"You may also feel like you squandered your summer — you didn’t sip Negronis on a pebbly Italian beach or admire enough fulsome hydrangeas..."

"... and now have regrets. August can be really challenging, said Amelia Aldao, a New York City psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. 'You are expecting your summer or your vacation to be great, and then it’s not. There’s often a mismatch of expectations, which can be a trigger for anxiety.'"

From "Do You Have a Case of the ‘September Scaries’? Late August can be a time of sleepy summer pleasures — and pit-in-the-stomach dread for what’s coming after Labor Day. Here’s how to manage all the feelings" (NYT).

"Scaries" is one of those babyish words I'm surprised to hear adults using, like "hurty." We were talking about the phrase "hurty words" yesterday. And now it's "September Scaries." But I've already blogged about "scaries" — back in June 2023, "New term learned: "Sunday scaries." It was an answer in a crossword to the clue "Feeling of dread heading into a workweek."

Why are there high expectations for summer when all you're looking for is relaxation? If you just wanted to lounge and booze, how can you feel you've "squandered" anything if it turns out you didn't? If you wasted the summer, isn't that what you wanted? You just wanted it more prettily situated, on pebbles. In Italy.

Here I am, on pebbles, undrunk, in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, 2 years ago:

"Those who own land would be offered a digital token by the trust in exchange for rights to redevelop their property, to be used to finance a new life elsewhere..."

"... or eventually redeemed for an apartment in one of six to eight new 'AI-powered, smart cities' to be built in Gaza. Each Palestinian who chooses to leave would be given a $5,000 cash payment and subsidies to cover four years of rent elsewhere, as well as a year of food. The plan estimates that every individual departure from Gaza would save the trust $23,000, compared with the cost of temporary housing and what it calls 'life support' services in the secure zones for those who stay.... [T]he trust plan 'does not rely on donations,' the prospectus says. Instead, it would be financed by public and private-sector investment in what it calls 'mega-projects,' from electric vehicle plants and data centers to beach resorts and high-rise apartments. Calculations included in the plan envision a nearly fourfold return on a $100 billion investment after 10 years, with ongoing 'self-generating' revenue streams...."

From "Gaza postwar plan envisions ‘voluntary’ relocation of entire population/The Trump administration and international partners are discussing proposals to build a 'Riviera of the Middle East' on the rubble of Gaza. One would establish U.S. control and pay Palestinians to leave" (WaPo).

What is the token worth? The plan says when the rebuilding is done, the token may be exchanged for a new 1,800-square-foot apartments worth $75,000 — right in this alien, gleaming place, rebuilt in the style of your enemy. Will the returnees gratefully toil in the new restaurants and hotels or will they see an opportunity for a glorious new era of destruction?

"In place of stability, many Millennials came to prize adventure; travel became not just a simple luxury but an alternative source of meaning and identity."

"One 2024 Vox Media poll found that 76 percent of the Zoomers and Millennials surveyed agreed that travel says 'a lot about who they are'; 88 percent said it had spurred their personal growth. 'For previous generations, travel was a status symbol,' Jennie Germann Molz, a College of the Holy Cross sociologist, told me. 'For the Millennial generation it’s more about self-improvement or self-actualization.' As more and more Millennials have started families, many of them are determined to pass down those globe-trotting values—to share the joy of journeying but also to shape their kids into adaptable, savvy people. Sometimes they’re spending money they don’t have; frequently, they’re sacrificing tranquility they may already be short on...."

From "The New Millennial Parenting Anxiety/For those determined to pass down their globe-trotting values, vacations have become ever more ambitious and goal-oriented—and exhausting" (The Atlantic)(gift link).

But: "What kids tend to love most about traveling, anyway, can be found without going far at all. Parents can just keep an eye out for... 'micro-adventures': taking the bus to a free museum, driving two hours to a relative’s home, playing in the woods. Kids need novelty, yes—but when you’re new to existence, everything is new to you.... [One couple anguished over a day of flight delays then] realized that their toddler was having the time of his life: going up and down the escalator, watching the planes take off, marveling at how cool it is that people get to fly in the sky. You have it right, she felt like telling him. I am grumpy. I have forgotten the beauty of the world."

"Share this video with someone you'd love to visit these incredible places with."

Says the robot voiceover at the end of "12 Must See Places Before Living [sic] This World!" — a TikTok that Meade shared with me... not because I was someone he'd "love to visit these incredible places with."

He knows and I know that neither of us would feel that we must see those places/"places" and both of us know that about the other and both knew that the other would find the idealized pictures absurd.

I enjoyed the first clip — a man cartwheeling into clear turquoise water — but scoffed aloud at the notion of going all the way to the Maldives because the water there might perhaps be clear and colorful.

But the second destination provoked my horror of traveling:

  

Somehow I don't think that will be my point of view.

"A 'vacation' for me means killing myself working 12+ hour days for several days prior to travel, working up to the last minute at the airport gate..."

"... lugging a work laptop and files along in my carryon, waking up 1-2 hours before everyone else each morning to do some emails and calls, and ducking away from the beach or activity for at least an hour midday for more of the same, possibly a zoom meeting, and if there’s a time change, possibly being interrupted well into the evening even at dinner. Then upon return there are several more 12+ hour days to make up for workload that piled up during the 'time off.' It seems the only jobs around anymore that let you truly disconnect are the ones that don’t pay enough for you to be able to afford to take a vacation in the first place. Our economy is broken for all but the uber wealthy and it’s ruining our family lives and health as well. Something has to give."

That's from the highest rated comment at "How to Create a Family ‘Bleisure’ Trip/Combining work travel with a change of scenery and time with the kids offers respite from the daily grind, but it takes planning. Here’s how to make it happen" (NYT).

The article, of course, is striving to make "bleisure" — business + leisure — seem like something you could jauntily throw together and enjoy, but it still sounded exhausting. The illustration — showing a woman and daughter laughing in the pool while the father sitting poolside with a laptap smiled too — made me smile... in derision.

And that coinage, "bleisure," only makes it feel worse. Why not "bleasure" — for "business" + "pleasure"? If you hear it, that's what you might presume. There's a standard phrase "mixing business with pleasure," but that was something one did in the old days — not now, with poolside laptops and your children splashing in the pool. By the way, make sure your child doesn't drown while you're fixated on your email. Not everyone has a smiling spouse in the water tending to all the children competently while you do nothing well.

ADDED: The conventional phrase about mixing business with pleasure is: Don't mix business with pleasure. Also... if you're sitting poolside working on your business laptop and it looks like your child might have a problem, how much attention do you give to securing your laptop before you plunge in?

"Last winter, I did the noble thing and got off social media. I lacked the inner strength to delete my accounts fully, so..."

"... I settled for removing apps from my phone and enlisting my husband to change my Facebook password. It worked. I stopped scrolling and liking and generally monitoring the lives of people I do not actually know. I felt better — less inadequate, more present, vaguely morally superior. The problem is it’s July now, and I just returned from a really great vacation...."

Writes Rachel Feintzeig, in "If I Don’t Post About My Vacation, Did It Even Happen?" (NYT)(free-access link).

What's the point of depriving yourself in pursuit of a feeling of vague moral superiority?! Why not confront your feeling of inadequacy and flip it into something positive? You're not "better" because you travel or because you don't travel and because you scroll or post in social media or because you don't. 

Now, this lady — "a journalist at work on a book about staring down 40" — was able to get the story of her "really great vacation" published in the New York Times, so the answer to whether it feels as though the vacation really happened if she didn't post about it in social media is clearly YES!!!

But what is this "better" feeling that you want? Feintzeig is "staring down 40," and it was half a lifetime ago that I stared down 40. When I was that young — it really is quite young! — I was working out the difference between what it looked like everyone in general valued and what it was that I — personally and specifically — truly valued. I don't think the question is whether your vacation seems real if you don't show people photographs. I think the question is: Are you for real?

"The idea of high-speed rail has a nearly erotic appeal to progressives, who love communal trains over individualized autos..."

"... and think cars are destroying the planet whereas trains can save it. High-speed rail is to transit what windmills are to energy — an environmentally correct, futuristic technology that will always under-deliver.... The current focus is a line between Merced (pop. 93,000) and Bakersfield (413,000).... The original estimated $33 billion cost is now $35 billion for just the scaled-back line, and more than $100 billion and counting for the whole shebang. There is no reason that the feds should pour good money after bad supporting a preposterous project that doesn’t have any national significance. California governor Gavin Newsom — too embarrassed to admit failure or too drunk on visions of European-style rail — remains fully committed. In a statement, he said Trump’s defunding decision is a 'gift to China,' as if Beijing cares whether people get to Bakersfield by car, plane or high-speed rail...."

Writes Rich Lowry, in "Behind the ‘boondoggle’ of Gavin Newsom’s high-speed rail dream" (NY Post).

Why don't people who care about the environment simply stop traveling? Even if the line did connect L.A. to San Francisco, as it was originally sold, what is the need to go back and forth between these 2 cities... or any 2 cities in America? The high-tech solution is not high-speed rail. It's virtual connection. The amorphous interest in appearing somewhere in the flesh does not deserve a taxpayer subsidy. 

"To celebrate our fifth anniversary, my college boyfriend and I went to Spain— we broke up a few weeks later."

"He’d booked the hotel without checking if it was within walkable distance of Barcelona Center (it wasn’t), and our room had two single beds. The room reservation wasn’t the cause of the breakup, but it didn’t help. Two years later, I was in Spain again. This time, lying on a hammock in an Ibizan Airbnb with a two-month situationship. We’d booked the trip just over a month after our first date; but, under the setting Ibizan sun, my once-exciting prospective lover was a cold and grumpy disappointment. When it ended, again, just weeks later, I blamed the vacation for our ultimate demise. I swore off Spain as a romantically cursed destination...."

Writes Laura Pitcher, in "How to Survive the Couples Trip" (The Cut).

She got the new boyfriend out in the sun and he became a cold and grumpy disappointment. Better to find out sooner than later. Sounds like vacationing speeds things up.

"There are people that come, and they’ve been on it for three years, and they’re just so tired of feeling nauseous and constipated."

"They have come to Mountain Trek to get off of it. To learn accumulated lifestyle habits, so that they don’t then gain all the weight back."

Said Kirkland Shave, co-owner of the wellness retreat Mountain Trek, quoted in "The Ozempic era is forcing wellness retreats for the elite to change/Attendees might be looking to wean off weight-loss drugs or mitigate side effects such as digestive discomfort and muscle loss" (WaPo)(free-access link).

I've never gone on a wellness retreat — though I have watched Season 3 of "The White Lotus" — but I was interested enough to click through to the Mountain Trek website and to momentarily bask in the idea of the place. But as with all travel, you have to do the hard creative work of imagining what it's really like there.

"They just keep going. They don’t care about anyone.... They’re all French. The French mentality is that even if something is banned, you still do it and it doesn’t matter."

Said Chantal, 73, from the French city Nancy, quoted in "Why Parisians have declared war on reckless cyclists/Efforts to turn the French capital into a two-wheeled paradise are running into opposition from those who think riders are a 'symbol of aggression'" (London Times).

Closer to home, the London Times also has this, about bikes in Britain: "My day on the super e-bikes fuelling the phone-snatching epidemic/Small, speedy and silent, electric off-roaders are the criminals’ vehicle of choice and helping power an urban crime wave."

"She sold antiques and handmade goods meant to conjure a slow, bucolic life: taper candles, spongeware vases, frill pillows mismatched to perfection."

"To Ms. Gelman, the store felt safe, like a 'cozy sort of womb,' she said. The entrepreneur whose brainchild had once attracted a $365 million valuation — who had named a conference room in San Francisco after Christine Blasey Ford and a phone booth in Washington after Shirley Chisholm — was now content collecting woven Longaberger baskets and dreaming up fictional English villagers to inspire the shop...."

I'm reading "First, a Feminist Utopia. Now, a Dollhouse in the Country./Audrey Gelman, the creator of the Wing, is taking another stab at shaping millennial tastes, this time with a pastoral inn — and more hotels on the way" (NYT).

The "Feminist Utopia" was the store that "felt safe, like a 'cozy sort of womb.'" Who knows what's feminist about dreamy nostalgia about English villages? 

The "Dollhouse" is an inn that the NYT describes as "a hallucinatory boardinghouse furnished by a flea market picker and haunted by Ichabod Crane" with rooms that are "almost entirely shoppable: scalloped rattan coffee tables from England ($2,250); mattresses from Massachusetts (starting at $1,349); hand-painted dinner plates ($59) from Italy; a thrifted pig-shaped cutting board ($55)."

Can tourists run?

The scene on Mount Etna yesterday:

Tourists and guides run for their lives when Mount Etna suddenly erupts pic.twitter.com/HKhTiUCuUe

— Nature is Amazing ☘️ (@AMAZlNGNATURE) June 3, 2025

What am I looking at? Are these people running for their life? Are they running fast enough?

Here's "An Eruption at Mount Etna Sends Hikers Scrambling for Cover/Videos circulating on social media showed visitors rushing to descend the mountain as volcanic plumes rose overhead" (NYT).

In recent years, authorities have struggled to control imprudent visitors who failed to appreciate the risks of getting a close look at the island’s most prominent landmark. Mount Etna, a stratovolcano, or a conical volcano with relatively steep sides, shows almost continuous activity from its main craters and relatively frequent lava flows from craters and fissures along its sides..... Hannah and Charlie Camper, a couple from England, were... aware of previous eruptions but thought they would be “completely fine,” since “it’s active all the time”.... 

Apparently, all the tourists were completely fine yesterday. 

"How about a map-a-loopy? Get a real paper road map. Pick some place to start and another place to end, and..."

"... take the most tertiary, wayward, roundabout farm roads, or tiniest neighborhood street to get there. You will be pretty surprised to spend a memorable hour or two admiring unknown, undiscovered corners, big trees, obscure roads, streets, byways and dirt lanes."

Writes Rabble in the comments at the NYT article, "Land Snorkeling? Townsizing? A User’s Guide to the Latest Travel Lingo. Here are eight terms, some brand-new, others recently resurfaced, that match today’s travel trends."

As you will suspect from Rabble's comment and even without it, the 8 terms the NYT has found are pretty dumb. "Townsizing" is going to a town instead of a big city. "Land snorkeling" is walking about looking at various things. I approve of these practices, and if a cute word encourages anybody, fine.

"I think the NYT has framed men as a problem. They're not thriving, they're not aspiring. We need to figure out what's wrong with them..."

"... maybe even empathize with them, because, after all, we do need them to function."

So I said, in the previous post. And one reason I said it was because I'd already opened a tab for a second article on the home page of the NYT today: "Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone? I have many guy friends. Why don’t we hang out more?"

This is a long piece in the NYT Magazine, by Sam Graham-Felsen, and like the article discussed in the previous post, it assures us that there's nothing gay going on here: "I never had sexual feelings for Rob, but there was an intensity to our connection that can only be described as love. I thought about him all the time, and cared, deeply, about what he thought of me. We got jealous and mad at each other, and often argued like a bitter married couple — but eventually, like a successful married couple, we’d always find a way to talk things out."

Graham-Felsen has had many other close male friends — "nearly a dozen other dudes — dudes I spent thousands of accumulated hours with; dudes I shared my most shame-inducing secrets with; dudes I built incredibly intricate, ever-evolving inside jokes with; dudes I loved and needed, and who loved and needed me...." 

But he doesn't have dudes like that anymore. Is that because he's older, and his contemporaries are absorbed in family and work, or is it because American men in general "are getting significantly worse at friendship"?

"Everybody, don't worry about it. Don't panic. You're gonna be on that island as a tourist for decades and decades to come."

"I mean, you gotta be kidding me. This is going nowhere. This is distraction day in the United States of America."

Says Gavin Newsom — yes, he still has a podcast — addressing Trump's plan/"plan" to turn Alcatraz back into a prison, in "And, This is Escape From Alcatraz" (Podscribe, transcript + audio).

"A million plus people, I think it's 1.2 million last year came to Alcatraz and the island. I think the Park service that runs it generates $60 million a year in revenue. Back to my Doge point, this would cost tens of millions of dollars. You have to bring people onto the island, the workforce and everything else. [Trump] specifically directed his Department of Justice and, and he directed Secretary Burgum to start to put together a plan of action on this. I mean, I pray that they're focused on other things and not focused on the folly of this latest distraction...."

"This garden is very interesting in that it’s part of a spiritual practice: It’s used for meditation. Moss is very tiny..."

"... and being in the garden, looking so closely to distinguish one type from another, requires a special kind of attention. It opens up a completely different kind of universe."

Said Harvard architecture professor Toshiko Mori, about the Saihoji Kokedera Temple and Moss Garden in Kyoto, quoted in "The 25 Gardens You Must SeeWe asked six horticultural experts to debate and ultimately choose the places that’ve changed the way we look at — and think about — plants" (NYT)(free-access link, so you can see all the photos and read about the other gardens).

I love the story of the creation of this garden: "In 1339, Muso Kokushi, a Buddhist high priest and master gardener, created what’s believed to be the first-ever karesansui (dry landscape)... carefully placed rocks and swaths of sand or gravel raked to invoke rippling water... In the nineteenth century, Saihoji was flooded repeatedly when a nearby river overflowed its banks... Rather than fight nature, the monks embraced change... With more than 120 varieties [of moss]... Saihoji looks quite different than it did in Kokushi’s day, but, in the hands of the monks who continue to maintain it, its purpose of encouraging serenity and contemplation hasn’t changed....."

The monks carry on a traditional practice of meditation, bound to this site for 7 centuries. But what would it be for you to drop in one day?

"A bothy is a basic shelter, usually left unlocked and available for anyone to use free of charge."

"It was also a term for basic accommodation, usually for gardeners or other workers on an estate. Bothies are found in remote mountainous areas of Scotland, Northern England, Ulster and Wales. They are particularly common in the Scottish Highlands, but related buildings can be found around the world...."

I'm reading the Wikipedia article "Bothy," after encountering this word, which I don't remember ever seeing before, in the London Times article "Have William and Kate fallen for ‘west coast bothy frenzy’?It’s never been more fashionable to hole up in the Scottish isles like the Waleses, says Victoria Brzezinski."

Ben Pentreath, head of the architectural and interior design studio of the same name, is widely reported to have assisted the Prince and Princess of Wales... has had a connection with the Scottish west coast since he was a teen.... In 2018 Pentreath and his gardener husband, Charlie McCormick, bought a teeny pair of buildings (a Victorian two-roomed cottage and a much earlier stone bothy) on a sea pink-covered estuary in the far west coast of Scotland. “It really does feel a long way away,” Pentreath says. “Bothies really can’t be more than one or two rooms. And I think we all find romance in living in small places — for a while!”

"On Sunday morning, the activists met outside the Sagrada Família church (the city’s most popular tourist attraction), surrounded a tour bus filled with passengers..."

"... hung a banner announcing the June 15 demonstrations from its windshield, and squirted it with water guns. 'We don’t want to hurt anyone,' said Elena Boschi, an English-language teacher and activist from Genoa, Italy. 'We just want them to be mindful of the impact that their presence is having on these places and the people who live in them.'" 

I'm reading "European Anti-Tourism Groups Plan June 15 Disruptions/Driven by rising rents, crowds and what many see as neighborhood degradation, activists are calling to continue the kinds of protests that erupted last summer" (NYT)(free-access link).

You can't be squirting liquid at people. Your targets don't know that you don't mean harm. How do they know what liquid it is? But I get the message: People who are not making money through the tourist industry don't like their city crowded with tourists. The protesters do a good job of deterring the kind of tourists who, like me, don't want to bother the locals. 

"Walking is a way to slow oneself down, to cultivate attentiveness and to return to the elements, as the roundabout entrances to the museums on the islands..."

"... of Naoshima and Teshima encourage visitors to do. A country that lacks Western-style addresses, where simply extricating yourself from a train station can take 10,000 steps, is made for the flâneur who recalls the German philosopher Walter Benjamin’s observation that not finding your way is very different from getting lost...."

From "Why Japan Is Best Experienced By Foot/In Japan, the simple act of walking has long been connected to working toward enlightenment" (NYT).

Every place worth living in or traveling to is best experienced by foot. That's what I say. If you want to feel that you are on a path toward enlightenment through walking, it's a bit insane to begin by flying half way around the word — racking up a massive regression — and needing to extricate yourself from or into complicated buildings.

I remember something about walking meditation from "Dharma Bums," the Jack Kerouac book I listened to — while walking — recently. I was searching the text for "walking," thinking I'd find the exactly right text, but I found this: "Standing on my head before bedtime on that rock roof of the moonlight I could indeed see that the earth was truly upsidedown and man a weird vain beetle full of strange ideas walking around upsidedown and boasting, and I could realize that man remembered why this dream of planets and plants and Plantagenets was built out of the primordial essence."

"In order to create a 'snowy' atmosphere the tourist village purchased cotton for the snow. But it did not achieve the expected effect, leaving a very bad impression on tourists who came to visit."

Chengdu Snow Village confessed on its website, quoted in From "China snow village ‘cheats’ tourists with cotton wool and soap/Chengdu Snow Village, in Sichuan, was forced to apologise after visitors were left feeling ‘insulted'" (London Times).

Other cheesy tourism trickery from China: