२८ ऑक्टोबर, २०१५
"Right. So if you get sick again, you want to stay home. But you know that probably means you will go to heaven, right?"
One line from the mother in a dialogue with a 5-year old who hates going to the hospital, especially the naso-tracheal suction. The mother has determined that the child has made an end-of-life decision worthy of honoring.
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The article says she is terminally ill and incurable, so it's not such a bad decision by the parents. Although, I would probably have left out the part about, "You know that means you're going to heaven, right?" with a 5 year old. I would have just said, "OK."
That's a heartbreaking story and I can't blame the parents for deciding it's not worth it, their daughter can die soon and in comfort or a little later and in pain. But I hate the way it's portrayed as the decision of the child. Reading the exchange between mother and daughter, it's clear the mother is leading the discussion and the daughter doesn't understand what dying is. (Fun Fact: I misspelled "understand" and the suggested correction was "undertaker.")
Hard for me to understand all around. My 5 yr old does not understand death. Heck I don't either
Terrible thing for the parents to live through.
I would make the decision for my kid, though, if I were in their shoes, and I wouldn't put the burden of making that decision on my child.
'Being Mortal' by Gawande is a great book on this subject.
Christ, Alhouse!
You certainly know how to ruin a good hardon.
Brutal story, as these always are. I don't like the idea of portraying this as the child making the decision, but I wouldn't go out of my way to give the parents a hard time (under the circumstances presented).
Her parents, Steve Snow and Michelle Moon...
Snow and Moon? In the middle of this sad story, that made me smile.
I once knew an Asian couple named Sing and Snow.
Perhaps the parents can gain some comfort by pretending this was the child's decision, but the mother asked totally leading questions. This was the mother's--or both parents'--decision, which their daughter went along with.
I read that story late last night, and it's a real heartbreaker.
The hospital staff admits that next time the girl has to come in, they probably won't be able to save her. It's a "probably" not a "certainly", but that's what most medicine is. Why add that misery & pain to her inevitable death, when she can die at home?
Does the child understand her death? I would say, no, as if any of us do. But, don't you think that, if when the girl becomes sick, she asks her parents to go to the hospital, they're not going to take her? It's not like this decision is carved in stone. It can be undone with one call to 911.
Tank said...
Brutal story, as these always are. I don't like the idea of portraying this as the child making the decision, but I wouldn't go out of my way to give the parents a hard time (under the circumstances presented).
Nor I. But I do question the motives of those who push the story. Consider the emotional meaning to a 60 year old with cancer.
This child can do what's best for society, why can't you?
This is a sad story, but one I think we should all just butt out on. This is between the child, her parents, and God. What I think, what you think, makes absolutely no difference and we should all just stay well out of it.
So we're all in agreement that the mom asked leading questions. And in any case this isn't about suicide drugs, so there's not a real moral issue with whether or not the family continues treatment. This is also different than the case of a person wanting to continue forward, to extend the time spent with family as much as possible. The issue at this stage ought to be minimizing the child's pain.
What was disappointing, however, was the reporting, treating it as straightforward that the child was making the decision. But I guess it's Buzzfeed, after all.
Well, if my 3-year-old son says he wants to dress as a bat for Halloween, or says he wants to ride the Ferris wheel, or drive the family car, it is my decision whether he does it or not regardless of what he says. It doesn't mean anything to say "I'm honoring his decision", he's not entitled to make decisions and he has no way to carry them out even if he did.
Sad story, but misleading. When a parent says that they are "honoring" the decision of a 5-year old, all the parent really means is, "I agree with the decision."
Trust me, if the 5-year old decided to take morphine or shoot herself, these parents wouldn't really honor those decisions, right?
The issue at this stage ought to be minimizing the child's pain.
Exactly. I followed the link to the mother's blog posts. That poor little kid's medical treatment sounds like torture.
I'm with the kid. I watched my dad go through chemo. If he hadn't been so healthy - except for the cancer - the chemo would have killed him before the cancer ever did. I have decided that I would have to have about a 90% chance of surviving cancer to go through chemo. Otherwise, just give me a morphine drip and my friends and family.
Leave them alone! The poor child is dying and her parents are heartbroken. If it helps them or her to involve her in the decision to accept the inevitable, who has the right to question that?
And by the way, she will be going to Heaven, whether she or any of the commenters understand what that means.
The Godfather said...
Leave them alone!
Who is not leaving them alone?
Jane the Actuary said...
What was disappointing, however, was the reporting, treating it as straightforward that the child was making the decision. But I guess it's Buzzfeed, after all.
The Buzzfeed article is based a CNN report (linked in the piece) which only addresses the leading questions by reporting a blog comment, but that is not a factor in the bioethicist's evaluation.
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