landfills?"

steve said...

I used to go to my local landfill and shoot at rats with my pellet gun. I suppose if I had worn those shoes, I would have been barefoot by the time I got done with my shooting.

halojones-fan said...

Did it have polyurethane rubber? Because if it did, then it most certainly contained animals--albeit those animals were dinosaurs.

Wetfgerg Erghre said...

Sounds like perfect footwear for the environmentally conscious vegan serial killer.
Are the shoes invisible as well?
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