Have you noticed the talking-to-strangers trend?

People are adopting a deliberate practice of making themselves talk to strangers.

I suspected as much — I noticed a pattern of 2 or 3 incidences — and asked AI to find me some writings on the subject. There are these, all from this year:

"Dating older women wasn’t a conscious decision — it was more a symptom of success in the dating market overall..."

"... than any particular urge to see someone ten or more years my senior. Being tall, combined with being one of the last Gen Z men to have read a book, meant I was very successful, especially on Hinge.... I would go on two or more dates a week from the apps. My Hinge age range... was set from 18 to 40. But despite my open-mindedness, the dating app algorithm rarely showed me anyone beyond 30 and my dates from Hinge were almost exclusively 22-year-old trainee lawyers who went to Oxford. So I met most of the older women outside dating apps.... The biggest difference is perhaps that older women are more relaxed. I don’t have to worry about them behaving like the 22-year-old lawyer who untucked my shirt and escorted me around Uniqlo until I 'looked sufficiently left-wing'...."

From "I’m 24 and I date older women: ‘In bed, age brings simplicity’/No-strings sex, real-life hook-ups and grown-up conversation — Jack Davey has discovered the joys of dating women in their thirties and forties. So is there no going back to girlfriends of his own age?" (London Times).

Uniqlo is just a store. I looked around at their Instagram. When I got to this, it renewed my mournfulness over the death of Peter Max:

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"I am a virgin. I grew up with no friends. I didn't have anyone growing up besides my two girlfriends that I'm still very close with today...."

"And I didn't like like I didn't do extracurricular activities. Like I didn't go out. I didn't have fun. Like I was just school home school home. So like I never had a relationship with anyone. And then I started working. I was serving for about four years at a mom and pop restaurant. I was a waitress.... And then now I'm here and I'm just waiting for the right person. But now everyone knows me and it's like weird. So like I'm trying to date but it's going to be a little weird now. It's hard. It's hard now. So I'm just waiting for the right person. Worth it. You know I'm waiting. Worth 100 million...."

Said Sophie Rain, the 21-year-old biggest moneymaker on "Only Fans," talking to the 70-year-old Bill Maher for nearly 2 hours. Creepy? Or is this helpful insight into a business you ought to understand? She's made $100 million. And yet: lonely! 

But you know the answer when people are so remote and loveless. Animals! She's all:

I love animals. That's what I want to do is I just want to live on a farm. That's that's the goal for me is to own a lot of land and just rescue animals. That's all I want to do....

Maher is all Me too. I love animals too. I'd just love to live on a farm too.

Animals are easy. People are hard. But what do you want from people? If you have 2 very close girlfriends, why would you say I grew up with no friends? 2 is so much more than zero. 2 very close friends seems like more than any number of remote friends. Or do you love remote friends... in social media?

IN THE COMMENTS: Leland writes: "Successful farms don't 'rescue' animals. They raise them, grow them, and then sell them..."

That's true for the restricted meaning of "farm," but there is an extended version of "farm" — watch and see who uses it — that's just a home in the heart of the country.

I want a horse/I want a sheep/I wanna get me a good night's sleep...

"Not everyone at the Anti-Capitalist Co-Working Club is an actual anti-capitalist...."

"The club isn’t for debating Marxist theory or organizing labor unions. For many, the name simply signified a set of values they believe are missing from modern work culture: rest, community and self-actualization.The club, which operates on Fridays out of a recently opened arts space called Living Room in Mount Pleasant and costs $20 per day, was founded last month as an alternative to the sort of co-working spaces that gained popularity after the pandemic — such as WeWork and Industrious that allowed remote workers a quiet place to log in outside of their homes. Unlike these spots, the Anti-Capitalist Co-Working Club explicitly rejects the 'grindset.'"

From "Even anti-capitalists need to work. Enter a different kind of co-working space. In a response to D.C. work culture, the Anti-Capitalist Co-Working Club invites people to spend their 9 to 5 in ways that reject the grind" (WaPo)(gift link).

$20 per day! Somebody's trying to make money. But who would join? You pay someone else to brand your doing your own work as anti-capitalist. But you're working! Maybe it's a way to get a sense of community with other women who are on the left. But you're working!

“Let’s all take a big breath together,” club organizer Sarah Stern said in a firm, gentle voice. The 20 or so people in the airy room inhaled slowly in unison, after a long stretch of silent work time....

In case you wondered why I said "women."

A typical session involves 90 minutes of independent work time followed by a lunch break, where Stern invites attendees to chat with neighbors by using prompt cards with questions like “What’s something you’ve unlearned about ‘hustle’ culture?” and “What’s your go-to ritual when you need to recharge?” Ninety more minutes include reminders to stretch and an art break....  An “art library” has supplies to paint, embroider or sew, including a jar filled with real cicada wings. The soft instrumental songs are akin to what one might hear in a yoga class....

How embarrassing! Credit to Stern for getting the Washington Post to write an article about her little capitalistic anti-capitalistic scheme for extracting $20 bills from ladies who long for a chance to make friends. 

"We’re like Adam and Eve trying to build the futuristic garden of Eden where you can just exist and your world takes better care of you than you could yourself."

Said Kate Tolo, 30, quoted in "My extreme life with Bryan Johnson, multimillionaire biohacker/He’s the Silicon Valley entrepreneur who famously injected his teenage son’s blood in a bid to reverse his biological age to 18. Kate Tolo is his collaborator and girlfriend. So what’s it like to be in a relationship with a man who has an obsession with staying young?" (London Times).

Johnson is 49.

I don't think 49 and 30 is such a bad age gap, but she does sound kind of naive... as presented to the public. Who knows what they are really like or how they're collaborating? How do I know they even have a sexual relationship? Well, there's this:

"Unfortunately for [Jeff] Bezos and [Lauren] Sánchez, the very fact of their obscene wealth and fame may be keeping the gates of membership closed to them thus far."

"As the [Wall Street] Journal reported, 'As with many private country clubs, admission often comes down to hitting it off with existing members.... In fact, too much wealth or notoriety has become a deterrent, as wealthy new applicants arriving in Florida are learning.' In fact, 'old guard' members are apparently so turned off by what they see as 'billionaire interlopers' that they are said to be 'mounting a last stand' and refusing to 'offer membership to just anyone who has struck it rich.'... Bezos and Sánchez are not the only deep-pocketed duo living on the Miami island — known as the 'Billionaire Bunker' — who have yet to score an invite for membership. There’s also Mark Zuckerberg, who dropped $170 million on a waterfront estate last year; the Qatari royal family; and one Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump...."

From "Jeff Bezos, Javanka Have Yet to Score Invites to ‘Billionaire Bunker’ Club" (NY Magazine).

Well, this is an old old story, the story of old money socially shunning the newly rich. Those upstarts.

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"A few years ago, Charlotte, which is not her real name, was referred to the Select Date Society, which then offered services starting at $35,000..."

"... (due to high demand, the fee rose to $75,000 shortly after, with a top tier that started at $150,000). Charlotte, 38 at the time, worked for a successful business that had just gone public, so the money wasn’t a huge issue for her. 'No one I know would ever do this, I know that,' she says of her thinking at the time. 'But you know what? I could use some help, so I’m raising my hand here — I could use some help. And I’ll be honest, I’m lonely.' An M.B.A. with a blistering career trajectory that had taken her to companies like Goldman Sachs and Google, she was mainly occupied renovating a townhouse she’d recently purchased. She was in a position where, she says, 'I can use a friend. I can use someone who’s like my best friend.'..."

I'm reading "The Good-Man Shortage Has Gotten Exponentially Worse/The crisis is both a boon and a challenge for high-end matchmakers helping women find love" (NY Magazine).

It used to seem like a joke — a prank — to get A.I. talking to A.I.

But these days:

"Students are writing essays with ChatGPT, and teachers are using A.I. to grade them. Workers are sending lengthy A.I.-generated emails to colleagues, who are responding with walls of chatbot text of their own. A.I podcast hosts are holding forth with A.I. podcast guests on topics like gas prices, the Iran war — and artificial intelligence.... In March, Meta acquired a social network designed for bots to talk to one another.... There was a telecom executive who had noticed customers sending A.I. voice agents to argue with his company’s A.I. customer service system. There was a man who used a chatbot to draft messages on a dating app to a woman who seemed to be doing the exact same thing...."

From "Chatbots Are Pushing Us Toward a Post-Human Internet/In matters of work, school and even romance, we turn to A.I. chatbots. But what happens when the bots begin talking to one another?" (NYT gift link).

The Amish method of dating makes sense to me.

Ex-Amish social media creator Lovina Hershberger Zook, who has amassed some six million followers sharing Amish recipes and stories, explains the traditions of dating in the community she grew up in, one of the most conservative among the Amish.

The 23-year-old tells @faithsalie… pic.twitter.com/tRylTEwCZm

— CBS Sunday Morning 🌞 (@CBSSunday) August 14, 2026

They get in bed together from 9 p.m. to 4 a.m. and talk or sleep. If it goes well they do it again 2 weeks later. This seems more likely to find what you need in a life partner than sitting across a table in a bar or restaurant. More likely to lead to a rewarding and deep or amusing conversation. 

That made me think of this "Modern Love" discussion in the NYT: "Am I Too Anxious for Love? Jenny Singer worried the deep, loving relationship she wanted wasn’t something her brain would let her have" (gift link).

"Hobbies have helped Kimura feel more secure and find her voice, partly because many of her hobbies end with a finished product..."

"... giving her a feeling of accomplishment. Unlike the women in previous generations in her family, whose lives were centered on marriage and raising children, she feels empowered to pursue the activities that bring her happiness. 'I feel like I can design my future,' she said. As for romantic relationships, Kimura said she’s not closed off to dating indefinitely. 'I just don’t feel like I’m in such a rush anymore.'"

From "For Some Singles, ‘Hobbyamory’ Has Replaced Hookups/Is a packed social calendar the new relationship goals?" (NYT gift link).

"After kissing my husband and dog good night and putting them to bed in a separate room, I put magnesium lotion on my feet, do my Duolingo lesson, pull up my meditation app and, of course, go to the bathroom one last time."

From "The Little Rituals That Prepare You for Sleep/Origami, cleaning countertops, talking to plants — here are some ways readers wind down for the evening" (NYT gift link).

"I am QTBIPOC and an immigrant, he is cis-white-straight/ish citizen, a decade older than me and didn’t even know what queer or BIPOC meant before meeting me...."

"The question is: How do I know I am not only doing this 'under the influence' of love?..."

A nutty question to a WaPo advice columnist, in "I planned to always be a queer, single cat-mom aunt. Then I met him. How does she know she’s not changing her life plan 'under the influence of love'?"

If love is the wrong reason, what is the right reason?

"My father worked in a rock quarry. My mother was a kindergarten teacher. And I, anticipating a life of motherhood and Christianity..."

"... was engaged at 16. I had planned to marry after I turned 18, but my engagement ended shortly before our wedding day when my fiancé was arrested and charged with possessing child pornography. When that dream evaporated, I needed a new dream, so I decided to go to college, something my fiancé had discouraged. Partly out of spite for his low opinion of me, I applied to Harvard and was somehow accepted. Off I went, but the culture shock was extreme. I struggled but graduated, unsure of what was next."

Writes Emilee Hackney, in "I Hadn’t Planned on a Love Triangle/Bring on the ticks, bears and ice storms, but don’t make me choose between two men" (NYT gift link).

She was hiking the Appalachian Trail with the idea of being alone — a good trick for finding romance.

"California hits the brakes on the drive-thru boom/The American institution faces bans designed to stop people eating in their cars so much."

A headline in The London Times.

“Hopefully this will help encourage people to just, you know, socialise more, too, because drive-thrus, you’re just like waiting,” Commissioner Beverly Shotwell told The San Francisco Chronicle. “There’s not a lot of human interaction.”

That's what we need, more lines snaking around indoors. People will get to know each other. We'll chit chat and flourish.

Or everyone will order and pay on their iPhone then park and some person or robot comes out and hands them a bag and they drive off. 

You don't have to look, and you don't have to look and see anything other than a bodyguard.

Link to Instagram.

"Every summer, my husband, my daughter, and I stay with my mother out East so my child can spend time outside the city in an area I remain attached to from my childhood."

"Without my mom’s generosity, we could not afford to be there. I realize that having access to all this when I haven’t made the right career choices, shorted the market at a moment of crisis, or robbed a bank to be able to afford my own Hamptons house is deeply fortunate. And yet, as I’m often reminded during a flare-up with my mother over how to properly cut a $13 Il Buco filone (apparently, I saw bread too 'wavily' and ruin the rest of the loaf for straight-slicers), Chekhov’s greatest dramas were multigenerational tragicomedies set in country homes."

Writes Lucy Boyle, in "'I’m Sorry You’re in This Beautiful House We Pay For!'/There’s a glut of middle-aged children living with their parents in the Hamptons for the summer" (New York Magazine).

I'm interested in this tale of petty woe not because I've ever stayed at any beach house owned by my parents — I have not — but because we — in the midst of our summer here in our year-round home — took the half-hour drive out to the American Players Theater last week and saw "Uncle Vanya."

The troubles in "Uncle Vanya" were nothing like what we're seeing with these "middle-aged children" in the Hamptons. They're irked by rules about using coasters, taking out the trash, and not stealing things. Boyle gets a psychotherapist to analyze the parents: "When the house is full of the grandkids and the grandkids’ and kids’ friends, they’re kind of in the background. One way they can become the foreground and say ‘I am here’ is to foreground their ownership and possession.'"

"But it’s a familiar thought that new technologies lead to de-skilling, the erosion of capacities people used to cultivate."

"Socrates wasn’t wrong to worry that the widespread adoption of writing would take a toll on our powers of memory and attention...."

Writes the NYT Ethicist in "My Partner’s Dependence on Chatbots Is Becoming a Problem. How Do I Tell Him? One reason I love my partner is his sharp mind and critical thinking. Using A.I. for every decision is something I don’t understand."

"[O]ne risk in downloading deliberation to a machine is that your life will, in a certain sense, cease to be yours, because it won’t be your reasoning and judgment that guide it.... [And] your partner is degrading his relationships with real people.... It’s understandable that you’re feeling crowded out.... [H]e’s brought a third party to this two-person relationship, and it’s talking too much."

She's advised to just talk with him directly. She had to go to a third party — the NYT Ethicist — to figure that out. Why didn't she use her sharp, critical mind to get there — or somewhere! — on her own?

"Dog owners love pretending dogs are these magical social connectors, but in reality they just attract endless unwanted interactions with random weirdos."

"Every walk becomes an open invitation for strangers to stop you for pointless conversations about dogs. Suddenly some bloke you’ve never seen before is standing there for 15 minutes talking about breeds, dog food, dog behaviour or telling you stories about his own mutt while you awkwardly stand there wanting to leave. Half the people that approach dog owners are bizarre as fuck too. I never once understood why I was expected to happily stand around talking to random strangers in the middle of nowhere just because they spotted a dog. And honestly, I’m convinced a lot of dog owners enjoy this because the dog gives them instant validation and attention from other people. The animal becomes a social prop."

From a rant at Reddit called "I dated a dog owner and this is what I found." I'm only quoting one point on what is a 5-point list. To get the full effect, read the whole thing.

The ranter has a very receptive audience, because it's on the Subreddit "Dogfree: We Don't Like Dogs." It's not really anti-dog so much as anti-dogpeople: "This is a subreddit for those who do not like or own dogs to discuss modern-day dog ownership and its effects on society. This is our corner of the world. Weigh-in from dog owners is off topic and disallowed. Thank you for respecting our space."

"Look, I'm 30 years old. Not one of my friends has children. Zero. No one. No one's having kids."

"Do you know how hard you need to abuse a mammal to make them not have children? Like, for real? Let's step back a moment, right?... Look, GDP goes up. People have enough food and whatever. No one's having kids. And this is across the world. This is across both the West, the East, everywhere it's happening. So why do I not have kids?... Do you know what dating app algorithms do?... They don't optimize for you to meet the love of your life. They optimize for you to keep coming back to the app.... We have treated technology as a wild west. Absolutely. Just everyone can do whatever they want. Oh, just sell all of our younger generations' dating lives to corporations for profit. And who pays the cost for this? Who has liability for every person who doesn't find the love of their life because the whole dating market is fucked up? Who pays for this? No one. There is no responsibility. It's completely worthless. And these dating companies, they're not even profitable...."

That's Connor Leahy, and I've got a problem with his abuse-a-mammal theory. Of course, he meant to say "Do you know how hard you need to abuse a non-human mammal to make them not have children?" But non-human mammals don't have access to birth control (and abortion).

"I kissed Bryan, a gardener, on his red leather couch. I kissed Ray, a painter, in his lofted bed and smashed my head into his ceiling fan."

"Andrew 1 kissed me at the Met in front of a painting of hell. 'Sometimes I think this is hell,' he said, gesturing around us before putting his mouth on mine. Andrew 2 seemed confident over text but wary in person. He surprised me with a smooch on a street corner while we waited for the light to change.... Haden, a sommelier, met me to walk a friend’s dog. We kissed kneeling on the welcome mat while our hands fumbled to free the pug from her harness. Thomas, a surfer, walked me to the subway after playing pool at a dive bar. He planted one on me outside the C train.... When men asked why I was single, I told them it was because my partner of 20 years walked out on me with as much warning as one might get before an earthquake.... In return, the men were unexpectedly kind. I had heard so many horror stories about the emotional capacity of the male species, but these guys told me I didn’t deserve to be treated that way...."

Writes Erin Chack, in "From Kissing One Guy in 20 Years to 11 in a Month My husband leaving nearly broke me. I tried to put myself back together by dating for the first time in my life" (NYT)(gift link, because I think it's a well-written essay).