I've got 9 TikToks for you tonight — all things I liked. I invite you to appreciate them too.

1. The crochet genius.

2. A Kardashian Christmas.

3. The joy of Neptune.

4. The importance of routine during the long polar night.

5. The importance of layers when dressing for winter.

6. Let a girl show you how to approach a girl.

7. Celine Dion explains her rare disease — stiff person syndrome.

8. He gets AI to write a folk song about his dog dying.

9. AI envisions the cast of "The Office" as babies.

I've selected 7 TikToks for you tonight. Some people love them.

1. What do the French mean when they talk about King Charles's "marottes"?

2. When you tell Grandma you would love a skein of yarn.

3. Photographing the sun.

4. Three levels of grilled cheese.

5. Mr. Doodle finished drawing his house. (Boy, does he have a marotte!)

6. Susan Sarandon talks about filming "Rocky Horror Picture Show."

7. A Halloween breakfast.

I've got 9 TikTok videos this time — carefully culled and curated. Let me know which ones you like.

1. An Easter extravaganza from The Bradys.

2. A potato and egg recipe from China.

3. An eyeful.

4. Click this only if you love kittens... and motherhood.

5. Click this to see a working dog. 

6. And this one is for parrot lovers.

7. Dad asks "What did you say I looked like?"

8. Using crochet to make bicyclists more visible.

9. The old have taken over TikTok.

"[Felicity] Huffman will be expected to eat breakfast from 5:30 a.m. to 6:15 a.m., lunch from 10:45 a.m. to noon, and dinner after 4 p.m. When she’s not eating, Huffman can do a variety of things..."

"... including listening to music on a pre-approved device. She’s also allowed to work on one in-unit craft project at a time. This includes cross-stitch, drawing, card making, crotchet, origami, scrapbooking and watercolor. If she wants to spend time outside, which is open to her from 6:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m., Huffman can engage in a series of sports, including basketball, volleyball, track, softball, and tennis. While at the prison, Huffman will be expected to wear an inmate uniform at all times. The uniform consists of khaki pants and a coordinating blouse with a brown t-shirt underneath, with the blouse tucked in and buttoned (minus the top button) at all times."

From the People Magazine account of the actress's living conditions in the minimum security prison where she's serving a 2-week sentence.

The noun "crotchet" means "A whimsical fancy; a perverse conceit; a peculiar notion on some point (usually considered unimportant) held by an individual in opposition to common opinion" (OED). It would be funny if that were considered a craft project to recommend to prisoners.

The "kind of knitting done with a hooked needle" — which is probably what People meant — is spelled "crochet."

ADDED: The prison — the Federal Correctional Institution, Dublin — is where Patty Hearst was held for 21 months. President Jimmy Carter commuted her 7-year sentence in 1979 and Bill Clinton pardoned her in 2001. And Sara Jane Moore — who tried to assassinate Gerald Ford — spent 32 years there. Moore got a life sentence but was released on parole.

"Well, we all shine on/Like the moon and the stars and the sun."

The first words that crossed my mind when the DJ on the Beatles channel on the car radio asked — on the occasion of John Lennon's 79th birthday — what did John Lennon mean to you?



Who on earth do you think you are? A superstar? Well, right you are!

ADDED: Yoko is actually crocheting, but I have a tag for knitting, and I'm interpreting knitting as a form of crocheting, whether it really is or not.

From Wikipedia: "The salient difference between crochet and knitting, beyond the implements used for their production, is that each stitch in crochet is completed before the next one is begun, while knitting keeps many stitches open at a time."

That is a fantastic metaphor. Think of life like that. There are 2 kinds of people in the world: crocheter and knitters. The crocheters complete one thing before they begin the next, and the knitters keep many endeavors open at the same time.

Yoko is crocheting blindfolded. What does that mean — especially related to karma? I'm thinking that the blindfold depicts a lack of awareness of the karmic consequences of ones actions. At no point in the performance does she remove the blindfold. Karma — even instant karma — never knocks her right in the head. But we can all see that she's blindly fixed on a discrete, inoffensive task, and maybe we're invited to see ourselves in that and to see our own inattention to the larger forces of the universe, which will — suddenly some time — knock us right in the head. So "You better get yourself together, darling/Pretty soon you're going to be dead."

The first time we hear about instant karma, it is indeed going to kick you right in the head (and you're reminded, rhymingly, that pretty soon, you're going to be dead). But the second time we hear about instant karma, it's "going to look you right in the face." That won't work too well if you are blindfolded, so you might want to take off the blindfold and — rhyming with "race" — "Join the human race."

That made me think, John was talking about other people as subhuman. These days, you could get canceled if you talk like that. But John quickly escapes the accusation that he's looking down as he leaps to the declaration that other people are not merely human but superstars, shining "like the moon and the stars and the sun."

Then we hear for the third and last time about how instant karma is going to "get" us. First was kick you right the head. Second was look you right in the face. Third is, "going to knock you off your feet." The rhyming line is "Better recognize your brothers/Everyone you meet."  Your brothers, they're all superstars too. They shine on like the moon and the stars and the sun.

In 2 places in the song, John objects to laughing: 1. "What in the world you thinking of/Laughing in the face of love?" and 2. "How in the world you gonna see/Laughing at fools like me?" Laughing corresponds to Yoko's blindfolded crocheting. You don't see what you are doing. Stop laughing and see that we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun.

Sam Barsky, the guy who who photographs himself posing in front of something while wearing a sweater he's knitted with a picture of that thing knitted into it.

Such a perfect project for Instagram.

Just one of many examples:

My Shenandoah National Park (Skyline Drive) sweater. My wife and I have an annual tradition of going to this park just 2 hours from our home. #sambarsky #sambarskysweaters #sambarskyknitter #knit #knitting #knitter #sweater #shenandoahnationalpark #shenandoah #shenandoahpark #skylinedrive #skyline #nationalpark #nationalparks #virginia #frontroyal #frontroyalva #frontroyalvirginia #darkhollow #darkhollowfalls #blueridgemountains

A post shared by Sam Barsky (@sambarskyknitter) on Mar 20, 2018 at 3:20pm PDT

I got there via "It’s Sweater Weather Forever/Samuel Barsky has gained a measure of fame online for posting photographs of himself in front of famous landmarks with his handmade sweaters" (NYT).

Mr. Barsky, a Baltimore native, said he started knitting in 1999 when he dropped out of nursing school at his local community college. Then, he was shopping at a flea market in Lutherville, Md., where he saw three women selling yarn. He asked if they would teach him how to knit.... At first he created nature scenes. But then he became taken with famous landmarks. “If I know my plans in advance I’ll knit a sweater and take it there,” he said.

"Vanity Fair 'Regrets' Video Telling Hillary Clinton To Take Up Knitting, Drop Politics."

"It was an attempt at humor and we regret that it missed the mark."

But they haven't taken the video down. Here:

Maybe it's time for Hillary Clinton to take up a new hobby in 2018 pic.twitter.com/sbE78rA5At

— VANITY FAIR (@VanityFair) December 23, 2017

That's from a humorous, feather-light series called "Six New Year's Resolutions for ______________." It's very mild. The one about Donald Trump proffers resolutions about his hairstyle, his soda drinking, and watching television.

The Hillary one included "Take up a new hobby in the New Year: Volunteer work, knitting, improv comedy – literally anything that will keep you from running again."

The no-sense-of-humor/no-sense-of-lightweightness Hillary crowd cried sexist about knitting.

And that criticism is, frankly, anti-knittist.

"I don't know. I feel like Yoko's knitting could have been mic'd better."

The quote is the highest-ranked comment at YouTube. Made me laugh.

I'm listening to that song this morning because for some reason that I cannot remember, even though it was just a few minutes ago, I said "You better get yourself together" and Meade responded "Pretty soon you're going to be dead." I prefer the second-verse response: "Join the human race."

There was some discussion of why John wrote that song. Was it anti-Paul? These days such debates are short, because of Wikipedia:

[W]hile in Denmark [in 1970], the Lennons, [Yoko's former husband Tony] Cox and the latter's current partner, Melinde Kendall, discussed the concept of "instant karma", whereby the causality of one's actions is immediate rather than borne out over a lifetime. Author Philip Norman writes of the concept's appeal: "The idea was quintessential Lennon – the age-old Buddhist law of cause and effect turned into something as modern and synthetic as instant coffee and, simultaneously, into a bogey under the stairs that can get you if you don't watch out."

On 27 January 1970, two days after returning to the UK,Lennon woke up with the beginnings of a song inspired by his conversations with Cox and Kendall.... 

Nothing about hating Paul. It does say however that the song — like "All You Need Is Love" and "My Mummy's Dead" — has the chord structure of "Three Blind Mice." Also the Village Voice critic Robert Christgau said "Instant Karma!" is John Lennon's "best political song." I guess "political" is more debatable than "best."

Why in the world are we here/Surely not to live in pain and fear....

The knitting is kind of political, right?

Goodbye to Irene.

Irene Katele, 1958-2016. From this blog, you know her as Irene (the commenter).

Here's her blog, Amber Reunion, which begins here, on September 16, 2011:

Atlantic Ocean, June 1949. This is where everything began. These happy folks are my parents, as immigrants, aboard the "General W.M. Black," the vessel that transported them to the United States. They were Displaced Persons from Lithuania, and they had lived since the end of World War II in the American-occupied zone of Germany.

The ship sailed from Bremerhaven. My Mom was shocked by how small it was. Men and women slept in separate quarters, and everyone ate oatmeal. Most of the passengers got sick during the trip. My parents had never felt better.

It's full of "family photos dating back to the 1860s": "Tambov, Russia, 1912. This is my paternal Grandmother, Tatjana. Tatjana was about sixteen when she posed for this photo. I love the shoes!"/"Soviet Union, 1940. The is my paternal Grandmother's mother, Nina. After the Russian Revolution and the execution of her husband, Pavel, Nina continued to live in the Soviet Union. Nina's expression, the way she holds the wildflowers, her hat, and her ill-fitting stockings speak to me."/"In the 1930s, my Mom's maternal aunt, Dora, adopted the glamorous look that came into fashion on the eve of World War II. Think Marlene Dietrich with auburn hair. The first stories I heard about Dora pivot on her forward-looking viewpoint. More provincially wired people found her views and behaviors scandalous. Others recognized that Dora simply was born about sixty years too early."

There are many stories and photographs of growing up in Chicago in the 1960s — like: "When I was growing up, I learned about holiday customs. Lithuanians, for example, celebrate Christmas on the night of Christmas Eve ("Kūčios")":

The Kūčios meal consists of twelve meatless dishes, one to represent each of the Apostles. All of the foods are cold dishes so that the hostess does not have to cook on such a solemn day. On Christmas Eve, we primarily eat vegetable salads, gefilte fish, and marinated herrings. Lots of herring: herring is served at least four ways.

Enforcement of these traditions is inflexible. During one memorable Christmas Eve, we had a guest who did not eat fish. Cold fish therefore was out of the question. My Mom roasted and served a duck. My Dad spit bullets about the breach of Kūčios protocol. Even now, over thirty years later, my Mom usually says on Kūčios, "Do you remember when I roasted a duck on Kūčios?!!" as if that were a really screwball, Lucille Ball-like, thing to do.

There's mindbogglingly intricate knitting. (Sometimes that knitting came to me and you saw it on this blog —  like here.)

And there were many vignettes involving poodles. (Sometimes those poodles made it onto my blog, like here and here.)

What a great life she lived! How lucky we were to have known her!

"I love that Etsy gives a platform to someone who can crochet these shorts and sell them to men who love pants made of yarn."

"I’m probably going to buy this glowing owl necklace right after I publish this story. I need this coffee mug. I like Etsy just the way it is. And that’s why I’m taking time to soak in the company as it exists today, before Wall Street forces it to change."

Mashable may be thinking "Thoughts That Etsy Models Are Having Right Now."

See if you can caption that better than Mashable did.

But what I'm thinking is: Time to revisit Randy Normal:



ADDED: Sorry the old "Randy Normal Jeans" video has gone private. I wouldn't have even put this post up if I'd known that would happen. I've swapped in a poorly filmed live version, and I can't even find a good screen shot of Randy Normal. Not only am I off to a terrible start on the first day of the work week, I realize that at least 7 old posts are now wrecked.

Vogue Knitting rereleased a popular 1991 sweater, and on Facebook, people are calling it the "Vagina Sweater."

An emailer tells me. Here's the sweater:



Looking for the Facebook mentions, I stumbled onto this unrelated story about "vaginal knitting" performance art:

"I'm spending 28 days knitting from wool that I've inserted in my vagina," the Melbourne-based artist explains in the video [at the link]. "Everyday I take a new skein of wool that's been wound so that it will unravel from the centre and I stick it up inside me... and then I pull out the thread and knit."

Wool! Wool itches. I'd recommend silk yarn for your vaginal knitting art stunts.

[T]he performance project aims to address taboos surrounding female genitals and a woman's body in general...  [Feminist artist Casey] Jenkins... promises to work non-stop during the days she's knitting, come hell or high water... or menstruation.

The menstruation is the best part. And it makes me want to see the Vagina Sweater done with some color variations. Also, I think the term should be "Vulva Sweater." I'd like to address the taboo against confining "vagina" to its proper place.

"That leaves 30 years — 30 years of what? You’re going to knit? That's just crazy!"

Anne-Marie Slaughter is alarmed:

Visible mending.

The beauty of this gives it great potential as a metaphor.

The snobbish rejection of pre-fabbishness.

We're finally getting around to putting wood flooring in the one room in this big house that hasn't had it, and we got into comparing pre-finished wood flooring and what I call — in my impoverished lingo — real floors. In the showroom, I had to suppress my urge to say things like "It doesn't look real" and "It looks like fake wood" and "You might as well have wood-patterned linoleum" more than... well, what do you think is decent? 20 times?

Back at Meadhouse, 12 hours later, we had a conversation about the prejudice against pre-fab things. We're not disrespecting pre-fab homes anymore. Some of the best-made, coolest houses are in this category. And no one sniffs at ready-to-wear clothing, because no one even knows anyone who wears couture. You might sew your own clothes and knit your own sweaters if you had some meditative, aesthetic relationship with fabric/yarn, but you still wouldn't think ill of the pre-made stuff in the stores. Some people might coo over handmade pottery, but it's more elevated aesthetically to value straightforward perfection that's mass produced and machine-made.

So, let's talk about packaged food — processed food. It's another category of prefab, and it's an area where rejection is on the upswing. The idea of cooking your own food and making everything from scratch — the finest, purest scratch — is pushed by opinion leaders. Should we be following Mark Bittman and Michael Pollan — or would a scoop of skepticism hit the spot? Here's a long — really long — article in The Atlantic with the somewhat distracting title "How Junk Food Can End Obesity."

Foodlike substances, the derisive term Pollan uses to describe processed foods, is now a solid part of the elite vernacular. Thousands of restaurants and grocery stores, most notably the Whole Foods chain, have thrived by answering the call to reject industrialized foods in favor of a return to natural, simple, nonindustrialized—let’s call them “wholesome”—foods....

The Pollanites seem confused about exactly what benefits their way of eating provides. All the railing about the fat, sugar, and salt engineered into industrial junk food might lead one to infer that wholesome food, having not been engineered, contains substantially less of them....

The fact is, there is simply no clear, credible evidence that any aspect of food processing or storage makes a food uniquely unhealthy.... The results of all the scrutiny of processed food are hardly scary, although some groups and writers try to make them appear that way....

In many respects, the wholesome-food movement veers awfully close to religion.

When pre-fab things are good, opposition is superstition. That's not sophisticated. The better class of snobs is looking down on you.

ADDED: Meade, reading this post, getting to the excerpts from the really long article, observes that they are the equivalent of fast food. My blogging is processed journalism. Blogging is pre-fab.

ALSO: Here's the actual pre-fab flooring we ended up liking — specifically, the "stained white wash." We're still comparing that to "real floors" — hardwood that is installed and then finished.

"I just got a haircut, and it's short enough that I can no longer play with my hair."

"What can I do instead?"

You might think this is an opportunity to how to avoid nervous, compulsive behavior, but here is someone trying to get new ideas for fidgeting.

Temporary fixes I've used in the past include playing with hair elastics worn around a wrist and squeezing small plushies/stuffed animals, but these tend to loose their appeal quickly with me. Knitting also quells this urge, but it's not really an option during my work day. Chewing gum is also out due to TMJ.

At the Samoyed Café...

... you can make a new friend.



ADDED: You can spin yarn from your Samoyed's wool and knit sweaters, which will be extremely warm.

"My Mom thought the cowl looked like a micro-mini skirt!"

It totally fits like that too. Perfect with leggings as an item of clothing I call an asswarmer.

Get your hiking shoes on!

Quit posing!



Get out here!

"Would you send your kid to a school where faceless dolls and pine-cones are the toys of choice?"

"A school where kids don't read proficiently until age 9 or 10 -- and where time spared goes to knitting and playing the recorder? A school where students sing hymns to 'spirit' every day?"