"... (Who works? Is there a trust fund at play here, or are they just that good at living off the land?) and a desperate, shame-filled recognition of the disparity between their towering competence and my obvious lack thereof. Who would you want to link up with in the coming apocalypse? The hot, fit, loving family who knows how to build a house by hand, or the tubby middle-aged broad who can’t even drive stick? Exactly. My ability to provide wry commentary about my own cervix is an asset useful only in a pre-collapsed society.... Once the shit hits the fan, I’ll need somewhere to run... Maybe these bad feelings are signals that it’s time to rethink my approach to other people, and maybe even to life itself, to become more open, more generous, more in tune with nature and less concerned with being a good tube of toothpaste and then making fun of myself for it...."
Writes Emily Flake in "Stalking a Rustically Hip Family on Instagram" (The New Yorker). The "good tube of toothpaste" refers to her description of herself giving birth in the hospital, where "they used a vacuum and had a big doctor squeeze me like a tube of toothpaste.... The doctors and nurses know what they’re doing, and see what a not-pain-in-the-ass I’m being? I will be a good tube of toothpaste!"
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४८ टिप्पण्या:
I'd cross the street to avoid Emily Flake. Don't make eye contact.
Hate to break it to you Emily, but the survivor types will kill you withoutany remorse.
Maybe these bad feelings are signals that it’s time to rethink my approach to other people, and maybe even to life itself
maybe! you know, Maybe!!
Danno said...
Hate to break it to you Emily, but the survivor types will kill you withoutany remorse.
As Danno knows, people like Emily are Vital to any real survivor situation
Soft, Fleshy people like Emily; that will roast up nice and tender, without being to stringy
Overwrought but fun writing, and interesting thoughts.
Also, learned recently that if you're Amazon Prime, you can get certain magazine subscriptions included on your kindle. Haven't heard of most of them, but NYer is the crown jewel of Kindle Prime.
Danno said...
Hate to break it to you Emily, but the survivor types will kill you withoutany remorse.
I don’t know that I’d be too worried about remorseless survivor types with instagram accounts, myself.
The "is there a trust fund" cracked me up, as that's the urbanite answer to everything: how are these people sitting in cafes in the middle of the day? what's with all the freelancers--freelancing at what? how the hell are these Neo-pioneers getting by? But then, with Instagram and the sponsorship available to influencers, she may have a point.
"Overwrought but fun writing, and interesting thoughts"
Well, you got one out of three correct.
I would personally rather be with the people who work at any oil refinery in this country rather than, say, the entire faculty of Harvard University in the event of societal collapse. The refinery people will have the lights and heat on, water to drink, and food on the table while the Harvard people are forming a committee to debate personal pronoun usage.
The coastal types might look down (from their private jets) on flyover country, but this is where the food is.
Does anything good come from Instagram or Twitter?
Trump's presidency would not have been possible without social media. The fact that a river of shit flows through it does not mean it's all shit. The disintermediation of the mainstream media is a big deal.
Emily certainly is a flake.
Flake news.
There's a surprising number of "Hard America" types in NYC, from competitively minded sports people to preppers and outdoorsmen. They can often be found coaching children's sports in rec leagues and they gather at bars and make excursions together. I don't think Emily knows where to find them, but they're around.
I don't know if there is a word for it, but there should be a word for people who endless prepare for something that has never happened and then never does. I have spent some time in the past doing prepper stuff, but have given up on it. My plan now is at the first sign of apocalypse to just take my AR-15 to the local 7-11 and commandeer everything I need at gunpoint. Rather than figuring out how to defend myself, I'm going to become the threat. Roam the land in my 4X4 raping and pillaging, and never washing. Why not?
Dammit. Now I have the theme from Green Acres stuck in my head.
Why do I suspect that if that family is liberals, Flake thinks they are hardy pioneer types, but if they were conservatives with the same attributes she would think they are white nationalists or worse?
Reality check for Flake.
What you see posted on people's Instagram, or other social media, is not what their lives are really like. It is FAKE, Flake. They post what they think they are like. What they WANT to be. The gory, boring, messy, details are not there for publication.
I'm willing to bet that the "hardy pioneer" woman, screamed, cursed her husband, and shit the bed just like everyone else. You won't see or hear about that part.
Being a true "hardy pioneer" is too much work to fiddle with Instagram anyway.
"the tubby middle-aged broad who can’t even drive stick?"
Nuff said.
"My ability to provide wry commentary about my own cervix is an asset useful only in a pre-collapsed society"
"Useful" to New Yorker readers.
Sanders voter, I'm guessing. The faster to bring on the collapse.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Isn't that the quote?
Hate to break it to you Emily, but the survivor types will kill you withoutany remorse.
Eh. If she's reasonably attractive, fertile and able to work, they might take her as a slave.
Eh. If she's reasonably attractive, fertile and able to work, they might take her as a slave
Nah. She probably just whines too much and creates more work for everyone else, while still eating up valuable resources.
But even when reality hits these tiresome leftists hard right between the eyes, they gain a moment of awareness, but then go right back to being tiresome leftists. Their ideology is stronger than truth.
Boy, you people are really hating on poor Emily. What did she do? I kind of like her, myself. At least she's a fellow breeder. And yes, they have at least one trust fund, you think they bought their mountaintop acreage by collecting soda cans? But unless there are some guns in the picture, they won't be hanging onto it for long after the Repocalypse.
Don't worry about it, Emily. You're a good person, and we're all gonna die. Hold your little daughter tight, like a good tube of toothpaste!
I admire the "live off the grid" type of people but home birthing is a bridge too far. Of course most births are going to be normal and uneventful but I don't think the chance of your child dying is a good risk to take. Things can go bad in a few minutes, placental abruption, kid getting "stuck" in the birth canal, etc. Give birth in a hospital where immediate medical intervention is available.
I remember the name Emily Flake but I don't remember why. Pretty sure something noxious came out of her keyboard in the past and was discussed before.
Geez doesn't anybody wanna be a firefighter or a pirate anymore?
... I don't wanna go to school...
Everyone makes fun of the Redkneck until the zombie apocalypse.
Mallory Valerie Emily Mickels...
"What did she do?"
Wrote an obnoxious New Yorker piece, obviously.
Once again, Althouse gives us a window into the freaks of New York.
This is a cute cartoon
Emily Flake does cartoons for the NYer. Some of them are not bad. Google her name and choose "images."
I just finished watching the "bad lip reading" story and I come to ""My side-eye at their neo-pioneer lifestyle is accompanied by a thrum of envy for the freedom of their life..."" I though I was seeing another bad lip reading story.
The hip neo-pioneer family sounds straight out of that movie Ann commented on a few years back about the leftist hippie parents and their 6 kids who have severe culture shock once they leave the wilds of Oregon and encounter the outside world.
Of course, they are only hip because they are leftist. Religious "neo pioneers" would be considered dangerous loons by a New Yorker writer.
"...and shit the bed just like everyone else."
Wait, what?
"Wrote an obnoxious New Yorker piece, obviously."
Everybody's a critic. Now I'm gonna have to defend the lady. See what you did?
"When practicing this kind of social-media creepiness, you find yourself feeling small in two ways: you understand yourself as less than, living a life that is not nearly as fun, interesting, or worthwhile as the account you follow, and you also sense that you are a petty person, swiping the screen while huffing fumes of self-righteous antipathy."
What's wrong with that? I like the "less than" without any greater than. It's not the tattooed aborigines she is feeling "less than", it is some half-comprehensible ideal of her own that she falls short of. Her self-awareness is endearing but not arch, and the "huffing" metaphor is fresh. For a cartoonist, she writes better than most of the losers at NY, or in NY, for that matter.
Granted, it's a given she voted for Hillary, and she would probably put us all in the basket of deplorables and fasten the little latch. But I don't get any whiff of the gulag, or the faculty meeting. I think she has an intact sense of humor and if she lived across the hall from me, we would both enjoy our infrequent exchanges of small-talk right up until the day she found out who I plan to vote for.
Becoming more open, generous and in tune with nature isn't a bad thing, even if there's no apocalypse.
My husband has an old friend who lives on a farm, hunts with a bow and arrow and is great at fixing things. We plan to move in after the apocalypse -- if we can get there. My husband also is good at fixing things. I have no post-apocalyptic skills. Also, if there are no pharmacies to refill my thyroid pills, I will return to nature quickly.
"What's wrong with that?"
It's a YMMV thing, I suppose. I find the frenetic snarky put-downs of everyone and everything to become tiresome very quickly.
I have known several people who "lived off the land" and all had an inheritance or such. A commune I visited was paid for by a rock band.
bagoh20:
You'll be dead within hours. If the convenience store owner doesn't gleefully shoot you the instant you turn your back, then a local group of vigilantes will hunt you down like a dog.
Armed robbery is a surprisingly difficult skill to learn, you have little to no experience in violent crime, and all the world hates a thief.
7-11 store owners, on the other hand, are famously good at keeping their stuff from being boosted. An apocalypse just means that no one is going to make them fill out troublesome paperwork after they kill you.
Stay honest. It's easier.
I'm optimistic about Emily's prospects.
Anyone who can schmooze themselves into a New Yorker gig can probably find some place to fit in whatever post-apocalyptic society emerges.
Plus, her self-effacing manner indicates she won't be too proud to take on the tasks no one else wants to do. Until something better comes along, as it always seems to do.
Joanne Jacobs said...
"Also, if there are no pharmacies to refill my thyroid pills, I will return to nature quickly."
I know several people who have this issue. There are a LOT of people, mostly women, who rely on thyroxin supplements. These pills are made from extracts from slaughtered cattle, and they won't let you get more than a month or two ahead. I don't know your situation, but I am not aware of a condition in which adults are dependent on thyroxin to the point of death. Certainly, many people rely upon this supplement to maintain their mental and physical equilibrium.
Jupiter said...
Joanne Jacobs said...
"Also, if there are no pharmacies to refill my thyroid pills, I will return to nature quickly."
I know several people who have this issue. There are a LOT of people, mostly women, who rely on thyroxin supplements. These pills are made from extracts from slaughtered cattle, and they won't let you get more than a month or two ahead.
This sounds like a business opportunity.
HGH would be universally prescribed if it didn't help Barry Bonds hit home runs.
There are a lot of stupid health regulations that serve no real purpose and should go.
Ha! Funny. Some people need to lighten up.
If you really wanted to prep for the apocalypse, wouldn't you be best off with booze, tobacco, ammo, and salt? Become a post-apocalyptic trader.
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