"The New Dream Guy Is Beefy, Placid and … Politically Ambiguous/Amid pitched debates about masculinity, the 'himbo' stands stoically above it all."

What??!

That's a headline in the NYT for a piece by Casey Michael Henry (a writer who's got a novel called "Not Recommended").

Excerpt: "Calls have proliferated for a left-wing parallel to Joe Rogan.... Consider, for instance, Zohran Mamdani’s surprise win in the New York City mayoral primary, which came with the strong support of the young male vote. A key part of Mamdani’s strategy was finding vessels for an uncomplicated message about affordability, including a few men who could be described, and who might describe themselves, as 'himbos.' The candidate was endorsed by Hasan Piker, the leftist pinup, marathon livestreamer and co-founder of a clothing line called Himbo Fitness. Joshua Citarella, a bodybuilding enthusiast and the host of the left-wing show 'Doomscroll,' facilitated a fund-raising panel. The comedian Stavros Halkias, a heterodox Bernie Bro who could be called a 'himbo' of a more freewheeling, bacchanalian variety, filmed an Instagram endorsement. There were times when Mamdani’s praetorian guard of male influencers looked like an Ultimate Fighting Championship undercard or at least the set of 'The Man Show.'"

Here's what the more freewheeling, bacchanalian himbo looks like:

"How many Americans even know what color the ribbon is for prostate-cancer awareness?"

From "What Does It Take to Get Men to See a Doctor? Men in the U.S. live six fewer years than women. One clinic is trying to persuade men that getting checked out could save their life" (NYT).

Toxic masculinity” has become a catchall term.... But when researchers first began using the term, they meant something narrower and more specific: a culturally endorsed yet harmful set of masculine behaviors characterized by rigid, traditional male traits, such as dominance, aggression and sexual promiscuity. Men trapped in this man box, as it is sometimes called, are less likely to seek medical care and are more likely to engage in risky behaviors detrimental to their health, such as binge drinking or drug use.... Even seemingly positive attributes associated with traditional masculinity, such as providing for one’s family... can have negative health consequences. They may put work ahead of addressing medical concerns.... Or they may take on dangerous jobs or work extreme hours. But why do some men hold so tightly to these cultural notions about masculinity that lead them toward worse health? The answer may be traced to how fragile manhood itself can feel.... 

"A guy is a man who is loyal to something, even if his loyalty is..mistaken..."

"Bishop Sheen..is not against Bad Guys. He is only against their badness: he is for their guyness... He is only a guy like the rest of us."

That's from 1953 in the Catholic Times, the oldest appearance in print of the word "guyness," according to the OED, which defines "guyness" as "The quality, state, or condition of being a man, esp. with (typically humorous) reference to male stereotypical characteristics or interests, such as being uncomplicated, good-natured, uncomfortable with emotional issues, preoccupied with sport, gadgets, beer, etc."

There's also an obsolete version of "guyness," from back in the 1800s, that meant "The quality or fact of having an odd or grotesque appearance." That's less odd than it might seem: the original lowercase "guy" was an effigy of Guy Fawkes. 

Just what I need, the founder of the Office of Applied Strategy mansplains going meta on performative maleness.

I'm seeing this in the NYT: "How Do You Spot a ‘Performative’ Male? Look for a Tote Bag. As a new archetype gains traction, contests in Seattle and New York have found some men embracing the label — and signifiers like books, records and Labubus."

I'm thinking didn't I just blog that, but it's dated today, so no, I did not. Six days ago, I blogged "Forget The Lonely Men Epidemic—The Performative Male Era Is Here, And We Need To Talk (And Run)/He knows his moon sign, wears thrifted clothes, and posts aesthetic carousels with captions about healing and self-love," which I found — in Elle India — because I'd googled "performative male." We were told, "he comes armed with wired headphones, tote bags, vintage clothes, matcha lattes, Spotify playlists ft. Clairo or Laufey, and Sally Rooney books."

And here's the NYT, replete with an illustration that includes — of all things — a Sally Rooney book. It felt too drain-circling to blog, but then I got to this, and I knew it was bloggable:

Your Saturday morning "authenticity" update.

1. "A Little League coach went viral for his dad joke on the mound. It taught a bigger lesson" (NYT) quotes Jake Riordan, a Little League coach in Kentucky: "I don’t really take anything in life too seriously. It’s like, it’s Little League baseball. But I think consistency when you’re a coach is pretty important. So I’m consistently loose and goofy, and they play that way. I think that one of the best things we can do as a coach or leader is just to be authentic — to be yourself. I think, believe it or not, kids or players of any age can see through the bull crap."

2. "Jeff Probst Reflects on ‘Survivor’s’ Resurgence After 2025 Emmy Nominations" (Entertainment Now): "While Probst has been open about his friendly rivalry with the other competition series hosts in the past, he argues that [Alan] Cumming and RuPaul 'take on a more performative role' for their respective shows. 'It’s not their true selves,' said Probst, referring to Cumming’s 'dandy Scottish laird' persona on 'The Traitors' and RuPaul’s extravagant drag transformation on 'Drag Race.' Alternatively, Probst said that the man viewers see on each and every episode of 'Survivor' is his authentic self. 'That’s me,' he said. 'The vulnerability is that I’m exposed and vulnerable in the same way that the players are because I don’t do do-overs.... '"

3. "Ding Yuxi’s Tear‑Filled Gaze Goes Viral, Highlighting Authenticity and Shifting Masculinity in Chinese Reality TV" (Trending on Weibo): "Actor Ding Yuxi – known to his growing legion of fans for his curly hair, gentle demeanor and the boy‑ish charm that has anchored his rise in dramas such as “十年一品温如言” – was caught on screen with what Chinese netizens have affectionately called “酒汪汪的大眼睛”, literally 'wine‑soaked big eyes'... a playful twist on the more common “水汪汪的大眼睛” (big watery eyes).... Fans celebrated the moment as a rare sign of authenticity in an industry often accused of presenting polished, pre‑packaged personas.... viewers reposted the clip with captions praising his 'authentic vulnerability,' while others dissected the scene, wondering whether the tear was spontaneous...."

4. TO COME! I SAID I'D DO 4. DO YOU DOUBT MY SINCERITY? 

"You’ve heard of the 'loser' or 'lonely men' epidemic, where men disengage from relationships, accountability, and even basic hygiene, blaming society for their failures."

"But there’s a new player in town, and no, he doesn’t wear cargo shorts or live in his gaming chair. Meet the performative male: polished, aesthetically curated, emotionally fluent—on the surface. But look a little closer, and things get complicated. Welcome to the age of the performative man, a rebranded version of the emotionally unavailable alpha. Only this time, he comes armed with wired headphones, tote bags, vintage clothes, matcha lattes, Spotify playlists ft. Clairo or Laufey, and Sally Rooney books. He knows his moon sign, wears wide-leg trousers, and posts aesthetic carousels with captions about healing and self-love."

Writes Ekta Sinha, in "Forget The Lonely Men Epidemic—The Performative Male Era Is Here, And We Need To Talk (And Run)/He knows his moon sign, wears thrifted clothes, and posts aesthetic carousels with captions about healing and self-love" (Elle India).

That's the best of a bunch of recent articles I found after noticing the term "performative male."

See also: "Crowds gather on Capitol Hill for pop-up 'Performative Male Contest' in Seattle" (Fox13 Seattle)("My best description of a performative male is a man who wears feminism and softness and certain music as a guy to allure women without actually knowing anything about what they’re putting on or talking about").

"The stereotype is of young men perpetually playing video games in their parents’ basements, too depressed and shut in to ask women out."

"But such exaggeration shouldn’t eclipse the broader and more subtle reality. You don’t have to be an incel to believe that the 'system' is fundamentally broken and rigged against your success... specifically homeownership.... This is, of course, a problem for all Americans — men and women alike. But, unpopular as it may be to say in some quarters of my party, the crisis affects one gender with particular potency. Like it or not, American men are still raised to believe that their role is to act as providers and protectors. And when men whose self-worth is tied up in that aspiration realize they’ll never be able to buy a home, they’re bound to feel shame and anger.... It’s not just a matter of Democrats finding our own Joe Rogan, or making better use of TikTok, or using more 'authentic' language.... [I]f Democrats want to save our democracy... we should treat first-time home buyers as their own class.... [W]e should reinstitute the Obama administration’s $8,000 homebuyer’s tax credit, triple it to reflect present market conditions and index the benefit to inflation.... [T]he Democratic Party’s success hinges on our ability to enable men, in particular, to realize that hope and ensure their own success."

Writes Rahm Emanuel, in "What’s really depressing America’s young men/The U.S. has two overlapping problems: the housing crisis and despondency in young men" (WaPo)(gift link).

Is this a special appeal to men? Clearly, Democrats want to appeal to men, but this hardly seems to crack the code. Men would feel more manly if they owned a house? Did someone give Rahm Emanuel the assignment to connect the housing shortage issue to the problem known as men?

Just what we need: an oiled-up, glowering comedian.

From the link:

Baron Cohen says his workout regime with the celebrity trainer Alfonso Moretti stops his mind spinning. “Instead of lying in bed overthinking and staring at my phone, I get up, jump on FaceTime and train with Alfonso. It sets a positive tone for the whole day.”... 

We all confront mortality, invisibility, loss of sexual appeal and having to use reading glasses in dark restaurants: the task is to work out the most constructive way to deal with all that....

He's "positive" and "constructive" and looking at us angrily. I'm sad to see he got divorced!

"In the end I decided that the only way I could defeat the manosphere was to double down on men’s retreats. "

"And so I became a guru. Well, technically, not quite a guru. More a gur-ette. I started leading 'journalling' sessions at Both Sides weekends. It’s a process that I picked up from novel writing and involves uninterrupted scribbling, stream of consciousness-style, every morning for 20 minutes in an attempt to liberate hidden ideas from the quirkier corners of the brain.... I kick off the session with The Song of Wandering Aengus because the forest location seems appropriate and because the image of Yeats heading off to wrestle with a 'fire' in his head seems very men’s retreat. That’s why many of them come.... How can you influence the wider world from a woody enclave in Cornwall?"

Writes Kevin Maher, in "Yoga pants, man bun, crying. I’ve become a men’s guru/He once mocked male bonding weekends as hippy nonsense. Now Kevin Maher leads them" (London Times).

I can't speak about male bonding weekends, but I just wanted to express my great admiration for that particular poem, which made a great impression on me when I was young, half a century ago:

"A 23-year-old unemployed man living with his parents in Chongqing... told me: 'I hate women, though I still want to fall in love, just a little bit.'"

"He has never been in a relationship, he said, and hopes Revenge on Gold Diggers could teach men like him how to behave in love. After graduating from college, [he] worked briefly in an electronics assembly factory and as a phone service salesman. He quit both jobs because of health reasons and boredom, he said, and spends most of his time online.... [He] said that his opinions about women and feminism were shaped by social media, and that he sometimes regretted and deleted some of his harsh comments. But other times he can’t help but fight with women online, he said. Like many of his peers, [he] sees himself as doubly oppressed, both by women and by the government. 'The Chinese Communist Party and the Chinese government now inhabit a different world from ours. They are blind to our real situation,' he said...."

From "'Who Killed Love?’ A Video Game Plays to Male Resentment in China. A popular and contentious game, Revenge on Gold Diggers, sheds light on misogyny, inequality and the feeling among many men that they are economic victims" (NYT)(free-access link).

"And so on the one hand, we have the absolute radical pathological demoralization of young men. And then we have the insistence that although all that masculinity is toxic and patriarchal..."

"... that's precisely what young women should pursue. And so they pursue that in some ways, displacing young men, but more detrimentally for themselves, squandering their youth on service to the evil corporate world — bizarrely enough, given that it's a leftist trope — and the demolition of their, not only of their fertility, but the probability of their... participation in... the long-term partnership of marriage. So, I mean, you can hardly imagine a more toxic brew than that."

Said Jordan Peterson in his podcast talking to the NYT columnist David French. The episode is called "When Does Masculinity Become Toxic?" Here's the Podscribe link (for text + audio). 

The meaning of "And so they pursue that in some ways" might be a little difficult to catch, but it's clear in the context, that he means that women are out in the "evil corporate world" pursuing the kind of career success that they also associate with toxicity in the male.

The conversation continues into a Daily Wire episode, "The $20 Million Mistake Democrats Made with Young Men." You need a subscription for that. I've got one, but there's no transcript to quote, so... maybe a word about that later. Why $20 million?

The NYT stirs up empathy for the man who said "It truly feels we’re on the Titanic and we’re throwing gold bars off the edge."

In "An Offhand Remark About Gold Bars, Secretly Recorded, Upended His Life/Brent Efron’s 'boring' Tinder date wanted to hear all about his work at the Environmental Protection Agency, so Mr. Efron talked. If only he’d seen the hidden camera."

They matched on Tinder shortly after the November presidential election, shared their mutual disappointment about Donald J. Trump’s victory and agreed to meet for a drink. Sitting at a table at Licht Cafe, a bar on Washington’s U Street corridor, Brent Efron and his date, Brady, talked a bit about home and hobbies. But Brady — or at least that’s the name he used — repeatedly steered the conversation back to Mr. Efron’s job at the Environmental Protection Agency.

“It was a boring date,” Mr. Efron, 29, recalled. “He just wanted to talk about work.”...

"The uniformed body crystallizes all these associations we have. It makes your chest look broader, your posture straighter, your shoulders stronger. It becomes shorthand for words like manly, strong, brave, dominant."

Said Paul Achter, "an associate professor of rhetoric at the University of Richmond, who has written on 'military chic,'" quoted in "Why Trump Loves a Man in Uniform/As thousands of soldiers prepare to march in President Trump’s military parade, what exactly will we see?" (NYT).

The article is by Vanessa Friedman, who writes that, in a military parade, "the uniformed body is part of a mass — denatured and subsumed into a whole — and particularly when the parade in question does not signify the end of an actual conflict." "Instead of honoring the sacrifice of individuals... it becomes a moment of sheer pageantry dedicated to the glory of the state or the head of state...."

Quoting Achter again: "It’s difficult to see this and not see Leni Riefenstahl" (that is, Hitler, as presented in "Triumph of the Will").

When it comes to expression about the military, is there some reason to prefer the rhetoric of "sacrifice" over that of "glory"? A parade is a form of expression. It's visual speech, visual propaganda. Can you tell whether the theme is sacrifice or glory? Is it inherent in the nature of a military parade that it will say: glory?

Democrats attempt to teach themselves how to speak with American men.

"'Duck Dynasty' was a simple entertainment, but it was also a complicated mash-up of several of the most popular TV genres of its time."

"It had some connection to 'hicksploitation' reality shows like 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' and to series like 'Deadliest Catch' that celebrated people who worked with their hands. It also had the structure and beats of a mockumentary sitcom. Like 'Modern Family,' it often ended with voice-overs summing up the episode’s themes and lessons.... Like 'The Office,' it structured stories around staffers goofing around the warehouse and cooking up schemes like flooding the loading dock to create a duck pond. But there was a key difference.... It was about work, family and faith — a typical episode would close with a prayer over a meal.... 'Duck Dynasty' was affectionate for backwoods ways and tradition.... It gave the patriarch Phil plenty of airtime to sermonize about manhood and encourage his grandsons to marry 'a meek, gentle, kind-spirited country girl.'.... Phil’s opinions came out more blatantly and less telegenically, however, in a 2013 GQ interview, in which he called gay sex a sin and insisted that southern Black farm laborers were happy in Jim Crow-era Louisiana. ... A&E suspended him from the series.The punishment seemed, at the time, like the affirmation of a new cultural order.... The Trump 2016 campaign was in many ways a successful appeal to voters like Phil Robertson, who believed that their views were being silenced, their icons canceled, their traditions trampled, their beliefs insulted.... [Trump] promised... to restore the rich and meaningful lifestyle of their ancestors...."

From "'Duck Dynasty' Is Coming Back to a Changed America/The family reality comedy, being revived on A&E, was a lighthearted entertainment — that anticipated a decade’s worth of cultural politics." (NYT).

The article is about the revival of the show. Phil Robertson does not appear in it, and, as we talked about here, he died a few days ago. 

"Scholars who have studied the earlier age of electric vehicles see parallels in their demise in the early decades of the 1900s..."

"...  and the attacks they are facing now. In both eras, electric cars struggled to gain acceptance in the marketplace and were undermined by politics. A big knock against them was they had to be charged and ultimately were considered less convenient than vehicles with internal combustion engines.... Charging and access to fuel were also concerns a century earlier.... They also had to overcome gender stereotypes. Their benefits like quiet, smooth operation were considered by some men to be too feminine, and, in the late 1800s and early 1900s, many models like the Baker Electric were explicitly marketed only to women.... In the fall of 2022, Representative Majorie Taylor Greene [said].... 'There’s nothing more American than the roar of a V-8 engine under the hood of a Ford Mustang or Chevy Camaro, an incredible feel of all that horsepower.' But Democrats, she said, 'want to emasculate the way we drive.'... 'Musk has done everything he could to try to make a Tesla a manly vehicle,' said Virginia Scharff, ... author of... 'Taking the Wheel: Women and the Coming of the Motor Age.'... But, Ms. Scharff added, Mr. Musk may have gone too far... 'Tesla is so associated with a kind of toxic masculinity now...'..."

From "Electric Vehicles Died a Century Ago. Could That Happen Again? Battery-operated vehicles were a mainstay more than a hundred years ago, but only a few still exist — one happens to be in Jay Leno’s garage" (NYT).

Here's Jay with his Baker:

Here's a charming 1910 ad — "Daddy — Get Me a Baker":

She's very feminine but does seem to know about "the business underneath," the "shaft drive."

"Who made you feel seen when you were growing up?"

One of the questions proposed in "25 Questions to Bring You Closer to Your Mom" (NYT).

When did people start saying that they need to "feel seen"? I don't remember that from the period when I was growing up — the 1950s and 60s. Was there something else that we said that meant "feel seen"? Or is the desire to "feel seen" something new and perhaps transitory?

I did a "deep search" on Grok looking for the origin of the phrase and the closest thing I found to an answer was that it became a common phrase in the last 15 years, perhaps connected with social media. For example: "21 Painfully Relatable Memes That'll Make You Feel Seen" (Cheezburger).

ADDED: "I need to feel seen" strikes me as such a beta thing to say. I told that to Grok, which I'd accidentally left in "deep search" mode, and I think I got man-shamed:

The user’s observation that "I need to feel seen" strikes them as "beta" reflects a specific cultural lens, particularly within internet slang where "beta" is used pejoratively to describe behavior seen as weak, submissive, or overly sensitive, especially in contrast to "alpha" traits like dominance or stoicism. This perception is rooted in certain societal norms around masculinity, particularly in online spaces where traditional masculine ideals are valorized.

IN THE COMMENTS: Kirk Parker said: "The first recorded usage is in Genesis 16:13." I look it up: "She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: 'You are the God who sees me,' for she said, 'I have now seen the One who sees me.'" "She" = the slave Hagar, mother of Ishmael.

"For an appearance at the 2024 TwitchCon convention, Mr. Piker wore a tank top that showed off his arms"/"Some of Mr. Piker’s followers say that, by wearing jewelry..."

"... and painting his nails, he has helped to promote different forms of gender presentation"/"Fashion is something Mr. Piker, who is 6 foot 4 inches tall, has loved since he was a 'too-big' teen growing up in Turkey, he said"/"Mr. Piker, who fasts daily as part of his fitness routine, usually has his first meal around 2 p.m."/"His studio is littered with boxes of Nicorette gum and cartons of Zyn nicotine patches."

Just some of the photo captions from the NYT article: "A Progressive Mind in a MAGA Body/Hasan Piker pumps iron, likes weapons and wears pearls. His brand of masculinity has won him many fans online — and has been a useful vehicle for his politics" (free-access link).

The author is Jack Crosbie. Sample sentence: "This fluency between culture and ideology has led many to brand Mr. Piker a Joe Rogan of the left — if Mr. Rogan had a mop top and painted his nails."

I'll just say: The search for The Joe Rogan of the Left goes on... with low-level desperation.

Stray sociology:

"A new straight-studies course treats male-female partnerships as the real deviance."

Subheadline for a New York Magazine article titled, "If Hetero Relationships Are So Bad, Why Do Women Go Back for More?" The teaser title on the front page is "Do Straight Women Really Exist?" The author of the article is Jessica Bennett.

“In this class, we’re going to flip the script,” [said sociologist Jane Ward to her students on the first day of class]. “It’s going to be a place where we worry about straight people. Where we feel sympathy for straight people. We are going to be allies to straight people.”...

Flipping the script is a good approach to studying the topic, and the topic is worthy of study. However, I don't like being directed to "worry" or "feel sympathy" or "be allies." I'd look at the subject head on. But neutrality is cruel, and women want to present as empathetic. 

The online world seems to get weirder and more retrograde about heterosexuality every day. Idealized masculinity has become more aggressive, more jacked up, and also more high maintenance... while femininity gets ever “softer,” more nurturing and domestic, and somehow still more sexy....

"A startup called Sperm Racing, run by four teenage entrepreneurs from the US, said it had raised $1.5 million to stage the event at the Hollywood Palladium..."

"... on April 25. Eric Zhu, the company’s 17-year-old co-founder, said the inaugural event would pit samples taken from two healthy young university students against each other on a racetrack 20cm (8in) long and modelled on the female reproductive system.... 'We want to turn health into competition,' Zhu said. 'Sperm is surprising as a biomarker. The healthier you are, the faster sperm moves.'... A live video feed, magnified 40 times to display the 0.05mm spermatozoa, will track the samples’ progress....The event will be run over three races in front of a crowd of 4,000 spectators, and feature play-by-play commentary, instant replays and leaderboards, according to Zhu.

I'm reading "What to expect from ‘world’s first competitive sperm race’/A fertility startup raised $1.5 million to stage the event at the Hollywood Palladium this month" (London Times).

With the sperm expected to swim at a speed of 5mm per minute, each race will take something like 40 minutes. There are 3 races... and room for 4,000 spectators. Interesting concept, and congratulations to the teenagers for getting $1.5 million and an article in the London Times, but I think success here depends on the quality of the play-by-play commentators.

For the annals of Things I Asked Grok: "What is the key to doing good play-by-play commentary for a long race, say 40 minutes?"