April 14, 2009

About that business card of yours...



(Via Bloggingheads.)

34 comments:

m00se said...

Uh, who is this a-hole?

I think I might have had to work with him on an account at one time...

zedzded said...

Man, he sure is slow - 25 years to design a business card? So, if I order one now it will arrive long after I am dead? I can guarentee I won't live 25 more years, to answer his question.

Four dollars a card. I can make yet another guarentee - at that rate I will be bankrupt if I buy a box of them.

The good news is I can then apply for a bailout. Help me Je...Obama - need more bailout over here...

Jason said...

No, depending on how you meet people and what you do, four dollars/card won't bankrupt you.

For some people who sell higher-ticket items, consulting services, etc., four dollars/card is the best advertising they can buy. Especially if they control who gets a card, and only hand one to qualified prospects.

Hell, Zed, if everyone thought like you, no one would ever make a good brochure!

You can only overspend on dumb marketing. You can't overspend on good marketing, unless you don't have enough capacity to meet demand.

Jason said...

Not to say that this guy doesn't come across as an ass.

Ron said...

I guarantee that I would feel to embarrassed by the Monty Pythonesque foldout business card of King Douche here such that I wouldn't buy water from him coming out of the desert!

If embossing and foil stamping mattered, people would be in love with Barry Bonds. And does he bring crowds? Hell, yes! But look how little it mattered...

zedzded said...

You are right - thanks for clarifying that for me. I want a pop-up card now. I wonder if I should steal some ideas from "The Pop Up Book of Sex"? That would make an impression.

MadisonMan said...

His card looks nicer than his hair does.

Sheesh.

Peter V. Bella said...

Do you have a horse's ass tag? :)

k*thy said...

Odd cards like that are a pain in the ass.

zedzded said...

Only if you put them in your wallet then put your wallet in your pocket.

Ow, pointy!

To avoid pain, throw the card away at the earliest convenient time.

Henry said...

Awesome. It's like Alec Baldwin in a David Mamet play.

Henry said...

A business card for most people should be a throwaway. They are designed for rolodexes on purpose.

What this guy is doing is using his business card as a marketing campaign. Our hero is pushing a little confusion and playing off it. It works for him, but it won't for most people.

And that business card he's holding in his hand, the one that took him 20 years to design? It's a dinosaur.

How do you email it?

EDH said...

What do I do that is guaranteed?

How about kick you square in the nuts so hard that you can taste it!

Bissage said...

A man’s business card says a lot about who he is.

As a psychiatrist, Dr. F√ľnke was a professional twice over; both an analyst and a therapist.

His business card tells the story.

Zach said...

The best part is when he's listing the merits of the card and then, suddenly, it pops open! It's a popup card!

It's like the "But wait! There's more!" bit in an infomercial, where the host reveals that you not only get a Snuggie, you also get a fold-out book light.

rhhardin said...

I recommend printing on a plastic credit-card sized pot scraper, if you want it retained.

A handy tool.

Fen said...

Any man who takes that much time with his hair is not to be trusted.

Doug Sundseth said...

"It doesn't fit in a Rolodex ... because it doesn't belong in a Rolodex."

It fits in the trash ....

Henry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Henry said...

All my business cards are printed on little bits of Sham Wow (R).

Dust Bunny Queen said...

What a dick. Of course your stupid card doesn't go into my rolodex or into my alpabetized card box. It freaking won't fit. Into the round file with you bubbie.

When you are in business, efficiency counts way more than a tricksy flash (in the pan) card. If your idiotic card is annoying, unfileable, in my way....not only is it going in the trash, so is the memory of you.

michael farris said...

The phrase 'twelve pounds of douche in a ten pound bag' comes to mind.

David said...

"Life is not about being liked . . ."

Lucky for him, if he right. What a jerk.

The Senator said...

That reminds me of this. (from American Psycho)

Nate said...

He's a dude named Joel Bauer. Seen him live. Quite captivating, actually. He gets good results for his clients, and this is all part of his shtick.

Not that I signed up for his deal. I'm leery of dudes who use hypnotic selling like he does. Creepy.

But effective.

Synova said...

Yeah, and the photographer who took our wedding portrait convinced us that a 20 by 26 inch or so monstrosity was just the thing. In twenty years it's never hung on the wall because there is no place to hang it. My mother should have known better, but I think she didn't want to rain on our parade so I've also spent every day of 20 years feeling guilty because she paid for it.

A "business card" that doesn't fit in a rolodex or in a neat stack with the other cards I have in a clip in my purse goes in the trash.

Even a clever one like a pop-up children's book. Though... on that measure, when my kids were young I might have given it to them to play with and *then* thrown it in the trash.

Chip Ahoy said...

Ha ha ha. That guy's card is all wrong. I could design a pop-up card better than that one-color simple v-mechanism piece of poop in less than 10 minutes that would fit in a Rolodex, because cards that don't fit in a Rolodex get lost. And it would only cost 2¢. <-- possible exaggeration OK fine, on second thought make that 50¢, no point underselling myself.

OK wait, I take it back. I just made a batch of chocolate boxes and, frankly, after repeating ten of the same thing the fun is gone and that was twenty-five boxes ago, after that they're just a pain in the ass.

Come to think of it, that's only $400.00 for a box of 100. Now, if it was $4,000.00 I'd be willing to make 100 cards. Otherwise, no way. I'm beginning to see why those dadgum pop-up cards are so expensive.

Wanna hear my latest pop-up card related anecdote? OK, goes like this: I have a friend in San Francisco who used to send elaborate birthday cards addressed hand-inked displaying elaborate calligraphic mad skillz. The envelopes and the cards with his writing in them are too beautiful to throw away, althought the cards themselves are rather plain. I never recripricated because cards generally were just not my thing. They were his thing. Then one year I started constructing pop-up cards on a whim. This practice stuck because it's fun. I've sent them to this fellow some five years in a row on his birthday and he has not once mentioned ever receiving them. I wasn't even sure he got them. No feedback whatsoever directly from him, although later a mutual friend reported he saw all my cards as a collection at that SF guy's house while visiting him once in SF during his birthday. So now I am aware he's saved them. Here's the thing, not a word between us for five years, then a few months ago the SF guy asked to be added to my food-related email list. On that group email I showed what I was up to regarding a pop-up card I made. I mentioned the card was so easy I felt guilty because it took so little effort. He wrote back, for the first time ever acknowledging even having recieved my cards saying they have been the highlights of his birthdays these last few years. This statement warmed the cockles of my heart and encouraged my card-making proclivity, although I'm still uncertain about exactly what heart cockles are.

veni vidi vici said...

Chip, if you're lying about that birthday card scheme, I've still gotta hand it to you for one helluva cockle & bull story.


About this d-bag's video: didn't it strike anyone else as interesting that the video shows multiple splices/edits, thus indicating that he required several takes to complete this exhibition of toolbaggishness? One would think that being a firstrate teabagger of this guy's proclivity would be something you could pull off in a single take as a joke.

Then again, maybe not if you (like he) weren't joking...

blake said...

I saw this last week and figured it was a joke.

It's not?

It's such a dead-on Baldwin-in-GGGR moment, I find that hard to believe.

Jason (the commenter) said...

He may be an asshole but I want his business card!

Shawn Levasseur said...

"You can only overspend on dumb marketing."

Like bragging about your business card in an infomercial?

Shawn Levasseur said...

By the way, in what context did this come up in Bloggingheads?

Ann's link only points to the front page.

jaed said...

The cockles of your heart are the ribby things. The striations. (Why they should be warmer than the rest of your heart, or particularly warm, when you're happy, I have no idea though.)

Cockles, the shellfish, are called that after the ribs on the shells, as far as I can tell.

ali naqvi said...

It's great post...business cards are really important in all businesses, thanks for sharing...!!!!