I mean, I understand. Given the choice, I'd rather find out what happened in "I cut off all contact with my mother. It made my life much better" than wade through the latest rumors about how almost entirely peaceful things are in Portland and how some Republican isn't handling coronavirus optimally. I don't need to know about an isolated shooting somewhere and I make a point of looking away from the Boston Marathon bomber.
I guess WaPo correctly anticipated that the time was right to invite people, once again, to consider cutting off contact with relatives. It's kind of coronavirus-y:
Ten years ago, after decades of bitter fights and lukewarm reconciliations, I finally got the courage to cut off my mother completely. Our relationship brought me nothing but nuclear-level angst.Your relationship brought you your entire life, but why fuss over technicalities?
After even the smallest interaction — an email or text message — I’d have panic attacks that lasted weeks. I’d stop sleeping, eat too much, fall through a wormhole into utter self-loathing.Is this what we're identifying with today?
The cultural narrative around estrangement is that it’s a problem that needs to be solved.... I’ve interviewed more than 50 people who have estranged themselves from family members, and I have yet to meet a single one who regrets it. They regret whatever situation made it necessary. They regret not having a parent/sibling/family member they could come to terms with. They regret that their problems were severe enough to make estrangement look good. But they don’t regret doing it.So every single one correctly judged the situation to be beyond finding a way to come together? Correct enough that they couldn't question their own judgment.
The most recent research suggests that up to 10 percent of mothers are estranged from at least one adult child, and that about 40 percent of people experience family estrangement at some point. Most people, though, fall somewhere less definitive on the estrangement continuum.... Some families talk by phone but never visit. Some email but never talk. Some see each other once or twice a year but keep their relationships superficial. Many sustain long periods of silence punctuated by brief reconciliations....The author Harriet Brown, a professor of magazine journalism at the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University, is trying to get people to talk about estrangement, to see how common it is, and not to be so judgmental about those who opt for estrangement to deal with their family problems.
What they don’t typically do is talk to other people about being estranged from their families.... In my experience, estrangement makes people deeply uncomfortable. They wonder what’s wrong with you when you can’t get along with your family....
It fits with the cancel culture of 2020. That's a reason to revive this article. Why not cancel your own mother?!
74 comments:
Some families talk by phone but never visit. Some email but never talk. Some see each other once or twice a year but keep their relationships superficial.
They are using a too-broad definition of estrangement. I'm one of the youngest in a big family, which means some brothers and sister are enough older than me that we weren’t close growing ip. Plus they live all over the country. So of course I’m closer with some than with others, but it would never occur to me to describe any of the relationships as estranged.
Shorter article: Family bad, collective good!
Some people try to cut off contact with the Washington Post.
But there are several departments and multiple phone menus in place to keep you from doing that.
These people need mental and emotional help. This person says she has panic attacks following a text from her mother - what in the world could have possibly been the content of a text message to trigger that?
Mrs. stevew and I watched "A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood" last night. The central story is about familial reconciliation and re-engagement. Misunderstanding was a major source of the estrangement.
I was reading your post with interest.
Then this: "The author Harriet Brown, a professor of magazine journalism"
Interest in, and credibility of, the source collapsed into internal merriment mixed with a familiar distaste.
If you google her name, you get pictures of what looks like a middle aged lesbian and also some pics of a super hot blonde,female athlete. Definitely worth a google.
A lot more people would like to could cut off contact with their government.
But the government tracks those people down and puts them in prison.
Life is short enough without refusing to play with the others.
The destruction of the family. It's already working. Matriarchs are just another poison element of the patriarchy that has to be eliminated.
There are no more magazines.
I have a sister who has, through the decades, picked fights with my older sister, my mom, my dad. Me a little, but not so much. She mostly has gotten mad at me for not being on her side. She is in the category of call but doesn't visit, and sometimes not calling. If you were to ask her, she would be much like this author. She could tell you all the good reasons she has for avoiding my parents, and all the ways she has been victimized and treated as less than her whole life. You would think she comes from a family of monsters.
But I have a different story to tell. One where every word gets taken under a microscope and every action is compared to show how she has been mistreated. It's exhausting and hard to watch.
Beware these estrangement stories. But I do agree, sometimes arms distance is a little easier.
Estranging isn't disowning.
Mother is the invention of necessity.
Another in those long line of stories for our dysfunctional elite assuring the reader that the problem is not us but them
In addition to what I would just say...if you cut off communication but your own thinking is the problem, you won't find happiness. Your brain will just keep looking for more reasons to be unhappy.
"At our holiday table this winter, no one stalked from the table in a huff or went home crying. My husband and I, my 86-year-old father, our younger daughter, home from grad school, and another couple shared a lovely and low-key dinner."
The journalism professor had managed to winnow her holiday list down to the only people she knew who minimized the risk of saying anything that might challenge their hostess's undoubted leftist "tolerance" of the world. An 86-y-o father, the "younger" daughter, and a couple who watched their tongues the whole time, thus producing that lovely dinner. You can bet it was "low-key"! Especially whenever the hostess made one of her pronouncements.
In fairness, some people are toxic, even relatives, and they will actively work to undermine you and poison your mental and emotional health for their own gain. I've seen it. I have a friend going through it right now.
That said, estrangement often has an impact outside the two involved. My sister had a rough relationship with our mother after she moved out of the house to live with Dad, culminating in her decision about twelve years later to not invite mom to her wedding. At the time she and mom were on speaking terms, mom would occasionally visit her, and (most important to her) mom and stepdad would give her money when she needed it. Her decision came out of nowhere, and still pisses me off to this day because I ended up the one who had to deal with the emotional fallout. I haven't spoken to my sister in almost three years, and still harbor anger towards dad for permitting her to behave that way.
We have 2 kids, thus two kids inlaws, and grand kids.
We started getting out of our kids life when they started to drive. The less we offered advice, the more we saw them. The more we accepted their decisions, the more they sought counsel. Now with grandkids, we NEVER offer parenting advice, even of asked.
We accept them as they are, and we hear from them often and see them regularly.
But, we are rational. I have no suggestions to fix crazy. My experience informs me that it always takes two to tango. We have only one side of the story, 99% of the time the responsibility for bad relationships is shared.
and I have yet to meet a single one who regrets it.
Of course not! No regrets! Je ne regrette pas.
Or else ur doin it rong, amirite?
So what did you all do to J Farmer, anyway? He's over at Twitter touting extended families.
I wanted to say, no one gets along anymore. My family scattered to the four winds decades ago. Wives leave with their husbands, aunts feuding, cousins wondering why they never get to see each other. Oh and I hate my MIL/SIL/BIL blah blah.
Whole thing sucks. People are way too intolerant.
this is COMPLETELY SENSIBLE!
if your mother, or a blog you read, doesn't comply with your progressive ways
CUT THEM OFF! They don't deserve you!
Arm, Chuck, Igna, all the rest of you progressive trolls; i'm talking to YOU!
CUT US OFF! Make us realize How MUCH we depended on you for common sense!
LEAVE US! That will show us!
This is just one of the many, many reasons I canceled my subscription to WaPo. When people are so loathsome they loathe themselves more than I ever could, what's the point?
It's easy to have no regrets from estranging family while you are young and healthy. The regret comes when you are older, infirmed, need assistance, and there is nobody that cares about you personally.
But enough with Ms. Brown. Why do judges regret convicting a mass murderer to death? I know the answer they gave, but I'm not buying it. You might as well claim the jury needed to have other jihadist on it to be a fair unbias review by his peers.
Finally, coronavirus didn't ravage Florida. Testing simply showed that more people had it than previously assumed without testing. If you want to see ravaged from ignoring science, study what happens when you put acutely sick people in a nursing home.
Maybe I'm misreading, but why slam people being interested by some judge overturning the death sentence of a terrorist killer who maimed hundreds and was responsible for the murder of a brave cop? Of course it's your choice but why do you "turn away" from it?
There are dire implications when mass killers can successfully game the system because two jurors exercised their First Amendment right to express merely trivial disgust at ... mass killing and maiming of innocent people, the facts of which were never at issue at the trial. That's how I read the decision, which was more complicated but even less credible than my brief description. And that's also what I've heard from worried prosecutors over the years when I blogged about heinous crimes and a dead victim's family member dared to so much as express anger in an onscure comment thread at the person who killed their sister or mother.
Even after the trial was over. I've been asked by prosecutors to take such comments down, and I do it, to protect the conviction.
Our justice system is so offender-fetishistic that victims and survivors -- not even jurors -- are literally risking reversal by so much as calling a rapist or killer a scumbag.
It's of course entirely your choice to blog about whatever interests you. But stating you're "turning away" feels like a slam at people who cannot write about such life-altering injustice without risking even more horrifying injustice. I'm horrified and frustrated that I have to to avoid posting comments from survivors of horrific crimes, but I do it when asked. None of us have free speech until all of us have free speech. The freedom to exercise the freedom you exercise here is important.
Ya know how there are awful people out there in the world? Not all people, not even most people, but some people. Some people are just mean-spirited, or abusive, or dishonest, or narcissistic. They manipulate those around them, and seek to control them by preying upon any weakness they perceive. I don't know how many such people there are, but I know for sure there are at least a few of 'em. And some of them are mothers. If you read an article like that, and your first thought is to question whether or not the estranged children were "correct" in their assessment that estrangement was the only option, then I can confidently say that your mother was not one of these people, and I'm sincerely glad for you.
“Some families talk by phone but never visit. Some email but never talk. Some see each other once or twice a year but keep their relationships superficial.”
Sometimes that is just fine. Otherwise these relationships are beyond our control. We didn’t pick our siblings, nor our parents. And the latter, except in a very general case, didn’t pick us. Often with several kids, you will find some closer to one parent, and some closer to the other. In my family of five boys two were closer to our father in temperament, one like my mother, and one like each of the grandfathers. In my partner’s family, she was the girl closest to her father in intellect and temperament, while her younger sister is closest to her mother in these areas. She shared her father’s French looks, photographic memory, and very quick sense of humor. Out of five kids, she was the only one who could keep up, and even beat him with their jokes. Mother is much more grounded and quiet. Plus, very good at figures. Younger sister is the same, and after their father died, moved in with her mother. For decades, when she called, and her mother answered, she would just hand the phone to her father. Now she hands it to her sister. It’s not that her mother doesn’t love her, but rather just doesn’t have anything to say to her. They haven’t communicated well for 60 years now. And it did get strained for a bit, after she was widowed almost 40 years ago with two babies and her mother wanted to reassert control. Still, now it is mostly that her very quick and mercurial mind unsettles her mother’s very even disposition. The French side of the family always did that to her.
On the flip side with us as parents, she talks to her daughter at least once a day. She only talks to her son maybe once a week and that is because of his wife. I wouldn’t mind talking to my kid more, but they are as distractible and absent minded as I am, so we sometimes go a couple weeks. Temperamentally very much my kid, which can be a problem. They talk at least once a week with their mother, who is much better organized. Good news there is they got engaged this weekend, and their intended seems more than willing to fulfill the job of making sure that my kid keeps up with their family (and esp me). Her daughter is in the process of training her oldest two kids to talk to their grandmother on a regular basis. She seems to be making headway.
Here's a better idea. Cancel Twitter. Cancel Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Cancel Journalism! school. Go outside. Smell the world. See the world. Have some actual real interaction with another human. Maybe two of them! Hell...once you get good at it, you'll find it's much more interesting and fulfilling to actually talk with and interact with others.
Every generation from the very first family to now has had family issues. That's why we say you can choose your friends, but not your family. And in some cases, not speaking with a family member can be the right course. However, to make it a 'thing' is preposterous. To make it another one of these...'I'm special. I estranged myself from my mom. Hear me roar. See my strength. Join my victim group, please." In the end you'll find that 98% of the time, your family members are the ones that'll be there for you. When the rest of the world has told you to take a flying leap at a rolling doughnut. When there are no outs, no ideas, no solutions. Family may not have solutions either, but they will have your back. In most cases, blood is blood. And that is a bond that no amount of black t-shirt wearing compadres can match.
Why this came out now? It's WaPo. Their third highest trending article was about Florida being 'ravaged'. I live in Florida where just last Saturday our Farmer's Market re-opened. It's beautful (again) today. People are out and doing their thing. Yes- we are aware of the spikes and massive numbers of cases. We're also aware of the spike in deaths. We're also aware of the fact that, at our worst, we're still working to open and we have a fraction of the fatalities that New York has had. We're not them. We'll be fine and we're going to keep working on moving forward. Cancel WaPo as well.
Each unhappy family is unhappy in the same way. Or something like that.
My mother had a psychological terrorist as a mother.
She beat my mom and her brother growing up. The brother ended up dying at age 19 from cancer.
She was verbally and emotionally abusive.
When I was young, my grandmother took me to her “faith healer” to try and fix a medical issue by lying to my mother and directly ignoring her wishes.
After years and year of abuse and then the faith healing crap, my mother cut off the relationship with her mother. She did the right thing. My grandfather chose to side with my grandmother, much to everyone’s disappointment.
10 years later, they sort of reconciled - well, enough that we could see each other. My grandfather was very grateful.
My grandmother was never grateful.
It was really a sad situation but my mom did the best thing for the entire family when she cut off the relationship. It didn’t bring joy but it did bring some peace.
Lemme guess: the writer is a progressive Dem and her mother a Trumper.
You know I’m right.
"To love means loving the unlovable."
G.K. Chesterton
"The author Harriet Brown, a professor of magazine journalism at the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University, is trying to get people to talk about estrangement, to see how common it is..."
And perhaps help convince herself that the problem is her mother, you think?
"It fits with the cancel culture of 2020. That's a reason to revive this article. Why not cancel your own mother?!"
Being that a mother has the right to cancel her child before birth, it seems like a lot of cows are no longer in the barn.
People are disposable: the lesson of the last century, today.
I am Laslo.
Rien de rien
Il ne se passe jamais rien pour moi
Je me demande pourquoi!
Rien! Rien! Rien!
Il ne se passe jamais rien!
Ce qu'y s'passe pas, j'aimerais qu'ça s'passe
Que ça s'passe ne serait-ce que pour moi
Comme ca je verrais ce qu'y s'passe
Et je pourrais dire qu'ca s'passe pas!
Rien de rien
Il ne se passe jamais rien pour moi
Et je me demande pourquoi!
Rien
Il ne se passe jamais rien!
This is what's up with the Wash Post.
Explosive unsealed court documents related to the Jeffrey Epstein/Ghislaine Maxwell sex trafficking investigation have caused #BillClintonIsAPedo to trend on Twitter Sunday, making it the top item in the politics category on the social media network. Most media outlets have ignored the revelations, which would be massive headline news if a past or present Republican president was implicated in the allegations. Twitter users jumped on the Epstein-Clinton connection, however, particularly in the context of the media trying to bury the story because it reflects poorly on Clinton specifically and Democrats generally. Some Twitterville voices initially claimed the platform was trying to suppress or throttle the trend,
The next new victim group: those who have Estranged their parents. LGBTQE.
A lot of people have to deal with very difficult parents. Some of those parents have deteriorating conditions of various kinds. It can be really really hard. Those of us fortunate enough not to have to deal with that can only Thank Them for their Service.
Or, you can talk about how glad you are that you decided not to do that.
Tina Trent: Good points you made. And I'd love to know who is paying the attorney bills for the Boston Bomber. Maybe the WAPO could do a story on that someday.
Why not cancel your own mother?!
Everybody has family issues. In some cases, there is physical and emotional neglect or abuse. In other cases, it is relatively minor.
Only true neurotics revel in their Mommy issues.
My late step-monster and her sister were both nuts, Munchausen's and narcissism. They'd be estranged for long periods while living in the same condo complex. Then they tried to get each other (and my dad) arrested for theft when fighting over custody of their father and his money. The sister won that battle, though the DA declined to act.
I can understand why one step-brother had no contact with his mother for her last 7 years, but he did show up for her funeral and months later asked my dad for $20k. We heard nothing from the step-grandchildren my father had lavished trips and gifts on when young. Her sons married women as nutty and nasty as their mother.
well the boston bombing, was in part mccabes malpractice, the bomber was part of the tabligh network. that the late phil haney uncovered, which tied san bernardino and orlando and a host of other incidents,
I get along fine with my siblings, even the liberal ones, because we long ago decided never to talk politics at family gatherings. We got together the weekend before last to celebrate my brother's birthday and everything was pleasant, because we share enough interests in common to talk about things other than politics. And we all know nobody is changing anybody else's mind at this point.
Leland said...
It's easy to have no regrets from estranging family while you are young and healthy. The regret comes when you are older, infirmed, need assistance, and there is nobody that cares about you personally."
This. Friends can seem more important when you are young, since you choose your friends and have no control over what family you're born into. Your friends seem cool and interesting compared to your family. But during the course of a long life, you realize friends come and go, particularly if you live in a city. They get jobs in different parts of the country, and eventually you lose touch. The people I felt closest to when I was 21 are not the people who will be checking up on me when I'm 75 to make sure I didn't break my neck getting out of the bathtub.
I have a friend whose son never knew his paternal grandparents, even though they lived in an adjoining suburb. They had cut my friend's husband out of their lives before their grandson was born and they stuck to their guns. I don't pretend to know what exactly that quarrel was about, or who was to blame for what - it's complicated. I only know that boy suffered greatly when he realized that his maternal grandparents were dead and his paternal ones lived 6 miles away but didn't care enough to come to his birthday parties and graduations and holiday celebrations. He turned out to be a fine young man and they missed out by not including him in their lives because of their estrangement from his father.
As that sappy 60's song goes love is "the only thing that there's much too little of." And yet, people turn love away. They hoard it like a miser hoards coins and dole it out sparingly or refuse to give it to family members who don't measure up to their exacting standards. But love is not like money. You don't get more if you keep it to yourself. It ends up vanishing.
Long article by Matt Taibbi elsewhere today that mentions when the NYT took up this “its ok to shun relatives” and how that was the Democrats failure to find a real response to the new populism. Unlike quacking fools like ARM Taibbi is at least able to see how progressivism continually fails to understand flyover country, using the following shorthand to describe it: they’ve gone from “what’s the matter with Kansas” to “fuck Kansas” without ever understanding how the D message repels working class messages. The most liked comment to his article is a liberal so disgusted by the Russian coup and attempted Marxist takeover of the streets in response to COVID that he cannot brvstopped from voting for Trump this year even though he hated him four years ago. Democrats have effectively demonstrated that their party would treat us even worse than Trump is!
"After even the smallest interaction — an email or text message — I’d have panic attacks that lasted weeks. I’d stop sleeping, eat too much, fall through a wormhole into utter self-loathing."
So, the author is female, right?
It is that Wall of Moms that did it. Thousands are scheming about what to do if their Mom shows up in some idiotic protest. Is it best to just cut her off?
“All within the state, nothing outside the state, nothing against the state.“
I think the emotional reasons people have for cutting off contact with their family aren't really like cancel culture at all. Cancel culture cancellation of family members is like running away from home to join a cult -- simultaneously a stupider and more dangerous thing entirely.
Professor of Magazine Journalism?
Did she ever think about teaching buggy whip 101?
Her mother sounds like a bitch and she comes off as a special snowflake.
The perfect storm...
My mother didn't talk with one of her sisters for close on to 25 years. She got peeved over something, and just cut off all communication.
About five years before she passed, she called up her sister. Neither could remember what the original disagreement was. They got caught up on things and got closer, and about a year later her sister passed.
My mom was upset, thinking about all the years wasted...
There's folks who are so toxic it's best to just cut them away. But that's a last resort, not a first.
So much for the Fifth Commandment.
In the coming struggle sessions, you will get the chance to publically denounce your family.
Just be sure to wear your mask to the session, preferably with goggles or a face shield.
When I drove the 1200 miles back to see my father after ten years, he was very sick. So my uncle was staying with him. He got it, he said yeah you get embarrassed for not calling, so you still don't call...because you're embarrassed. Vicious cycle.
Turns out he was estranged from his daughter, too, at that time. I had no idea.
So much for the Fifth Commandment.
You mean the right to remain silent about your parents?
It's the WaPoo. I despise, detest, and distrust the WaPoo (the NYT, too.)
Mike: "The most liked comment to his article is a liberal so disgusted by the Russian coup and attempted Marxist takeover of the streets in response to COVID that he cannot brvstopped from voting for Trump this year even though he hated him four years ago."
Indeed.
ARM and Inga are both still hot and heavy on the hoax russian collusion/hoax dossier bandwagon as if it were still January 2017.
In ARM's case that's because Beijing is still paying Americans to push that story and in Inga's case its because....well....she's Inga.
I, along with my siblings, cut off my mother (and as a result, my father) for a few years. I started things up again when I started having kids so they could have a relationship, but my parents lived in another state, so visiting was still a big deal, though infrequent. Then my mother got sick so visiting and communicating became even more difficult. Since they both passed away, I've had deep regrets and guilt over that decision, even though it seemed necessary at the time. You just don't get that time back.
Mothers are a menace.
Cancel culture demands everyone shun somebody.
Cutting off a vile relative demands only that you, yourself, shun somebody.
Cancel culture demands vilification of the one shunned.
Cutting off a vile relative demands no explanation to anyone, for anything.
Cancel culture is NOT like cutting off a vile relative.
My vile sociopathic, masochistic sibling lives his life, and I live mine, without him in it.
Crack is right again.
First, they pit women against men, then women against babies. With social progress, they pit children against mom and dad, and advocate to figuratively throw granny off the cliff?
5 Honor your father and mother, so that your days may be long upon the land which the L‑rd your G‑d gives you.
6 You shall not murder.
7 You shall not commit adultery.
8 You shall not steal.
9 You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10 You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, his manservant, his maid-servant, his ox, his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
Is it any wonder that secular religions, notably Pro-Choice, find favor in cosmopolitan societies. Let us bray to the mortal gods that write our secular religions (e.g. "ethics") and aid and abet our progress.
An article like that being “most read” tells you a LOT about the news outlet and its readers, but not much about anything else.
Many conservatives have been pointing out that one of the major causes of poverty and crisis in the black community was the break down in the nuclear family, thanks in part to the policies and liberal attitudes of Democrats. The percentage of black children being raised in single parent households is indeed very shocking. The historical figures are out there.
But if a quarter of all families are estranged then maybe "family breakdown" isn't responsible for higher rates of poverty in the black community? Is that the message Huffpo wants us to get? I personally think that family is more important than race in determining a person's happiness and life path. Of course if you don't have strong family support and are black, well, that's two strikes against you.
"Mothers are a menace."
Mine was very kind...she died far too young. YMMV.
Is that the message Huffpo wants us to get?
Work out the media's motivations step by step:
- Anyone who disagrees with BLM (or race preferences, or Dems, or Greens, or whatever) is racist.
- Most people know and respect at least some people who disagree with BLM (or RP, etc).
- To maximize political support that respect needs to end.
- This is hard when those people speak for themselves because they usually have rational reasons.
- But if people believe estrangement is normal then the divisions can be maintained through media without the opposition having a chance to argue its position.
- This effectively ends the risk someone will listen to those reasons and change their minds.
Correction: I meant WaPo not Huffpo. Though not much difference in their politics.
I'm full of Soup said: And I'd love to know who is paying the attorney bills for the Boston Bomber. "
There's a well-established web of activists who are against the death penalty; it's international in scope. They have lots of money and connections so funding isn't an issue. I know this from working as a prosecutor, fighting challenges to death-penalty cases.
My mother was smart, funny, attractive, kind, and loving. She had one rule for my three brothers and I: “You boys are going to be friends. We love you all the same. You are not in competition with each other. You are going to be friends.”
So, here we are 65 years later, and we are friends. We don’t agree on politics. We have wildly different interests. We had widely divergent career paths. But we love to get together, and we are mutually supportive.
She was one great mother.
n.n: curious why you d
n.n: curious why you don’t spell Lord and God Instead using a hyphen for the letter “o”?
Are you afraid of being censored?
Here or elsewhere because it has happened in the past?
"After even the smallest interaction — an email or text message — I’d have panic attacks that lasted weeks. I’d stop sleeping, eat too much, fall through a wormhole into utter self-loathing."
Do NOT seek this person under the heading of "marriage material".
Should be “for my my brothers and me.”
Sheesh.
"Are you afraid of being censored?"
n.n may be an observant Jew...
Catholics and Christians in general spell it out and capitalize along with 'He,' 'Him,' etc.
https://www.learnreligions.com/jewish-spelling-of-god-2076772
"Are you afraid of being censored?"
n.n may be an observant Jew...
Catholics and Christians in general spell it out and capitalize along with 'He,' 'Him,' etc.
https://www.learnreligions.com/jewish-spelling-of-god-2076772
Personally, I cut off contact with WaPo last year.
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