"You'll get more than dirty looks, you'll get the shushing of a lifetime by retirees who just dropped $300 on wine and cheese."

That's if you sit close to the stage and don't keep quiet. That's the advice at Reddit given to a Madisonian who is thinking of going to next week's Concert On The Square and wants to know if there's any "unwritten etiquette" that needs to be observed.

If you're wondering if I'm one of the shushing retirees, no, I've lived in Madison for 38 years, and I've never gone to one Concert On The Square. I don't know if I've gone to any sort of outdoor classical music concert in my entire life. If I did, it wouldn't be because I thought it would be good listening but because it's a social occasion. Isn't classical music supposed to be indoors? Don't you need walls for it to sound right?

It's not easy being the mayor of Portland.

Liberals riding this tiger are beginning to realize it's getting hungrier. https://t.co/mVVgMYJeka

— Andrew Sullivan (@sullydish) July 23, 2020

You give and give and it's never enough.

It's a great time to ride a bicycle in NYC... and hard to find a bike to buy.

I'm reading "Thinking of Buying a Bike? Get Ready for a Very Long Wait/The United States is facing a shortage of bicycles as anxiety over public transportation and a desire to exercise has sent the demand surging" (NYT):

In March, nationwide sales of bicycles, equipment and repair services nearly doubled compared with the same period last year... By the end of April, many stores and distributors had sold out of low-end consumer bikes....

In April, New York [City] announced that it would temporarily open 100 miles of roads to pedestrians and cyclists — a move that may lead to permanent closures, officials say....

Great (though I picture some of the bikers imagining the city as their biking paradise and intimidating the pedestrians*).

“We are already seeing people who hadn’t biked before are trying it for the first time,’’ [said Polly Trottenberg,** New York City’s transportation commissioner]. “We are going to see a lot more of that as the city starts to come back to life.”...

The article proceeds to talk about the crazy dream of turning Americans into bike commuters.

In Portland, which has the highest percentage of cycling commuters of any American city, only 6.3 percent of commuters ride bikes. By comparison, in Copenhagen nearly half of all trips to work and school take place on bicycles.

America is not going to become Copenhagen, for a lot of obvious reasons. And if NYC came "back to life" with half its commuters on bicycles, it would be a hellscape. Refer to the video in my footnote. Set in Portland, by the way.

But since the pandemic upended daily life in the United States, cycling has taken on a crucial, sanity-saving role: bikes are a way to exercise while gyms stay closed and an inexpensive means of getting around cities where more than 90 percent of riders have abandoned public transportation....

But they're not commuting. Right now, they've got the streets mostly cleared of cars. It's a paradise created out of a deadly disease.

“There is no way to keep inventory for sub-$1,000 bikes,” said Lee Katz, co-owner of Turin Bikes in Chicago. “We’ve got a few right now, but it’s a matter of scrambling for them. We really don’t expect to see much in the way of inventory like that until July.”

This is a great article for getting out the message that if you're in the market for a bike, you'd better plan on spending more than $1,000.

But... some customers wait weeks for new shipments to arrive or scour secondhand sales online....

I'd like to see some discussion of bike theft. Demand is huge, bikes are expensive, and you can sell used bikes on line. I used to commute by bike in Manhattan in the 1970s. I bought what seemed at the time like an expensive bike — a 10-speed — and it cost $110. Riding it, I was highly conscious that I could get killed at any moment, and when I got to work, I locked it up with an expensive "titanium" contraption and took off the front wheel and brought it with me up the elevator into my office. I was so worried about getting my bike stolen. And getting killed. What a fine combination! City life. I think I made $165 a week at that job.
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* "I'm on a bike!":



** Peggy Trottenberg is promoting biking but, based on her name, I think she trots through the burg.

Why is Sherrod Brown giving us the yellow bird?

It gets your attention and you're likely to laugh and say "what?!"...



... but it's actually very easy to figure it out. My google image search (above) produced an image for "Canary Cast," and clicking, I saw that's the name of Brown's podcast.  That image shows a yellow bird — obviously a canary — in a cage, so even though I want to veer into a joke like "I Know Why the Caged Bird Runs for President," I immediately see that it's the idea of a canary in a coal mine. Brown must see himself as someone who is aware of problems early on, though the canary in a coal mine doesn't really notice and think about problems; its early warning comes in the form of dropping dead, so it doesn't really seem like a good metaphor. But it's Sherrod Brown's metaphor, and he got your attention. From the podcast website:

Brown’s podcast is named Canarycast, a nod to the canary pin Brown wears on his lapel instead of the official Senate pin. An Ohio steelworker gave Brown the pin. He wears it as a reminder of the progress the country has made since the days when the only thing coal miners had to protect them was a canary – and all the work still left to do to ensure American workers are valued.

And... put a bird on it:



ADDED: After writing this post, I read "Sherrod Brown Gives America the Bird/Breaking down Sherrod Brown's canary" (The Bulwark), and it too embeds the "put a bird on it" Portlandia clip. Also:

Sherrod Brown’s logo somehow ignores... all commonly held principles of visual cohesion. He’s attempting to combine a (stale) wordmark with a (vague and enigmatic, but in a bad way) pictorial. The effort toward a logo system is apparent, but it’s the design equivalent of eating the whole wheel of cheese. I’m not even mad. It’s amazing....

 

The canary is not my favorite thing in the world. It’s weak. It’s lifeless. It guarantees that Trump will nickname Brown “Tweety Bird.” Let me amend that: I hate the canary.

But at least it’s an idea. And if you have a visual idea that means something to the product—even if it’s a bad visual idea—then you can use it to anchor a brand.

The Grammys comedy sketch about trying out as the audiobook reader of "Fire and Fury" (and ending with Hillary Clinton).

"Spoken Word" is a category in the Grammy Awards, and it seems to be almost entirely the audiobook version of published, printed books. I love audiobooks, but I wouldn't call them "spoken word" performances. They keep giving the award to Presidents — Jimmy Carter (more than once! including 2 years ago for "A Full Life: Reflections at 90"), Bill Clinton (beating out David Sedaris!). They gave it to Hillary Clinton in 1997 for "It Takes a Village" (come on! who wants to listen to Hillary Clinton read her book).

My idea of a "spoken word" performance would be something more like what Spalding Gray used to do. Something like this, which he could take on tour and perform on stage, and you'd actually go see in a concert hall. I've done that. I've seen Henry Rollins give a spoken word concert. He once won a Grammy in the spoken word category, but it wasn't for a live, memorized performance like what I saw here in Madison years ago. It was a reading of his book "Get in the Van." And speaking — in written word — of Henry Rollins, I loved his performance on "Portlandia" as a member of the old punk rock band Riot Spray:



But back to last night's Grammys. I can't stand the Grammys, though I did DVR the show and attempt (unsuccessfully) to watch a few things, but I did watch that "Fire and Fury" sketch (just now, on YouTube). It must be hard for the Grammys people to figure out how to do politics, because they are playing to a general audience, and the people of the United States did elect Donald Trump. They can't act like they're talking within a group that all agree they hate Donald Trump. And yet those who like Donald Trump may like him in part because he can take all the heat you want to give him, his whole life has been heat, he likes heat, in a certain way. He wins even when he's attacked, as a certain subgroup of Trump fans understand.

In last night's sketch, we saw Cardi B, John Legend, DJ Khaled, Cher, and Snoop Dogg along with Hillary Clinton, and they were comical in different ways, some of which could be viewed as skeptical of the book or even admiring of Trump. Cardi B stops and says "Why am I even reading this shit? I can't believe this!" DJ Khaled seemed to love embodying Trump to proclaim, "If my shirt is on the floor, it's because I want it on the floor."

And a joke is made at Hillary's expense, with James Corden assuring her that her spoken-word Grammy is "in the bag." She has to say "The Grammy's the bag?" in an excited hopeful voice to set up the comedian James Cordon's line "in the bag," which is said in a way intended to remind us of how Hillary was (it seems) duped by pollsters and advisers assuring her that she'd already won the election.

ADDED: That "Portlandia" clip is even better now that Bruno Mars won all the Grammys.

"You have seen how much power we have downtown and that the police cannot stop us from shutting down roads so please consider your decision wisely."

Said the anonymous email that caused Portland to cancel its Rose Festival Parade, WaPo reports.

Set to march in the parade’s 67th spot this year was the Multnomah County Republican Party, a fact that so outraged two self-described antifascist groups in the deep blue Oregon city that they pledged to protest and disrupt the April 29 event.

Then came an anonymous and ominous email, according to parade organizers, that instructed them to cancel the GOP group’s registration — or else...  200 people would “rush into the parade” and “drag and push” those marching with the Republican Party.

“We will not give one inch to groups who espouse hatred toward LGBT, immigrants, people of color or others,” it said....

So now that's all it takes to end freedom of expression in Portland. What a flimsy, pathetic place.

And it was only a threat to drag and push a specific set of people who were going to be present at a particular place and time. Do the police in Portland not know how to manage crowds? Let the parade happen, let the protesters arrive and protest, and deal with the situation as it unfolds. If you won't do that, you don't have a free society.

ADDED: The threat to shut down roads is particularly absurd to me after what I've seen in Madison down at the state capitol. When the protesters were coming, the police themselves would shut down the roads to make it easier on everyone. I've also seen the police here deal with situations where they knew antagonistic groups were going to be in the same place at the same time. There are techniques for this. You don't just give up and say now we can't assemble in groups anymore.

A Portland solution to homelessness: Build tiny houses in homeowners backyards.

The homeowner gets the petite outbuilding free in exchange for an agreement to serve as a landlord for an otherwise homeless family for 5 years. After 5 years, the homeowner gets a tiny house that's been lived in for 5 years and they can do what they want with it.

The living quarters, to be used in your — or your neighbors' — backyard, "would be about 200 square feet, with bunkbeds for the kids and water, sanitation and plumbing."

What sort of homeowner would do this? You would have people — with children — living right next to you in a horribly cramped space and you would be the landlord, with the responsibility to maintain habitable conditions. But you are not an experienced landlord. You may have good intentions and think kindly of the homeless in the abstract, but how would that idealism translate into proximity to real people who are your tenants, whose problems with the living conditions are your problems. Do you think these people will love you, their benefactor? You are the landlord!

But maybe you're thinking: If I can deal with this for 5 years, I'll be able to AirBnB it....

(Rethinking buying a house in Portland.)

"Let's go live someplace bloggable — blog some new place."

I hear myself say.

It's not a thought I haven't had before, but here's the precise thing I was reading that provoked my exclamation:

It’s a diet fit for a Prince.

Purple reins* on the distressed wood tables at chic restaurants in Portland....

It doesn't have to be Portland, but don't you want your Althouse from Portland? If not Portland, then where? Do you need me to keep monitoring Madison?

Althouse should blog from...

Madison, as always, only going elsewhere as a traveler.

Portland!

Somewhere other than Madison or Portland.

No fixed home, just move to one location, maybe for a year, then another and another, etc.

Althouse is always only on the internet, no real-life place matters. Althouse is not a home.

 

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* The writer screwed up her own joke. It should be "Purple reigns." She knew she had to spell it differently from "rain," but she didn't know which way to spell it differently. It really matters when you're doing a pun. If you can't pull it off, rein it in.

More Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer on "SNL" — nicely done.

I like the way the second go-round with this was good and not just overmilking something that was successful the first time. I also like this thing of the female cast members impersonating men. Not to take anything away from the male cast members who have impersonated females over the years — not that I can think of any (other than Dan Aykroyd doing Julia Child) — but it takes something special for a woman who's worked hard to get perceived as physically attractive to put on a balding-man wig and show her face without the "smoky eye" getup.

Not only did Melissa McCarthy play Sean Spicer, but — in the same clip above — Kate McKinnon plays Jeff Sessions. And later in the show Leslie Jones makes her bid to play Donald Trump:



AND: For those of you who are about to tell me "SNL" only goes after conservatives, it's not true. Look at this sketch, which went on early in last night's show:



I have a few different theories about this: 1. They realize comedy is better when nothing is sacred and you go after everybody, 2. They know "Portlandia" is better than "SNL" and they're trying to get some of that style of humor, 3. They really do just want to go after conservatives but they know it won't work if they only go after conservatives, so sometimes they bank an anti-liberal sketch to improve their credibility.

"The first thing we're going to do is to go over some of the amenities of The Home Theater Experience."

"Portlandia" has been even greater than usual lately. The Home Theater Experience material from the new episode is the clip I found on line, and AV Club liked it best, but what I really wanted to show you was the "safe bully" part:

[Fred Armisen plays] “The Safe Bully,” who is brought in by a school after a PTA meeting where parents complain that their children don’t have enough grit. He picks on kids, but also helps them up, and even offers them food when they don’t have any lunch money. It’s a lot of cognitive dissonance for the children, but it ultimately works, as within three days, they gain the courage to stand up to him, and his work is done. Amusingly, the parents now complain that their children have too much grit, and they can no longer tell them what to do....

The real-life feminist bookstore that's the setting for the fictional feminist bookstore on "Portlandia" is mad at "Portlandia."

"Fuck Portlandia/Written by In Other Words Staff."

The Women and Women First segments that are filmed at In Other Words are trans-antagonistic and trans-misogynist and have only become more offensive as the show goes on. ‘LOL Fred Armisen in a wig and a dress’ is a deeply shitty joke whose sole punchline throws trans femmes under the bus by holding up their gender presentation for mockery and ridicule. In a world where trans femmes – particularly Black trans women – are being brutalized and murdered on a regular basis for simply daring to exist, dude in a dress jokes are lazy, reactionary, and actively harmful. They’re also just straight up not funny.

Also: there are no Black people on Portlandia. There are a tiny number of people of color on Portlandia. Portland is white but it’s not that damn white....

Fred Armisen in his feminist bookstore persona Candace Devereaux reads "Portlandia Travelogue: The Brussels to Antwerp Express."

Downloadable free here.

A literary train journey on the Brussels to Antwerp Express through the erotic world of European train stations and mysterious faces, by Candace Devereaux (Fred Armisen) from Portland's Women and Women First Bookstore.

It's a reminder that "Portlandia" begins a new season soon.

I'd never noticed that the character had the last name Devereaux. That's significant to anyone who's read the great David Rakoff essay "The Satisfying Crunch of Dreams Underfoot" (found in the collection "Half Empty"). He tells about having to judge a best-unpublished-novel contest and plowing through 2,000 manuscripts:

For the most part we ate our sandwiches and worked silently, all the while, of course, vigilantly on Devereaux Watch. For mysterious reasons, possibly having to do with schlock auteur Aaron Spelling, in amateur writing, Devereaux is the default name for either the president, a ne’er-do-well scion of a powerful clan, an iron-willed jewel-encrusted dowager, or the family manse whose stately façade conceals many dark secrets. There was no prize for winning the Devereaux Watch. Coming upon the first—and by no means only—appearance of the name on a given day’s reading was its own reward, and finding it never took longer than seven minutes.

When did Aaron Spelling start this? I assume it was 1984, the "New Lady in Town" episode of "Dynasty":

Don't buy anything.

I adopted that slogan for myself when my sons were in college. The theory was: You can create a new income stream for yourself — when you need it — by taking a new attitude about spending. Obviously, you have to buy some things, notably food, but as an adult established in my own house, I could get by just fine with the clothes I already had, and I didn't need the indulgence of buying myself a gift just because I happen to have wandered into a store. If I entered a store, in my head was that mantra: Don't buy anything. It worked.

So I was interested in this story: "The Buy Nothing Year: How Two Roommates Saved More Than $55,000."

"And down the street is a retro-chic bakery, where... the windows are decorated with bird silhouettes — the universal symbol for 'hipsters welcome.'"

From the second paragraph of a NYT style article titled "Creating Hipsturbia" about NY suburb such as Hastings-on-Hudson. That bird business called to mind this segment from the TV show "Portlandia":



Anyway, the article is interesting and amusingly written, even if you don't worry about how suburbs can adapt to the tastes of "the type of alt-culture-allegiant urbanites who once considered themselves too cool to ever leave the city."

"Hipsturbia" is a good portmanteau word (if "good" includes making people who are trying to feel good about something feel bad).

To ward off the nagging sense that a move to the suburbs is tantamount to becoming like one’s parents, this urban-zen generation is seeking out palatable alternatives... and importing the trappings of a twee lifestyle like bearded mixologists, locavore restaurants and antler-laden boutiques.

How are they supposed to ward off nagging senses with the NYT dogging them like this? Don't these people know they are never ever ever supposed to leave the city — not for fresh air, not for adequate housing at a remotely decent price, not for good enough public schools, not for anything? If you leave you will be punished. You may try to get something that reminds you of the Real Life that can only be had in Brooklyn, but you will be pleasuring yourself with antlers.