May 4, 2006

"Cher (vitamin pill), Carrie Fisher (Brussels sprout)..."

"...Dick Vitale (melon), Ellen Barkin (shrimp), Homer Simpson (doughnut)" = celebrities and the things Heimliched out of them.

"Tom Brokaw (John Chancellor, Gouda cheese), Verne Lundquist (Pat Haden, broccoli), Pierce Brosnan (Halle Berry, fruit), Justin Timberlake (a friend, nuts), Billy Bob Thornton (his potbellied pig Albert, chicken Marsala)" = celebrities and who and what they Heimliched.

UPDATE: A beautifully written family Heimlich story.

11 comments:

jeff said...

Maybe I just chew too much - I've never needed to be heimliched.

Nor have I needed to heimlich anyone else that I can remember. And I think I'd remember that.

Troy said...

When I first saw "Tom Brokaw" John Chancellor -- my first thought was Tom Brokaw had John Chancellor heimliched out of him... then I read further for that little thing called context. Good thing, because the initial image was frightening.

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jennifer said...

George Bush and the auto-heimlich. That's great.

He even dislodges food particles unilaterally.

SteveR said...

Jennifer: that's funny

I had this image of Dick Vitale coughing up a whole melon. "Awesome Baby!"

Bissage said...

We had a newly engaged couple (friends of friends) over for dinner one night and served shrimp scampi. He got a shrimp caught in his throat and he couldn't speak or breathe or do anything, except kick his chair back in a panic, bend at the waist and point at his throat. (It was kind of scary, actually.) She was a physician and she did the Heimlich and the shrimp popped out and landed right back on top of his dinner plate full of shrimp scampi.

So, what happened next? He caught his breath, he sat down, and he finished his meal. Now that's class!!

True story.

Joe said...

Damn, Bissage, that must have been some good scampi. I want the recipe.

Bissage said...

Give a good wack to a garlic clove or three. Fry the garlic just enough in a smallish pour of refined oil with half a coarsely chopped shallot and a bisected serrano. Slurp some wine. Remove all you can and discard. In goes a little more oil to temperature and then the shrimp with salt. Slurp some wine. (Sometimes I'll add slivers of green and red sweet peppers but that's just showing off.) Cook the shrimp less than you think you should, then add just enough butter and not-too-fruity olive oil. Up to temperature and in goes your sliced basil (Sweet Italian or Siam Queen). Slurp some wine. Remove the basil (or not) and in goes a little lemon juice. (My wife will insist on more). Add flat leaf parsley, chopped. Let it all simmer for as long as it takes to plate your pasta, usually linguini. The sauce goes all over and the shrimp go on top where they conspire and plot their revenge!

Gerry said...

"Justin Timberlake (a friend, nuts)"

Yes, but whose nuts is the question.

ignacio said...

I will never forget Carrie Fisher (though many perhaps have) because she didn't write her book, "Postcards from the Edge," yet took so much credit for it, talk show to talk show, "Yes I was so witty," "etc, when the truth was that all she did was keep a diary in rehab, just as every other patient was required to do. I believe the ghostwriter's name was Paul Slanski (or something very close to that).

More recently my innocence was shattered once more when I heard that Marilyn Manson did not in fact write his own autobiography. It was a former staffer from the New Yorker. Who'd'a thunk it?

Beware. Showbiz people have no shame.

Marghlar said...

Every so often I get a situation going where I get a piece of food stuck just above my esophageal junction. I can still breathe, but the esophagus is blocked, so I cannot swallow. Usually, I can either cough it back up or strain and swallow it.

Once, however, I had just settled in to some fine fajitas over my lunch at work. In my haste to devour them, I tried to swallow a piece of chicken that was just too big. Much effort, couldn't get it up, couldn't get it down.

Meanwhile, I am getting scared that I might end up aspirating this big lump that is awfully close to my windpipe. I can barely talk, but I manage to communicate the situation to my coworkers. An ambulance is called.

I get escorted into the ambulance, and while filling out some forms before leaving, I cough out a big piece of chicken. I then disembark the ambulance and wish the firemen a good day.

I leave work early, feeling pretty ill after the whole experience. On my way home, I come to realize that there is still a fair amount of chicken stuck at that spot. I end up vomiting by the side of the road.

I finally get home, and rinse out my mouth. After a while, I feel my stomach rumbling. I realize that I never got more than a few mouthfuls of food before going home. I decide that I need to eat lunch (it is now about four pm). But then I realize:

The only food I have in the house is more of them fajitas.

I have never enjoyed my fajitas less than I did at that moment. It took me a while not to be grossed out by them, but now I'm back on the horse.