"Robert Zemeckis’ film 'Here' is an object lesson in how to take a touching idea and make an extremely annoying movie out of it...."

"… a single camera sits in one spot for the entirety of the film as the action jumps back and forth through time.... Starting off as an old man, [the Tom Hanks character] walks into a sunlit modern living room only for the shot to fade away to the era of dinosaurs…. [I]n a bid for self-protection, Zemeckis and co-writer Eric Roth unconvincingly force in some diversity. In the future, when the Youngs have left, we see glimpses of a 2010s black family, the longest of which shows the dad telling his son how to talk to the police in the wake of George Floyd’s murder. Almost nothing else is learned about them except that their housekeeper gets COVID. Hundreds of years in the past, an indigenous couple wordlessly flirt, have a kid and die in the 2,000-square-foot meadow where the Young home will eventually stand...."

From the NY Post review of "Here."

"Rapid advances in artificial intelligence have made it easy to generate believable audio, allowing anyone from foreign actors to music fans to copy somebody’s voice..."

"... leading to a flood of faked content on the web, sewing [sic] discord, confusion and anger. Last week, the actor Tom Hanks warned his social media followers that bad actors used his voice to falsely imitate him hawking dental plans. Over the summer, TikTok accounts used AI narrators to display fake news reports that erroneously linked former president Barack Obama to the death of his personal chef. On Thursday, a bipartisan group of senators announced a draft bill, called the No Fakes Act, that would penalize people for producing or distributing an AI-generated replica of someone in an audiovisual or voice recording without their consent...."

 
From "AI voice clones mimic politicians and celebrities, reshaping reality Experts have long predicted generative artificial intelligence would lead to a tsunami of faked photos and video. What’s emerging is an audio crisis" (WaPo).

ADDED: It's funny to see "sewing discord" for "sowing discord"! If you were sewing discord, you'd be mending it, not scattering it about.

"A perfumier designed the aroma to contain hints of 'pus, blood, faecal matter and sweat' so [Jude] Law could imagine himself as [Henry VIII]...."

"At the start of filming Law said he made sure 'very subtly' to use a dab or two of the stomach-turning scent. However, when he found that the smell aided his performance, 'it became a spray-fest.' "When Jude walked in on set,” the director, Karim Aïnouz, said, 'it was just horrible.' [Alicia] Vikander, who performed sex scenes with Law, gave a look of disgust as the actor [said] 'Even the camera operators were gagging. My memory is that we were laughing a lot.... [I'd] read several interesting accounts that you could smell Henry three rooms away. His leg was rotting so badly. He hid it with rose oil. I thought it would have a great impact if I smelt awful.'"

From "Jude Law has more than a whiff of Henry VIII in Firebrand/The film received an eight-minute standing ovation after its premiere at the Cannes film festival on Sunday" (London Times).

Watch Ms. Vikander approach the putrid actor:

I asked ChatGPT, "Can you tell me about other actors who have used smelliness to enhance their performance?" In classic ChatGPT form, I got a list of 5 items:

I went to a theater to see a movie for the first time in over a year.

It's been over a year since we went out to see a movie. We saw "Nomadland" in April 2021, and when we saw that it had been over a year since we'd gone out to see a movie. Covid has been part of these long gaps, but not all of it.

I'm not sure I will ever want to see a movie in the theater again. My #1 problem is that you are bound to sit through it. You can't pause. You can't walk away and come back later. That can be a positive. You've committed to sit through it and you almost certainly will. It's now or never.

Ha ha. Guess what move we saw? Yes, you're right. It was Baz Luhrman's "Elvis":

I would have enjoyed this so much more on my TV. In fact, I would have enjoyed it much more if it had been made as a TV mini-series with 5 or 6 hour-long episodes. Because this movie was too long and too short. There were so many ideas that could have been worked through. There were 2 big themes: Elvis's relationship to black people and their music and Elvis's bondage to Colonel Tom Parker. That had to be compressed in the movie, and the movie was still 2 hours and 39 minutes. 

The heads of Drudge have got me wondering — which one is the real boy?

Note the headless angel, the creepy succession of men, and — topping it all off — the little puppet boy. Beyond heads — hands: I like the mirrored hand gestures, the angel and Joe Biden and then Tom Cotton and Pinocchio. All the human entities frown. We can't know the expression on the angel statues head and Pinocchio is slack-jawed and woozy. 

Anyway, what's up with Disney sending the live-action remake of "Pinocchio" straight to video? It was directed by Robert Zemeckis and stars Tom Hanks. That's conspicuously intended to be huge. It must stink like a bad cigar.

ADDED: I see that there is a second live-action version of Pinocchio coming out this year.

"Hello, I’m Tom Hanks. The US government has lost its credibility, so it’s borrowing some of mine."

 Said Tom Hanks in "The Simpsons Movie" (in 2007), quoted in "‘The Simpsons did it first’: Tom Hanks’s video for Biden likened to cameo" (London Times).

From the London Times article:

In a two-minute video released by the Biden Inaugural Committee yesterday, the Oscar-winning actor narrates the accomplishments of the Biden administration in its inaugural year — pointing to the distribution of vaccines and that “shops and businesses are buzzing again all over the country.” 

Here's the new video, which I clicked off — muttering "Oh, jeez" — at the 3-second mark: 

 

I'm going to try again to watch it, for the sake of this post, but I'm going to publish first, because I don't know how many on-and-off clickings it will take for me to reach the end. 

ADDED: Okay. I've finished. It was long, but it mainly said we're dealing with Covid and the economy is coming back. It would have worked just as well as a Trump ad. Maybe the Democrats realize they need to squirrel away the divisive issues.

Here's the video — narrated by Tom Hanks — in which the Cleveland Indians reveal their new name: the Guardians.

Together, we are all... pic.twitter.com/R5FnT4kv1I

— Cleveland Indians (@Indians) July 23, 2021

ADDED: Here are the graphics:

Introducing the Cleveland Guardians!

The name will go into effect after the 2021 season. pic.twitter.com/ggCFyIRD2y

— MLB (@MLB) July 23, 2021

A closer look at that logo:

I think the feathers are reminiscent of a Native American feathered headdress, but the Indians old "Chief Wahoo" logo was aimed the other way — with a face rather than a baseball — and wore a single feather. The new feathers could be associated with angel's wings, which fits with "Guardians" if you think of guardian angels. 

But if the baseball seems like a head rather than an entire body, then the wings make us think of the winged helmets of various warriors and ancient gods. If so, the name "Guardians" feels one step away from "Warriors," one of the names that — I presume — the Indians considered. I know the Washington football team — transitioning from "Redskins" — rejected "Warriors" because it contained too much of a residue of Indians. 

ALSO: As discussed in the comments, there's this:

TBH, The Guardians is much more authentically Cleveland than most jokesters on this website understand

These four statues--The Guardians of Transportation--are absolute icons in the city and familiar to anyone who has any sort of roots in the area https://t.co/8u0fx9SKI0 pic.twitter.com/vlifF39JjQ

— josh grubbs (@JoshuaGrubbsPhD) July 23, 2021

Why "Vegemite" is trending on Twitter.

Thanks to the Helpers. Let’s take care of ourselves and each other. Hanx pic.twitter.com/09gCdvzGcO

— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) March 15, 2020

"The fun of 'Saturday Night Live' was always you never knew which way they leaned politically."

"You kind of assumed they would lean more left and liberal, but now the cat's out of the bag they are completely against Trump, which I think makes it less interesting because you know the direction the piece is going... Carvey played it respectfully... To me, the genius of Dana Carvey was Dana always had empathy for the people he played, and Alec Baldwin has nothing but a fuming, seething anger toward the person he plays.... I don't find his impression to be comical... I know the way his politics lean and it spoils any surprise. There's no possible surprise. He so clearly hates the man he's playing."

Said Rob Schneider, who was on "Saturday Night Live" back when the cast included Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Adam Sandler.

And here's a NYT article published on November 6, 2016, anticipating that evening's "The 2016 S.N.L. Election Special," and going over the way the show had treated everything in the election, which was almost entirely the sort of thing Schneider is talking about. Almost. There was one sketch — and the NYT (before it knew Trump would win the Election) recognized it as the best sketch of the season — “Black Jeopardy!”:

Doug [Tom Hanks], to everyone’s shock, got one response after another right. Prompted with the answer, “They out here saying, the new iPhone wants your thumbprint ‘for your protection,’” he answered, “What is: ‘I don’t think so. That’s how they get you.’”...

This blue-collar white guy was on the same wavelength as [the black contestants], suspicious of authority, anxious to make ends meet, unimpressed with skinny women. It was cathartic, almost moving. Despite all the vitriol out there, maybe they weren’t all that different?...

This wasn’t just the best sketch of the “S.N.L.” election season. It was some of the best political analysis of the campaign, making a nuanced point about white Trump supporters and minorities, race and economic anxiety. Doug and his black counterparts, it said, have real issues in common — and a real, ultimate difference they may not be able to get past.

It's especially interesting to revisit that great sketch this week, when Kanye West has been so conspicuously sending his love to President Trump:

"Two of the three behind the 'She Knew' posters claim they are financed by unnamed wealthy conservatives who pay them $5,000-$20,000 per 'mission.'"

Hollywood Reporter reports.

These three are the artists who were responsible for the latest images targeting Meryl Streep, where posters were peppered throughout town featuring her image next to Weinstein’s with the text, “She knew,” across her face, a reference to allegations made by actress Rose McGowan that Streep did not speak out sooner against the disgraced mogul. Streep next appears in Spielberg’s The Post, a movie about the Pentagon Papers that 20th Century Fox is opening today.

“They’ve injected themselves into politics so audiences can no longer suspend belief. They’re ruining Hollywood,” says one artist. “I love Streep, but she’s a weapon on the left, and we have to take out the left,” says another....

On Friday morning, one of the artists, Sabo, hit Streep, Weinstein and The Post again, and this time added Tom Hanks. On bus benches near Los Angeles, he has Weinstein, arms stretched as if he’s Charlton Heston as Moses in The Ten Commandments, with the word, “God” across his image. Other benches have Streep and Hanks, backs turned, with word bubbles: “I knew,” Streep says. “We all knew,” says Hanks....

Sabo is a former tank commander who took his pseudonym from the word “sabot," a certain kind of projectile fired from a tank gun....

"Sabot" is also a wooden shoe (and that's a centuries older meaning). The word "sabotage" goes back to the French word "saboter," which means to make a noise with those wooden shoes. In English, "sabotage" means "The malicious damaging or destruction of an employer's property by workmen during a strike or the like; hence gen. any disabling damage deliberately inflicted, esp. that carried out clandestinely in order to disrupt the economic or military resources of an enemy." That definition is from the OED, which has the earliest example from 1910.

"I hope the president-elect does such a great job that I vote for his re-election in four years."

Said Hollywood actor Tom Hanks.

"We will take everything that has been handed to us as Americans, and we will turn our nation and we will turn the future and we turn all the work that we have before us into some brand of a thing of beauty."

Some brand.... Trump is a master of branding. 

Is SNL's "Black Jeopardy" racist?

It's very funny and has a significant point to make — that lower class black and white people are more alike than different — but that doesn't make it not racist:



This is from last Saturday's show, with Tom Hanks, and — looking for commentary on it — I am reminded that the "Black Jeopardy" idea has been used before, but, in earlier variations, the third contestant — the one who doesn't fit the stereotype of a lower class black person — was unable to understand the questions in the stereotypically lower-class-black-person way that was easy for the other 2 contestants. There was Drake, the Canadian black person, and Louis C.K. as a white African-American studies professor. This past week, the contestant who seemed not to belong (because he was white), was, in fact, able to get all the answers.

Tom Hanks's lower-class white man wore a "Make America Great Again" hat, and this led one commentator, Daniel Barna at Complex to say:

There may not be as big a difference between Trump supporters and the black community after all. That was the clever premise behind Saturday Night Live's "Black Jeopardy" sketch, which saw last night's host Tom Hanks don a red “Make America Great Again” cap as Doug, a pretty docile Trumpeteer who gives all other Trumpeteers a good name.

Docile. Well, I guess the point is that SNL viewers were invited to perceive the disaffected white people who turn to Trump as sympathetic because they remind us of black people — even though the black people he's like — the other "Black Jeopardy" contestants — have clownishly rude and ignorant ideas. I wouldn't call them docile. They are angry, suspicious, and proud of themselves — in a manner similar to the stereotypical Trumpster.

Here's Daniel Politi at Slate:

[T]his episode of “Black Jeopardy” looked to be an easy setup to mercilessly mock Trump supporters at every turn. Instead, it revealed that conspiracy theorist Doug had a lot more in common with the other contestants—Leslie Jones as Shanice and Sasheer Zamata as Keeley—than most people would have likely expected....

Oh! I thought I was going to get some serious analysis here. Actually, this goes nowhere. I had the feeling that people were talking about this sketch, but I'm not finding any depth to the analysis.

To me, the sketch is too racist to just point at and call funny. It relies on a stereotype of black people.

It's also too serious not to want to talk seriously about. The serious point is something I've heard — mostly from left-wing people — for decades: That what really matters is not race but class. This orientation is important going forward out of the 2016 election, because the Trumpsters have peeled away from the establishment Republican Party. Where will they go after Trump loses the election? (I know, I'm assuming, but come on.) Shouldn't the people who coalesced around Bernie Sanders be looking to embrace the disaffected, working-class white people who turned to Trump? I could see the 2 parties flipping and re-composing themselves, with half of each party connecting with half of the other. Maybe nobody wants to talk about this until after the election is over. But no: I do. I want to talk about it.

ADDED: Meade wanted me to address the "punchline" of the sketch. The "final Jeopardy" category is announced: "Lives that matter." The black host and contestants turn and stare at Hanks. This happens after Hanks had won their enthusiastic approval and inclusiveness. The host then laughs and says: "Well, it was good while it lasted." The audience laughs a lot. Hanks's Doug mutters that he has a lot to say about that, and the host (Keenan Thompson) brushes him off.

This could be taken to mean that the idea that had been developed — that working-class people should see what they have in common and get together — was all just a fantasy that everyone entertained for a while and now we're getting back to the reality of hostility and deep-seated suspicion.

But I saw the ending as similar to the ending of the great old "Theodoric of York" SNL sketch from 1978. In that sketch, Steve Martin plays a "medieval barber" who, in the end, gets the idea of using the scientific method to understand disease and discover treatments. Then there's a pause and the sketch ends with him saying: "Nah!"

That doesn't mean that the "nah" was the right answer. It's patently wrong, but Theodoric made progress toward the right answer before he threw it away. Thus, the last line isn't necessarily the insight the writers want you to take with you. That line could be the funny-sad experience of the characters losing an insight that you have received and should not forget. Indeed, the characters' loss of the insight could reinforce its value as you feel the poignancy of their losing it.

"Avoid American themes."

From the Sony Powerpoint collection:

"The Americans who went to the moon before us had computers so primitive that they couldn’t get e-mail or use Google to settle arguments."

"The iPads we took had something like seventy billion times the capacity of those Apollo-era dial-ups and were mucho handy, especially during all the downtime on our long haul. MDash used his to watch Season Four of 'Breaking Bad.' We took hundreds of selfies with the Earth in the window and, plinking a Ping-Pong ball off the center seat, played a tableless table-tennis tournament, which was won by Anna.... Steve Wong had cued up a certain musical track for what would be Earthrise but had to reboot the Bluetooth on Anna’s Jambox and was nearly late for his cue. MDash yelled, 'Hit Play, hit Play!' just as a blue-and-white patch of life — a slice of all that we have made of ourselves, all that we have ever been — pierced the black cosmos above the sawtooth horizon. I was expecting something classical, Franz Joseph Haydn or George Harrison, but 'The Circle of Life,' from 'The Lion King,' scored our home planet’s rise over the plaster-of-Paris moon. Really? A Disney show tune? But, you know, that rhythm and that chorus and the double meaning of the lyrics caught me right in the throat, and I choked up. Tears popped off my face and joined the others’ tears, which were floating around the Alan Bean. Anna gave me a hug like I was still her boyfriend. We cried. We all cried. You’d have done the same."

From a New Yorker story by Tom Hanks (which you can read or listen to Tom Hanks read at the link).

Oscar nominations are out. What's your favorite snub?

Mine is: no foreign language film nomination for "Blue Is the Warmest Color" (discussed on the blog here, here, and here). [ADDED: I thought it was obvious, but since at least one person misread this (and didn't bother to go to my old posts linked there), "favorite snub" means I'm pleased it was snubbed!]

Other nominees for Best Snub by the Motion Picture Academy: Oprah. Robert Redford. Tom Hanks.

Worst snub? James Gandolfini! The man died! Sorry. Just kidding. No extra credit for dying. I appreciate the neutrality.

Here's the full list of nominees, announced this morning. I haven't seen any of these movies, but we would like to see "Inside Llewyn Davis," if we ever feel like showing up at a specific time and sitting in the dark for 2 hours. (Who does that anymore? Don't you want control over your time (which you always have with TV)?) "Inside Llewyn Davis" only got Cinematography and Sound Mixing, anyway, so it's more of a Snubbed by the Oscars than an Oscar-approved thing anyway.

I know, one answer to my parenthetical question above is: You've got to go to the theater for the fully immersive, giant-screen, 3D experience. I considered seeing "Gravity" in the theater for that reason. ("Gravity" got 10 nominations, equaled only by the good-for-you (as opposed to feel-good) flick "12 Years a Slave.") But I couldn't force myself to go. Like "12 Years a Slave," it felt like something I was supposed to do. When I really thought about how I wanted to spend my time, sitting through that wasn't the answer.

Creating this aura around a film that it must be seen — it's a must-see movie — is exactly what the promoters want to do, and it must work on many people, perhaps the kind of people — young people? — who see a large number of movies. Target the big spenders. Use the pitch that works with the people who spend the most money on the product. But to me, feeling like I'm supposed to do something — unless I'm legally required to do it — sets up my resistance.

CORRECTION: "12 Years a Slave" only got 9 nominations. It's "American Hustle" that equaled "Gravity" with 10.

Walt Disney smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day and died of lung cancer, but portraying Walt Disney in a movie, "can we show him smoking?"

"No way in hell," says Tom Hanks, citing "the current atmosphere of pressure in films."

The film is "Saving Mr Banks,"  about Disney acquiring the film rights to "Mary Poppins," which I guess is supposed to be interesting because of the merger of American and British culture, with Britain embodied in the author P.L. Travers, and Tom Hanks essentially wooing her. Allegorical claptrap... and that's assuming it's ambitiously conceived. It might just be exactly the story of Disney getting the rights to "Mary Poppins." Who cares? People might care if Hanks seems like Disney, if they remember what Disney seems like. Why isn't he smoking?!

Shall we watch the Oscars together?

I don't know if I can do my usual live-blogging, but I will try to watch, and I'll put numbered comments up if I think of anything amusing. The main point of this post is to give you a place to comment if you're so inclined.

1. Loved Penelope Cruz's red dress.

2. Have you noticed how many of the men are chewing gum? Morgan Freeman, etc.

3. Sarah Jessica Parker is chewing gum. She's 44 and she looks 60, but she's sweet and enthused about the Chanel column of gold satin. Meanwhile, no one wants to talk to Matthew Broderick, who's gone gray and portly.

4. "I like seeing all my friends cleaned up and looking good" — Meryl Streep on what she likes best about the Oscars.

5. Yikes. This production number is more painful than the crap they make "American Idol" contestants do on elimination night. (Elimination... crap... hmmm....) Men in suits singing, surrounded by scantily clad showgirls waving feather fans... what is this, 1962? So retro. So pre-women's movement. Oh, phew, it's over. Now, the talking. Yeeze. Steve Martin looks like Spencer Tracy in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" ... i.e., just before he died.

6. Christopher Plummer looks way better indoors. Somehow the lighting bestows an artificial tan. Outdoors, he looked diseased.

7. Ah! Penelope Cruz again, in that dress. Lovely! She was last year's Best Supporting Actress, so she's giving the Best Supporting Actor award.  Dialogue chez Meadhouse: "Is that Robert Duvall?" "No, Woody Harrelson."... "Everyone knows Christoph Waltz is going to win." And he does. "Oscar and Penelope. That's an uber-bingo."

8. So the first predictable thing has happened. Will all the other predictable things happen to?

9. Sandra Bullock is "a member of the NRA" and "always packing"... according to the clip show of "The Blind Side."

10. Meadhouse dialogue: "IPad ad. Oh, man! Ohhhhhh!" "Still want one?" "Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh."

8a. "Up" wins animated pic. Predicatably.

8b. "The Hurt Locker" wins screenplay, not "Inglourious Basterds." That's not what was predicted, right? I wanted "A Serious Man." The acceptance speech is anti-Iraq-war, btw.

11. Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick introduce a tribute to John Hughes (who died in the past year). "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Beautifully done. Genuinely touching. That made the argument that pop culture is, in fact, deep.

8c. "Precious" for adapted screenplay.

8d. Best Supporting Actress, Mo'Nique. Predicted. But she says something interesting and unexpected: "It can be about the performance, and not the politics."

8e. Art Direction, "Avatar."

12. The tribute to horror movies ends with a cut to Quentin Tarantino loving it all. Nice. As for the clip show, I think it was argued that the 2 greatest horror flicks of all time are "Psycho" and "The Shining"... with music from "Psycho."

13. Sound editing... does anyone care? Did I mention costumes earlier? No. Then, mindcrushingly, sound mixing, a separate award. "Hurt Locker" with its amorphous, ponderous music, wins both. [NEXT MORNING CLARIFICATION: I know this award isn't about the music. I'm just complaining about the theme music the band played for this movie.]

8f. "Avatar" wins Visual Effects. Whoever this guy is who accepts the award says the movie is a film about "learning to see the world in new ways" and that sets me off cursing incoherently. 

14. In Memoriam, with James Taylor singing "In My Life." They gave Karl Malden the final spot, and that was not predicted. People thought it would be either Patrick Swayze (who was put first) or Natasha Richardson (who was tucked in the middle). Only one choked me up, Brittany Murphy. She was so young. Malden was 97. Nothing to be sad about. It's not, then, what's saddest. It's a tribute to life. "In My Life," not in my death.

15. I'm recording this with my DVR and pausing, then fast-forwarding. Otherwise it would be intolerable. Right now there's a dance routine (that's supposed to showcase the scores). It's ghastly. I watched a second, sped ahead, watched a second, cursed, paused, and am now waiting for enough time to pass for more fast-forwarding. Why must they waste our time with this musical crap?

16. I love film documentaries, but I don't care about any of these nominees. What the hell happened to this category?

17. "The White Ribbon" doesn't win best foreign film. I was all ready to do an "8g" entry. Wow. Thrilling. Hell. Get me out of here.

18. Wait. A good joke! "I want to thank the Academy for not considering Na'vi a foreign language."

8g. Come on, give Jeff Bridges the Best Actor award and get me out of here. Oh! The blather, praising each of the nominees. There's an insipid reference to "courage." I scream. Ah, finally, Kate Winslet comes out, in a dress made of steel — or fabric that looks like it — and she gives the award, of course, to Jeff Bridges. He whoops. He looks heavenward and addresses his parents. He says "groovy." He's going on too long. I groan. Meade says "He's The Dude."

8h. Another predictable one: Sandra Bullock gets Best Actress. She's wearing bright red lipstick and a pretty dress, beaded and sparkling. She rattles off a prepared speech. She chokes up and cries appropriately when she gets to the part about not thanking her mother.

19. "Oh, no!" "Why? Why?!" — another Meadhouse dialogue... as Barbra Streisand takes the stage. She's giving the Best Director award (for some reason). I guess this one isn't predictable, other than that it's one of 2, James Cameron or Kathryn Bigelow. "Well, the time has come," Barbra says, meaning that for the first time, a woman has won Best Director. It's Kathryn Bigelow.

20. The band plays her off the stage with "I Am Woman." Gag.

21. Tom Hanks does his part to nail the time. With 2 minutes left to go to the top of the hour, he blurts out "The Hurt Locker."

22. For all this honoring of "The Hurt Locker," did anyone say anything valuable and worthy about the war in Iraq? Bigelow praised the troops and wished for their safe return, but that's not what I mean. There's a lot of talk about the bravery of the filmmakers making the film. There was never anything said in support of the fighting in Iraq, but, to be fair, there was never any opposition to it expressed. In fact, I don't think there were any political statements tonight at all, unless you count Mo'nique's anti-political statement: "It can be about the performance, and not the politics." So: modesty. It's film art. Art, not politics.

MONDAY MORNING UPDATE: Wow. I did not enjoy that show at all. Surely, nothing made me want to go see a movie — or even look for it to come up on my cable Video on Demand. The actresses with their hard, frozen faces and their sinewy bodies encased in lavishly ruffled dresses showed that movies are no longer a source of fresh inspiration about beauty, femininity and womanhood. And frankly, I'm not sure what Mo'nique meant by "It can be about the performance, and not the politics." Maybe she just meant that she totally deserved the award on merit, and there were no "political" considerations in the sense of how career and business interests weigh into people's decisions. At the time, I thought that she meant that voters were able to appreciate the artistic value of the movie "Precious" instead of rejecting it because it isn't politically correct to depict black people as lowlifes. That was the only memorable thing that anyone said last night, and it's just a Rorschach test.

Life with fluorescent bulbs.

You know what it will be like -- don't you? -- this life with fluorescent bulbs that Obama and his cadre of environmentalists are about to foist on us all. It will be like this:



I'm not arguing that with you...

"And what I would give to see a movie in which the death of a martyr is not filmed in excruciating, can-you-believe-how-tragic-this-is slow motion."

Christopher Orr, writing about "Milk."

First comment: "[O]ne of the things I liked about Saving Private Ryan was that our hero Tom Hanks was shot in the background and it took a bit of time for anyone to notice..."

Emailed CNN "Breaking News": "Barack Obama wins Democratic Party's presidential nomination after Hillary Clinton's motion on the convention floor."

So.... what the hell? I'm sitting here, eating my arugula salad and zucchini "pasta," catching up on last night's "Daily Show," sipping my chardonnay, waiting for it to be late enough to bother to start watching the proceedings at the Democratic National Convention, and suddenly Barack Obama has been nominated by acclamation. The ostensible point of the convention, choosing the nominee, occurs more than an hour outside of prime time? WTF?!

Blah. Damn. I will still update this post and make it the evening's live-blog, but I am disgusted -- disgusted! -- by this in-your-face message that the nominating convention is not a nominating convention at all, but a big advertisement -- a free media barrage -- for the party and its candidate. And, yes, of course, I already knew that. But it irritates me to be taunted with it.

5:51 Central Time: I'm watching CNN tonight and the commenters are falling over themselves trying to say the word "historic." Seriously, I have just heard the word "historic" about 50 times in 5 minutes. I don't think this really helps Barack Obama get elected. He's a specific person whose qualifications needs to prove himself to Americans. It's not just a a feel-good gesture to nominate "a black man." Yes, it's something. But so much more needs to be done with this convention. Finally, at 6:01, John King makes this point.

6:23: I'm reading this in the NYT:

At 4:48 p.m. Mountain Daylight Time, at the urging of Mrs. Clinton, the New York delegation cast its votes for Mr. Obama, and Mrs. Clinton called on the Democratic National Convention to end the roll call and nominate him by acclamation.

“With eyes firmly fixed on the future in the spirit of unity, with the goal of victory, with faith in our party and country, let’s declare together in one voice, right here and right now, that Barack Obama is our candidate and he will be our president,” Mrs. Clinton said.

“I move that Senator Barack Obama of Illinois be selected by this convention by acclamation as the Democratic nominee for president of the United States.”

The crowd in the Pepsi Center roared as one and then began to chant, “Hillary, Hillary, Hillary.”

Oh. I see. The crowd was chanting "Hillary, Hillary, Hillary." She made it happen like this. When no one was watching. How utterly surreal. This convention is all about the Clintons, isn't it? She dominated last night. She controls the nomination tonight. And the rest of the evening is the lead-up to Bill. How awful for Barack... in his moment of triumph.

6:28: As for me, I'm going to watch the new Bloggingheads, with Bob Wright and Mickey Kaus. Mickey is back at long last. And he's in Denver. "Reviewing the convention speeches ... New Bill Ayers ad deemed highly effective..." Great topics. I'm pouring a second glass of wine and oozing into the delights of the evening.

7:24: Why would any sane person watch tonight's proceedings?

8:01: It's Bill Clinton! Pay Attention! "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow"... and don't stop thinking about the 90s and the tomorrow that will not be. Hillary and Chelsea look blissful. Michelle Obama claps glumly. Bill himself looks pink and youthful. Wow!

8:04: Bill has a way of magnifying the crowd noise, interpreting it into a higher level of love. "Please stop. Sit down. Please sit." "I am here first, to support Barack Obama." Good. That's appropriate. "And second, I'm here to warm up the crowd for Joe Biden." Ow. That must hurt.

8:08: Are you getting tired of shots of Michelle Obama, looking judgmental?

8:10: "Clearly, the job of the next President is to rebuild the American dream and to restore American leadership in the world.... Barack Obama is the man for this job."

8:13: Clinton is talking in a strong, straightforward way about Barack Obama. "He is ready." This is good and effective... and it ought to fend off some of the criticism that he's some sort of snake serving his own ends.

8:15: Clinton turns the topic to domestic policy (which we've read is what he wanted to talk about): "Barack Obama knows that America cannot be strong abroad unless we are first strong at home. People the world over have always been more impressed by the power of our example than by the example of our power." That was written to be a famous quote, and I think it will be remembered. "Look at the example the Republicans have set." Great segue.

8:17: I love the shots of Hillary -- her chin pulled in unattractively, but with expressive resolve, her eyes bulging, her lips pressed together in a strong smile. It all says: He's right! My husband is right! Then we see Michelle, who -- though she never ran for President -- is presiding over all of this, monitoring everything. She smiles charmingly when Bill is promoting her husband and has an edgy look when it seems as though he might not have his heart 100% in this.

8:24: Bill Clinton is doing a fabulous job tonight. His superiority to everyone else who has spoken is painfully obvious. "American will always be a place called hope." Brilliant. He's the greatest!

8:26: And, now what is going through his mind? And that's how it's done you losers. Screw you for rejecting, Hillary's. Enjoy your doom, fuckers.

8:38: Following up our brilliant rockstar of a former President is John Kerry. "Time and again, Barack Obama has proven right." And McCain... Kerry has the hatchet man role. What a downer after our Bill.

8:54: I'm reading the comments on this post. Michael H writes:

WTF, indeed, Ann.

I first watched political conventions with my Irish grandfather, a union democrat. We watched the state-by-state nominating process, and he explained the importance of every state the the democracy of the process (an explanation with many comparative references to the "fookin' Russians").

The conventi, usualy [sic] a woman, would call the roll: The Greeeat Staaate of Aaaahlaskah!!!

And the chairman of that state's delegation would reply: The great State of Alaska, America's northernmost state, the second youngest state in our great union, the home of caribou, elk, moose and Denali National Park, the great State of Alaska casts its 4 electoral votes for the next president of the United States, Adalai Stevenson!!!"

The nominations were held in prime time because, after all, nominating a candidate was the purpose of the convention.

I wish it were so today. The most important part of the convention has been relegated to a perfunctory exercise to fill time before the prime time speechifyin' can begin.

Yes. Yes. Yes. The great state of Wisconsin is ... or I, here, am ... nostalgic for the old-style Americana of the political conventions of yore. I remember conventions where there was true excitement in the roll call. I remember 1968, when the conventioneers got overwhelmed by the protests outside and started singing "We Shall Overcome" and took down their vertical state-name signpost and rocked it in the horizontal position. That made me weep when I was 17.... Okay, I'm snapping out of that.

9:00. A film about the military. The young enlistees are presented as idealistic but misled. They speak in depressed tones. "They kind of built it up as if it was going to be a kind of simple peace-keeping mission. Win the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people, you know. We're going to build schools. We're going to help out in the hospitals. And when we got there, it turned into a fight." Clunking, sentimental piano music. Photos of blood in the street. Talk of battle deaths and suicide bombers. A Marine breaks down and cries. We're told that the soldiers feel afraid, and -- strangely -- that they are able to face fear only because the military is diverse. What a clumsy segue! You mean, back in WWII, when the military was segregated, they weren't courageous? Now, we see the present-day soldiers coming home, hugging their wives and daughters and talking about the difficulties of readjusting to life in America. "You've got all this stuff on your mind and you want to let it out but you just can't." Wheelchairs. Prosthetic legs. Coffins. Tom Hanks ambles out and in a digitally deepened voice tells us "we are there for one another." A montage of soldiers with troubled faces. Sad music. This is the Democratic Party's view of the military, and it is not what I want to see and I doubt that it is what most people who serve want to see.

9:08: "There he is, Steven Spielberg. He put this video together." Well, hell.

9:09: John emails me the link to the video of the acclamation:



9:19: The VP nomination is made "in the name of women," which is a little annoying. Nancy Pelosi comes out to entertain the acclamation. And let me say, she looks great. She's wearing big blue and gray pearls and a blue satin blouse with a very wide shawl collar.

9: 21: A little film about Joe Biden. Obama appears in it and says: "The most important thing that Joe offers is his honesty." Odd. I thought a key problem with Biden was that he was notoriously caught lying about a speech and his academic credentials. Yet the most important thing he brings is honesty?

9:24: Beau Biden speaks. "Delaware can get another Senator, but my boys can't get another father," said Joe Biden, before he was convinced to go forward and serve as Senator after his wife and daughter died. "Some people poke fun at my dad talking too much..." but you need to know that it's somehow a result of a bad stuttering problem.

9:54: Joe Biden gave an excellent speech. I won't detail it, but his delivery was fine and he pounded appropriately hard on John McCain. His wife comes out, announces a special surprise, and it's Barack Obama. Ah, good. It's the last night in this arena. He wanted to come out and have "a little something to say." "Hillary Clinton rocked the house last night," he says. He praises Bill Clinton and thanks him for "putting people first." He blesses us and blesses America.

10:09: A really cute thronging of Biden family in the end, with Joe walking around holding the hand of the little blond grandson.