“ A couple of people invited me to their houses in the country, houses much more lavish than mine. Some of them have the thing I would love to have, which is a cook, since I don’t know how to cook. And I thought, You know, Fran, you could go away and you could be in a very beautiful place with a cook, but then you’d have to be a good guest. I would much rather stay here and be a bad guest. And, believe me, I am being a bad guest.”
Says Fran Lebowitz, quoted in The New Yorker.
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Now *that's* how you humblebrag.
Assuming that she has a kitchen (which brings to mind a story once told me by a female lawyer I worked with who had a bad mother in law. The mother in law looked at the stove in her son's house and sniffed, "Looks like it's never been used") I've got two words for Ms Lebowitz. Can. Opener.
Ms. Lebowitz will make it through if she recalls those two words.
Having a pet Fran Liebowicz would be entertaining, and a fun thing to brag to the neighbors about, but cleaning up after it would take a lot of the fun out of it.
I bet Frannie could take really nice photographs of the paint drying in her apartment.....
She makes Mencken look like the Good Humor Man. Being a misanthrope as a career move.
The thing that's hardest to bear is that I'm never alone. My wife and daughter are here too. Constantly.
Feminist pride in being a rotten, selfish, non-functional person is difficult to comprehend.
Nobody with the internet is anywhere near alone.
Saw a video of a couple of college guys. Buy frozen entrees for a couple of bucks. Microwave and display attractively for pro photos. Started a legitimate food delivery service selling these meals from their website.
She looks like Bill Kristol with more hair. Since she doesn't have a cook, I suppose she goes to Restaurants 24/7. Which can be even more expensive.
In college, I didn't cook anything except hamburgers, Chile, and the occasional steak.
Today, I'm the chef of the house (mostly).
How expensive is it to eat out every day in NYC? I thought it was VERY expensive. Of course, liebowitz may have an expense account related to her work. Which brings up the question, what is she eating now? She must be using take out, or cooking her own.
I thought she died in a kiln explosion.
Woody Allen developed his characterizations of neurotic New Yorkers from hanging around people like Fran Lebowitz.
@Shouting Thomas
"Feminist pride in being a rotten, selfish, non-functional person is difficult to comprehend."
I comprehend it just fine. It's called being a massive cunt. Lots of them.
became one of New York’s most distinctive personalities, with her defiant grouchiness, her devotion to cigarettes, her trademark ensemble of cowboy boots and custom-made Anderson & Sheppard suit jackets
Oh, man, what does she have to SAY? I gotta know right now!!
Alone is a massive privilege.
For much of humanity, men and women have had to work together to make survive the calamity of life.
But, if you’re wealthy enough in this pandemic and enough other people work and sacrifice on your behalf, you can sit this calamity out and remain unaffected by it.
That’s privilege.
Of course, if those other people fail, you’re fucked.
I never acknowledge Fran in full; all my considerations shift swiftly to Fawn Leibowitz and that *@#%$*" killer kiln.
I've said it before and shall so 'gain, stay the hell away from angry kilns. Just do not doubt me here, please!, on this one single piece o' wisdom.
Bill, Republic of Texas said...
I thought she died in a kiln explosion.
Exactly my reaction too. Must have been her older sister/aunt. At least her roommate and friends got to dance with diverse people.
People pay to hear her drone on about what I wonder? She does make a good point about hugging strangers and not sharing food.
Agree with Mr. Maguire. Being cooped up with six kids between 2 and 18 all trying to do school plus a husband trying to work plus four cats is driving me nuts. Zero alone time. If I go to the bathroom someone is banging on the door.
“ Nobody with the internet is anywhere near alone.”
At six feet of separation even John Holmes is on his own.
At home, alone, she can pass wind at will. Looks like a particularly smelly person.
So rcocean is the one who ate Chile! Monster.
FL sounds like the kind of person who enjoys their own company; I like people like that.
Narr
Especially when I can skip reading about how much they enjoy it.
The appeal of Fran Liebowicz has always escaped me.
Perhaps she should try a Cistercian convent. Food is good and she won't have to talk to anyone.
I never acknowledge Fran in full; all my considerations shift swiftly to Fawn Leibowitz and that *@#%$*" killer kiln.
In today's #MeToo environment Fawn would be toting a kiln behind her as she relived her story about rich, Hollywood gynecologist Eric Stratton in various campus feminist seminars.
We aren't allowed to talk about Animal House anymore.
Reminds me of the old Rodney Dangerfield joke.
For our anniversary, my wife said she wanted me to take her somewhere she had never been. So I brought her into the kitchen.
Oh, man, what does she have to SAY? I gotta know right now!!
That's not very cosmopolitan of you.
She's famous for being famous. Like Truman Capote. He was a so-so writer, but also "a character."
As the saying goes, 'Fish and visitors stink in three days.' During a long shut-in period, it's best to do it alone, or with those who hate your habits normally anyway, so there is no new hatred built up. She made the right move.
"I don’t know how to cook." I bet she does. At least enough to Google "how to boil an egg," or read-the-instructions-on-the-microwave-engre. It's just that it's become a brag to say, "I don't know how to cook."
Which, at its root, is either ugly or dumb. "I can't cook for myself" implies a degree of learned helplessness. What else can't you do, clean your residence (or yourself)? Dress yourself? Take a dump? Is your brag really that you actually "need" an army of service people to take care of you?
So, here's some vintage Fran Liebowitz:
"Who's not angry? I was born angry. I'd put my rage up against theirs any day of the week.
Trump is lazy and has no idea what being president entails."
https://www.papermag.com/fran-lebowitz-donald-trump-presidency-2089972907.html
Fran Leibowitz is one of many reasons why I no longer read the New Yorker: because so many of its writers are so dull as to lack any apparent interest in reflecting on why they assert this and not that, or why they act as they do. Or even reflect on why anyone would say something as dumb or ugly as, "I don't know how to cook" (while making it quite clear they're not interested in learning).
Somebody said she looked like Lord Palmerston after he'd received particularly bad news from the Crimea - and yes, she does her best to look and sound like an acerbic aristocrat from another century. Something like a female Quentin Crisp (or a male one - it's hard to tell).
Funny, funny woman. Doesn't actually write much, though. If that was a strategy to not overstay her welcome, it didn't work. The curmudgeon routine got tired, even though she took care not to wear it out.
houses in the country, houses much more lavish than mine
When the food riots start, will MS13 and their ilk start shopping in those lavish country houses or somewhere else?
She comes across as narrow-minded, ignorant, intolerant - just the way she thinks of Trump voters.
Didn't think she was that funny in the 1970s. She's just pathetic now. Can't imagine that someone would actually pay to hear her speak.
How about grow up and learn to boil some water yourself??
Where does she get the money to live in NYC and eat in restaurants all the time? Her books were published 40 years ago. She’s presenting herself as famously lazy. She says she gets her money from doing personal appearances. How does that work?
Maybe by being a famous wit you can go out to eat with people constantly and never pick up the check.
"Last night, I was peeling a cucumber and I was infuriated. Like, why am I peeling this cucumber? Why am I not in a restaurant, where they know how to peel a cucumber, and where I’m not doing it?"
- Frannie L.
Life is a constant struggle.
What’s the point of “growing up” at her age? It the same age as me. I say you just get to be yourself and have no goals but to live in the moment. You do need to be able to cover your living expenses, but after that, it’s fine not to add new skills or undertake new ventures. As she tells it, she likes to smoke and read. Same avocations as Laura Bush.
She's pretty good at being curmudgeonly. I read through the entire interview. I don't think curmudgeons have to be right. They mostly have to have extreme opinions and express them with some wit.....The two mayors she admired most during her time in NYC were John Lindsay and David Dinkins. You can see right there the value of her political judgments.....She complains about cooking at home. Peeling cucumbers is a particularly onerous task. The bet here is that she has discovered New York has numerous restaurants that are open for take out food. The mystery is why she doesn't admit it. You can be a curmudgeon and eat take out food.
I thought she died in a kiln explosion
lmao.
Bill, thanks for reminding my why I read this blog.
The "I can't cook" people are almost as annoying as the "I don't know anything about computers" people. Three is nothing cute or charming about willful ignorance of a common skill.
“ Where does she get the money to live in NYC and eat in restaurants all the time? Her books were published 40 years ago. ”
Bernie Sanders has been in politics that long. How does he end up with three homes?
Speaking of guests, Boris Johnson is no longer a guest of the ICU but is back in the Ward.
"I always announce, “I don’t share food.” Everyone thinks this is an incredible eccentricity, but the fact is, if you put your chopsticks in my plate, the plate is yours."
Ah, ah, ah..
Dog whistle!
Nobody gives a damn about how Fran Leibowitz is doing.
Bill, republic of Texas--I'm with ya. Every time I hear Fran Liebowitz, I think Faun Liebowitz.
“ Nobody gives a damn about how Fran Leibowitz is doing.”
Demonstrably untrue I think. She gets paid to dish to the cool kids who read the New Yorker. And as long as she never praises chloroquine they will continue to care.
Wow! Looking at that picture, Willem Dafoe has really let himself go.
She's clearly demonstrating her non-essential qualities to society. She can't even cook for herself. She's merely a parasite living off of the efforts of those whom she hates and ridicules.
She claims to have flunked Algebra 1 four times, which is surely impossible. What's striking about that is that she seems to think it's a sign of what an intriguing oddity she is, when what it really indicates is that she's as intellectually lazy as she is physically lazy. She's an inert mass of cells taking up a valuable (and probably rent-controlled) space, who has the presumption to pass judgment on people who actually do things.
No surprise that it was a fawning interview, though.
The "I can't cook" people are almost as annoying as the "I don't know anything about computers" people. Three is nothing cute or charming about willful ignorance of a common skill.
Exactly what I thought.
And in a scant few years these people went from smug to panicky when jobs were on the line.
With the "I can't cook" people, maybe it's OK if you can afford to pay out the a** to eat. Though in extreme situations, they might find themselves on the menu, in which case I have no hope for them.
Oh boohoo.
Let us see, she is one of the elite, which means she probably has staff - or like we say out here, Minions - that she can send out to get her stuff to eat and lots of TP.
So she is just humblegragging to all of her 'friends'.
Just one more self-entitled maroon to be ignored in the future. If the current unpleasantness has shown us anything, it has shown us just how useless pretty much all of the elitist celebritards actually are.
"I read that you didn’t have a microwave until you moved into your new apartment. Have you used it yet?
No, I had it disconnected or whatever."
--
Wait till she stumbles upon the disposal switch.
Fran is doing a Netflix special with Martin Scorsese. She talked about it on Fallon. Can't wait for that, I love hearing Fran talk about stuff.
Some seniors are the ones that need to grow up the most.
Funny that she is doing a Netflix special, but doesn't have Netflix. Or a computer, or a cell phone. How is this even possible?
There's no such thing as 'don't know how to cook'. That's why we have jokes about it, because it refers to not being able to 'cook like a chef'. Everyone knows how to cook - if she doesn't, she truly is a fricking moron.
Liebowitz is a humorist, and it's her schtick. Larry Sanders made some of the same points last weekend, and he's loved for his misanthropy. HIs latest show is in its 10th season. All Liebowitz got to do was play a Manhattan judge occasionally on Law&Order.
I grant she's not everybody's cup of tea, but in many people's estimation, there are only two kinds of women: nice ladies and bitches. Nothing in between.
Think about the places where you have worked, and tell me that you haven't seen this sort of binary evaluation. In business, nice guys finish last; for women, it's the opposite. (There are exceptions sometimes for women who shiv other women out of jealousy, as long as the stabbers act sweet and kind and hide the blades.)
just another tool
JMW Turner @12:54 PM: While Mencken could be called a misanthrope in a certain sense of the word, he did not actually detest mankind. He just saw them for what they are. He was also extremely funny, and took great pleasure in observing the human comedy as it played out in America in his day.
Fran Lebowitz, on the other hand, shares none of those qualities. She is a massively tiresome old bag, well past her sell-by date.
walter @3:47 PM: Paging Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez...
Now would be a really good time to LEARN to cook something. It doesn't have to be gourmet or difficult. If you don't have a cook book...gasp....there are a lot of good sources on the internet and videos of people showing you HOW to cook.
Start simple. Scramble some eggs with cheese. Saute some mushrooms on the side. Make a grilled cheese sandwich. Cook up some spaghetti sauce and learn how to boil water. After that, learn how to clean up and do the dishes.
When the Zombie Apocalypse happens for real....you people better have some sort of skills to make you a valuable addition to the group. Otherwise, you are Zombie fodder and your only use is to distract the Zombies with your dead body while the rest of us escape.
I guarantee you this woman who demands immense taxation gives nothing to charity.
I like the way you think, DBQ.
In addition to cooking and being able to operate a manual transmission vehicle, skills in operating and maintaining a variety of firearms may also prove to be quite handy.
Stay strong, Fran. We'll all get through this together!
Ok, forgive me for not knowing who she is. I looked her up and if Wiki is to be believed this whole "at least I'm alone" thing is just more of her usual schtick. Has her mother called her out on it yet?
Johnathan Birks gets the /sarc prize for this thread.
@DBQ: if my experience is at all indicative the "I don't cook" thing is a self-awarded badge of honor. A humble brag, if you will.
Where are the Knockout game players when you need them?
"The 'I can't cook' people are almost as annoying as the 'I don't know anything about computers'
people. There is nothing cute or charming about willful ignorance of a common skill."
Lebowitz does not use computers or cell phones.
Of very good pal of mine once told me something life changing.
"If you can read, you can cook."
whodah thunk?
"She's clearly demonstrating her non-essential qualities to society. She can't even cook for herself. She's merely a parasite living off of the efforts of those whom she hates and ridicules."
One could say she's a job creator, as she relies on the paid work of others to obtain her meals.
"She's an inert mass of cells taking up a valuable (and probably rent-controlled) space.. .."
She lives in a condo, which she bought for a reported $3.1 million.
"Funny that she is doing a Netflix special, but doesn't have Netflix. Or a computer, or a cell phone. How is this even possible?"
She spends her time reading.
How expensive is it to eat out every day in NYC? I thought it was VERY expensive.
Not necessarily. Pretty easy to get decent meals for $10-20 including the tip for the delivery. But I've taken the opportunity to rediscover the joys of cooking, in part because takeout presumably exposes one to some infection risk (though so does grocery shopping, so who knows).
I don't know how Fran has supported herself all these years. Maybe she has a trust fund.
Larry Sanders made some of the same points last weekend, and he's loved for his misanthropy. HIs latest show is in its 10th season.
That's probably Larry David, who also impersonates Bernie Sanders, so it's natural to merge the two.
If their mothers were alive even they might have trouble telling them apart.
I do kind of miss Larry Sanders (Garry Shandling), though, and like him more than I like Larry or Bernie.
"She's merely a parasite living off of the efforts of those whom she hates and ridicules."
I may be wrong, but I don't think Lebowitz hates and ridicules working people. She does ridicule herself, (as in her quip/confession that she failed Algebra 1 four times), and she ridicules the foibles of the affluent and educated, whom she knows and socializes with, to the extent she socializes at all. She may not be a warm and cuddly person, but then, she doesn't pretend to be, and she seems to want to be left alone to her own devices. Her curmudgeonly persona may be 100% genuine, or some mix of genuine and "for show," given that it is part of her literary persona and is the basis for her humor. I'm puzzled that so many here, who don't follow or read her, care enough about her to vent their spleen about her.
I don't know how Fran has supported herself all these years.
Rich girlfriend, probably. Same for Susan Sontag. Rich boyfriend, too (or at least rich publisher) in Sontag's case.
When Sontag died there was some confusion. Her girlfriend was Annie Leibovitz, but by the time the information reached me I thought Susan and Fran were a couple. But they weren't. Too different? Too much alike?
Didn't realize Lebowitz was only a couple years older than me. Enjoyed Metropolitan Life over *forty* years ago. Don't recall seeing anything from her since.
--gpm
Rabel (2:25pm) quotes her:
"Last night, I was peeling a cucumber and I was infuriated. Like, why am I peeling this cucumber? Why am I not in a restaurant, where they know how to peel a cucumber, and where I’m not doing it?"
I am astonished. In almost forty subsequent comments, no one has thought to point out that you don't need to peel cucumbers, that you're better off leaving the peel on? Wash them, cut off the ends, and slice them, and they're ready to eat, and much healthier than if you remove the peel. They're healthier in two ways: 1. I'm pretty sure most of the vitamins and minerals are in the dark green skin, not the squishy insides that are almost all water. 2. Older people like FL need all the roughage they can get to keep their guts in order, and cucumber skin is very effective (very rough) roughage.
She's a character. Very Woody Allenish. I don't get all the negativity toward her. I don't see her trying to convince people to be different. Of course her anti-Trump, anti-Bush, anti-GOP stuff is politically adolescent but that's not uncommon among the artsy and well-to-do. I find her smart and funny and that goes about 90% of the way with me liking a person. The fact that she's so wrong on politics and intellectually lazy abut basic economics is almost endearing, but I'm real secure in my political philosophy and views so I don't care about her silliness in those areas. I'm going to be entertained by her whether she likes me or not.
I too read Metropolitan Life 40ish years ago. I thought it was pretty funny, I think, but the only thing I remember from it is her line that there was a new all-black production of a Shakespeare play opening soon. It was called "As You Likes It." Times were different, I guess.
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