"Toward the end of their time in office, Mr. Mondale said he and Mr. Carter talked about how they wanted their tenure to be remembered."

"'We came up with this sentence, which to me remains an important summary of what we were trying to do: "We told the truth, we obeyed the law, and we kept the peace,"' Mr. Mondale wrote. 'That we did, Mr. President.'"

From "From the Grave, Mondale to Eulogize the Man Who Made Him Vice President/Walter F. Mondale died in 2021, but he left behind the eulogy he planned to deliver at former President Jimmy Carter’s funeral" (NYT).

At the Al Smith charity dinner — Trump was there, and Kamala Harris was not.

There were far more Democrats than Trump fans there, but Harris stayed away, though they let her appear as a pre-recorded video (in which she off-loaded the comedy to Molly Shannon, who deployed her old SNL Catholic schoolgirl character, and I couldn't hear any laughter in the room). 

Trump sat there — between Melania and the Cardinal — and laughed at gibes from Jim Gaffigan, who plays Tim Walz on SNL. Gaffigan is funny — and Catholic — and he handled his task well. Scroll to 2:25 to see him step up to speak as the camera pans to Donald Trump, who knows he's going to get kicked around and is sitting facing the audience, with only the Cardinal and Chuck Schumer between him and Gaffigan. But he knows he's not the one who chickened out and he knows he's going to get the last word.

Here is my selection and ranking of Jim Gaffigan's Top 7 jokes:

7.  "This room is is undeniably impressive... the prestige, the wealth, the allegations. I mean, wow, and don't feel bad if you don't have any allegations yet, okay, which reminds me Letitia James is here. She had a great year. She's just back there watching all of you. She's watching."

6. "This event has been referred to as the Catholic Met Gala. 22% of Americans identify as Catholic. Catholics will be a key demographic in every battleground state. I'm sorry: Why is Vice President Harris not here?... This is a layup for the Democratic nominee. I mean, in her defense I mean she did find time to appear on 'The View,' Howard Stern, and the long-time staple of campaigning the 'Call Her Daddy' podcast."

5. "You have to admit the Democrats have done an amazing job rebranding Vice President Harris.... The term 'Joyful Warrior' was used so many times at the Democratic Convention. I felt like I was at a yoga retreat. Let's start off in a Joyful Warrior pose and then go straight into Downward-Facing Doug."

4. "I watch that [video appearance of Kamala Harris]... I couldn't help but think of: Now I know how my kids felt when... I FaceTimed into a piano recital."

3. "I don't know if you've heard about these people who publicly say they would never vote for Trump, but then when they go in the voting booth, they do. It's a small group. They're called the Biden family."

2. "Joe Biden was our second Catholic President, right after JFK. President Biden couldn't be here tonight. The DNC made sure of that."

1. "The Democrats have been telling us Trump's reelection is a threat to democracy. In fact, they were so concerned of this threat, they staged a coup, outed their democratically elected incumbent and installed Kamala Harris."

AND NOW: Here is my selection and ranking of Donald Trump's Top 7 jokes comedic riffs:

7. "A major issue in this race is child care, and Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan.... The only piece of advice I would have for her in the event that she wins would be not to let her husband Doug anywhere near the nannies. Just keep them away. That's a nasty one. That's nasty. I told these idiots that gave me this stuff, that's too tough."

6. "When I heard that Kamala was skipping the Al Smith Dinner, I'd really hoped that she would come because we can't get enough of hearing her beautiful laugh. She laughs like crazy. We would recognize it anyplace — in this room."

5. "You can't do what I just saw on that screen, but my opponent feels like she does not have to be here, which is deeply disrespectful to the event and in particular to our great Catholic Community.... The last Democrat not to attend this important event was Walter Mondale, and it did not go very well for him.... Shows you there is a God.... I understand the real reason that she's not here is she's hunting with her running mate — spending a lot of time hunting...."

4. "It's a true pleasure to be with you this evening — amazing pleasure... really a pleasure to be anywhere in New York without a subpoena.... Anytime I don't get a subpoena, I'm very happy. They've gone after me. Mr. Mayor, you're peanuts compared to what they've done to me. And you're going to be okay."

3. "All polls are indicating I'm leading big with a Catholic vote. As I should be. But I don't think Kamala has given up yet.... Instead of attending tonight she's in Michigan receiving communion from Gretchen Whitmer."

2. "If Democrats really wanted to have someone not be with us this evening they would have just sent Joe Biden."

1. "A good job tradition holds that I'm supposed to tell a few self-deprecating jokes this evening, so here it goes. Nope, I've got nothing I've got nothing. There's nothing to say. I guess I just don't see the point of taking shots at myself when other people have been shooting at me for a hell of a long time. They shoot, right? You know, they say about presidents, they say that Andrew Jackson was the President that was the most meanly treated. His wife died, she died of heartache. She was heartbroken at the way they treated him. And they say that second was Abraham Lincoln, but he was in charge of the Civil War, you know, so but those were the two... up until me. Now, they say it's not even close. There's never been a president that's been treated so badly as me. And now, people aren't happy about it, but I was treated a little bit rough, but I don't mind it somehow, and I think it's just part of the game."

"So, Walter Mondale shows up in heaven the other day, and I’m all eager to talk to him because I’m kind of a political junkie — see Richard III — but before I can say anything..."

"... he’s like, 'So?' And I’m like, 'So, what?' And then he goes, 'So, did you really write them?' And I’m like, 'Write what?' And he goes, 'Your plays.' And I’m like, 'What is this, some kind of Grant’s Tomb trick question? Of course I wrote my plays. Who did you think wrote them? Edward de Vere, the Earl of Oxford?' I say that as a joke because Edward de Vere is a moron — I once asked him to borrow a codpiece, and he gave me an actual piece of cod. But then Mondale is all, 'Yes, I actually heard Edward de Vere did write them.' Mondale then fills me in on this whole crazy theory that I didn’t write my own plays. You guys weren’t going to tell me this? How has nobody ever mentioned this to me? I look over, and Christopher Marlowe is giving Mondale that 'stop talking' throat slash gesture thingy, but it’s too late...."

From "SHAKESPEARE FINDS OUT ABOUT THE 'SHAKESPEARE AUTHORSHIP QUESTION' FROM WALTER MONDALE" by Stephen Ruddy (McSweeney's). 

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