Unsaid things.

That's a favorite tag of mine and I've even blogged about the tag.

In 2014, I said: "I feel that I've found the psychic key to my favorite tag: 'unsaid things.'... Did you know that before I started blogging I believed myself to be a person without political opinions? I used to read the New York Times every day and feel that I had no opinion. It was such a distinctive feeling — no opinion was my opinion — that for a while, to counteract it, I challenged myself, upon reading at least one article a day, to arrive at an opinion. What do I think of that? In blogging, early on, I had to tell myself to stop before moving to the next item and write one more sentence. You have to say something about that. I had to make it a discipline: To write one more thing...."

And in another 2014 post, I wrote: "Unsaid things is one of my favorite topics, and things that fall into this category are things that, aptly enough, most people would leave unsaid. There's a convention in human society not to outline the secret motives of others. As long as someone hasn't actually said something, you ought not to act as though you know what that thing is. But I'm here to transgress on that convention. I think I can and should do it...." (7 reasons why are said at the link but I will leave them unrepeated here.)

So naturally, I'm powerfully drawn to this article by Ariana Eunjung Cha in The Washington Post: "The 'Gen Z stare' — and the decline of saying things out loud/We’re speaking fewer words every year. Scientists worry what that’s doing to our brains" (gift link).

First, I don't like the focus on the number of words.

My MAGA status expires in 5 minutes.

Note: I have made a political contribution approximately twice in my entire life and not even once in this century. I would never respond positively to a political text message, but obviously some people do. I'm pestered with material like this multiple times a day, but I'm choosing this one to blog because "Your MAGA status expires in 5 MINUTES" takes the cake.

"Like many terrible things, we can blame therapyspeak on America’s stupidest decade: the 1970s."

"Back then, it was called psychobabble.... The concept survived the hedonistic ’80s, the grimy ’90s, and the low-rise aughts only to reemerge in the social media age with a new name and a more sinister purpose.... Isn’t it odd... that the most selfish people you know always seem to be the ones who are armchair diagnosing their friends and family with personality disorders? I’m reminded of the minor scandal that erupted a few years ago when an A-list actor allegedly wrote private messages to his then girlfriend telling her that if she needed to post photos of herself in a bathing suit, he was not the right partner for her. Elsewhere he wrote, 'I’d love to know before the premiere so I’m not put in the position of publicly flaunting our love if my boundaries are going to be continued to be disrespected. That would be hurtful and triggering for me.' The girlfriend was a professional surfer...."

From "You're Not a Therapist. Stop Talking Like One/Please respect everyone else's boundaries by keeping your psychobabble to yourself" (Vanity Fair).

This is an important general issue, but if you're interested in the A-list actor part of it, here's a Newsweek article from 2023: "Jonah Hill, Sarah Brady Text Messages—Full Transcript." It's really long and a massive invasion of privacy. Why did Newsweek publish all that? Or maybe the better question is why do people have their arguments via text? Why would anyone want to leave a cold record for the whole world to read? And this was a man concerned with "boundaries."

"Couples who forgo honest conversation about bot usage may do so at their own peril."

"That was the case for Rhea Srivastava, a 24-year-old living in Washington, whose fights with her ex-boyfriend often resolved over text message. The messages he sent were emotionally mature, thoughtful and well-reasoned. They just didn’t seem to be written by him. 'There was no vulnerability on his end,' she said. Over time, she observed that the things he wrote didn’t seem like natural outgrowths of their conversations. They were the result, she began to suspect, of a more unguarded back-and-forth with ChatGPT, which then resulted in a carefully crafted text to her. 'It was as though our relationship problems were being solved with him, through Chat.... As time passed, it was pointless to argue with him because I could just ask Chat what he was about to say,' she said."

From "She uses AI for everything. Her husband thinks AI is a menace. What happens to a relationship when one partner depends on a chatbot, and the other is an AI skeptic?" (WaPo).

Pointless?! I think they can have better arguments — that is, conversations — by using AI to analyze what they are saying and what the other person might feel or be trying to say and then talking together again. This could be true even if only one of them is using A.I. If either person is annoyed to think they are reading texts written by A.I., you have at least 2 options: 1. Talk in person (after reflecting with or without the assistance of A.I. (or your therapist or other confidante)), and 2. Agree and trust each other never to send texts composed by A.I.

A third idea is that when you think it's pointless to argue because you could just ask Chat what he was about to say why no tell that to Chat and have Chat to predict what you're about to say? Send that. Let him respond, then respond to that with A.I.-composed text, and see how long before the 2 of you meet on a higher plane and laugh about everything. 

Guarantee: No part of this post was composed by A.I.

What is excluded by that "almost"?

"Cinemark is going all out for National Popcorn Day in 2026 [January 18 and 19], offering moviegoers in Austin and around the country the chance to BYOBucket: bring almost any kind of container to the theater and fill it up for just $5 (plus tax)...."(culturemap).

MEANWHILE: Another Austin movie theater distinguishes itself in a wholly different way:

Pick your style of theater here in the Magnited States of America.

"Who calls their dad 'old man'? It's 2025! That text looks like it was written by my 74-year-old boss."

TikTok is suspicious of those Tyler Robinson/"Tyler Robinson" texts."

"Once they are in, there is a considerable amount of pressure to uphold the sorority’s culture. Darnell talks about the 'rules,' mainly around conduct..."

"... though she is sworn to secrecy on the specifics. 'My sorority will text me all the time saying, you need to take this down [from social media], if something might be shining the wrong light,' she said. 'They really do protect my image and I’m very grateful for that. They’re like a PR agency. They keep a close eye.' Though she loves the group enormously, she has taught herself to resist its monolithic culture. 'When I was a freshman [first year], I lost my individuality and everything I talked about was sorority-sorority-sorority,' she said. 'I talked the way I thought people wanted me to and felt the pressure to be perfect and to always say the perfect thing. I didn’t voice my opinion, didn’t want to seem like I was "too much." I’ve got an outgoing, outspoken, goofy personality and I felt like I lost that.' She has since 'found myself,' wanting to be a sports reporter when she graduates next year...."

From "Inside sorority rush, the blood sport making college girls millionaires/Competition for sisterhoods is big business for Kylan Darnell, the Alabama student who chronicles it all like a reality show. Shame her sister wants no part" (London Times).

Here's Darnell's TikTok feed if you want to see what's so popular in this sorority-girl category. 

I went to college in 1969 and everyone I knew believed sororities were about to go extinct. As if hippiedom would reign forever. Anyway... what's interesting here? Lots of things. The intersection of college and TikTok. The endless fascination with makeup and fashion.

But I'll just cherry-pick one thing: "They keep a close eye." Is that the expression? Did she conflate 2 expressions — "close watch" and "keep an eye on" — possibly influenced by the opening lines of "I Walk the Line" — "I keep a close watch on this heart of mine / I keep my eyes wide open all the time"? I think "close eye" is idiomatic. More important, is that what young women want — a close eye?

CORRECTION: I had originally named the wrong Johnny Cash song. I mix up "I Walk the Line" with "Ring of Fire." Honestly, I've disliked both songs for a long time. They both have a line drawn, and he's either inside the line or outside of it. He's fixated on that line. It's all about control and loss of control.

We did the "in-person absentee" voting today at the library.

I texted from the line to someone who's been reading that 1120-page "Truman" book:

Terse texting is not misunderstood at Meadhouse.

Received in the middle of the night:

Meade intended to say: Please add that to our Audible account. But by hitting a share button, Amazon added the seemingly friendly generic message, "I think you might like this book." The book is "How to Die"! I think you might like How to Die....

In case you want to buy the book — and send us a commission — here's the Amazon link: "How to Die: An Ancient Guide to the End of Life (Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers)."

I'm glad to see that I already had a "Seneca" tag, and I like that this is the second post of the morning that reminds us that men are always thinking about the Roman Empire. 

Actually, I think the "Seneca" tag originated as a commenter name, here. Back in 2009, someone with the pen name Seneca helped me distinguish a butterfly from a moth (and another commenter made a comic animation out of my photograph of a rather moth-y butterfly).

"During the visit, she noticed that her grandmother kept sending texts to her ex — that is, Ms. Woodard’s grandfather — and grew angry..."

"... when he didn’t reply. The thing is, her grandfather is dead. 'I’m like, "Mimi, you are going to be left 'on read' till your grave!"' Ms. Woodard told the crowd, using a term for a text not responded to. And yet, she recognized herself in that moment. 'Do you ever see your mom or your grandma doing something and you’re like, "that’s messed up"'— Ms. Woodard used a stronger word — 'but then you’re like, "I know I’ve got that inside of me"?'"

From "She’s Not Celibate — She’s ‘Boysober’/The comedian Hope Woodard is spreading the word about her yearlong break from sex and dating. One fan calls it 'this year’s hottest mental health craze'" (NYT)(free access link).

"A big part of the yearlong break from sex and romance is unlearning the unhealthy relationship patterns that often get passed down from generation to generation. 'Maybe we are one of the first generations of women where we don’t actually have to plug into a man for, like, energy and power and whatever,' Ms. Woodard said."

1. What do you think of the efficacy of 1-year breaks? If generations and generations have programmed a tendency into you, what are the chances you could "unlearn" it in one year?

2. What "generations of women" do you think she is referring to?

"Do you like The Zombies" — a random text from my younger son at 6:31 today.

"[O]ne can be forgiven for an inelegant breakup when self-actualization — and an expanding transnational etiquette empire — is at stake."

"'You don’t get a second time to shoot a Netflix show, right?' she said. 'It’s all or nothing.' On 'Mind Your Manners,' [Sara Jane] Ho’s self-assigned mandate is ambitious: 'Come with me, and you’ll know what to do anywhere, with anyone, in any situation.'... Ms. Ho takes a practical, international and surprisingly adaptive approach to manners. During an interview, she delivered an unprompted primer on the places and circumstances in which she might personally spit phlegm on the street.... She emphasizes the logic behind certain norms and bluntly rejects others she finds distasteful. (On drinking tea: 'Some people keep their pinkies out to keep balanced, but it looks really pretentious. Definitely pinkies in.')"

From "The Etiquette Guru Who Broke Up With a Boyfriend Over Text" by Maureen O'Connor (NYT).

I clicked through to that article because the headline is susceptible to 2 meanings and the one that came to mind for me was not the one the article was about. I thought the boyfriend used texting to do something wrong and the "guru" broke up with him because of it. But it wasn't that she broke up with him "over" his texting. She used texting to break up with him. I don't think deliberately creating double meanings like that is a good click bait strategy, so I'm going to assume this was simply bad editing.

Is bad editing like bad etiquette? Sort of! It displays a lack of concern for the comfort and convenience of your guests. In that case, I could be accused of bad etiquette by subjecting you, my reader, to something bad. But I'm writing this before publishing, and I have the opportunity to trash this and move on. Yet despite my reason for clicking, I liked this article, and the author probably didn't write the defective headline.

What did I like? The crudely subtle way the author conveyed disapproval of this Netflix character's expertise. 

Now, I just need to add tags and I can publish. I'm not creating a new tag for "phlegm." I already have "saliva" and "bodily fluids" and I don't like thinking about why both seem not quite right. Why am I imposing this blog-writing problem on you, the reader, for whose comfort and convenience I purported to care?

Well, what's most convenient is not to read anything not absolutely necessary — warning labels, traffic signs, etc. — and comfort is complex in the realm of reading. There must be discomfort (of a crudely subtle kind).

Finally, I have more TikToks for you — 10 this time.

1. Dexter, the dog that walks.

2. I know what it's like to be driving along and suddenly a deer jumps into the path of your car.

3. Biden tells a joke.

4. Your mental focus after 2 years on TikTok.

5. Things one's college-freshman kid has texted.

6. Noodles, just noodles.

7. Aren't you worried?

8. WaPo thinks its video will be suppressed by TikTok, but it came up in my feed (and I wasn't already following them).

9. The context of that iconic migrant mother photograph.

10. The dog and the dumpling.

If Ron DeSantis asked me "How do you spell Lambeau?," I'd say "L-A-M-B-E-R-T."

But that's just my sense of political humor, and I have a long memory, and it certainly goes back to 2004, when John Kerry campaigned in Wisconsin and called Lambeau "Lambert." 

Anyway, here's the context for Ron's question "How do you spell Lambeau?," from the NYT article "Tom Brady and Ron DeSantis Are Said to Be on Texting Terms/The Republican nominee for Wisconsin governor, Tim Michels, told supporters recently that while DeSantis was watching a Packers game at Lambeau Field, he was texting the Buccaneers quarterback": 

"Her daughter, Mary Clementine, who moved in to help as the disease progressed, said she and her brother laughed out loud when their mother told them she was working on a cookbook."

"'It will have four pages: P. B. And. J.,' she said. Peanut butter sandwiches with jelly or honey were such a mainstay when she was touring that Neil Young, whom she opened for in the 1970s, still teases her about it by sending texts that just say 'peanut butter.'"

From "For Her Swan Song, Linda Ronstadt Turns to Recipes/In 'Feels Like Home,' the singer, her voice taken by a form of Parkinson’s, tells her story through the border dishes of her Arizona youth" (NYT).

Some very touching photographs at the link.

"The dominant reaction from all the threads I’m in is Everyone looks fucking dumb."

"It’s been a general Is this really how business is done? There’s no real strategic thought or analysis. It’s just emotional and done without any real care for consequence."

Said a former social-media executive, quoted anonymously in "Elon Musk’s Texts Shatter the Myth of the Tech Genius/The world’s richest man has some embarrassing friends" (The Atlantic). The court in the Twitter case released a bunch of texts to and from Musk.

I've picked out 8 TikToks for you. Let me know what you like.

1. When you fall asleep at a classical music concert.

2. Are we going to be impressed by this guy's construction out of chocolate?

3. I never cook pork chops, do you? Well, look at this.

4. Dogs at the meeting about all the barking. 

5. Remember that little boy with the corn I showed you on August 5th? Now, here he is, with musical accompaniment.

6. Why do you call when you can text?

7. The snowboarding toddler is just floating.

8. Bear in a bath.

I've selected 10 TikToks for you this evening. Let me know what you like best.

1. The charm of misunderstood English.

2. Teenage daughter is "literally standing outside" and needs Dad to "literally arrive."

3. Beauty is not in perfection, but flaw.

4. "No, we don't use that word."

5. "You didn't have to be so mean about it."

6. "Can you give me directions?"

7. Straight talk on what's actually recyclable. 

8. When shrews cross open territory.

9. Your friend with unrelatable problems.

10. "Can you stop, like stop, whatever you're doing right now?"

"She remains her husband’s fiercest defender—something voters glimpsed in March 2020 when she was likened to a linebacker for tackling a protester who rushed him onstage...."

"'I try to be a support for Joe, because I don’t know how many people are saying to him, "That was great. That was brilliant." I try to be that person for him,' she says. 'Some days, I see Joe and I’m just like, "I don’t know how you’re doing it." It’s the pandemic and then it’s the war and then it’s the economy and then it’s the gas prices. You feel like you’re being slammed.' Which is not to say that she holds back when he frustrates her. The president does not get a pass. During the Obama years, they took to hashing out their occasional spats over text to avoid fighting in front of the Secret Service. (They christened it 'fexting.') Not so long ago, she tapped out a message to him in a fit of pique. 'Joe said, "You realize that’s going to go down in history. There will be a record of that."' She grins. 'I won’t tell you what I called him that time.'"

From "A First Lady Undeterred/A pandemic. A war. A country at its breaking point. Dr. Jill Biden has faced it all with the grace and conviction that has guided her all her life—showing up for her students, her friends and family, the American people, her husband, and herself" (Harper's Bazaar).

Have you ever fexted?

ADDED: So they are in the same room and could talk out loud, but they don't want the Secret Service to hear it, and they just type out things? I've texted with someone who's in the same room and could be talked to. Haven't fexted though. I think if I just wanted to call my partner a "fucking idiot" — which I'm just going to assume is was Jill called Joe that time — I could do it just by thinking it and making eye contact. 

"So the Russians are taking these losses and they are taking a hit from the Ukrainian Army with the best weaponry in the world, supplied by the West. But we are not in position to inflict any damage back on NATO."

Said Andrei Soldatov, an expert on the Russian intelligence bureaucracy, interviewed in "Putin’s Pivot to a 'Really Big War' in Ukraine/As his invasion enters its fourth month, the Russian leader is preparing for the long haul. Meanwhile, the military is chattering about its losses, and putting out calls for supplies on Telegram" (The New Yorker).

The Russian Army suffered some big, disastrous casualties, and, to be honest, I’ve been following how people reacted to that internally.... Pro-Russian military bloggers started talking about the losses and asking why nobody was held responsible for these losses.... 

Maybe I’m too optimistic, but I think we have some new factor here in that [the messaging app] Telegram is such a big thing in Russia, that it is probably the very first war where we have, if you can call it, some public opinion of the Russian military and some sort of discussion about the military....