Cher is 80.

Today.

I'm the original Cher fan, so I don't need to link to anything. I remember the first time I heard Cher — "I Got You Babe" on a radio station that only came in late at night, before the song had made the playlist on the New York City stations that dominated the airways during the day. I wrote the song title down. 

"They say we're young...."

The Eternal Cher.

Last night on SNL:

BONUS: Arianna Grande takes the Macauley Culkin role in a "Home Alone" takeoff... and really looks the part:

ADDED: I watched that second video after posting it, and I just want to add that I don't think they'd have gone through with it if they hadn't already put so much money and effort into producing it. The idea of beginning with a lovely Christmas celebration and descending into mayhem calls to mind the Conan O'Brien Christmas party and its horrible aftermath.

"When Cher went off the air on TV and started doing movies, I said, 'Oh God, I don't have to do anything like that again.'"

"And then all of a sudden, it all started coming back, because the children were looking on the internet and seeing pictures of people dressed like that, and all of us, we started getting phone calls. So I'm like, okay!... I love it."

Said Bob Mackie, quoted in "Bob Mackie on Taylor Swift, the Spectacle of the Showgirl, and Causing a Rhinestone Crisis/The legendary costumer tells Vanity Fair about the surprise of seeing his archival pieces on the cover of Swift’s newest album, and why showgirls are forever" (Vanity Fair).

"Is it ever appropriate to slap someone in the face to calm them down or stop them from spiraling emotionally?"

"I'm thinking of the 'Snap out of it' slap Cher delivers in 'Moonstruck.'"

That's a question I asked Grok after reading "Plane passenger blasted for slapping man amid a panic attack in wild video: ‘You shouldn’t have raised your hand'" (NY Post). 

Here's Cher's memorable slap (or, I should say, slaps):

Don't try that at home and don't try it in public either. Now, you might wonder, what if the man doing the slapping sincerely believed he was helping? (That makes me think of the episode of "Loudermilk" where the main character gives someone the Heimlich maneuver and gets sued.)

Here's Grok's answer, if you are curious. Excerpt: "The 'hysterical slap' is a common cinematic device rooted in early 20th-century ideas about treating emotional distress (once labeled 'hysteria,' now recognized as conditions like panic attacks, anxiety, or dissociation). Physiologically, a slap might theoretically trigger a fight-or-flight response by activating the sympathetic nervous system, increasing alertness through hormone release (like adrenaline) and potentially interrupting a panic loop via surprise. However, this is unreliable and short-lived at best, often depicted in media for dramatic effect rather than accuracy. In practice, it can backfire by provoking aggression, deepening trauma, or shifting the person from emotional distress to physical pain or anger, making de-escalation harder."

ADDED: What are some other ways to deal with emotion that the movies might make you think are a good idea? Grok's answers: 1. Throw a drink in somebody's face to express anger, 2. Kiss someone suddenly to interrupt their verbal argument, 3. Keep pursuing your love object after she/he has turned you down, 4. Grab someone by the shoulders and shake them hard while yelling "Get a grip!" right in their face.

Basically, the movies are full of bad ideas!

IN THE COMMENTS: I'm being savaged for my failure to acknowledge "Airplane!"

Now, I gotta get outta here!

"The next morning he arrives on set eating an egg sandwich and starts screaming that he’s not going to let me direct this film; I’m a nobody; he can cut me out at any moment."

"Oh yeah, he was a pig. He was an asshole.... He was not nice to the girls in the film and he was so f–king arrogant. I really, really disliked him."

Said Cher, about Peter Bogdanovich, the director of "Mask," quoted in "Cher blasts ‘arrogant’ director after he said she was most difficult actor to work with: 'He was a pig'" (NY Post).

Egg sandwich!

Don't get me started on the topic of egg sandwich.

I was going to discuss Cher's use of the semicolon, but the quote is not from Cher's book. It's from an interview originally published in The London Times, so it's a British approach to punctuation, about which I've got nothing to say.

Did Cher dump on Bogdanovich before he died? Even if she didn't, I can't help siding with her against a man who would eat an egg sandwich in front of people who don't have the option to walk away. And the screaming... Have you ever seen anyone scream with egg in their mouth?

"She was only 15 when Warren Beatty lent her Natalie Wood’s bathing suit and took her for cigarettes and a swim."

"She was 16 when she met the 11-years-older, mid-divorce Salvatore Phillip 'Sonny' Bono, who lied to her about being a descendant of Napoleon Bonaparte, and she moved into his apartment in exchange for cooking and cleaning — not sex, at first."

From "Becoming Cher Didn’t Come Easy/The first volume of her frank autobiography is a testament to resilience, chronicling a grim childhood and the brazen path to stardom, with and without Sonny" (NYT).

"Sonny and Cher sing 'All I Ever Need is You' as the device destroys some of the most beautiful objects a creative person could ever hope to have, or see..."

"... a trumpet, camera lenses, an upright piano, paints, a metronome, a clay maquette, a wooden anatomical reference model, vinyl albums, a framed photo, and most disturbingly (because they suggest destructive violence against children's toys, and against the child in all of us) a ceramic Angry Birds figure and a stack of rubber emoji balls" (from rogerebert.com):

 

The NYT reports on the backlash and Apple's caving to (hydraulic) pressure: "Apple Says Destructive iPad Ad ‘Missed the Mark’/People in the creative world widely panned a commercial showing a giant hydraulic press squishing objects ranging from paint cans to a piano":

"Cher joins the Rolling Stones with at least one new No. 1 on a Billboard songs chart in each of the seven decades from the 1960s through the 2020s...."

Billboard reports.

Go to the link if you want to see the names of all those #1s in all the relevant decades.

I've always loved Cher, but for me that means the Cher of 1965 (and the Cher of "Moonstruck"). But if she wants to do a Christmas recording, it's pretty much the way I feel about Bob Dylan doing a Christmas album. Go ahead. Do what you want. You've earned it. And I will continue to avoid the annual avalanche of Christmas music.

Anyway, click if you like. It's Cher's #1 Christmas song:

"People of no ethical background for you are easy prey, and they’re your line of business—patronizers, snobs and highbrows, whoever they think they are."

"But you understand them as geometrical bodies, with solid angles and planes, and you know how to make them see wonderful things, and you can make music that drives them mad. You’ve got the character of Saturn and the spirit of Venus. Passion and desire, you give it to them under the counter. Your guidelines are simple, and you rule nothing out. Strip yourself bare and dance the sword dance, buck naked inside of a canvas tent, fenced in, where the town royalty, the top brass and leading citizens, bald as eggs throw their money down, sometimes their entire bankroll."

From Chapter 47 of Bob Dylan's "Philosophy of Modern Song." 

That's Bob, talking about — what songs did you think he was going to talk about? — "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves."

In the song the men of the town would lay their money down. But for Bob, they throw it down, those bastards. And they're all bald. As eggs. But they are understood as geometrical bodies, with solid angles and planes. You try doing that with an egg. Bob, he's a genius. He's like Picasso. He sees the angles and planes in what, for you, is ovoid.

"If YOU can't connect with most modern day music, THIS is probably why."

Chris Rock — punched by Will Smith for a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith's hair — once made a documentary about black people and their hair.

Here's the trailer for "Good Hair": 

 

Here's Rock making the joke, Will chuckling, and Jada not amused, and then Will striding onto the stage and hitting/"hitting" Rock:

 

At 0:42, I felt sure what I'd seen was a fake "Hollywood" punch. Rock stood planted in position and even leaned his face forward, then — it seemed — threw his head back after the seeming contact. 

And Rock recovered so quickly, still smiling, and chattered out "Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me." But if it was scripted, would he have said "shit"? I haven't been watching the Oscars in recent years, but back in the days when I used to care enough to live-blog the hours-long show, I had the tag "fleeting expletives" to keep track of the litigation that arose after Cher's saying "fuck" at the 2002 Billboard awards activated the FCC. Who can even remember what the Supreme Court ultimately did about that threat to free speech? 

But when Will Smith got back to his seat and proceeded to yell "Keep my wife's name out ya fucking mouth! Keep my wife's name out ya fucking mouth!" it was hard to believe it was scripted. But, as I said, I don't know where we are with fleeting expletives these days, and maybe we are right where it would be scripted precisely because it would create the illusion that it was unscripted. 

Then Smith wins the best actor Oscar, and we get to listen to his speech, which give us another chance to assess the real-or-fakeness of the punch/"punch"/slap/"slap":

But if he's such a great actor — do we really still believe the stars who get the statuette are "great actors"? — he should be able to sell a scripted acceptance speech with faux-sincere lines about his being a "river of love" or some such nonsense and to cry seemingly real tears of apology.

What makes me think it was real is that it makes Smith look bad. He looked ugly yelling "Keep my wife's name out ya fucking mouth!" And he overshadowed his own winning of the Oscar. Why would anyone do that? The best explanation is that he lost his temper. But exactly why did he lose his temper? I think we'd need to know more about his relationship with his wife. Remember he was laughing at the joke, and she was looking grim. The camera wasn't on them continuously, but I imagine she said something to him or gave him a look that meant you'd better act now or you are not a man. 

Finally, it's sad that the Smiths aren't proud of Jada's hair. She boldly shaves it down to almost nothing and that's a way of expressing great confidence in one's own beauty. I'm seeing some articles talking about her alopecia, but if you go to that link, you'll see she has a thin line of baldness across the top, and it's something that would be hidden if she didn't shave her head. She's highlighting the beauty of her face and the elegant structure of her head. She's not like those women in Chris Rock's movie who spend so much time at the hairdressers, use harsh chemicals, and cause so much importation of human hair from India. 

Jada Pinkett Smith could have had any wig she wanted. To go to the Oscars with a shaved head is to make a strong statement that you think this is your best look. Chris Rock said she could play in a sequel to "G.I. Jane," which means she could play Demi Moore's iconic role. Demi Moore is famously beautiful. 

The best response to the joke would have been an imperious smile that meant: Yes, I know I am beautiful. Not: My husband will now punch you in the nose!

Christmas Cher with Buddha and cat.

Hhmmm🎄 pic.twitter.com/vEnb1tAUAa

— Cher (@cher) December 17, 2021

"MAYBE just a crazy woman..."

When we were coming out of movie I saw beautiful
Couple.He Was taking
Her pic….She had flowers
I said … can I take your
Pic….Had my mask on so they didn’t Know Who I was. MAYBE Just a crazy woman..
THAT ME pic.twitter.com/M02p8I3tCk

— Cher (@cher) December 14, 2021

ADDED: "Cher took a random photo of a 'beautiful couple' and Twitter found them/Cher continues to be the most chaotic celeb on Twitter" (etalk)("Omg! That's me, and it was my birthday! Wow! I can't believe it! 🥰"). 

AND: Don't bother seeing the new "West Side Story"... or even the old. Cher has the whole thing covered:

You can't travel, but Cher can travel to Pakistan to help an elephant travel to Cambodia.

And Cher is celebrated for this: 

"Pop music icon Cher was in Pakistan over the weekend to join a lonely elephant on his long-awaited journey to salvation. Kaavan, dubbed the world's loneliest elephant, finally escaped the meager confines of a zoo in Islamabad and was well on his way to a wildlife sanctuary in Cambodia on Monday" (CBS News). 

What is the carbon footprint of Cher's showy elephantarianism? There isn't one word about global warming in this lengthy article (which reads like a PR release from Cher's team). 

And the only reference to the pandemic — which keeps you from galavanting around the globe — is to laud Cher for "Pulling it all off during a global pandemic." There were "unique challenges, but fortunately Kaavan's pre-flight COVID-19 test came back negative, and arrangements for a 30-day quarantine in Cambodia were in place."

"Right now our country's gloomy/Fear is in the air/But when Joe's president/Hope is everywhere/Troubles fly away/And life will easy flow/Joe will keep us safe/That's all we need to know...."

 

Cher weighs in — that's all you need to know — at the 2020 I Will Vote Concert last night. 

As New York Magazine explains, "Happiness Is a Thing Called Joe" is an old song — Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg song from the 1943 film musical "Cabin in the Sky." Here's its original context — question whether there's a problem of racial appropriation — with the devastatingly sweet Ethel Waters:

 

Original lyrics: "It seems like/Happiness is just a thing called Joe/He's got a smile that makes the lilacs want to grow/He's got a way that makes the angels heave a sigh/When they see little Joe passing by..."

ADDED: The all-time greatest political rewrite of a song was Frank Sinatra's "High Hopes" for JFK:

 

Here's the original version, from Sinatra's own movie, "A Hole in the Head":

Cher offers to pay the legal expenses of that West High School security guard who got fired for saying the n-word in the context of telling a student not to call him that.

.@cher says if the fired security guard wants to sue the Madison School District, she will pay for it. https://t.co/CdK5Ocukjy

— Molly Beck (@MollyBeck) October 18, 2019

We talked about the controversy yesterday, here.

"'Both sides' rip u 2 shreds if u don't tow their line" — should be "toe their line," but I know what you mean, Cher.

Cher and the Limits of Social Resources.FELT LIKE COWARD SINCE BACKING DOWN FROM BELIEFS.I DESPISE trump,&HIS LOATHSOME’SYCOPHANTS’.🔥2 GOOD 4 THEM,BUT CANT SAY MY CITY DOESNT STRUGGLE CAUSE IT DOES.’BOTH SIDES’ RIP U 2 SHREDS IF U DONT TOW
THEIR LINE.🙏🏻 https://t.co/5vKSp5WiZC

— Cher (@cher) May 2, 2019

One hour later...

"thing 1 fears'HAPPENED'😱" to Cher!

Ok,Last nite in 1st 2 songs, thing 1 fears”HAPPENED”😱.My Huge Headpiece Started Falling off🤯Felt it slipping BUT…The Show Must Go 🙄.THEN In my in-ears came Choppers voice”CHER RETURN 2DRESSING RM. EVERY1 WAS PANICKED.I 🤣. I LOOKED SO RIDICULOUS.😭IT WAS LIKE
I❤️LUCY

— Cher (@cher) April 27, 2019

Here's the Lucy image she must mean:



That's from "Lucy Gets Into Pictures" (Season 4, Episode 18 of "I Love Lucy," where "Lucy gets a bit part in a movie, but has a problem with the costume").

"I set out to be famous! I set out to be Cinderella. I saw two movies when I was a kid: 'Dumbo' and 'Cinderella.'"

"And on the way home, I started singing the songs in the car. My mother punched my dad and said: 'Listen! She’s singing songs from the movie.' I’d never heard them before. I didn’t understand the reality. I just knew I wanted to be on that screen.... I went to Mike Nichols one day for a part in a movie called 'The Fortune,' and he said: 'No. You’re wrong.' I just looked at him and said: 'You know what? I’m very talented, and one day you’re going to be sorry.' I have no idea why I said that."

Said Cher, quoted in "Cher Has Never Been a Huge Cher Fan. But She Loves Being Cher" (NYT).

"Green Acres The Musical is a fast-paced, contemporary story that features the best in comedy, music and dance. This is the spirited musical comedy love story of Oliver and Lisa Douglas."

"He is a high-powered, Manhattan attorney and she is an aspiring fashion designer and, together, they are living ‘the good life’ in New York City. Faced with the overwhelming pressure to run his family’s law firm and live up to his father’s reputation, Oliver longs for the simple life, but New York and all that it has to offer is Lisa’s perfect world. What happens when two people in love find themselves wanting opposite lives sends us on a journey that is both hilarious and filled with heart."

That's the press release — published in Entertainment Weekly — for a "Broadway-bound" musical. I guess there's no limit to how stupid and touristy theater in New York City can become.

When "Green Acres" was on TV in the 1960s, it was one of many sitcoms set in rural America. From the Wikipedia article on the "rural purge" — the systematic cancellation of all that stuff:

Starting with The Real McCoys, a 1957 ABC program, U.S. television had undergone a "rural revolution", a shift towards situation comedies featuring "naïve but noble 'rubes' from deep in the American heartland". CBS was the network most associated with the trend, with series such as The Andy Griffith Show, The Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres, Mister Ed, Lassie, Petticoat Junction, and Hee Haw....

Mayberry's total isolation from contemporary problems was part of its appeal, but more than a decade of media coverage of the civil rights movement had brought about a change in the popular image of the small Southern town. Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C., was set on a U.S. Marine base between 1964 and 1969, but neither Gomer nor any of his fellow marines ever mentioned the war in Vietnam. CBS executives, afraid of losing the lucrative youth demographic, purged their schedule of hit shows that were drawing huge but older-skewing audiences....

The numerous cancellations [at the end of the 1970-71 season] prompted Pat Buttram ("Mr. Haney" on one of the canceled shows, Green Acres) to make the observation: "It was the year CBS canceled everything with a tree—including Lassie"....

Several conservative members of Congress,[who?] as well as President Richard Nixon and members of his administration, expressed displeasure at some of the replacement shows, many of which (especially the more socially conscious shows such as All in the Family) were not particularly "family-friendly"...

It was decided that those rural shows — a refuge from the social and political upheaval of the 60s — were too damned unsophisticated and irrelevant for 1970s America. I don't know if the long arc of history bends toward sophistication, but it makes me sad to see that one of the shows that were seen — half a century ago — as too naive and out of it for television is now the basis for a Broadway show. What is happening to us?

Is Donald Trump part of the answer? Here he is performing at the Emmys in 2006:



I'm reading the lyrics to the theme song at the website Genius, where there are annotations:

Green acres is the place for me
Farm livin' is the life for me
Land spreadin' out so far and wide
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside

New York is where I'd rather stay
I get allergic smelling hay
I just adore a penthouse view
Dah-ling I love you but give me Park Avenue

...The chores
...The stores
...Fresh air
...Times Square

You are my wife
Good bye, city life
Green Acres we are there

There's only one annotation. It's on the last 3 lines: "This might seem sexist to younger generations."

ADDED: The Wikipedia article mentions that one of the shows brought in to replace the rural sitcoms was "The Sonny & Cher Show," and that reminds me that I never wrote about the "Broadway-bound" show I saw in Chicago a couple weeks ago. "The Cher Show" is a bio-musical like "Jersey Boys" (the big Broadway hit that tells the story of The 4 Seasons). I guess I was too bored to put my thoughts into writing, but the show was completely unsophisticated. It assumes everyone in the audience just loves Cher, knows her songs and her costumes and will be delighted to witness a live parade of all that familiar stuff. There was no edge, no challenge, no acknowledgment that the audience members had any intelligence or critical eye at all. I was left cold (even though I loved Sonny & Cher from the moment I heard "I Got You Babe" on the radio in 1965). But so many other old women in the audience were whooping at every damned thing. Especially the lady sitting next to me. It was like watching a show in an insane asylum. Which reminds me: When I was a teenager in the 1960s, I saw the Broadway play "Marat/Sade" — "The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade." That's where it looked as though Broadway would go. Into immense creativity and sophistication. It's so sad what happened instead.