December 5, 2008

"A British woman woke up from a nap to find her parrot having sex with her hat."

"Jackie Lucking, 40, had worn the haute couture bonnet of colored feathers to a christening service, after which she fell asleep. When she awoke, she found that her parrot, Shrek, had gorged himself on nine of Lucking’s stimulant-based diet pills and was attempting congress with the hat. 'He turned into a maniac,' says Lucking. "It’s disgusting.'"

23 comments:

zeek said...

That hat was so asking for it.

Matt Brown said...

Hats can be such brazen hussies.

Janis Gore said...

I took my comment away on the previous paper bird post, but it's time to weigh in.

A fair many male Soloman Island Eclectus parrots can become obnoxious when they begin to hump your watch.

And the girls will fall in love with any old handsome boy, like my stepson. And maybe a nice Northern clime fur hat. (I have evidence for the former, but not the latter.)

Maybe Ms. Lucking ate her own pills, and is blaming it on a libidinous, innocent parrot.

Janis Gore said...

Here's a friendlier link from Wikipeia.

AJ Lynch said...

This story begs for a limerick about Jackie Lucking and her fucking hat- fucking parrot.

Palladian said...

The Parrot Who Mistook Her Hat For A Wife.

TMink said...

Who's a good boy now? Actually, the parrots always hump her hat while she sleeps, she just woke up this one time to catch the strange congress.

Trey

David said...

Same old story.

A parrot feather: sexy.

The whole parrot: kinky.

Janis Gore said...

The largest pet parrot I can find is a hyacinth macaw which runs about 3.5 pounds. Nine pills would come very close to killing it, if it didn't, wouldn't it?

sonicfrog said...

Oh please.

Missy (Miss Bird), my Black Cap Lory, when she isn't sticking her tongue in my ear, as she's doing right now, is humping her stuffed animals on the top of her cage, or if she get's lucky, is humping my hand!

Janis Gore said...

She's lovely, Sonicfrog.

Clyde said...

"Attempting congress"? Birds are capable of giving bloviating speeches and spending irresponsibly like drunken sailors? Who knew?

Windbag said...

There once was a lady named Lucking
Whose hat fine fashion was bucking
And so while she snoozed
Her parrot, confused,
Proceeded to give it a fucking.

Ron said...

Hell, the reason Biden has hair plugs is because of an unfortunate traumatizing incident between the Clinton's old cat, Socks, and Bidens then-toupee! Didn't know that one? It's why he lost his Presidential bid...and it explains what really happened to Vince Foster!

peter hoh said...

There was a biology prof at St. Olaf who would regale his classes with tales of his work studying prairie chickens. Seems that those males low on the "ahem" pecking order would relieve themselves on a puppet shaped vaguely like a female grouse and perhaps sprayed with some pheromones. As he described it, the puppet would be dripping by the time he retrieved it.

Original George said...

A pill-popping parrot named Shrek
Had nerves so all in a wreck
To a lass named Lucking
He flew for a fucking.

Her feathered bonnet
He humped all upon it.
And when he plateaued
Upon the chapeau—
O, what a pain in the neck.

rhhardin said...

Birds are such animals.

One of my favorite usenet posts

Sat Apr 24 07:57:13 EDT 1993
Newsgroups: rec.birds
Subject: Mallard question

In article: nataraja.735330552@opal12 natar...@rtsg.mot.com (Kumaravel Natarajan)
writes:

>The other day I noticed a female mallard hit by a car in the
>middle median in the road. 2 males were standing by her, one was
>frantically trying to nudge, her and get her to move. I never
>knew ducks had "emotional" ties to their mates. I've heard that
>Canada Geese mate for life. Do mallards do the same?
>(Before I could turn around and move the body to the grass on the
>side of the road, so the two doting males didn't get hit, someone
>else moved her.)

I hate to burst your bubble, but they were trying to mate with her.
Ducks only mate for one season (they pair up in winter with the
drake following the hen back to her natal site). Once the hen is on
eggs the drake is free to seek other copulations. You frequently
see several drakes chasing a hapless female in hopes of a
copulation. The drakes you saw were trying to seek some more ova
to be joined with their sperm and the fact that she was dead
probably escaped their attention.

--

Anthony Lang t...@zoo.utoronto.ca
Dept. of Zoology t...@zoo.toronto.edu
University of Toronto

AlgonquinS said...

If the hat was made out of a beaver pelt, sure, why not.

Trooper York said...

RH you freak me out man.

former law student said...

Why not? I'm sure half the Althouse readership have attempted congress with their fists.

sonicfrog said...

Attempted Congress????

Hell, my fist has produced far more results in a week than the current Pelosi / Reid Congress has in the past two years!!!

Someone had to go there.

mcg said...

Isn't anyone gonna mention that the linked article also discussed Natalie Portman's libido? And that it is, er, robust?

Mike G in Corvallis said...

It reminded me of the classic joke:

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got a spiky mohawk that's dyed green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather and rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. Much of his face and body is pierced with jewelry, and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from a middle-aged man who just stares at him for the next ten miles.

Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man: "What are you looking at, you old fart? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the man replies, "As a matter of fact, I did. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk on shore leave in Singapore and had sex with a parrot. I was wondering ... Are you my son?"