January 25, 2008

"I remember the first time my girlfriends and I admitted that we all felt the same about married sex as parents...."

"... we couldn't be bothered with it and felt guilty for not wanting to sleep with our husbands. It was a revelation. I remember thinking: 'Thank God! It's not just me!'"

Carrie Jones hasn't had sex with her husband in 4 years, doesn't intend to, and has written a book about marital celibacy.

105 comments:

Control Rat X said...

She's probably never had an orgasm.

Freder Frederson said...

She's English, what do you expect?

goesh said...

I suppose spousey has an occasional spree, and she probably does too for that matter. I doubt she will make much money from selling this disclosure but I'm often wrong. ' We don't have sex, we're in it for the mortgage, the kids and all the work involved' - they have to be a bit warped, don't they?

Revenant said...

Oh goody, another woman who thinks of her husband as a sperm donor and assistant babysitter.

It would have been nice to hear from her husband. His wife is fat, unattractive, disloyal and possessed of a bad personality. Is *he* happy in this arrangement, or is he just sticking with it out of love for his kids?

scott said...

How incredibly tacky and low-class this woman is. I agree, the husband's views would be interesting!

Lawgiver said...

For now I'm caught up in marriage's net, bound up with responsibilities to my children. My interest in sex with the person I was supposed to be closest to has died.

Translation; My husband is a good provider and gave me the children and family life I wanted. He's never been my best friend and I'm gonna dump him because he's not that romantic Brad Pitt type I always dream about. I'm unhappy and it's his fault.

rcocean said...

I assume she's OK if he discovers outside-of-marriage sex with other women.

goesh said...

I guess if I were a woman I might not want some hairy man snorting, slobbering,grunting and wallowing between my legs either, I don't know - I need to mabye quit reading some of these posts.

Paul Brinkley said...

I never thought I'd see the day when Americans felt less sexually repressed then their European counterparts.

Simon said...

I wouldn't go as far as Rev, but this woman really does seem quite dreadful, and I want to hear her husband's side of things. If it's by mutual consent, fine. On the other hand, I have $50 that says it isn't and that he's either miserable or has a paramour "on the side" as they say. According to the story, he is blisfully ignorant (at least so far as his wife thinks) of his wife's views and book, which suggests that maybe someone should clue him in.

nansealinks said...

When I was married, I have no idea what vows I took. They were in some foreign religion. Anyway in my head I thought marriage was good for a physical, mental, and spiritual bonding. If those things disappear, it would be a struggle but a decision must be made. I guess she is still toiling with that.

Based on what this woman is saying she may be having meatloaf for dinner, two out of three ain't bad.

In a statistical analysis, I guess she is surviving just like the majority of you.

Henry said...

Close your eyes and think of England.

nansealinks said...

lay on a couch and see a shrink

is an option I wouldn't endorse, but not afraid to suggest to those who so choose.

Meade said...

Who in their right mind would want to be intimate with someone so shallow?

Ricardo said...

Oh please. She had tons of sex with tons of lovers before marriage, she's bored with monogamy, she's turning herself into the professional martyr, capitalizing (capitalising for you Brits) on it with a book, planning on dumping hubbie for something more exciting later on, and shifting the blame to the children claiming that she's staying in the marriage just for their sake. Doesn't this already count as abandonment? IMHO hubbie shouldn't look for sex outside of this marriage. He should dump the woman, and look for a wife outside of this marriage.

rhhardin said...

4 years! Doesn't he have birthdays?

nansealinks said...

leap years in logic

Synova said...

I would never downplay the reality of living with very small children and how that affects energy and kills, utterly, any spontaneity. But...

Sex was "initially pleasant?" Wow, I guess I wouldn't miss it either. Not that screaming monkey sex isn't a self-serving lie, but "pleasant"?

"I never thought I'd see the day when Americans felt less sexually repressed then their European counterparts."

My sister told me that there's nothing more boring that working in a porn store. Maybe we Americans keep the interest up by keeping it naughty?

amba said...

This problem is particular to her. It's a pattern that expressed itself even before she got married. To generalize anything from it is bogus. She's conflating it with the conflict between (especially early) parenthood and an engrossing sex life, which I'm told is real.

nansealinks said...

living and playing and keeping up with small children and also as they grew into men kept me young and in shape, muscularly and mentally, and yea, challenging spiritually.

Children as an excuse for your disposition is unfair.

sydney said...

There's something critical missing from that marriage, and it isn't sex.

EnigmatiCore said...

"You too!? It isn't just me? Thank God that I am not the only one who is screwing her husband by not screwing him!"

J said...

"After a few months of tantalising cyber sex, I booked a flight to go and see him in Germany, where he was living, over Easter 2003. But between booking the flight and the departure date, Mark found a girlfriend"

Well, said he did anyway, after you sent a photo...

I'll be interested to hear Carrie's take on how the humiliations of being a fat, unattractive, self absorbed single in her mid fifties looking for sex compare to that boring marriage she was in.

peter hoh said...

Paging Ambrose Bierce.

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

Middle Class Guy said...

Freder Frederson said...
She's English, what do you expect?


Prejudiced are we? Bias against Brits? I suppose if she were French, you would be supporting her choice. But, God, she is one of those lowly Brits.

Your true colors have finally bled through. Hypocrite thou art.

Pogo said...

Revenant pointed this out before, but she is cheating on her vows by withholding her intimacy from him.

It's dishonest and dishonorable.

nansealinks said...

Ambrose,

It is better to have loved and lost and then be totally confused and uncontrollable and do stupid things afterwards than to being Mr. Spock.

Maxine Weiss said...

She's ugly. What do you expect from someone that frumpy?

I'd like to see a beautiful woman make those claims.

This not about choices; it's about physical attractiveness.

If she looked like Marilyn Monroe, or Lynda Carter, we wouldn't be hearing a word about this.

JDAXC said...

Sidney said: There's something critical missing from that marriage, and it isn't sex.

Yeah, I know what's missing....... a sane woman!

Maxine Weiss said...

Consider the source:

Her looks. She's not attractive, so she's trying to save face, and spin it her way.

No matter how she tries to spin it, the fact remains....she's physically unattractive, and therein is the real problem in this marriage.

Blake said...

Sex frequently isn't the chandelier-swinging experience that certain authors would have us believe is every woman's rite of passage.

WTF? Rite of passage? From what to what? Not an encouraging literary prospect.

She's just a serial monogamist. Although I usually would be on the side of parents staying together, my line is at the point where you're serving as a bad model for your children's future relationships. And I somehow doubt she's all that crafty at hiding her feelings.

None of this needs to be true (vis a vis sex lives and children) and she offers no insight into what her children have to do with any of it.

But I'm sure adding 11 years worth of pounds, wrinkles and bitterness to her won't diminish her sex life when she finally dumps her husband.

Middle Class Guy said...

First we had Mommy Dearest.

Now we have Mommy Doesn't.

reader_iam said...

...I became obsessed with agony columns, poring over letters talking of boring marriages and the temptation of affairs...

Gak! Most telling sentence in the piece, IMO. Simply oozes irony.

***

Amba nails it.

***

What a complete shit, to brag that her husband--the father of her children, who are supposedly the reason for her staying in the marriage--doesn't know she's written such an intimate book inherently involving him (in fact, my take is that's part of what she's proud of). The hostility toward her husband--all her "it's not his fault, he's so nice" schtick notwithstanding--is palpable, and she's chosen to express it in as spiteful, selfish and intellectually dishonest way as possible. Publicly.

What a bitch. Zero empathy for the likes of her.

Nataraj Hauser said...

A "Savage Love" column from last July or so had a line I keep handy for just this sort of nonsense: "You can have low libido, or strict monogamy, but not both." This woman's husband should - should - consider her disinclination as carte blanche for safe, responsible sex elsewhere. HER decision for celibacy was (seemingly) not THEIR decision. All he owes her is discretion.

Maxine Weiss said...

Well, if he rapes her, he can always use the "alienation of affections" defense.

She's not even pretty enough to get herself raped, though.

Bob said...

Rest assured, she'll give hubby a royal screwing once she's consulted a divorce attorney, though I doubt that hubby will appreciate it much.

nansealinks said...

The reason she is not getting a divorce is because then she would have to see an attorney.

Freder Frederson said...

Prejudiced are we? Bias against Brits? I suppose if she were French, you would be supporting her choice. But, God, she is one of those lowly Brits.

If we can't make fun of the British, who can we make fun of?

I am British btw (I hold dual citizenship). So I have a license (or licence) to pick on my own sexually repressed people.

Meade said...

Maxine: Congratulations. You have topped your previously most reprehensible comment.

SteveR said...

ugh! Either he's as as ignorant as she is or he's happily getting his jollies somewhere else, via fantasy/internet/porn, other women or men (wide stance).

Good grief, for the sake of the kids, for which you have sacrificed so much, why not STFU?

former law student said...

I can relate: women have seldom brought me to orgasm. I usually end up doing 95% of the work myself. Take responsibility for your own orgasm, ladies!

ricpic said...

From the standpoint of the species as a whole once a woman has had a child or two she has served/fulfilled her purpose. From then on the pursuit of sex by the female would interfere with her focus on nurturing her children, again from the standpoint of the species. So it makes sense that the female's interest in sex would drop off markedly after she procreates. And it does.

Ruth Anne Adams said...

But one day, when they [the children] are older and I can think about my own needs again...

Oh, I think she's been thinking of nothing but herself all this time. The whole article has an air of unexamined shallowness, that she is the center of the universe and that love is supposed to be exciting and thrilling.

Love requires sacrifice. Then you get the rewards.

Bob said...

Maybe the problem is as simple as her clitoris being in her throat instead of her vagina?

*laughs*

Ben (The Tiger) said...

Wouldn't it have been easier for her just to ask for a divorce?

Alternatively, if she just had to express herself, is this not the ideal case for a pen-name?

Richard Fagin said...

There is hormone replacement therapy to deal with her sex drive problem. There is alcohol for him to deal with her appearance problem, so aptly identified by Maxine.

Pogo said...

There is alcohol for him to deal with her appearance problem

I never thought beer goggles were all that useful.

What an ugly woman. I don't mean physically, I mean characterologically.

Smilin' Jack said...

...surely Hal does not feel she is doing the right thing by him.

After seeing that picture I'm sure Hal is absolutely 100% peachy-keen fine with it.

peter hoh said...

Some say love begins in the kitchen. Others think it's about how you do the laundry.

Hat tip Andrew Sullivan.

Meade said...

"Now I believe there are thousands of other married women who would love to admit sex isn't all it's cracked up to be."

Thousands huh? Could be. I wouldn't know.

Mark me in the column of Men Who Have to Admit Sex Really Is All It Was Cracked Up to Be. I believe there could be hundreds of us.

dbp said...

Mrs. Jones is lucky and lazy. Lucky in that her husband puts up with her. Lazy in that, with some effort, she could be reasonably attractive for her age. It is amazing what losing 20lb at the gym will do for both your appearance and energy level. Once she was attractive again, Hal might start making husbandly demands. One question though: Has Hal let him self go as badly (or worse) than Carrie? He might have become really repulsive, Mrs. Jones seems uninhibited about sharing, so one must assume he is not so bad. Inquiring minds want to know.

reader_iam said...

**jaw on floor**

Randy (Internet Ronin) said...

Cue the Tammy Wynette tape.

AJ Lynch said...

Ann:

Is this a first? A post where all the commenters seem to agree?

Ann Althouse said...

Don't exclude the possibility that the husband is totally cool with this book project. And he may be just as uninterested in sex as she is. Or for all we know, they have sex, and this is solely a book-selling stunt.

Balfegor said...

Re: Middle Class Guy

Prejudiced are we? Bias against Brits? I suppose if she were French, you would be supporting her choice. But, God, she is one of those lowly Brits.

No, I think it's just that this is so stereotypical of the English. At least the not-having-conjugal relations part is. As soon as I saw it was the Daily Mail I laughed. Maybe that makes me a bigot, but it's awfully funny.

The bit where she goes off and unsuccessfully tries to have an affair is not quite so stereotypical (or maybe it is?). But it's also kind of funny. The kind of thing you'd see in a biting satire, though, something Waughey where people are miserable and die while we laugh at them, rather than good clean laughter.

I have to say, though, I can't believe she let them put her photo in the papers. Think of her children! Someday they'll google her and find this awful, awkward article and know it's their own dear mater.

amba said...

Everybody go see Peter Hoh's link at 3:17. That is adorable.

dbp said...

Kids are often really pretty disgusted by the idea of their parents 'dooing it'. Mrs. Jones' kids might be relieved when they see the article.

Given that her picture is published. Her kids and husband will see the article soon, if not already.

JohnTaylor88 said...

I would like to read a book written by a happy woman. But I imagine that is impossible. Happy women are too busy screwing their husbands.

reader_iam said...

Of course you could be right, Althouse. That would make her crappy in a whole other way, though.

Pogo said...

"One day I might, yes. Many years from now, when I’ve lost my looks a little. Don’t laugh. I mean, of course, a time will come when Torvald is not as devoted to me, not quite so happy when I dance for him, and dress for him, and play with him."

Ibsen wrote her story a century ago.

Shawn Levasseur said...

I'll give her (and her husband) credit for putting the kid's needs first, in keeping the family together for now.

But the idea that sex, marriage, and children are totally incompatible is B.S.

Note that her children are 9 and 11 years old. Obviously child #1 didn't prevent #2 from being conceived.

I doubt that this public airing of the dirty laundry (or lack thereof) is going to be good for the marriage.

It's one thing to not be getting any from your spouse, it's another thing for it to be publicized in print.

The piece says her book is written under a pen name. It's not clear if Carrie Jones is that pen name or not. With a huge photo of her accompanying the article, how much of a secret can her identity be?

With the publicity of this, I doubt this marriage will survive long enough to see the kids grow up.

It's one thing to be in a sexless marriage. It's quite another to have a spouse actively give up on the relationship, and announce it to the world. It's like being a literary Lorena Bobbitt.

AllenS said...

I read the article, and immediately felt sorry for Bill Clinton.

Ron said...

and how many of our commenters on this thread are like the wife? how many like the husband? Yeah, I thought so!

Ron said...

and how many of our commenters on this thread are like the wife? how many like the husband? Yeah, I thought so!

Shawn Levasseur said...

"book-selling stunt"?

Now that you bring that up, Ann, I think that's probably what's going on.

I feel like I just fell for another internet troll. *sigh*

Meade said...

"I read the article, and immediately felt sorry for Bill Clinton."

But why would you? I'm sure Hillary is one of the thousands of wives who never burden their husbands with demands for sex. Bill is a lucky guy.

spudchuker said...

I think she is very angry with her husband and doing this public confession to deliberately embarrass him. Certainly he will soon find out.

Kirk Parker said...

Forget this pathetic woman for a moment--how shallow does a publisher have to be to waste ink (even if mostly of the virtual variety) on this story?

Paul said...

Of course the missing component is the husband's position. If he is amenable because he's equally disinterested or they've come to an "agreement" then so what?

Everyone here seems to be speculating based on their own assumptions.

How many people know that Winston Churchill was celibate? He believed sex diluted one's essence, and considering his astonishing prolific output maybe he had a point.

As to publishing it all in a book that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

paul a'barge said...

Hopefully, folks are reading the entire piece: ...only one of the 23 ever gave me an orgasm.

So, she's middle aged, fat, frigid and a slut.

What a surprise.

Pogo said...

"...only one of the 23 ever gave me an orgasm."

Maybe she has confused orgasm with origami

It happened to me once.

Hoosier Daddy said...

Well being the callous bastard I am, after seeing her picture, I betting her husband is probably relieved.

Hoosier Daddy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dave TN said...

I'm I the only one impatiently waiting for Titus to chime in?

John Stodder said...

This is just a sad, shabby little domestic story, being blown up into a publishers' PR campaign around what is probably a dreadful book.

She falls out of love with her husband, but hangs on, thinking that torturing herself and him is the noble thing to do. She escapes marriage after her children grow up only to find that her habits of mind have made her completely unattractive to all men. She has a few thwarted romances, but ends up having to cope with being alone. She takes the kindest of her children and turns him or her into her companion, using guilt to force him or her into it. Meanwhile, the ex-husband finds a new woman with a sunny disposition, and thanks God for his many blessings, not least of which is his marrying a woman vain enough to think she could do better.

Crimso said...

"Is this a first? A post where all the commenters seem to agree?"

Nope. I'd hit it. If she'd let me.

Hoosier Daddy said...

After 17 years of wedded blitz...er bliss with Mrs. Hoosier, I know when to exploit certain weaknesses for my personal gain. For example, when my daughter turned 8, she wanted to have her birthday party at Chucky Cheese and then go to Libby Lus for kiddie makeovers . I said to Mrs. Hoosier: "No problem honey, I'll be more than happy to chaperone the kids while you go shopping with the girlfriends.

Needless to say I lived the life of a porn star for the next week.

John Lynch said...

I think the problem is that she had 23 lovers before she got married. 23 in 16 years or so.. more than one a year. Of course she got bored once she couldn't sleep with a new man every few months.

As for her husband not finding out, of course he will! Someone he knows will notice the article and picture of his wife! The idea that you can write a book about people you know without them finding out is ignorant. It always happens, eventually.

Meade said...

Mrs. Hoosier? Don't you mean Mrs. Daddy?

campy said...

Mrs. Daddy? Don't you mean Hoosier Mommy?

somefeller said...

paul a'barge says: "So, she's middle aged, fat, frigid and a slut."

A frigid slut?

Middle Class Guy said...

Frederson,

Touche. My apologies. I guess it takes one to know one.

Meade said...

Ah did not have sexshul relations with that woman... my wife.

Synova said...

OH Man, the laundry detergent thing. Ack!

Other than that I wanted to get on all your cases about physical attractiveness. Ugly people get laid. Ugly people fall in love and have great sex lives. This is NOT about being ugly or overweight.

One orgasm inducing lover about of 23? So she's going to plan on waiting a few more years and getting rid of the non-orgasm inducing husband and finding other non-orgasm inducing men to have sex with?

Can she reliably induce an orgasm her own self?

(Not that I *want* an answer to that question!)

DADvocate said...

After the kids are grown she'll divorce and ...begin a sexual odyssey to find the satisfaction that eludes her.

Hope she likes waiting in bars until all the lookers and gone the the remaining guys are too drunk to care what she looks like. She'll be 54 years old when the youngest is 18. If you think she looks bad now..... (and she does!)

Beer - getting ugly people laid for over 7,000 years.

Hoosier Daddy said...

Mrs. Hoosier? Don't you mean Mrs. Daddy?

Well she has a 'special nickname' so I was just trying to be polite.

I called her Frau Blucher once.

Just once.

Hoosier Daddy said...

I wanted to get on all your cases about physical attractiveness. Ugly people get laid. Ugly people fall in love and have great sex lives.

Which just proves Benjamin Franklin's famous quote:

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Steven said...

Yeah, I'd say "frigid slut" covers it pretty well.

Slut: Twenty-three lovers, of whom only ten were "proper" boyfriends. Meaning, of course, thirteen weren't.

Frigid: Twenty-three lovers, only one of which she could orgasm with. What's the common denominator here?

Synova said...

Beer and turning the lights out, and poor eyesight starting in your 40's.

Revenant said...

Twenty-three lovers, only one of which she could orgasm with. What's the common denominator here?

They were all English? :)

Kirk Parker said...

Dave TN,

Darned right you're the only one!

Joan said...

What I wonder is, will this woman, whatever her real name is, ever realize how shallow and horrid she really is? She has been nearly universally condemned here, and I can't imagine she'll be treated kindly anywhere else. She is holding up her husband and her children to ridicule and embarrassment, and she seems completely unaware that she presents as an inflexible and small-minded harpy.

For all the women who are feeling as horrid as she is, but who want to do something to change it, I'll stick with my recommendation from the previous thread: lunch dates.

save_the_rustbelt said...

Wow, do I appreciate my wife - hottest grandma ever. But then she has the hottest grandpa ever.

Time for bed.............

Simon said...

Revenant said...
"They were all English?"

As long as you'll concede that it's possible to transcend the limitations of one's heritage, I don't have to take offense at that. ;)

Blake said...

Actually, Joan, I expect there'd be something more akin to sympathy for both husband and children.

She seems to take pride in hiding her true feelings--and I guarantee she's not as good at it as she thinks--and I think her family could be forgiven and sympathized with for not thinking she's as horrible as she is.

former law student said...

Thinking about this some more: The 20-30 extra pounds she's packing probably is depressing her libido. And the realization his wife's figure has turned from an hourglass to a beer keg has probably depressed his.

She should join a gym to get her blood pumping again. Being 45 is too young to give up one's sex life.

Jennifer said...

Can I kick her!? What I'd give to have my husband home and NOT be celibate.

Synova said...

And like the other thread, I second Joan's suggestion: Lunch Dates.

But for those ladies who never have orgasms I have another suggestion (because it's late enough my inhibitions are well asleep)...

... do it yourself a few times, so you learn *how*.

Synova said...

Yeah, Jennifer. You can kick her.

Hang in there. One day at a time, sister.

nansealinks said...

Perhaps she is talking about a different kind of orgasm, ladies, gentlemen and perfect assholes.

Perhaps she is talking about the kind of orgasm you feel when you experience conception. I have talked to lots of ladies and they never ever felt this. I think most ladies are full of crap in this category if they don't know what that kind of orgasm is. They say you can't feel conception. I know it is impossible cause I read it in books, on the internet and heard it from everyone.

Synova said...

Reproductive sex is powerful. I suspect that it's different for men, too.

But actually feel if conception happened?

Yeah, sure, whatever you say.

nansealinks said...

And if one keeps one steady and active partner, I have not ruled out that the sperm does not fall far from the tree. Something of such may also be spurbar (forgive the German but the word is much better than the translation of trackable) by the male.

walter neff said...

I wouldn't do her with Hillary Clinton's dick. These english broads are cold fish. They just lie there like the lumps of pasty skinned cod that they are. Her husband should trade her in toot sweet.

Russ DoGG said...

what a disgusting bnitch! It makes a young guy refuse to marry. See "the marriage strike" for details. Women wondering about the cause of the decline in men inclined to marriage only need look in the mirror (and their own books) for explanation.

All hte negative comments about her are correct. A complete sociopath. So self-centered she doesn't even appreciate the sacrifices of her husband.

I woke up to a cold sweat thinking that I might later marry such a woman.