A question addressed to the NYT ethicist.
Hilarious, but it's fake, isn't it? Maybe, but not as fake, and not as hilarious — as this got-to-be-fake question addressed to WaPo's advice columnist:
My fiance and I are planning our wedding.... I’m asking that my guests wear exclusively yellow at the ceremony.
My fiance has been supportive, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout both the ceremony and reception (to ensure that the focus remains on us).....
As the newly married couple, our focus should remain solely on each other rather than on any rowdy guests. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect....
Is my fiance’s lack of understanding and support a red flag?
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42 comments:
"Is my fiance’s lack of understanding and support a red flag?"
Dude. Run. NOW.
There is a "red flag" there all right. Run, sir, run!
Grandma keeps a butt plug in her night stand. Is it ok for me to take it for a day and show my 4th grade students that even old people enjoy anal play?
Newspaper Q&A columns have always selected uncommon or attention-grabbing items. It sustains readership. I recall something to the effect of "Dear Abbey, I'm having an affair with my sister. She is post menopausal so there's no risk of pregnancy. Should we stop?"
Etc.
People find titillations under every leaf.
All the quiet guests dressed in yellow should hold red flags.
I don't think they sound fake. After all, there's nowt so queer as folk (which I borrow from "Downton Abbey" a line spoken by Anna, the lady's maid). The word "queer" meant something different back then, of course.
As to the second question, I think the best answer would be yes, it's a huge red flag that the fiance doesn't want to make everyone wear yellow and keep quiet. A huge red flag for him.
As to the first question, it requires a legal analysis presumably beyond the ken of the advice column writer. Are there criminal penalties to consider, not so much for the taking maybe but the distribution.
The man doesn't care about the wedding ceremony except how much trouble it's going to be.
Wants everyone else to remain silent "to ensure that the focus remains on us"
Not necessarily fake. Might be a journalist's wedding.
Authoritarian. Don’t marry her, dude! She’ll be ordering you around next!
Why can’t people be pro choice about what to wear?
I have exactly one yellow shirt.
Has to be fake? Or, you really hope it's fake because if it's real, you might be reading about the husband in the police blotter within a year or two?
I'll take things that never happened for $800 Alex
You can be on a flight to Costa Rica tonight brother. A week at the Hotel Del Ray and a few dinners at the Key Largo across the street is/will be wayyyyy cheaper in both the short and long run.
All advice columns are about as real as letters to the Penthouse Forum.
Advice columns are easy.
What would Grandma say.
Stealing is wrong. anything to justify stealing, just compounds the wrong.
Weddings are a celebration of upcoming babies, life. If its not a celebration don't participate, It is something, but not a wedding.
If you're buying pot gummies, you gotta ask questions!
I agree that these both seem kind of fake. Similarly, I have a hard time believing a lot of the anecdotes nyt columnists put in their essays. The working class guy they met at the airport or the cab driver they had a conversation with, this kind of story that helps make the broader point of the opinion piece, I never believe them.
"Can I take a few gummies to sell to school friends (over-18 only) to pay for Hanukkah gifts for my family?"
No. Only the Government may do that.
I asked chatGPT. Here is _the_ answer:
It is never a good idea to sell or distribute drugs, even if they are legal in your state. Additionally, it is important to always respect your mother's privacy and not go through her things without her permission. It would be best to talk to your mother about the gummies and see if she is open to sharing them with you or your friends. If she is not willing to do that, it would be best to find another way to pay for your Hanukkah gifts.
In most cases, I'd say this was a giant red flag. In this case, it's a giant yellow one. It sounds too real. Doesn't have to be made up. Today's society is completely built for it. We've got an entire generation of self-absorbed young to middle aged women who tend to think the entire room they are in, or maybe the world at large, is there for their use and pleasure.
I had one of those experiences yesterday in the waiting area of a dentist's office. I won't bore you with the details, but I can absolutely believe that she would have demanded her guests wear yellow and shut the hell up during her wedding. I also confess that my first thought after getting a dose of her was to wonder about her husband. Was he still around? Was he out playing around with someone else? Was he waiting and willing to transition into a woman so she'd leave him?
her finance doesn't agree with her selfish requests, so she says...
but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect....
This is what used to be good, about pronouns. You could watch the pronouns change, and SEE the problem
*I*
*I*
*I*
our
"...a question addressed to the NYTimes ethicist."
No subject is outside the bounds of the Althouse blog, including cryptozoology.
Who the hell can even find yellow clothes?
Even if you could you'd look like someone out of 'Dumb and Dumber.'
As for the silence, this is God sending you a warning; Dump the psycho bitch while you still can.
Breezy said...
All the quiet guests dressed in yellow should hold red flags.
Simple. Perfection.
On our wedding day I want to ensure that the focus remains on us.
For the remainder of our married life I WILL assure the focus is on me...Me...ME...MEEEeeeeeee!
Followed by decades of me explaining why that dog of a man left even though I was the perfect wife.
Dude, don't just run. Hire professional kidnappers.
"cryptozoology"
Bitcritters.
The woman is obviously in need of reassurance and wants a confidence building gesture from her fiance to demonstrate that he will be able to comfort her when she's feeling unstable and anxious. Perhaps he can talk her down. Maybe arrange a compromise color. Everyone can live with beige. Perhaps the bride and groom can wear noise cancelling headphones. Sickness and health. Bitchiness and good humor. A good husband accepts all this as part of the deal. I'm sure if he can find a way to negotiate these trivial details, he will go on to many years of wedded bliss. (s/)
I miss Ann Landers, who'd blame joke letters on Yale students.
I guess I also miss Yale students for whom writing gag letters to advice columnists was the preferred form of activism.
I've long assumed that most of these are written by interns and junior writers at the organization.
"I need you to write a submission to Dear Prudence before you go home today. Your prompts are:
wedding
trans
uncle"
On the gummies:
If by "a few gummies" you mean "all the gummies", and by "Hanukkah presents", you mean "Cocaine", and by "friends" you mean "my nose", then certainly, go ahead, and by "go ahead" I mean "it doesn't really matter what I say, you're going to do it any way, you little druggie slimeball"
On the wedding:
By all means, you should enthusiastically support your fiancée's requests for everyone wearing yellow and remaining silent when she gets married.
What you should probably object to is the part of the wedding where she marries YOU.
Some other sucker, sure, but not you.
You should be in Cabo at the time getting drunk with your buddies and blocking her email, texts, and calls. You and she will both be happier in the long run.
On the gummies:
If by "a few gummies" you mean "all the gummies", and by "Hanukkah presents", you mean "Cocaine", and by "friends" you mean "my nose", then certainly, go ahead, and by "go ahead" I mean "it doesn't really matter what I say, you're going to do it any way, you little druggie slimeball"
On the wedding:
By all means, you should enthusiastically support your fiancée's requests for everyone wearing yellow and remaining silent when she gets married.
What you should probably object to is the part of the wedding where she marries YOU.
Some other sucker, sure, but not you.
You should be in Cabo at the time getting drunk with your buddies and blocking her email, texts, and calls. You and she will both be happier in the long run.
On the dial of craziness, demanding yellow clothes of the guests is a 5.
On demanding their silence during the reception? The numbers only go up to ten. That's an eleven.
Your expert bridezilla demands everyone wear yellow, and also insists it has to be made by Vera Wang or Armani. Because you want as close to a blood sacrifice from your guests as possible, not just a gesture of submission to your idiot ego.
Gummies?! Pawn her jewelry, kid. You'll get more money and she'll be able to get her stuff back, if she notices soon enough.
We're dealing with freaking amateurs in this post, is the problem.
ok, gilbar has given this more than 30 seconds of deep thought' and he thinks that:
The groom should make a sign, that says:
"The Bride has demanded, that ALL PEOPLE REMAIN SILENT, So as to Not Spoil HER Perfect Wedding"
When the time comes, where the minister asks; do you take this woman, etc..
The groom should remain silent, and hold up his sign.. Then, continuing silent: Walk the F*ck Out.
In Many Ways, this Would Be; The PERFECT WEDDING. Certainly one that all would remember, for EVER
Not red flags but red cards like in soccer. The guests can hold up their red cards as the minister poses the "do you" question to the groom.
How do we know it is fake? Other than that it appeared in the NYT and we never know with them.
Earlier today I read a partial transcript of Kamala's remarks at Pearl Harbor where she said something like "The worst thing to happen to our country up to Jan 6 insurrection". She is such a douchebag that I figured it was just another example.
But then I read further and found that it was the Bee and satire.
Still, it sounded like something she could have said. The gummis question seems like something that could be real.
As other have commented here and elsewhere, we are too the point where we can't tell the difference between reality and the most outrageous parody.
John Henry
So, you crossed the picket line, huh?
Yale freshmen.
@TestTube - Really did laugh out loud. "... you little druggie slimeball."
But gilbar wins the thread.
"My mother has a large jar of pot gummies that she uses as a sleep aid. She doesn’t know that I know about them. She told a friend..."
Chances are the mother knows but wisely chose to keep it quiet on account that if the status quo changes, the mother will have to share it and loose more than what she is losing now. Presumably the daughter's fear her boofing gets discovered, keeps her from taking too many gummies.
Another win is not having to have a pot smoking mother-daughter conversation about it.
Yellow looks sallow on brown and black skin.
Thank you for your kind words, Roger Sweeny!
Thank you for your kind words, Roger Sweeny!
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