October 8, 2007

Holes and crime.

1. Someone punched a hole — a big fist-sized hole — in "Le Pont d'Argenteuil," an "invaluable," "magnificent masterpiece" by Claude Monet. Why? "It appears they were drunk," says the French Culture Minister. No one could just hate Impressionism that much. Imagine breaking in to a great museum — this was the Musee d'Orsay — and feeling like punching out one of the works of art. Is there a painting or sculpture out there that seems to you to be asking for it?

2. Meanwhile, in Farmington, Missouri, Scott A. Masters faces up to 30 years of prison after shoplifting a doughnut — or so it appears if you pick up your news from headlines. They also say he shoved the store clerk who tried to stop him, which makes it "strong-arm robbery." I'm sure there have been murders committed over doughnuts — and $5 Stetson hats. You go to prison for the murder. Masters — a fool — is talking to the press: "Strong-arm robbery? Over a doughnut? That's impossible. I've never had a violent crime in my life. And there's no way I would've pushed a woman over a doughnut." Any food you would push a woman over?

28 comments:

Tim said...

"Is there a painting or sculpture out there that seems to you to be asking for it?"

Munch's "Scream."

Bruce Hayden said...

I don't know how long ago the $5 Stetson was, but my last one cost a lot more than that.

PoNyman said...

My first meal after going 5 days without any.

Paddy O. said...

Anything by Christo I would take utter glee in destroying.

Of course, maybe that would just mean I'm participating in the artistic moment.

Arrggh! You can't win!

I'm going to reserve judgment on the second one until we find out what kind of doughnut it was. Simple cake doughnut with sprinkles? Throw the book at him. A wonderful cinnamon twist or large glazed buttermilk? The man should be released immediately and the city should offer its apologies.

corbeau said...

Goya's Saturn. It gives me the squickies.

Trooper York said...

Pascal: A guy works all day, he don't want to look at his plate and ask, "What the fuck is this?" He wants to look at his plate, see a steak, and say "I like steak!"
(Big Night 1996)

Art said...

"Is there a painting or sculpture out there that seems to you to be asking for it?"

Photography, not painting: Mapplethorpe

ricpic said...

I'd push a woman over a steak.
A big juicy steak.
Mmmm.......

former law student said...

In the Musee D'Orsay, I would preferentially punch a hole in this one: http://www.ti-amo.at/kunst/delville-plato.htm

Maxine Weiss said...

There are people who loathe the chaos of abstract art.

Still-life, portraits, and landscapes---much more serene.

Ralph said...

People should not get between me and Virginia ham, or whipped cream.

the wolf said...

Gyros and a pizza puff.

Hoosier Daddy said...

Catherine Banning: This is an elegant crime, done by an elegant person. It's not about the money.
Detective Michael McCann: So, who steals a Monet, just to not sell it?

Catherine Banning: A Monet lover.

Catherine Banning: OK, let's dig up all the major art auctions of the last five years, and see who's been bidding on Monets.

Catherine Banning: See anyone we know?

Detective Michael McCann: Him? A big day for this guy is takin' off his tie! He's a finance geek?

Catherine Banning: Is he?

(Thomas Crowne Affair, 1999)

Ann Althouse said...

I'm sure they didn't say "finance geek" in the original Thomas Crowne Affair.

Trooper York said...

Neal Schweiber: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
Bill Haverchuck: But, uh, you're not funny.
Neal Schweiber: Screw you, I'm hilarious!
(Freaks and Geeks 1999)

JP said...

I'd step over my mother for a corn dog.

Have fun psycho-analyzing that!

Terrence Berres said...

"Is there a painting or sculpture out there that seems to you to be asking for it?"

Magritte's La trahison des images.

"Put this in your 'pipe' and smoke it!"

Blake said...

Andy Warhol's Self Portrait.

Blake said...

That was for the punching. For:

"Any food you would push a woman over?"

Andy Warhol's Campbell Soup.

Wurly said...

I was going to say that I'd wanted to put a certain sculpture by Duchamp to its proper use, but then I did a quick search and found that someone had previously tried to smash it with a hammer.

John Stodder said...

I'd like to take a squirt gun full of paint to a Jackson Pollock and see if anyone noticed the difference.

If the paint was black, the answer would be "no."

If the paint was pink, however, it might cause a Major Reevaluation.

Ralph said...

I've always hated those 18th century "pretty" and frivolous French paintings. The girl on the swing with the guy looking up her skirts, etc. A reaction to Poisson?

I'm sure some modern "artist" has exhibited a purposely defaced work.

Tibore said...

" Is there a painting or sculpture out there that seems to you to be asking for it?"

I dunno... Mona Lisa and her damn smirk...

Hey, don't get me wrong, I like the painting, but your question is "... seems to you to be asking for it". If a self-satisfied smirk doesn't ask for it, what does?

J said...

"No one could just hate Impressionism that much"

Mime, maybe, but not Impressionism.

Gedaliya said...

Serrano's "Piss Christ" is asking for it.

lee david said...

Most of Richard Serra's rusted steel is screaming for a cutting torch and a truck to the scrap yard.

peter hoh said...

Speaking of Serrano, there's this in today's NYT.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/09/arts/design/09serr.html?ref=arts

Steven said...

You know, when four-year-old Maria Olmstead got taken seriously for her works of abstract expressionism, I thought, finally, Emperor Pollock's New Clothes have been revealed for what they are.

Instead, the art world decided her father painted them.

But you know, I still wouldn't punch a Pollock painting. (Now, put the man himself on a submarine with a screen door, sure.)