१९ जानेवारी, २०२४

"When [Hugh Hefner] died of cardiac arrest at 91, [his last wife] at first protected his reputation."

"She writes about how, before he died, Mr. Hefner made her promise to 'only say good things.' Ms. Hefner’s resolve to keep that promise began fading in 2019, she said, when she started therapy after watching 'Leaving Neverland,' the documentary that details sexual-abuse allegations from two men who had long-running relationships with Michael Jackson. Looking back at their marriage now, Ms. Hefner said, evokes feelings of regret and disgust. She is still learning how to build healthy relationships and break the codependent tendencies she developed during her relationship with Mr. Hefner. 'When I started dating again, that was hard,' she said, 'because with Hef, he just wanted me by him all the time.' It was only recently, she said with a nervous laugh, that she learned the concept of setting boundaries. 'I didn’t have any when I was at the mansion,' she said. 'If you wanted to be there, you couldn’t have boundaries.'"

From a NYT article with such an off-putting headline that I almost avoided clicking, even though Hugh Hefner is a very longstanding interest of mine: "No More Bunny Business/In a tell-all memoir, Crystal Hefner recounts her former days as a Playboy model and the third (and last) wife of Hugh Hefner."

One of the boundaries you can set in your life is to see yourself as not bound by a promise you made to someone else. Another person can make you feel bound as he sets his boundaries to hold you in. She wanted to be inside that boundary. On balance, at the time, it felt worth it to her. But how can that bind her for life? He could have set it up with enough of a financial penalty that she would have chosen to keep quiet for the rest of her life, but it seems he just "made her promise to 'only say good things.'"

It's almost a generic death-bed wish: Speak well of me when I'm gone. Remember the good. It was good for you too, my darling, wasn't it?
Ms. Hefner said that she often catered to his desires at the expense of her own because she feared being replaced by someone younger, bubblier, blonder and with “bigger boobs.”

Part of the catering is promising you'll only say the good things after he's gone. But after he's gone, you can't be replaced. You're not the divorcée. You're the widow. Forever. All the other women are now no longer rivals. You're free. Unbound... except to the extent that you are bound by a promise.  

३९ टिप्पण्या:

Oso Negro म्हणाले...

Do women, after all, possess moral agency? Not clear these days. The girls at the Playboy Mansion knew EXACTLY what they were doing, namely trading vaginal access for financial and social benefits. I have nothing whatever against that. I rented my hands when I was young and I have rented my brain for many years. I don't see that we should get all excited about women renting their pussies. But please, don't get all butt-hurt now that you did it. No one was holding a gun to your head when you dropped those panties. Own it.

Balfegor म्हणाले...

It's almost a generic death-bed wish:

It's basic decency in the Western world -- de mortuis nil nisi bonum, and all that. Although in this case, six years have passed, which is a decent interval, and modern Westerners delight in dancing on graves anyhow.

Dave Begley म्हणाले...

Why no NDA with big penalties?

I bet Hef’s daughter Christy is upset.

Fun fact. Omaha had a Playboy Club; one of the last ones.

Heartless Aztec म्हणाले...

The mansion must have been a fun place to visit ever of a day.
As far as I can tell it seems Mrs #3 has already broken the promise. She's late to the dish on Hugh line. That said, am I alone in thinking the Professor, evidencing her life long interest in the publication, would have made an interesting Playboy interview? I dare not suggest more.

Kevin म्हणाले...

Let me guess: she’s keeping the money.

Humperdink म्हणाले...

Living to 91, it stuns me he had only three wives.

tim maguire म्हणाले...

It’s one thing to be freed of an abusive husband, but it doesn’t sound like that was Hefner.

It’s not a good look for her to be with him, marry him, take the benefits of being his wife, and then turn on him after he’s dead. Because she watched a movie about Michael Jackson! And it’s not Hefner’s fault that she had bad reasons for marrying him.

This makes her look like an opportunist.

Bruce Hayden म्हणाले...

I disagree as to breaking promises. My partner and I are together because of the promises we made to each other. We have had trying moments that would have gone away, if one of us had broken their promise to the other. But then we would miss the good times, and it would be harder to live with ourselves.

n.n म्हणाले...

Infidelity is met with post-mortem infidelity. Karmic irony.

rehajm म्हणाले...

From a NYT article with such an off-putting headline that I almost avoided clicking...

Nevertheless, she persisted...

Crystal married Hefner in 2012. In 2012 Playboy had been around for nearly 60 years, Facebook about a decade, Instagram a couple I think. The ways for attractive women to monetize were already rapidly expanding. BTW, the Kim Kardashian sex tape dropped in 2007 and five years later Kim was already well on her way to becoming a multimillionaire...

I generally applaud the disruptors and even the metoos what come after them. Crystal's #insty shows her mostly spilling out of dresses and swimwear perched on yachts, intermixed with the occasional book excerpt or a pose with her therapists. Doctors and 'doctors' are in on the game now, too...

Quaestor म्हणाले...

Hefner made off with the last traces of the unsullied American woman and sold her to drooling men unconcerned with anything beyond themselves. He led the post-war generations into confusing happiness with pleasure, a con job far and away more insidious than any sale of the Brooklyn Bridge. Crystal Hefner née Harris is hardly any better. A modernized Messalina, she made a promise for money and broke it for more money, proving once more there’s no honor among thieves.

gspencer म्हणाले...

"Looking back at their marriage now, Ms. Hefner [Crystal] said, evokes feelings of regret and disgust."

Translation from Bimbo-to-English, "I should have held out for more money."

Howard म्हणाले...

Queerstar begrudges masculine WWII and Korean War vets a little happiness. Okay, Karen. Change you're avatar to Miss Jane Hathaway. Time to come out loud and proud. NTTAWWT

Jamie म्हणाले...

Codependency is weird. It's possible to know that you, not your partner, are the one keeping you bound, but feel powerless to change it.

I was very codependent in my first marriage, which was too an also-codependent son of an alcoholic. My then-husband wasn't physically abusive, but he was increasingly verbally abusive. The person I am now wouldn't have put up with it, but I had to learn to be the person I am now.

So with regard to whether women possess moral agency, I think the answer for me - irrespective of my sex - is yes, but I didn't know how to use it in my youth.

Even today, I'm frequently shocked by the demands some of my women friends make of their husbands - I wouldn't dream of telling my husband he had to do something (my mother-in-law to her husband: "I told him to go watch the game in his TV room or the garage - I don't want that on in my living room"). We ask one another and always have.

rwnutjob म्हणाले...

A Prostitute regrets her career choice.
Sorry/not sorry

JAORE म्हणाले...

When the gravy train you have ridden for years derails, complain you were railroaded.

As she approaches 40....

Milo Minderbinder म्हणाले...

Another reason to avoid women....

donald म्हणाले...

Heh. I have no doubt that Omaha had one of the last Playboy Clubs. I just lol’ed for real.

CJinPA म्हणाले...

An unethical letch asks an unethical bimbo to lie for him. She lies and says she'll lie for him.

There's no honor among skeeves.

Mike Petrik म्हणाले...

I'm the last guy to defend Hefner or his way of life, but speaking ill of the dead for money is just bad form to say the least.

Mike Petrik म्हणाले...

Hey Howard, is it tough being an incel?

cassandra lite म्हणाले...

Can’t help thinking of Sense and Sensibility. Mr. Dashwood makes his only son, who will inherit everything, promise to take care of his daughters and wife when he’s gone. The son, under the thumb of his wife, doesn’t quite, so hilarity and other emotions ensue, though not a tell-all memoir.

Dear corrupt left, go F yourselves म्हणाले...

Pathetic.

she was a sex slave... to a gross old man - so she would be a kept woman with an easy life.

Dear corrupt left, go F yourselves म्हणाले...

Howard - you are out of your league.

Narr म्हणाले...

Sounds like they were made for each other.

Joe Smith म्हणाले...

From everything I've read, 'Hef' was a pig. A horrific human being.

Her first step should have been to lose the new last name, but I suppose it still opens doors for her.

I've also read that there was a lot of filming of celebrities and politicians doing dirty deeds at the mansion a la Epstein.

I wonder who has all the video???

Ice Nine म्हणाले...

We always kind of "knew" that Playboy bunnies were some degree of dumb, didn't we. Especially the ones who married Hefner! A stereotype, of course, but little dumb Crystal sure isn't helping to dispel it.

William म्हणाले...

There was a moment when Hefner was not just respected but almost esteemed. I guess that moment has passed. Maybe there will be another turn of the screw, so to speak, but it looks like his legacy is in the dustbin, and his brand is obsolete. Oh well, he had an extremely pleasant life and he passed away at ninety-one. I wouldn't mind leaving behind such a legacy if I had lived such a life. He got more out of life than Che Guevara or Mother Theresa, and he was nowhere near as sleazy as Bob Guccione.

stutefish म्हणाले...

"It's almost a generic death-bed wish: Speak well of me when I'm gone."

It's almost an inversion of the old joke about the great engineer and philanthropist, who's only remembered for having screwed a goat one time.

Hefner, the greatest lecher and hedonist of the twentieth century, wants to be remembered for having published some good articles once or twice.

Joe Smith म्हणाले...

'Living to 91, it stuns me he had only three wives.'

It stuns me that he got married at all.

Why bother?

Joe Smith म्हणाले...

'He got more out of life than Che Guevara or Mother Theresa, and he was nowhere near as sleazy as Bob Guccione.'

What's your definition of getting more out of life?

Mother Theresa did OK...

SoLastMillennium म्हणाले...

Promise to say only good things about him after he died?

Would "it's good he's dead" do it?

Howard म्हणाले...

April: It's never too late to get the oxytocin cure for dessicated cat lady syndrome

Narr म्हणाले...

Why all the Hef hate? I can understand bitter feminists, but the only thing that I can think of when guys dump on him is that he banged more and hotter women than they did, and they just can't stand it.

Quaestor म्हणाले...

"Hey Howard, is it tough being an incel?"

Curious defense of dirty old Hef, is it not, citing the veterans of the Second World War as if they have anything to do with the Playboy empire of hedonism? And what makes Howard think he can make that case? Perhaps he blames his "incel-larity" on the Nam? Oh, I can see him now, sweating it out in his hooch in Khe Sanh, his only comforts a kilo of weed and Miss December 1967 tacked to the wall with a well-chewed wad of Bazooka Joe. After all that frantic wanking between the NVA mortar barrages, it's no wonder a flesh-and-blood chick doesn't arouse the little man.

Quaestor म्हणाले...

"...and [Hefner] was nowhere near as sleazy as Bob Guccione."

Damning with faint praise on 11

Ice Nine म्हणाले...

>Joe Smith said...
'Living to 91, it stuns me he had only three wives.'

It stuns me that he got married at all.
Why bother?<

So as to have someone to tend to him until he's 91..

Howard म्हणाले...

Someone still hasn't reconciled his alter boy sacrament experiences.

AndrewV म्हणाले...

Joe Smith said...
'Living to 91, it stuns me he had only three wives.'

It stuns me that he got married at all.

Why bother?

Hefner married his first wife Mildred in 1949 before he created Playboy. After their divorce in 1959 it's a little surprising he tried marriage again twice, seeing the lifestyle he was promoting.