"Adult Lunchables are already everywhere in this world."

"Sophisticate versions of juvenile favorites include: tropical cocktails (grown-up Capri-Suns), burrata (string cheese), any dessert (candy wearing pants), smoothies (basically actual baby food). Tinned fish is a funny one, though, because no kid would actually choose to eat tinned fish. It’s an acquired taste, funky and fusty and a little bit offensive, merely presented in a kid way. And so in that way it’s maybe more like whatever’s going on with all these bows on adult women’s clothing...."

From "I No Longer Have to Make Life Decisions Thanks to My Infinite Tins of Fish/Now I can’t even look at the word t*na" (NYT).

Not familiar with all those bows? One example will get you up to speed: "Demi Moore's Tattered Hot Pink Ballgown Comes With a Truly Giant OTT Bow."

By the way, if they can just use OTT like that — meaning "over the top," I believe — there is at least hope for the end of the Mel Ott era in crossword puzzles.

Chris Rock — punched by Will Smith for a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith's hair — once made a documentary about black people and their hair.

Here's the trailer for "Good Hair": 

 

Here's Rock making the joke, Will chuckling, and Jada not amused, and then Will striding onto the stage and hitting/"hitting" Rock:

 

At 0:42, I felt sure what I'd seen was a fake "Hollywood" punch. Rock stood planted in position and even leaned his face forward, then — it seemed — threw his head back after the seeming contact. 

And Rock recovered so quickly, still smiling, and chattered out "Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me." But if it was scripted, would he have said "shit"? I haven't been watching the Oscars in recent years, but back in the days when I used to care enough to live-blog the hours-long show, I had the tag "fleeting expletives" to keep track of the litigation that arose after Cher's saying "fuck" at the 2002 Billboard awards activated the FCC. Who can even remember what the Supreme Court ultimately did about that threat to free speech? 

But when Will Smith got back to his seat and proceeded to yell "Keep my wife's name out ya fucking mouth! Keep my wife's name out ya fucking mouth!" it was hard to believe it was scripted. But, as I said, I don't know where we are with fleeting expletives these days, and maybe we are right where it would be scripted precisely because it would create the illusion that it was unscripted. 

Then Smith wins the best actor Oscar, and we get to listen to his speech, which give us another chance to assess the real-or-fakeness of the punch/"punch"/slap/"slap":

But if he's such a great actor — do we really still believe the stars who get the statuette are "great actors"? — he should be able to sell a scripted acceptance speech with faux-sincere lines about his being a "river of love" or some such nonsense and to cry seemingly real tears of apology.

What makes me think it was real is that it makes Smith look bad. He looked ugly yelling "Keep my wife's name out ya fucking mouth!" And he overshadowed his own winning of the Oscar. Why would anyone do that? The best explanation is that he lost his temper. But exactly why did he lose his temper? I think we'd need to know more about his relationship with his wife. Remember he was laughing at the joke, and she was looking grim. The camera wasn't on them continuously, but I imagine she said something to him or gave him a look that meant you'd better act now or you are not a man. 

Finally, it's sad that the Smiths aren't proud of Jada's hair. She boldly shaves it down to almost nothing and that's a way of expressing great confidence in one's own beauty. I'm seeing some articles talking about her alopecia, but if you go to that link, you'll see she has a thin line of baldness across the top, and it's something that would be hidden if she didn't shave her head. She's highlighting the beauty of her face and the elegant structure of her head. She's not like those women in Chris Rock's movie who spend so much time at the hairdressers, use harsh chemicals, and cause so much importation of human hair from India. 

Jada Pinkett Smith could have had any wig she wanted. To go to the Oscars with a shaved head is to make a strong statement that you think this is your best look. Chris Rock said she could play in a sequel to "G.I. Jane," which means she could play Demi Moore's iconic role. Demi Moore is famously beautiful. 

The best response to the joke would have been an imperious smile that meant: Yes, I know I am beautiful. Not: My husband will now punch you in the nose!

When Instapundit said this video is reminiscent of this other video, I was sure he was pointing at something else.

He wrote: "A SALUTE TO THE EUROPEAN YOUTH. Something about this seems kind of familiar, somehow."

I watched the "Salute to the European youth"...



... with growing certainty that the link on "familiar" went to the well-known "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" (the Hitler Youth scene in "Cabaret")...



But it went to this somewhat dopey but decent and innocuous video by Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher from 2009 with a bunch of young people pledging to do volunteer work and to be a good parent and friend and so forth...



That was weird.

"I pledge to be a servant to our President."

From January 2009, offered today for your amusement/outrage/nostalgia.



Meade pointed me to that just now, and it made me laugh (and cringe). I knew I'd already talked about an Obama nostalgia movement — here, 3 days ago — but I see I was talking about it as far back as October 2011.

I know you may scoff and say that every single reference to the abstractions and fuzzy feelings of 3 years ago will only draw derision and intensify the pain. But there's so much pain... At some point, won't people want to take the drug that worked so well that other time. What intense pleasure! What brilliant hallucinations! It calls to you.

Ouch. At the time, the old video I highlighted was Michelle Obama's 2008 line "Barack will never allow you to go back to your lives as usual, uninvolved, uninformed."

Barack will never allow you to go back.... But what if you want to go back... back to the day when a line like Barack will never allow you to go back did not feel like a warning... but you can't go back... Barack will never allow you to go back... 

Writing this, I played an old song in my head:

I think I'm goin' back
To the things I learned so well in my youth
I think I'm returning to
Those days when I was young enough to know the truth

"I see you've got some kind of a 'G.I. Jane' theme going today."

Says Meade, and I reply, "Yeah... hmmm... I should do a post about... you know, she has her problems."

"Goldie Hawn."

"No, it's not Goldie Hawn. Demi Moore."'

"I thought it was Goldie Hawn."

"Goldie Hawn is 'Private Benjamin'...



"Demi Moore is G.I. Jane...."



See the difference? Demi stood up to torture in G.I. Jane, but in real life, she's crushed by romantic heartbreak and seeking help from Deepak Chopra.

"['The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success'] is my bible. It is a practical guide to the fulfillment of your dreams..."

Deepak Chopra is a male, but he is distinctively nonmilitaristic:

Although terrorism is a tactic, what lies behind it is an idea, and once an idea seeps into people’s brains, bombs and mortar attacks won’t defeat it....

Our only hope... is to...  offer a more enticing idea in the long run. Peace and social reform are both enticing ideas....

Bush’s war on terror was a horrendous mistake, an ideological delusion and a failed tactic. It alienated most of the world and created as many extremists as it defeated. Obama knows all this. Now it’s time for him to lead us out of a self-created quagmire.

But enough about the terrorists. What can be done about Ashton Kutcher? Adultery is a tactic, what lies behind it is an idea, and once an idea seeps into people’s brains, bombs and mortar attacks won’t defeat it. Your only hope is to offer a more enticing idea in the long run....

Demi Moore smokes something, and the real victim is Gloria Steinem.

I don't know exactly why Demi Moore was hospitalized.

Friends and family who were with Moore indicated she has smoked something “similar to incense” and was burning up, shaking and convulsing. They said it was not marijuana.

X17 reported doctors are speculating whether Moore smoked synthetic cannabis, which is also referred to as “K2,” “herbal incense” or “spice.” There are also reports Moore drank excessive amounts of Red Bull energy drinks.

Troubling. Sad, indeed. And there's also the divorce (from her 16-years-younger husband, the very cute Ashton Kutcher). But the person my heart goes out to is Gloria Steinem. Demi Moore has now had to pull out from the role of Gloria Steinem in a movie about Linda Lovelace, the star of the historic porn-flick "Deep Throat." Replacing her is Sarah Jessica Parker. Imagine, one day, one of the most beautiful Hollywood stars is playing the role of you in a movie. And the next day, they've recast the role with an actress who... is just not even very pretty at all.

What's Gloria Steinem doing in a biopic about Linda Lovelace? Here, read "Out of Bondage," by Linda Lovelace (with Mike McGrady), introduction by Gloria Steinem. From the 1986 Publisher's Weekly review at the link:

Steinem's introduction declares her belief in the integrity of the revelations that shocked the public when Lovelace's Ordeal appeared. 

Note: I've read "Ordeal." (And I've never seen "Deep Throat.")

With McGrady, Lovelace here writes a sequel, the story of her life after she escaped from the pimp she claimed forced her into prostitution and into filming "Deep Throat." Many of the hideous experiences detailed in the first book are repeated here, which readers will find hard to bear, unless they are intrigued by the brutalizing pornography that pays handsomely for everyone except its victims. Naming celebrities and mob figures, Lovelace makes a strong case against demeaned "entertainment." Now a wife and mother, the former "sexual zombie" is also an active supporter of human rights. She lectures at colleges on degradations suffered by women as sex objects.

So who's playing Linda Lovelace? I found an old news story that said Lindsay Lohan had the role. Ah, now, I see it's Amanda Seyfried... and that there's a second Linda Lovelace biopic in the works.

Competing films of the same variety sometimes meet poor ends, as studios start rushing to be the first to release their version, which can damage the quality of the end product.

If only they'd take their time! What a fulfillment we might achieve!

"It's amazing, Molly. The love inside, you take it with you. See ya."

A line from "Ghost."



Patrick Swayze, dead at age 57.

"From the Mixed Up Twitter Files of Ashton E. Kutcher."

More evidence that — as previously noted — Twitter screws with your ethics.