१६ मे, २०२४

"We made a mistake. Our ads referencing celibacy were an attempt to lean into a community frustrated by modern dating..."

"... and instead of bringing joy and humor, we unintentionally did the opposite. Some of the perspectives we heard were: from those who shared that celibacy is the only answer when reproductive rights are continuously restricted; from others for whom celibacy is a choice, one that we respect; and from the asexual community, for whom celibacy can have a particular meaning and importance, which should not be diminished. We are also aware that for many, celibacy may be brought on by harm or trauma."

Said the dating app company Bumble, apologizing for its ad campaign with the slogan "A vow of celibacy is not the answer/Introducing the new Bumble."

I'm reading about this in "Bumble to Users: You Need Sex. Users to Bumble: Get Lost. A new advertising campaign from the dating app set off a firestorm of criticism, prompting the company to apologize" (NYT).  From the article, which is by Gina Cherelus, who says, "Framing celibacy and abstinence from sex as a negative isn’t all that different from framing promiscuity and sexual freedom as shameful."
For Tobi Ijitoye, a program manager who lives in London, the campaign felt similar to societal pressures women feel with dating or settling down in a relationship. “It’s like, ‘Oh no, you have to engage in dating, you have to try and find a man or else you’re going to end up with cats.’ And I’m like, Why is that a threat?” Ms. Ijitoye said in a phone interview. “You want me to use the app, but you’re threatening me by telling me that the choices that I’ve made as an adult human being is going to make me miserable?”

Why must cats always pop up? Just to mention them, even derisively like this, is to participate in the terrifying stereotype. Does no one believe that the life of solitude is dignified, rich, and deeply beneficial? 

ADDED: The apology was posted here, on Instagram, where you can read many responses from non-customers of the company. Example:

As a marketer, my secondhand embarrassment for y'all is strong. HUGE miss. Women are tired of the harrassment, gaslighting, abuse, and trauma we experience at the hands of men. Shaming us back into engaging with them will not work. It's appalling that this company is managed by women who clearly have not read the room. I hope women continue to leave your app and others in droves. If anyone needs to be lectured or mocked about changing their behavior its MEN. Every woman i know has had many, many negative experiences on and off the dating apps. It's not worth the time, effort and money and never was. BYE!

And:

Women don’t want to have sex with men who don’t deserve them. Maybe there’s a quality men problem not an issue with women. Celibacy wasn’t the issue, it was the reaction to it.

५८ टिप्पण्या:

Aggie म्हणाले...

Modern corporations might do better if they didn't assume everyone's skin is made of tissue paper. It's a terrible insult to their (normal) customers.

What are celibate people doing on Bumble in the first place? Not that anybody cares, but.... if one takes up skydiving and jumps from a plane, one is hardly in a position to complain about having the wind in their face.

I swear, some people: They'd complain if you hung'em with a new rope

Dave Begley म्हणाले...

The Cat Lady is a real thing.

Bob Boyd म्हणाले...

Cat shaming.

rhhardin म्हणाले...

If you're wrapped up in yourself, as women tend to be, it's not beneficial, though it saves some man a lot of grief.

If you're actually interested in something exterior it's another matter.

R C Belaire म्हणाले...

AA : "Does no one believe that the life of solitude is dignified, rich, and deeply beneficial? "

Especially so for the cats.

Old and slow म्हणाले...

It is a DATING app. Why the hell would anyone who desires celibacy be using it? They wouldn't be.

Dave Begley म्हणाले...

A better advertising theme: Life is better shared.

Mr Wibble म्हणाले...

Women don’t want to have sex with men who don’t deserve them. Maybe there’s a quality men problem not an issue with women.

It's never the woman's fault. No matter what, they can never be assigned any of the blame for the misfortunes in their lives.

"Reason, and accountability" indeed.

Clark म्हणाले...

Those commenters sound like they need to get laid.

Jonathan Burack म्हणाले...

Besides, what is it with cats? I met my future wife via an app, and when I started to visit her and finally moved to her city, I brought my two cats with me. They fully approved of the arrangement, except they hated the long drive in the car during the time I was going back and forth. Cats are not as effusive as dogs, but they understand the value of a two-parent home -- as long as you feed them, clean the liter, and let them sleep late.

Marcus Bressler म्हणाले...

I prefer "chaste" as "no sex" and "celibacy" as not getting married (no sex before marriage and maybe not so much after). YMMV

tim maguire म्हणाले...

Maybe there’s a quality men problem not an issue with women.

Yes, of course. Women are never the problem.

I can't believe a dating app has to apologize for being sex-positive! Did Bumble consider that they might get massive free publicity from telling their critics to fuck off? Seriously, there is room in our economy and our society for a company with backbone. People are yearning for it.

wild chicken म्हणाले...

Aaaaannd the Althouse Dudes weigh in...

Iman म्हणाले...
ही टिप्पणी लेखकाना हलविली आहे.
Rafe म्हणाले...

“Women don’t want to have sex with men who don’t deserve them. Maybe there’s a quality men problem not an issue with women.”

I think I see your problem, lady. See, quality men and women are not on dating apps.

- Rafe

gilbar म्हणाले...

it's always fun listening to old retired people here trying to understand; it makes me laugh

Zavier Onasses म्हणाले...

Bumble bumbled it.

Bob Boyd म्हणाले...

Alternate Headline:

Bumble to Users: Get fucked. Users to Bumble: Fuck off.
A new advertising campaign from the dating app makes people madder than a wet cat. Company executives briefly ponder the dignity and benefits of a life of unemployed solitude, issue abject apology.

Kevin म्हणाले...

Women outraged, news at 11.

Bob Boyd म्हणाले...

Ms. Bojangles

She spoke in tears of fifteen years
How her cats and her
They kept house
Her cats up and died

They up and died
But she just got some more

Howard म्हणाले...

Sex and making love are two different activities. They are both necessary human activities, but the goal should be to find true connections and make love rather than bounce from hook ups.

Psychologically I think it's like the difference between gobbling junk food and enjoying a whole food omnivore diet of all of the best that Mother Nature has to offer prepared thoughtfully and artfully.

MadTownGuy म्हणाले...

"Why must cats always pop up? Just to mention them, even derisively like this, is to participate in the terrifying stereotype. Does no one believe that the life of solitude is dignified, rich, and deeply beneficial?"

From what I've seen (personal experience WRT relatives), cats are surrogates for kids, with the extra bonus that they are lower maintenance. The maternal instinct lives on.

Achilles म्हणाले...

"And:Women don’t want to have sex with men who don’t deserve them. Maybe there’s a quality men problem not an issue with women."

Spoken like a true harem girl.

Women control access to sex. Men control access to relationships.

If you ask women to rate their attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10 you will get an average of 9.5. It is consistently shown that about 10% of men are "successful" on these dating apps. What ends up happening is that women on these apps whore themselves out to the same top 10% of men and act like harem girls.

Then somewhere in their 30's they want to "settle down" and have a family. They find out that the men who "are good enough for them" don't want a 30 something harem girl who is by definition average in appearance for a relationship. Those men generally prefer a 20 something girl who never had a whore app account like Bumble.

Being a Harem girl does not generally result long term happiness for women.

Patrick म्हणाले...

I thank God my wife and I found each other before all this got started.

NorthOfTheOneOhOne म्हणाले...

Women don’t want to have sex with men who don’t deserve them.

Should have stopped after the first six words.

Howard म्हणाले...
ही टिप्पणी लेखकाना हलविली आहे.
Howard म्हणाले...

Cat ladies are a thing. When I was in high school I was a helper for a carpet installer. We were putting in new carpet in a 4th floor walk up in downtown Los Angeles in August. The deceased tenant was a cat lady who lived there for over 20 years. The apartment stunk of cat urine so bad it made your eyes water. We tore up the old carpet and beneath it was an ancient jute padding that was completely saturated with cat pee. It was so bad it completely saturated your whole being and you kept smelling it for the next week and a half. I've been allergic to cats ever since.

The craziest cat lady ever was a 60 year old woman who in her earlier life was a very successful model. She was gorgeous wearing a t-shirt and jeans she had one of the finest physiques on a female I've ever seen high cheekbones, muscular bum, way up firm and high, absolutely gorgeous long straight dark gray hair not a ounce of makeup. A truly striking woman. Anyways I was working at a closed leather tannery doing an environmental investigation in support of a brownfield redevelopment. She was taking care of all of the hundreds of feral cats that it inhabited this 12 acre facility. She was spending hundreds of dollars every week on canned cat food that she distributed throughout the plant. One day while we were drilling she came up to us and scolded us for making too much noise. She said we were disturbing the cats and that we needed to drill more quietly and to avoid working around their "dens". This was the first time I'd ever seen her up close and I swear to God looking into her eyes was like staring into the face of Medusa. I've never seen anyone so beautiful and completely repellently ugly at the same time.

Gusty Winds म्हणाले...

Blogger Iman said...
Don’t forget the Onanists… of which we have a few here… hello, Rich!

I'm not defending Rich, but we're all Onanists. Some people just won't admit it. Don't knock it 'till you try it. It's also a great source of humor.

Mark Twain's "Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism" is hilarious.

George Carlin regarding Catholic teachings, "They were always pushin' for pain, and I was pullin' for pleasure."

Christopher B म्हणाले...

It appears that belief in Prince Charming isn't as dead as you would think.

Keep kissing those frogs!

Dave Begley म्हणाले...

Wise words from Howard!

Gusty Winds म्हणाले...

Blogger Iman said...
Don’t forget the Onanists… of which we have a few here… hello, Rich!

If you flip through the over 50 on line dating profiles, onanism often seems the best option.

Ice Nine म्हणाले...

"The asexual community." (snort)

Damn, it's hard keeping up with all the "communities" these days!

mezzrow म्हणाले...

we're all Onanists. Some people just won't admit it. Don't knock it 'till you try it.

To try it IS to knock it, though. It's as if sexual matters are fraught with contradiction.

Imagine that.

Yancey Ward म्हणाले...

There is a lot more to sex than intercourse- just saying.

n.n म्हणाले...

Some behaviors have no redeeming value to humanity or society, that are individual choices that can be tolerated but don't garner pride or parades.

rehajm म्हणाले...

Old and slow said...
It is a DATING app. Why the hell would anyone who desires celibacy be using it? They wouldn't be.


Holy crap thank you! Jeez Louise...

I'm at an age where the women in my little high school clique have begun looking me up after going missing for decades. Of the six women in my friend group, five are divorced and living a life of solitude. One of them lives in a van, more or less. All of the single ones have cats. Multiple. None of them seem to be all that happy but that's just my observation. As Dave says cat lady is a thing, Ann's objections to the contrary...

Freeman Hunt म्हणाले...

I like Howard's story.

We recently visited someone we hadn't seen in a long time. Before we arrived, he said, "I hope you like cats."

"We do."

"Good. We have a lot of cats."

"Fun! How many?"

"Twenty-two."

!!!

We arrived and were surprised to find that there was no sign of cats at all. No smell, no hair. If you didn't see a cat toy or an actual cat, you'd have no idea that any cats lived in the house. Someone was spending a lot of time on these cats.

We asked how they ended up with twenty-two cats. Several years earlier, they'd decided to have the wife's mother move in with them. She'd been taking care of a colony of feral cats and didn't want to leave them because she was afraid they'd die. So, they moved the entire colony of feral cats into their house. The mother takes care of the cats.

Is there a more devoted son-in-law? I doubt it.

n.n म्हणाले...

Progressivism has scientifically determined the optimal balance of lust and abortion a la DEI.

Darkisland म्हणाले...

If I have sex with cats instead of humans, does that make me celibate?

John Henry

Joe Smith म्हणाले...

The celibacy line is kind of clever...

Hassayamper म्हणाले...

@Wibble: It's never the woman's fault.

There is in fact a useful heuristic called Althouse's Law, promulgated by our gracious hostess herself some 20 years ago:

I've said it before, and I must repeat, the rule is: If you do scientific research into the differences between men and women, you must portray whatever you find to be true of women as superior. And when you read reports about scientific research into the differences between men and women, use the hypothesis that the scientists are following that rule. It makes reading the reports quite humorous.

If 80 percent of the women on Bumble behave as harem girls and booty calls for 10 percent of the men, and the other 90 percent of the men are rated "below average" and undesirable by the women, it's obviously the fault of both sets of men (I believe the kids' terminology would be the "fuckboys" and the "incels").

Yancey Ward म्हणाले...

"If I have sex with cats instead of humans, does that make me celibate?"

You would have to ask Howard and his pus......cat.

Temujin म्हणाले...

Never apologize.

n.n म्हणाले...

If I have sex with cats instead of humans, does that make me celibate?

It depends on which hole... whore h/t NAACP you use for intercourse. Also, with Respect, more than one whore is unmarriagable, but simultaneously the government cannot discriminate by sexual orientation: transpecies, sadomasochism, pedophilia, etc. Just Do Her... It... whoever, whatever. #NoJudgment #NoLabels

MayBee म्हणाले...

Are “dating” and “sex” synonymous? Can’t you date and be celibate?

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent म्हणाले...

'The craziest cat lady ever was a 60 year old woman who in her earlier life was a very successful model. She was gorgeous wearing a t-shirt and jeans she had one of the finest physiques on a female I've ever seen high cheekbones, muscular bum, way up firm and high, absolutely gorgeous long straight dark gray hair not a ounce of makeup. A truly striking woman. Anyways I was working at a closed leather tannery..."

That could actually be fleshed into a great short story. Good things happen when we don't talk about politics...

Fred Drinkwater म्हणाले...

This is silly. Teasing people who are not, and probably never will be, customers, seems like reasonable marketing. Why should Bumble care? (Ohh, I know! It's probably a Hate Crime!)

Some folks just read the wrong messages from the Bud Light, Gillette, and Dr. Who episodes. (Or, more likely, some folks are too thin skinned and also need to get a life.)

Fred Drinkwater म्हणाले...

This is silly. Teasing people who are not, and probably never will be, customers, seems like reasonable marketing. Why should Bumble care? (Ohh, I know! It's probably a Hate Crime!)

Some folks just read the wrong messages from the Bud Light, Gillette, and Dr. Who episodes. (Or, more likely, some folks are too thin skinned and also need to get a life.)

effinayright म्हणाले...

"......those who shared that celibacy is the only answer when reproductive rights are continuously restricted..."

Wait a sec---I thought Bumble was for people looking for sex, not to reproduce.

Wouldn't such folks have the brains to use birth control, in order to get around those "reproductive rights restrictions"?

Nahhhh....they would rather bleat about men mistreating them.

Readering म्हणाले...

Desperate times call for desperate measures. The article says the 2 players in the dating app industry have lost 40 billion dollars since 2021. But click through the link and it states their stock value has gone down that amount. Not the same thing.

I do know cat person can be a thing. Claimed a cousin as a victim. She had been quite beautiful in her youth. Died alone, a widow, not yet eligible for social security, surrounded by cats.

Howard म्हणाले...

Making Love to Your Tabby by author and poet Claude Bawls

loudogblog म्हणाले...

Yet again, the apology is more annoying than the offense.

They're a dating app, their target demographic is not celibate people. And I'd be willing to bet that almost everyone who complained about this would never use their service.

stlcdr म्हणाले...

"... reproductive rights are continuously restricted...."

Really? Who is restricting anyone from reproducing? In addition, there are no rights being restricted on not reproducing: who is saying you must reproduce?

I know what they mean, but it's another attempt to deflect away from the notion that the 'rights to kill a baby are being restricted'.

One Fine Day म्हणाले...

"......those who shared that celibacy is the only answer when reproductive rights are continuously restricted..."

So the post-Dobbs environment is working to reduce abortion as birth control. Excellent.

Mark म्हणाले...

If anyone is going to go to all that trouble about celibacy, they should definitely know what the hell "celibacy" is and what it is not.

Celibacy, abstinence and chastity may be related, and some might be presumed from the other(s), but they are NOT all the same thing.

JK Brown म्हणाले...

50+ years since its inception, computer dating fails....again.

Mason G म्हणाले...

"I know what they mean, but it's another attempt to deflect away from the notion that the 'rights to kill a baby are being restricted'."

For people who are so gung-ho, full speed ahead in favor of allowing women to kill their unborn children, they sure seem to be afraid of using the word that describes this.

Abortion. Say its name.

PM म्हणाले...

More mistakes by We're Gonna Trend copywriters.