Great headline. It's on one of those NY Magazine "Sex Diaries." These purport to be true-life accounts. This one is about a 28-year-old woman. Excerpt:
DAY FIVE...
11 a.m. I am violently hung-over and on my way to my Nana’s 92nd birthday.
1 p.m. At her celebration, I feel crushing hangxiety about almost everything I said or did the night before. Hidden behind my sunglasses and nursing a piece of watermelon, I contemplate whether or not I feel bisexual enough to come out to my family, and if I ever will or if I even need to....
The author did not invent the word "hangxiety." Here's a CNN article from 2 months ago: "Why you may experience 'hangxiety' during a hangover." Something about cortisol. Go read it if you need to.
It's not an advice column, but if anyone actually wants to know when are you "bisexual enough to come out to [your] family," the answer is that it's the wrong question. The issue is never how bisexual are you, but what is your relationship to your family and what do you want to do with it? The answer to that question is never I'm bored and these people are boring. I mean, for one thing, it might turn out that you yourself are boring.
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51 comments:
Re: Coming out ...
An old Law and Order episode ... A man's mother says to police something like, "He thinks we don't know about his friend ... "
I can’t believe someone was paid money to write that column.
A good rule of thumb is to be at least 17.3% bisexual before coming out to your family. Anything less than that is problematic. I’m sure Amazon sells a dial caliper for said measurement.
WHO cares?? Why do people have to announce who and why they are sleeping with somebody. Do it, and shut up. Nobody cares. (a relationship is different...sleeping around is what I am talking about)
Really, another example that they (sic) are uncomfortable with themselves - at best - and not that the world is uncomfortable with them.
The time to announce something is when a relationship becomes serious enough for you to think it might be permanent, or at least very long term. Most people won't be interested in your choice of bed partners before that point. If someone is interested (mom, dad, siblings...) and they ask if you're dating, tell them, unless it's just one night stands. But only if they ask. It could be they think you're a mess and don't want to know what you're doing.
Any sort of animal might "feel good" in the company of males, females, etc. Having same-sex friends doesn't make one bisexual except in a genital-activity-focused culture. Colleges have long experienced "four-year lesbians" who are socialized to present themselves as different, facing special challenges versus those who follow conventions, or those who hide their fear of entering into relationships with potential infections or pregnancies through functional and reproductive sex.
Again, some people are mentally ill. Again, some people are immature.
The processes of both identifying as (semi) bisexual and feeling the need to communicate with family are socially driven. Odds are many people who are heavily influenced by friends to be LGBQA, etc. would come out as "pro big family" and "pro stay home with the kids" if most of their friends had the same priorities. This is the follow-the-leader, stick-with-the-pack essence of cultures.
"nursing a piece of watermelon"
Blecch. Was that supposed to be a sexy image? I can just see the Instagram idealization of a woman sucking on a piece of watermelon. In real life, if you were standing near a lady doing that, you would be grossed out. I would be. Maybe you'd find it sexy. But it's not sexy to read "nursing a piece of watermelon."
Interesting. My mental image of a lady “nursing a watermelon” has her cradling a melon in her arms and exposing her nipple to it so I was way off. I was wondering how her family would interpret that body language.
"nursing a piece of watermelon"
And they said there'd be no slippery slope.
She's discovering the meaning of the universe, and melon marriage is obviously protected under substantive due process.
When I read “nursing a piece of watermelon”, I was wondering how she thought it was going to get better or last longer.
The advice by the host on when to tell the family is spot on, but then I never lived in a family in which the various generations shared their sexual exploits with one another. No one ever thought to tell Nana, “I banged a guy and girl last night.” Then again, I never felt like I missed that opportunity, so let me write to the local paper for advice on how to bring it up with Nana next time.
Maybe TikTok's LGB activist lady will have the answer.
Maybe "Am I Bisexual Enough Girl" is "all that other stuff" -- TQQIA+2S.
Everybody is a little bisexual, aren't they? Just like everybody is a little bit racist.
Kinda like that scene in The Princess Bride where Buttercup says “I'm killing myself as soon as we reach the honeymoon suite” and the elderly King says “Won't that be nice?”
Since she's not nursing a banana or a pickle, it might be the right time.
It's easy to joke, but she's asking the question that thousands of married guys who haunt highway rest stops should consider asking themselves.
This is another sign of the inevitable Apocalypse. This is why we can't have nice things. Man I wish we could just go back to the 1950s when everyone knew their place.
She gets drunk. She gets horny. She bangs one of her friends.
Pretty sure her family probably knows she’s basic.
What Mary Beth said. I have zero interest in knowing the bed partners of my kids -- unless it's something that's become semi-regular. More than that seems like creepy voyeurism to me.
What is a parent/relative supposed to do with that knowledge?
I will say I like the term hangxiety -- but if it's something happening too often, I'm guessing you have a problem with booze.
I contemplate whether or not I feel bisexual enough to come out to my family, and if I ever will or if I even need to....
Protip: IF you're Not sure IF you "even need to" do something... You Probably DON'T
I can just see the Instagram idealization of a woman sucking on a piece of watermelon.
I read Mike's comment about nursing a watermelon first (going bottom up in the comments), and then misread that 'sucking' as 'suckling'. LOL
There's no one more boring than the person who feels it necessary to prattle on, a la Woody Allen in one of his movies, about their sexuality and boning preferences. In fact, a case could be made that the Allen schtick's stylings are intended to impress us with the oppressive banality of such rehearsal of neuroses and inner thoughts, so we can recognize and react with the appropriate amount of "Ugh; who farted?" if/when someone IRL breaks into such a confessional discourse in our presence.
"A good rule of thumb is to be at least 17.3% bisexual before coming out to your family."
I'd recommend 11%, which matches court findings that this amount suffices as a survey result to find a "likelihood of confusion". Sure, it's trademark law but why be a nitpicker?
What's the urgency? She says in the first sentence that she's moving to the other side of the world in a week.
I couldn't read much more than that. Granted, it's not another 180 page murder manifesto, but it's almost as narcissistic and boring.
Why should anyone care? Whatever floats your boat, honey.
Reminded me of this
I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.
John LGKTQ Henry
"Blecch. Was that supposed to be a sexy image?"
No, it's a figure of speech, e.g., , "nursing" a drink means drinking it slowly and making it last. Sometimes it's difficult to tell whether you're pulling our leg regarding some pretty common terms.
typingtalker said...
Re: Coming out ...
An old Law and Order episode ... A man's mother says to police something like, "He thinks we don't know about his friend ... "
and the father says later, "of course I knew, I just didn't want my nose rubbed in it"
the case was an assisted suicide of an hiv positive longshoreman
Sweet baby geebuzz. Who are these people? Who decides to publish this crap?
Re: "nursing a piece of watermelon"
I took it to mean slowly eating a piece of watermelon ... like the more common "nursing a beer".
The time to come out as bisexual is when you are constantly bringing your female roommate to family gatherings and people start to notice that you two share a single bedroom apartment with a double bed. Otherwise, you are just going to make your girl cousins uncomfortable when you are all changing into your bathing suits.
The real question is, how much does this woman want attention.
So she like to munch the occasional rug.
Not news and nobody cares.
I guess everyone wants to be the next Bridget Jones?
So boring.
She describes what she’s doing as “experimenting”, but it sounds more like she’s stuck in a rut. If she was experimenting, she would be gathering new data, maybe even learning something. Does not appear to be the case. Maybe she’s actually in capable of true intimacy?
I think she asks a great question. She should contact the Bisexual Resource Center, GLAAD or BiNet USA. They'll put her in the right direction.
Might I suggest an alternate title?
Things My 92-Year-Old Nana Was Too Busy To Concern Herself With When She Was My Age
"nursing a piece of watermelon"
The formula shortage is even affecting baby watermelons.
'My mental image of a lady “nursing a watermelon” has her cradling a melon in her arms and exposing her nipple to it so I was way off.'
I think that was a deleted scene from 'Debbie does Dallas' back in the day.
Or some weird fruit fetish today.
What? Even watermelons need love...
Maybe the family would be more interested in the question of why the heck she is hungover coming to Nana's birthday.
"I mean, for one thing, it might turn out that you yourself are boring."
If you're obsessed with what others think of your sexuality, almost certainly.
I thought you liked and wanted boring?
Yes Barry. I agree with the consensus: NO ONE CARES, KAREN!
A trans/bi seeking social inclusion in the era of trans/homo purity. This can't end well.
Lot's of overlap in her slut story and "Looking For Mr. Goodbar."
Including the scoliosis, but minus the murder.
’I'd recommend 11%…’
That’s fine, but 17.3% sounds much more science-y.
"The issue is never how bisexual are you, but what is your relationship to your family and what do you want to do with it?"
Really? So, even if you are, say, not "bisexual" at all, you still might feel it's best to "come out" as bisexual to your family, on account of - what? Just yanking their chain? They always liked your brother better? Your sister did, and now she's getting all the attention? Your sister did, and now no one bugs about being unmarried?
Hmmm.... I guess you're right. There must be, fifty reasons, to jack your family around.
look at MEEEEEEE
I always worry that my fam isn't up to date on my sexual fantasies too. Pornhub should have a "share your feed" feature so that nobody is left in the dark.
The story excerpt starts out improbably. I've been "violently hungover", and in such cases only wanted to die, not to travel to Nana's, and definitely not to muse on the rightness of chatting about my romantic preferences.
I'm not inclined to believe anything she says really happened.
But as a piece of introspective fiction? Meh. Austen, Hemingway, Sartre, Camus, Woody Allen, Robin Williams, Amy Tan. They exist. Why waste time on this woman's mewlings?
Do people who are not conflicted and not confused and not angsty and not attention whores ever write about themselves and their lives. I'd appreciate some reporting about how a smart person navigated their family get-together with joy and self confidence, for a change.
Is hangxiety a thing or is it just some weird competitiveness from drunks who are tired of hearing from their stoner friends about how paranoid some strain of weed made them?
The rules for these things change so often, I am not really sure. Is it homophobic to not give a shit what another person's sexual orientation is? Am I allowed to just not care? Or must I acknowledge and celebrate every person's courage for letting me know something about them that has no bearing on my life? Really folks, if who or what you sleep with is the most interesting part of who you are, you have failed as a human being.
In the 60s, I saw an art film short of a semi-nude white woman rubbing watermelon all over her body. I was told this represented inter-racial sex. Being in Alabama where everyone loves watermelon, I didn't see the connection.
Apparently I am still thinking about the baby formula shortage because I got a mental image of her breast-feeding a piece of watermelon.
Hidden behind my sunglasses and nursing a piece of watermelon...
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