January 21, 2009

"Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to hospital after being mauled by his own 'clinically depressed' pet dog."

The insane, vicious dog that attacked the 76-year-old ex-Prez was a Maltese poodle. What makes a dog "clinically depressed" as opposed to just an asshole? A fluffy little asshole?

***

This is not that dog.



This is an utterly charming, calm, sweet-tempered, all-poodle poodle.

82 comments:

vbspurs said...

They're called Freedom dogs.

I had a white fluffy one when I was a kid who, if you reached down to pet him, would rip your eyeballs out if you weren't quick.

Irene said...

Hi, Rex!

AJ Lynch said...

Frenchman loses battle to poodle! This is news?

traditionalguy said...

Jacques need to take him to The Dog Whisperer. If that doesn't fix Sumo, it's the Guillotine for sure.

Lawgiver said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Palladian said...

Wouldn't you be depressed if you were Jacques Chirac's dog?

The difference between Chirac and his poodle Sumo and Bush and his poodle Tony Blair? Bush's poodle actually likes him.

vbspurs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
vbspurs said...

Frenchman loses battle to poodle! This is news?

After Sumo bit him, he stabbed him in the back and then went to screw the German shepherd next door.

EDH said...

Does your dog bite?

Richard Fagin said...

Prof., it's too funny that you referred to Chriac's dog as an "asshole." I've only had one dog that fit the description of "asshole", a mean, spiteful little cocker spaniel. He was so mean, the great dane was scared of him.

"I thought you said your dehg does not bite."

"That is not my dog."

Thanks, EDH. I miss Peter Sellers, too.

sg said...

I'll bet he's now thinking he shoulda got a labridoodle!

save_the_rustbelt said...

Our cat had some emotional problems after we moved, and whacked my leg when I invaded his space.

Years, no way would this problem have gone on for years.

Fortunately, he regained his mental health.

Tibore said...

"vbspurs said...
They're called Freedom dogs. "


Crap... she beat me too it, grumble mutter...

MadisonMan said...

So you finally got a dog, and you lend him to the French President, and this happens.

He had some gaul nerve calling your dog his.

Bill said...

Am I the only one thinking of Linda Barry's poster?

He knew what people thought of his kind: "High Strung." "Spoiled Rotten." "French."
But in the next 24 hours, he's going to change all that....

vbspurs said...

In all seriousness, folks, this is no laughing matter. Poor Jacques.

Completely unrelatedly, good to know the CIA have a canine unit.

Charlie Eklund said...

Too bad this didn't happen last week. If it had, President Bush could have issued a last minute presidential pardon to the pooch.

David said...

"A fluffy little asshole?"

Titus alert!

Nichevo said...

An asshole dog bit Chirac?

Mon vieux, you are what you eat!

XWL said...

"A fluffy little asshole?"

Titus alert!


I think it's safe to assume he might approve of the "little" part, but "fluffy"?

David said...

You will have to ask Titus.

He's a man of eclectic tastes.

author, etc. said...

I feel compelled by the very nature of this story to contribute something amusing, but sadly the incident is but another example of the continuing perfidy of George W. Bush.

MadisonMan said...

What is the name of the well-behaved and very handsome dog in the picture?

Theo Boehm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Crack Emcee said...

Typically pathetic.

What is it about the French? I lived there for a while and could count the number of masculine guys I met on one hand. On the other hand, Europe has these kick-boxing matches on television that feature these huge Dolph Lundgren-type monsters (guys of all races, pulled from around the world) that were terrifying and exciting. I remember thinking Mike Tyson wouldn't emotionally move them at all. Until he hit 'em that is, but I'm still not sure about that:

They were plenty scary.

The Crack Emcee said...

MadisonMan,

Totally Pathetic. That's the dog's name. Totally Pathetic.

MadisonMan said...

I'm thinking Marbury.

jdeeripper said...

What makes a dog "clinically depressed" as opposed to just an asshole?

It's the species.

A fluffy little asshole?

Irene said...

Madison Man, the well tempered poodle's name is "Rex." He lives in Madison with his brother, "Baci." Rex and Baci are are very smart. They are bilingual: they respond to commands in English and Lithuanian.

Buford Gooch said...

Should have gotten rid of the little ankle biter years ago. After all, they are disposable items.

Lem said...

No wonder he failed to join us in Iraq..

Chirac is nobody's friend. Not even his sdog ;)

madawaskan said...

The Crack Emcee-

Take a look at this pie chart for military deaths during WW I-actually it was attrition-genetics.

In WWW I France suffered 31% of the military deaths-male.

The population at the time was around I think 39 million-that's a disproportionate amount.

Here's the link-

Link

madawaskan said...

Correction: make that 25%.

But in comparison-


Russia suffered 30% of the military war dead but had a population base of around 150 million at the time.

vbspurs said...

Madison Man, the well tempered poodle's name is "Rex."

Rex used to be like Prince or Duke, back in the day (did anyone ever actually meet a Fido?). Now it's unusual enough to sound clever again, Irene.

Baci is nice too, of course, but a little too cutesy and arch. Like my neighbour's cat, Marquise de Sade.

Either way, I am loving this choccie poodle. I had two whites, an apricot, a black and a silver one. We were only missing the Chocolate.

Nichevo said...

"In WWW I France suffered 31% of the military deaths-male."

Maybe their army, or at least their leadership, was no good? (Lions led by donkeys) That would certainly explain the Russian results.


...Meanwhile, "you are what you eat" - FTW, man, FTW! How does that not end this thread? [snif]

Nichevo said...

"What is it about the French?"

Cracky, your own experience should show they are not short on killers!

Cedarford said...

vbspurs said...
They're called Freedom dogs.

I had a white fluffy one when I was a kid who, if you reached down to pet him, would rip your eyeballs out if you weren't quick.


I always thought the right-wing nutballs who renamed stuff into Freedom Fries and Freedom Mustard were every bit as addled as Amahdinejad or Chavez.

**************
If you link, you can see the "asshole" poodle in question is pretty small. Quite drop kickable.

I drop kicked a poodle once. It was quite satisfying. I was jogging down a street and a small white poodle bit my lower right leg, sneaking up behind me as I went by a house. A week later, as I went by, the poodle was back trying the same stunt. I kicked that thing about 20 feet through the air. That seemed to tame it, as subsequent jogs had the toy poodle sprinting back to it's house and yipping from the front steps.
I love animals and animal rights and stuff - Just-don't-bite-me!

More respect for Chirac? "Alors, what could a man do? As I was le bleeding all over zee place I stangled zee nasty beast and gave it to my Asian housekeeper for a Vietnamese family feast."

Eli Blake said...

Maybe the motivation was really that Jacques had replaced the Grey Poupon on his dog food with cheap yellow mustard.

Bruce Anderson said...

This what you get when you breed dogs down to the size of rats. They get nervy and high-strung and insane. Standard Poodles are among the sweetest, most even-tempered dogs there are. Highly intelligent, too. They were used as hunting dogs once upon a time, too.

The French call them Caniche Royal, a more noble-sounding name than "poodle" (derived from the German name, Pudelhund).

Lou Minatti said...

Jacques Iraq is an asshole who snuggled up to tyrants. So I am cool with this.

Eli Blake said...

Not all small dogs are bad tempered or high strung. I love Pomeranians and bassett hounds.

Eli Blake said...

Lou:

Let's not forget that in regard to Iraq, Chirac was-- yes, right. He was wise to keep his country out of that tar pit.

Fred Drinkwater said...

My Story:
My car. In the body repair shop.
The guy asks,"So what happened?"
"Well, this car collided with a dog."
"Collided?"
"The dog ran into the side of the car."
"May I ask, what kind of dog?"
(sigh)"A poodle."
$2000 damage.
Don't talk to me about poodles.

Lou Minatti said...

Eli, the only thing Jacques Iraq cared about was the fact that he lost one of his primary customers for French weapons.

Freeman Hunt said...

Whose dog in the picture? Cute.

I would also like to know more about this "clinically depressed" dog diagnosis.

Also, this is why I don't trust dogs around my son. Everyone thinks his dog is nice and sweet until it bites somebody.

Meade said...

"I would also like to know more about this "clinically depressed" dog diagnosis."

Latest reports say the dog is now clinically ebullient.

Peter said...

The French casualty rate in WW1 would be more impressive if it didn't include Colonial Troops, Algerian, Senegalese, etc. They even tried to include American casualties from the black Infantry Regiments that our then segregated Army lent them.

Few people know of the Buffalo Soldiers of WW1, more is the pity.

chickenlittle said...

Eli: Chirac was a dog, which rhymes with ___.

Now if the French could get back in the trench, Europe could get it on.


Hey Lou!

Daryl said...

I want to see photos with blood!

Methadras said...

Dog bites French-man. French-man surrenders.

Ophir said...

I would also like to know more about this "clinically depressed" dog diagnosis.

A psychiatrist once told me he prescribed Prozac for a horse with OCD.

vbspurs said...

Heh. Best line of the day came from my father just now.

"You'd be depressed too if Jacques Chirac owned you"

vbspurs said...

In other news, Angela Merkel's OCD pet snake took a chunk out of her.

Ophir said...

No need to worry about Obama's dog becoming clinically depressed. He'll be constantly surrounded by hope

Chip Ahoy said...

Your sharp barbs, quips, and misogallic animadversion is cross-culturally hurtful and scathes wounds that are slow to heal.

Therefore, I shall soothe my wounds by sipping on this here vin de noix until your phrases slip from my mind, glissade de mon esprit.

Ophir said...

Too bad Putin wasn't around to rescue Chirac from the ferocious beast.

chickenlittle said...

In other news, Angela Merkel's OCD pet snake took a chunk out of her

European pets in a feeding frenzy-PETA rules!

vbspurs said...

No need to worry about Obama's dog becoming clinically depressed. He'll be constantly surrounded by hope

OH. Are there any developments in the Obama poodle puppy front?

The nation waits with baited breath!

This is so circa 1962, when Caroline Kennedy got Pushinka from Nikita Khruschev. You know what would be really sneaky of the French?

If they sent over one of Sumo's puppies.

chickenlittle said...

@Chip: quelle fromage!

er, quelle frottage!

DWMF said...

Hey, good boy! Give the doggie a biscuit. [wag tail]

AllenS said...

The dog's name was Adolph. Sometimes history repeats itself.

rhhardin said...

Biting is a response to incoherent authority.

Here.

Hoosier Daddy said...

Mauled? What did he maul his ankle?

I hate poodles.

hdhouse said...

Dog bites man. Film at 11.

Pogo said...

If only the dog had found Scientology instead of the quackery of dog psychiatry.

Effing thetans.

David said...

A good Korean chef would seem to be the answer here.

Shanna said...

This is why I hate little yip yap dogs. If you can carry it in a purse, it's not a dog.

Pogo said...

A fool and his dog are soon parted.

EDH said...

Cujo, or Cujeau?

ElcubanitoKC said...

A crazy French dog?? Nooooooo...

Bart Hall (Kansas, USA) said...

Or, to draw together a couple of minor threads ... perhaps 'Fifi,' a rather common name for small female poodles.

As well being as the most common slang word for a 'queer.'

And speaking of asshole poodles, we'd best not get into much detail about what that big puffy ball on the end of the tail is actually used for.

bearbee said...

While he may be related, he probably resents being refered to as a poodle. Probably doesn't understand French, has not the desire to learn and just maybe those meds are whacking him out and he doesn't understand what is happening.

Meds are probably just some modified puppy prozac people crap. Meds in people need to be monitored. When meds go wrong people can speak up hopefully before they whack out.

And he doesn't appreciate being called 'fluffy little asshole'.

We don't want to have to sic the golden-shod Rourke on you, now do we?

Ouuuu snuggle puppy of mine

AllenS said...

What does the word poodle mean in dog language? Maybe the dog translates the word to mean, right-wing, homo, axe-murderer, n-word.

Pogo said...

An ingenious terrorist attack.

Karron said...

When I read this, I spewed my tea all over my keyboard and screen. This is just too funny. I wonder how Ceasar Milan would deal with the little rug rat. Holy cats! A bitsy little dog who is depressed. Well heck, can't say I blame him, look who he has to live with.

Karron said...

When I read this, I spewed my tea all over my keyboard and screen. This is just too funny. I wonder how Ceasar Milan would deal with the little rug rat. Holy cats! A bitsy little dog who is depressed. Well heck, can't say I blame him, look who he has to live with.

Kelly said...

Clinical depression?? Most poodles I've seen are elderly, have cataracts and live well past there expiration date. Of the two I've been around, one bit me on the back, the other took undo advantage of my puppy in the most disgusting way (both were male). However, I've nothing against small dogs. I have a scotty and he is more like a big dog in a small package.

Ken said...

Chirac has a poodle. Obama has the American media. Lapdogs everywhere. At least the poodle has enough personality left to bite.

OBloodyHell said...

> This is an utterly charming, calm, sweet-tempered, all-poodle poodle.

Don't be ridiculous. He's French for crying out loud.

"Put three Frenchmen in a room, and they prompty found four political parties".

This very French poodle clearly wants two masters.

OBloodyHell said...

Thanks, EDH. I miss Peter Sellers, too.

Actually, that joke is far older than that. But it was still good when Sellers did it.

OBloodyHell said...

> Am I the only one thinking of Linda Barry's poster?

Actually, though I have it on my wall, I didn't (it isn't near the computer). But thanks for reminding me of it.

> sadly the incident is but another example of the continuing perfidy of George W. Bush.

Indeed. First, sending spying squirrels into Iran, and now this, mind controlling a poor, helpless dog into committing the greatest evil possible for dogkind!! Those eeeeevil Rethuglican bastards!!

OBloodyHell said...

> Let's not forget that in regard to Iraq, Chirac was-- yes, right. He was wise to keep his country out of that tar pit.

Ah, but if France and Germany had come on board, the media would have been so unavoidably happy that they wouldn't have thought of turning it into a tar pit.

After all, France and Germany are the world's leaders...