"I apologize for saying white male writers having trouble finding work is a form of racism. I absolutely do not believe that racism is practiced against white writers."

"Please know that I strongly support a diversity of voices being heard — in literature, in Hollywood, everywhere."

Said the best-seller writer James Patterson, quoted in "James Patterson Apologizes for Saying White Writers Face a ‘Form of Racism’/The comments by Mr. Patterson, the prolific author of best-selling thrillers, had been widely criticized" (NYT).

How dumb do you have to be to make that point if you're not willing to stand by it? The criticism was utterly predictable, so the apology means just about nothing.

It only makes me wonder, why is he such a big success? And yet he wanted to try out the idea that guys like him are held back while others are promoted ahead of him.

A staple of best-seller lists, he has written children’s books and biographies as well as works of science fiction and fantasy.... Mr. Patterson has also written two books with former President Bill Clinton and one book, “Run, Rose, Run,” with Dolly Parton, published in March. He was awarded the National Humanities Medal in 2019. A White House citation accompanying the honor called him “one of the most successful American authors of our time.”

Not one of the best American authors of our time, just one of the most successful! Not even the most successful, just one of the most successful. He got a medal for that — from the President of the United States! Funnily, Trump's name is left out of this article, but it was 2019 and the medal is presented by the President of the United States. So that was Trump, and right after Patterson had co-written a novel with Bill Clinton. 

Speaking of white men, did Bill Clinton deserve his position as co-author of "The President Is Missing"?

And speaking of apologies, Lizzo — who is neither white nor a man — apologized after she got criticized for using the word "spaz" in a song: "I’mma spaz; I’m about to knock somebody out." See "Fans told Lizzo a word in her song was offensive. She changed the lyrics" (WaPo).

Not just for Justin Trudeau anymore: Fake eyebrows are worn by the fictional President of the United States in that novel "co-written" by Bill Clinton.

I'm reading that brilliant, hilarious Anthony Lane essay in The New Yorker, "Bill Clinton and James Patterson’s Concussive Collaboration/'The President Is Missing' contains most of what you’d expect from this duo: politico-historical ramblings, mixed metaphors, saving the world. But why is there no sex?" As the title suggests, the essay is jam-packed with great observations, but I'm just blogging enough to tell you about the eyebrows:

Jon Duncan is the President of the United States... “a war hero with rugged good looks and a sharp sense of humor,” not to mention a beguiling modesty... Duncan is facing possible impeachment... Another problem: a female assassin is in the offing.... There are also a couple of computer wonks, motives unclear: the first, “a cross between a Calvin Klein model and a Eurotrash punk rocker,” if you can picture such a creature; the second, a frightened fellow who arranges a covert meeting with the President at Nationals Park. Nail-gnawing stuff.

No wonder Duncan dreams of sitting there in the stadium, crisis-free, with a hot dog and a beer. And he knows which beer, too: “At a ball game, there is no finer beverage than an ice-cold Bud,” he says to himself. Not since Daniel Craig practically ruined “Casino Royale” by pimping his watch to Eva Green (“Rolex?” “Omega.” “Beautiful”) has a product been placed with such unblushing zeal.

The reason Duncan can attend the game, alone, is that he’s wearing a Nationals cap, plus thickened eyebrows and spectacles. Aided by this impenetrable disguise, he slips out of the White House and, bereft of a security detail, goes on the lam....

Google books let me get a screen grab and saved me from having to buy the Kindle text to show you this. Click to enlarge:

The long lost first segment of the Bill Clinton appearance on Stephen Colbert's show last night.

I am just now realizing that the 7+ minutes of Bill and Stephen that I watched so closely this morning is the second half of a 2-segment appearance. So here's part 1, and once again I will share my reactions in a numbered list, updating this post as I go.



1. Colbert begins by talking about Bill Clinton's disastrous "Today" show interview. Colbert underplays it. He says he "noticed" that Bill didn't "enjoy" all of it, and asks Bill if he understands why people would call it "tone deaf" and whether he's learned something from the #MeToo movement. Clinton blames the editing (which he calls "distilling") for making what he said look as though he said he didn't apologize, so — as a viewer of that fake news (not that he called it "fake news") — he was "mad at me."

2. Clinton gives sad face as he tells us that what happened to him was painful and he's had to live with it, lo, these 20 years. And — as if he's not on the wrong side of it — he says #MeToo is "long overdue" and "we should all support it." He bites his lip, Clinton-style, at least twice, clears his throat, and shakes his head before sententiously opining that he likes thinking that "we're all getting better." He twitches and can't make eye contact, and here's that lip bite again!



3. James Patterson sweeps in uninvited to tell us that Clinton is "wonderful, wonderful, wonderful."

4. Colbert lectures Clinton on tone-deafness. In #MeToo times, we hold powerful men accountable for what they did, especially to young underlings, even if it happened long ago. Why should Clinton act "offended" that he was confronted when "your behavior was the most famous example of a powerful man sexually misbehaving in the workplace of my lifetime"? "Why are you surprised?" Clinton tries to make a special case out of the "Today" show confrontation because it began with an assertion that he hadn't apologized. But many viewers didn't know the facts, he said, so that's why he "seemed to be tone-deaf." Seemed.

5. The #MeToo stuff ends and there's a lot of chatter about the midterm elections. So I guess Bill Clinton got away with talking about other people getting the facts wrong and his having apologized. Which is really just one thing, since the facts that people supposedly got wrong were about whether he apologized. That shouldn't satisfy those of us who care about sexual harassment in the workplace!

6. What was different here than on the "Today" show? He basically repeated the same talking points, blaming others, seeking pity for his pain, and making it about apologies. He just didn't get visibly mad. I guess that lip-biting works.

Bill Clinton was so embarrassingly awful on the "Today" show, and then he tried again, last night, on Stephen Colbert's show.

I haven't watched it yet. I'll give you the clip — watch it with me — and add my comments in a few minutes:



1. I'm only up to 0:03, and look at the expression on Bill's face:



He's already angry!

2. Colbert begins by talking about the book — the thriller Bill purportedly co-wrote with James Patterson. Colbert's question — aimed at Patterson — is apt and funny: What did Clinton add to this project that you couldn't have come up with yourself? Patterson babbled meaninglessly. He writes pulp and speaks pulp. Some bullshit about authenticity. The question does its work, underscoring what I already think, that Clinton didn't co-write it at all, but put his name on the cover and is participating in this promotional tour. If I had to guess, I'd guess Clinton had someone working for him who read Patterson's drafts, which were marked up with questions and requests for material that could be used to pad out the book, and the assistant had some access to Clinton to use in preparing a response to Patterson. I see no rapport between those 2 men and don't believe they worked together in some way that Clinton pursued for the intrinsic value of creative expression. Patterson is not an amusing associate for Clinton, but the other end of a deal to make money and get good publicity (which makes the bad publicity he's getting so tragic/hilarious). — written after pausing at 0:50.

3. At 1:19, Bill Clinton is warming up, exuding his charm — don't get that on your dress — and finding a way without saying the name to bring up Trump and elicit hoots of hate from the audience that came to a show where hooting hatefully at Trump is what one does. It's so easy, but let's see how many times and how desperately Clinton grabs for that easy rapport with the folks in the room.

4. Just noticing the size of that watch:



5. Colbert interrupts some boring talk about the Secret Service to gratuitously diss Donald Trump and the audience breaks into the chant "Stephen. Stephen. Stephen." Written after pausing at 2:50.

6. After some reference to Melania Trump, Bill Clinton says he likes her and seeing a picture of her made him feel good. Why would he give Colbert that opening to pursue him about his sexual problems? And why doesn't Colbert snap up the opening? At 3:15.

7. At 3:36, we've just gotten a great chance to observe Clinton's demeanor when he is lying.



He's saying that his legal team never considered whether the President could pardon himself. There's no way that's true. I'm sure he could come up with a weaselly argument that it's not a lie. He might say that he believed all along that it was strategically bad for the President to pardon himself, so it didn't matter whether technically the legal argument for presidential power would succeed in court, but the lawyers would for the sake of completeness have researched that question and presented it to him, but he paid only minimal attention to it at the time, since political survival was what really mattered. By the way, if you're looking at my screen grab and thinking about the position of his eyes, remember that Bill Clinton is left-handed.

8. Clinton on his own shifts from the subject of the pardon — where we know he's lying — to the subject of preparing for the interview tonight after the disastrous performance on the "Today" show. He says he did practice interviews — "murder boards" — where his people act as Colbert stand-ins and asked "meaner questions than Colbert would" and then help him tune up his answers, so they're not just what comes straight from his "heart." That is, he's telling us the "Today" show interview, though bad, was spontaneous, and he's not going to do that anymore. Colbert doesn't follow up! He nervously shifts to Patterson and makes the topic Trump again! Does Patterson think "Trump is a believable character"?

9. Colbert brings up North Korea. Bill Clinton says: "We should all want President Trump to succeed here." This is decent. Maybe I shouldn't criticize. But I'll just say this is a nice rest period for Clinton. He can calmly explain something in a presidential style. The audience delivers splattering applause.

10. And that's it. Colbert declares the end of the interview. Quite the softball interview. No mention of Monica Lewinsky. The closest they got to sex was Bill's feeling "good" when he looked at a picture of Melania.

AND: I am just now seeing that the video I watched here was the second segment. There's 9 minutes more and that came first. I'll do a new post with the first segment embedded and see if I can give it the same multi-pointed close watch.

FINALLY: Here's the new post covering the first segment.

Bill Clinton wrote a novel?

The headline at EW — and linked at Drudge — is "Bill Clinton's first novel to become a Showtime TV series in major deal."

But I guess it depends on what the meaning of writing a novel is:

The former president and bestselling author James Patterson have selected Showtime to adapt their upcoming thriller, The President Is Missing.

Is the title a clue to who wrote the novel?

The novel, set to be published in 2018, tells the story of a sitting U.S. president’s mysterious disappearance with the level of detail that only someone who has held the highest office can know.

So Clinton at least told Patterson some details. Am I supposed to know of Patterson? I had to look up his Wikipedia page. It says:

Patterson has written 147 novels since 1976. He has had 114 New York Times bestselling novels, and holds The New York Times record for most #1 New York Times bestsellers by a single author, a total of 67, which is also a Guinness World Record. His novels account for one in 17 of all hardcover novels sold in the United States; in recent years his novels have sold more copies than those of Stephen King, John Grisham, and Dan Brown combined. His books have sold approximately 305 million copies worldwide.

I guess it's well established that this Patterson character can crank out a book. Clinton aligns with him to feed him some supposedly special details of life as a President or (even more conveniently) to allow the PR to say he did, and it's no surprise studios and networks vie for the privilege of throwing money at them.

“Bringing The President Is Missing to Showtime is a coup of the highest order,” said Showtime president and CEO David Nevins. “The pairing of President Clinton with fiction’s most gripping storyteller promises a kinetic experience, one that the book world has salivated over for months and that now will dovetail perfectly into a politically relevant, character-based action series for our network.”

A kinetic experience lubricated with months of drool? Sounds delicious.