"He was dressed as I remembered him — flannel shirt and jeans. Except the familiar wardrobe was draped over a man’s body now."

"The message of the clothes had changed from 'tomboy' to 'I.T. guy.' Seeing the man who used to be my wife reminded me of the feelings of loss I felt in the months following his quiet and dignified disclosure to me of his transition.... We had been together from our late teens to early 30s. My understanding of our divorce was that we started too young, and the differences that seemed small at the time widened, as our childhoods ended and our adulthoods began... I remember the day I worked up the nerve to talk about splitting up. Moments before I began my prepared speech, my spouse asked whether we should try separating. Stunned, I admitted I was about to say the same thing. I laughed and cried with relief. We hugged. The dogs came out of hiding. It was our best moment in months.... We were two kids once, a boy and a girl, making plans for the rest of our lives. Our paths diverged and now we came back together, two men in middle age, having a look at each other and talking about some good memories we still shared.... I thought I had just attended a private wake for my ex-wife, to look at the body, to say goodbye. But I hadn’t. Meeting him in person was a confirmation of life....."

From "Coffee With the Man Who Used to Be My Wife" by Dan Higgins (NYT).

A comment over there that got some highly rated replies: "The analogy of the transition as a death is problematic and a cis person's grief isn't one of the more important aspects of these transitions." Here's the highest rated response:

... I’d ask you to consider that the death analogy that you find “problematic” is not a new one, nor one that most trans people I know dismiss. If to call a trans person by their birth name is termed “dead naming” in the LGBTQ+ community, why should not a spouse (or former spouse) of a trans person be permitted to share their own experience of their partner’s figurative “death”... [W]hen anyone transitions, there is a constellation of loved ones that are impacted, in one way or another. I am the cis-het former wife of a trans woman, assigned male at birth. We are no longer married, but are very close and share two children. I am a staunch and vocal LGBTQ+ ally. However, please do not for one moment dismiss the pain of my OWN transition as my then husband pursued her own quest for self — after 12 years of marriage and two children. I too urge you to keep an open mind and consider that gender transitions/affirmations do not happen in a vacuum.