"Once I’m out of this newborn haze I’ll start dating again. Like so many women, I’m at the crossroads: can I raise children alone, confidently?"

"Absolutely. Do I yearn for someone to hold me in this fourth trimester, hug me when the hormones crash, and stay? Without a doubt. Because in the end, what I really want isn’t just a baby. It’s someone who looks at me — hormones, scars, baby sick and all — and swipes right, no questions asked."

The last paragraph of "What’s it like to date when you’re pregnant?/When Lisa Oxenham, 49, decided to have a baby on her own, she didn’t stop looking for love. Cue mornings injecting IVF hormones, and evenings swiping the apps" (London Times).

"More than three-quarters of [University of Georgia 46 freshman girls'] rooms were decorated in... a 'LoveShackFancy Southern mishmash.'"

"(The luxury brand LoveShackFancy’s dorm decor includes a $225 shower curtain and a $115 heart-shaped throw pillow.) [The resident assistant] said she hasn’t seen professional interior decorators on the halls, but she watched in awe as parents took three to four hours to set up their daughters’ rooms.... The flouncy decorators, she said, are typically extroverts who plan to be a part of Greek life on campus, and they come to college to befriend similar people. A minimalist decorator, on the other hand, is 'maybe doing a major that is a little bit more analytical, or is into more niche activities.' She added, '... they really won’t interact, even on the floor.'..."

From "The over-the-top world of luxury dorm decorating/Wallpaper, custom headboards and $469 mattress toppers aren’t the norm in college rooms. But they are everywhere on TikTok" (WaPo).

This is how it looks on TikTok:

"In 1973, Ms. Jong published 'Fear of Flying,' a roman-a-clef in which the young, pretty and privileged Isadora Wing leaves her husband and road trips through Europe..."

"... seeking creative and sexual fulfillment. The message was that women didn’t have to stay in unfulfilling marriages. That bigger, richer lives beckoned. That message sold more than 20 million copies and made Ms. Jong a celebrated figure. This year, that book got another kind of sequel, when Molly Jong-Fast, Ms. Jong’s only child, published a memoir called 'How to Lose Your Mother.' The book depicts Erica Jong, now suffering from dementia, as a narcissist, a drunk, a disinterested parent who was either mining Molly’s life for material or ditching her to pursue her own adventures. The memoir, like [the sequel to 'Sex and the City'], serves as a generational rebuke to the women who prioritized careers and sex and fame and fortune over family, and a warning to any mothers foolish enough to follow Ms. Jong’s bad example. For those of us who loved the originals, the rise of the reboots feels chilling...."

Writes Jennifer Weiner, the novelist, in "In ‘And Just Like That…’ a Craven Era Took Its Revenge on Youth and Hope and Fun" (NYT).

"You convince him to come marry you, move here and have babies. This is where your future should be, if you like him enough for that."

Said Leslie Aberlin, owner of a development called Aberlin Springs, to a "prospective resident, the girlfriend of a local banker."

Aberlin is quoted in "This Ohio Farm Community Is a Mecca for the ‘MAHA Mom’/In a neighborhood that appeals to people from both the right and the left, residents strive for a finely tuned state of political harmony" (NYT)(gift link).

Ms. Aberlin loves that so many “traditional wives,” as she calls stay-at-home moms, are raising their children in her community. While she brought up her two kids as a single mother, divorcing her ex-husband soon after her second baby was born, she calls herself a “boss woman by accident.” She believes women have been “sold a bag of goods” about the importance of a career, and are usually more fulfilled when they focus on their kids full time.

1. What's wrong with buying a bag of goods?  She means sold a bill of goods. With a bag of goods, you've got the goods. They're in the bag. A bill of goods is a document that merely lists the goods. You just bought the piece of paper. 

2. The real estate is real, but what about the mystique of the MAHA Mom? Buying a personal residence always comes with something intangible, the life you imagine for yourself in that house."

3. It's not a house, it's a home — Bob Dylan quote.

4. The home is never in the bag.

"Then, given that I have no appetite, I don’t find cooking interesting any more. Food has become completely dull..."

"... and I have begun to wonder why I’d liked it in the first place. It’s extraordinary. I used to spend all day thinking about what to buy and what to cook and how much everyone would love it and how much I would love it, and now I can’t even get a flatbread down me. If I were living on my own, that would be fine. I would have virtually nothing in my fridge except a bit of smoked salmon and some vegetables and fruit. But I’m still living with three out of my four children and there has always been this coming together as a family to eat delicious food prepared by me — it has always felt very bonding. So they were rather taken aback when it got to the first Sunday of my weight-loss journey and no roast appeared. 'Oh, are we having a roast today?' my daughter asked, because she loves a Sunday roast...."

Writes Lucy Cavendish, in "Mounjaro transformed me — but it had a huge effect on my family’s life/When Lucy Cavendish started taking a weight-loss drug, she resigned as the family cook. It’s had a profound impact on her relationship with her children" (London Times).

Headlines of the Morning.

1. "Judge rules that anti-woke is just racism/You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a rancid bigot" (Public Notice).

2. "ICE Barbie Visited Biohazard Lab With RFK Jr. Before Hospitalization/The HHS secretary shared an image alongside Noem 'inspecting the biological hazard labs' a day earlier" (Daily Beast).

3. "Trump ‘Reamed Out’ Hegseth for Flop Birthday Parade: Author/The president wanted a 'menacing' military parade but got the opposite instead, Michael Wolff tells The Daily Beast Podcast" (Daily Beast).

4. "'More Babies and Beef Tallow, Less Blue Hair and Birth Control'/Seventy-two hours with America’s most ambitious young conservative women" (NY Magazine).

If you're trying to understand the mindset of young women as they fail to step up and solve the problem of worldwide population collapse.

Here's Miley Cyrus, from an interview in the NYT:

I was talking to my stepdad, and he said, “Why are you the only celebrity without a makeup line?” And I said, “’Cause I’m not passionate about it.” And he said, “That’s the right answer.” I feel that way about motherhood. It’s just never been something that I’ve been overly passionate about. It’s a lot of responsibility and devotion and energy, and if you’re not passionate about that, I don’t know how you do sleepless nights and 18 years of what my mom dealt with. And when I say 18 years, I mean 33, ’cause I’m still a baby. So I’ve never felt the burn, you know? And I think for me, the burn is everything.

For any given individual, it's an individual decision... unless you take individuality away.

"Who made you feel seen when you were growing up?"

One of the questions proposed in "25 Questions to Bring You Closer to Your Mom" (NYT).

When did people start saying that they need to "feel seen"? I don't remember that from the period when I was growing up — the 1950s and 60s. Was there something else that we said that meant "feel seen"? Or is the desire to "feel seen" something new and perhaps transitory?

I did a "deep search" on Grok looking for the origin of the phrase and the closest thing I found to an answer was that it became a common phrase in the last 15 years, perhaps connected with social media. For example: "21 Painfully Relatable Memes That'll Make You Feel Seen" (Cheezburger).

ADDED: "I need to feel seen" strikes me as such a beta thing to say. I told that to Grok, which I'd accidentally left in "deep search" mode, and I think I got man-shamed:

The user’s observation that "I need to feel seen" strikes them as "beta" reflects a specific cultural lens, particularly within internet slang where "beta" is used pejoratively to describe behavior seen as weak, submissive, or overly sensitive, especially in contrast to "alpha" traits like dominance or stoicism. This perception is rooted in certain societal norms around masculinity, particularly in online spaces where traditional masculine ideals are valorized.

IN THE COMMENTS: Kirk Parker said: "The first recorded usage is in Genesis 16:13." I look it up: "She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: 'You are the God who sees me,' for she said, 'I have now seen the One who sees me.'" "She" = the slave Hagar, mother of Ishmael.

"Around 10 years old, she got her first sense of [Kate] Winslet’s notoriety. The star was asked to do a reading at a literary festival..."

"... [her daughter Mia] Threapleton was in the crowd, surrounded by adoring fans. 'I propped myself up on my knees and looked around, and there were so many people,' Threapleton says. 'I ran over to her at the end, and I said, "Oh my God, mum. Loads of people came. Loads of people know who you are!" She said, "Yeah, they kind of do."' But Threapleton says she wasn’t used to seeing scripts around the house or feel fame encroaching on the family’s private life. Every part of Winslet’s career was contained in the star’s small home office, which Threapleton never dared enter because 'there were usually birthday presents that were hidden under the desk.' 'I’ve never had social media. I don’t want it. It’s not something that I think would really serve my life very much,' Threapleton continues. 'I never really read magazines either. So I was just never that aware of the knownness of her until I got a little bit later in my teenage years.'"

From "Mia Threapleton Is Wes Anderson’s Next Breakout Star—and Happens to Be Kate Winslet’s Daughter/Twenty-four-year-old Mia Threapleton, who gives a revelatory performance in The Phoenician Scheme, talks about being raised by an Oscar winner, landing the biggest part of her life, and establishing a blossoming career on her own" (Vanity Fair).

The failure to rip a child from its mother's arms.

I'm reading "2-Year-Old U.S. Citizen Deported 'With No Meaningful Process,' Judge Suspects/A federal judge in Louisiana said the deportation of the child to Honduras with her mother, even though her father had filed an emergency petition, appeared to be 'illegal and unconstitutional'" (NYT).

“The government contends that this is all OK because the mother wishes that the child be deported with her,” wrote Judge Doughty, a conservative Trump appointee. “But the court doesn’t know that.”

Asserting that “it is illegal and unconstitutional to deport” a U.S. citizen, Judge Doughty set a hearing for May 16 to explore his “strong suspicion that the government just deported a U.S. citizen with no meaningful process.”

"The left is full of empathic people. Right. And so those who parasitize empathy have a field day on the left...."

"The ethic is pretty straightforward. Anything that cries is a baby, it's like, no, some things that cry are monsters....Well, let, let's take the case of Nicola Sturgeon. The, the Scottish Prime Minister, the previous Scottish Prime Minister. Any man who wants to can be a woman. It's like, okay, any man, you mean any man? Do you? Yeah. Ha! Have you encountered the nightmare men? Oh, they don't exist. They're all victims. Yeah. You just bloody well wait till you encounter one. You'll change your story very rapidly. Yeah. And for the, for the naive and sheltered empaths of the radical left, they're either psychopaths, so they're wolves in sheep clothing, or they're people so that are so naive that the, the — what would you say? — Red Riding Hood's grandmother can definitely have his way with.... There are no shortage of naive people who've never really encountered a monster and have no imagination for it.... And they're, and they're very good at crying like infants... And then the mothers, the naive mothers come flooding out...."

Said Jordan Peterson on Joe Rogan's podcast. Scroll to 02:30:52 for the part I excerpted.

 

"It’s like daddy arrived and he’s taking his belt off."

This is a big topic on X this morning:

MEL GIBSON on Trump heading to California today: “It’s like daddy arrived and he’s taking his belt off.”

pic.twitter.com/8mFU55JP7N

— Eric Daugherty (@EricLDaugh) January 25, 2025

Scanning the posts over there, I'm mostly seeing the sharing of the video, in a manner that seems to approve of Trump's style and Gibson's rhetoric. The articulated criticism seems to have more to do with a purported weirdness to calling Trump "daddy" than any outrage about using the corporal punishment of children as a simile. I'd say "he’s taking his belt off" is much milder than "he's kicking ass" (which is a very common and accepted metaphor), so the focus on "daddy" seems apt. What I'd say about that is there's a longstanding practice of analyzing Democrats and Republicans as the "mommy party" and the "daddy party," and — as we can see in the video with L.A. Mayor Karen Bass and Trump, blogged below — the mommy/daddy contrast was very much on display in California yesterday. 

I'll make a more refined criticism of Gibson's simile. Mayor Bass represented the maternal tendency of the Democratic Party. She's in the mother position, not the child. Trump represented the role of the father, but if "daddy arrived and he’s taking his belt off," he should be going after his children, because they've misbehaved. With respect to the children's mother, his wife, he should be helping her solve problems with the children, not going after her. I think — as you can see by my earlier post — that Trump was trying to encourage her to step up and to use her executive powers, to be an effective co-parent. Mommy and Daddy can work together. 

"Do you think with what you've done, choosing to have the sort of life you've chosen to lead, it's going to make things very, very difficult for your children?"

"No, I think it's wonderful for them! They think it's... they think Mummy's wonderful!"

"I’ve gotten so lazy with my youngest one, because there’s so many, that at night I put him in his clothes for the next day..."

"So, he has dinner, he takes his bath, but then I’ll be like, 'Hey, dude. It will save an extra five minutes if we get dressed now and then you can sleep later,' and I can sleep later, wink wink."

Said the celebrity Tori Spelling, quoted in "Tori Spelling Gets Backlash for Dressing Her Son for School the Night Before—But Should She?"

That's in Parents, last September, and I'm seeing it because it's linked in a new article in New York Magazine, "On the Internet, Everyone’s a Bad Mom."

"This time it’s real. He’s 50, free, a good man if I ever saw one, tough and gentle like in the old tire ads, and this is the big thing — grown-up."

That's the writing of a winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature, Alice Munro, and that's not a flawed fictional character observed by a wise writer. That's Alice Munro expressing her own feelings in a letter, quoted in "What Alice Munro Knew/The Nobel-winning author’s husband was a pedophile who targeted her daughter and other children. Why did she stay silent?"

I didn't expend one of my gift links on that because I didn't think you'd want to delve into why she stayed silent. A more compelling question is: Why would we be able to continue to read her novels?

The article is by Giles Harvey, who writes: "Before the recent news emerged, my own opinion of Munro’s fiction could hardly have been higher. She seemed to have a more direct access to reality than any of her contemporaries, whose work, by comparison, could feel contrived and paper thin.... In the work Munro produced after learning what happened to her daughter, she seems to bear down on her horror and disgust with an implacable resolve...."

"On behalf of all the women (and I know it’s many) you have abused in some way, I say … get some help and take an honest look at yourself...."

"I have no respect for any man that belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around and uses women for his own power and ego. You are that man (and have been for years) and as your mother, it pains me and embarrasses me to say that, but it is the sad, sad truth."

Wrote Penelope Hegseth, quoted in "Pete Hegseth’s Mother Accused Her Son of Mistreating Women for Years/Penelope Hegseth made the accusation in an email to her son in 2018, amid his contentious divorce. She said on Friday that she regretted the email and had apologized to him" (NYT)(free-access link).

"With the result of the 2024 election, my wife and her family are directing their understandable fury at my mother."

"My wife’s sister said, 'If she voted for Trump again, I’m completely done with her.' I expect that the next time they interact it will not be pretty. But my mother is a member of our family, and an invaluable caregiver to our children. She’s pleasant and kind in daily life and moved far from her home primarily for us and her grandkids. And she is my mother, after all. I’m torn...."

From a letter to the NYT Ethicist, in "My Mom Voted for Trump. Can We Let It Go? The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on how a family might proceed in the wake of a momentous presidential election."

"Torn"... presumably because Mother is so useful as a childcare provider. And what, if anything, are you doing for her?

"If I try to protect my mother from vitriol, would I be betraying myself, or my wife and her family, in order to preserve harmony and child care?"

"Harmony and child care"... what an absolute loser!

"A mom in Georgia is speaking out about being arrested for reckless conduct after her then-10-year-old son was found walking alone."

 ABC News reports.

During the arrest, [Brittany] Patterson...said to one of the deputies, "Last time I checked, it wasn't illegal for a kid to walk to the store."

But the deputy replied, "It is when they're 10 years old."... 

Authorities said they would drop the charge against Patterson if she signs a safety plan that involves the use of a GPS tracker on her son's phone but... "I just felt like I couldn't sign that and that in doing so, would be agreeing that there was something unsafe about my home or something unsafe about my parental decisions and I just don't believe that," Patterson said.

"Women are actually adult human beings with agency and freedom of choice. They could choose, like men..."

"... to spend less time on cleaning and household chores, and more time on exercise. They are free to do that if they want to. They could say 'no' to some, or many, of those other people, including family members, who make demands on their time. They are free adults who can choose what to do. 'Women are oppressed victims of patriarchy' isn't actually the only possible lens with which to view gender issues, although one would never know that from reading the New York Times."

Writes someone in Tribeca named Macaulay, commenting over at the NYT article "Even Exercise Has a Gender Gap/Women have less time to work out than men. And their health pays the price."

The article begins with an anecdote about a woman trying to use her elliptical machine and getting interrupted, first by her husband telling her that their daughter wants her to come say goodnight and then by her son who had the non-problem of needing "help finding something to do." The woman responds to both interruptions by getting off the machine.

Is Obama helping Kamala by vocalizing about vomit on his sweater?

I'm reading "Obama raps lyrics to Eminem’s ‘Lose Yourself’ at Detroit rally/'Love me some Eminem,' Obama said after rapping lyrics to the hit song 'Lose Yourself; during a rally in Detroit as Michigan begins early voting" (WaPo)(free-access link so you can watch the video).

“I have done a lot of rallies, so I don’t usually get nervous,” Obama said as he took to the stage to promote Vice President Kamala Harris on Tuesday. “But I was feeling some kind of way following Eminem.... I notice my palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on my sweater already, mom’s spaghetti, I’m nervous but on the surface I look calm and ready to drop bombs but I keep on forgetting,” Obama rapped as the crowd cheered. “Love, love me some Eminem,” he added.

I'm not sure who he hopes to influence with that, but what do I know? I'm only an undecided voter in Wisconsin. I'm not awed by celebrities, and everyone acknowledges that Kamala is the candidate with the most celebrities. Does it augment or diminish her? 

But I just want to say that I do not like the picture of mom's spaghetti vomited onto Obama's sweater. I can barely picture Obama wearing a sweater — as opposed to a beautifully ironed shirt with a casually unbuttoned collar and rolled up sleeves. 

And I don't like thinking about spaghetti-vomit on that sweater. I get Eminem's lyric about his pathetic self, who's not only vomiting onto his bad clothes but stuck eating his mother's home-cooked food. I saw the movie "8 Mile" when it came out. I understand the context of the lyrics

But Obama is not so in thrall to Eminem that the thought of encountering Eminem would physically overwhelm him. Obama was President and had to go head-to-head with Putin and Xi, and he's supposed to be vouching for Kamala, who's asking to do the same, so I don't want to hear about his getting weak-kneed over a pop star.

And most of all, I don't like "mom's spaghetti" as a marker of wretchedness. Many of us are bereft of a mother — including you, Barack Obama. To have mom's spaghetti, even upchucked, would be to experience one's mother alive in the world again.