"He does not appear to have suffered much stigma from living at home, and for several months even dated a woman he had met..."

"... at a cafe where he worked part time to burn off anxious energy. 'We ended up bonding really hard — we’re both writers,' said Mr. Balmat, who hopes to publish a novel someday. 'We were both really passionate about what we were doing, struggling to figure out how to turn it into money.' When he invited his girlfriend over to hang out, the attention from his parents was sometimes embarrassing. 'They would both drop in on us if we’re watching a movie on the couch, to be like, "Can I get anybody any snacks?"' But his girlfriend took it in stride. It turned out she had moved back home, too."

From "Moving Back Home After College? All Your Friends Are Doing It. More young adults are living with their parents. The development suggests that they face a weak job market, but also that fewer face stigma in returning to the roost" (NYT gift link).

Parents are only sometimes embarrassing.

Your job in a café is only a way to "burn off anxious energy."

I don't know. Maybe this is the stuff of a worthy novel. Actually it feels like a TV sitcom. A really old-timey one. I'm picturing Balmat's mother as a June Cleaver type. And Balmat is Wally. Gee, Mom.

I hadn't used my "deeply" tag since last May.

It's a deeply bloggy tag, so it makes me want to do a post collecting recent iterations of "deeply." The first time I used it — in "Deeply... it's such a poser word" — I had a 12-point list. That was back in 2014. Let's see what "deeply" has been doing lately.

1. "The Once-Shameless President Is Deeply Embarrassed/As Donald Trump faces one humiliation after another, he is attacking those he blames" by Jonathan Lemire in The Atlantic, published today. Gift link. "But how Trump will respond next to this ongoing embarrassment remains unknown. He’s made the war deeply personal. Will he now bail on the stalled war entirely, leaving Iran more empowered in the region? Will he follow through on his threats to dramatically escalate the conflict, perhaps even to strike civilian infrastructure and energy sites? Or will he channel his rage against Americans who point out his mistakes?"

2. "UN rips ‘deeply troubling’ Iran for executing at least 56 people since start of war: ‘Has no place in our world'" — published today in The New York Post. "Several people were executed in the last two weeks alone, including a 19-year-old charged with 'enmity against god' for allegedly partaking in January’s protests. Two others arrested during the protests were also executed. And in July, two people were executed out of a group of 12 convicted of 'corruption on Earth' and 'enmity against God' over connections to four police killed in January."

3. "Ken Jennings Says He Cares 'More Deeply' About Trans Rights Than Any Other Issue" (Them, August 3, 2026). "Ken Jennings... recently got into a relatively minor back-and-forth on Bluesky with people who claimed his subscriptions to the New York Times were supporting an anti-transgender media organization.... Would I subscribe to the New York Times? No. Would I unfriend someone who did? Not necessarily.... Do I do the crossword puzzle? Yes, because nothing else quiets the anxiety I feel about living in our current reality quite like trying to find a five-letter word for boredom. Ah, 'ennui,' my old friend."

4. "The Woody Guthrie story you’ve probably never heard is deeply Jewish/A documentary recasts the folk singer’s legacy through the influence of his mother-in-law, Yiddish poet Aliza Greenblatt" (Jewish Telegraphic Agency, August 3, 2026). "The film ['Dust Bowls and Jewish Souls: Another Side of Woody Guthrie'] makes the case that Guthrie’s extended Jewish family was not incidental but integral in his artistic and personal evolution. It is a story that stretches from Oklahoma to Coney Island to the Yiddish literary world, and from the folk revival’s Jewish impresarios to one remarkable immigrant woman whose influence has largely gone unrecognized."

5. "Neil Shubin on Trusted Science in a ‘Deeply Partisan Age’/An eminent fossil hunter takes the reins at the National Academy of Sciences in a turbulent moment for American researchers" (NYT, June 2026). "As an institution, we are — by charter and design and history — nonpartisan. But we are in a deeply partisan age. Just by doing our work, we will be viewed in a partisan light no matter what. So our job is to double down on the science. We need to be a trusted source of data."

6. "'I Deeply Believe Dogs Have Superpowers and Secrets’/Prompted by a fierce attachment to his own pet, Paul Yoon wrote a harrowing yet hopeful novel, set during wartime, told from a canine perspective" (NYT, August 2, 2026). "Like his finest literary forebears who have written from a dog’s perspective — Virginia Woolf ('Flush'), John Berger ('King: A Street Story'), Jack London ('Call of the Wild') — Yoon pulls it off without being treacly or condescending.... It helps that Etna can understand everything that’s said by people around him. This was partly a practical choice, as Yoon explains: 'I wanted to create a bridge for the reader to experience this world and this journey.' But, he added, 'I deeply believe dogs have superpowers and secrets.'"

7. "The Deeply Human, Complexly Queer Animated Animals of 'Bouchra'" (autostraddle, August 3, 2026). "In Meriem Bennani and Orian Barki’s bold film Bouchra, an NYC‑based lesbian filmmaker... tries to process her relationship with her Moroccan mother through a semi‑autobiographical meta‑fictional drama stemming from a coming‑out letter she sent nine years prior.... It’s told via anthropomorphic animals in a hyperrealized backdrop.... [E]ntirely animated in Blender, Bouchra’s experimental animal‑filled approach takes some getting used to."

"Arthur Miller described the voluptuous yet fragile woman he wed as 'a poet on a street corner trying to recite to a crowd pulling at her clothes.'"

"When Miller left out his journal open to a page saying that she had embarrassed him in front of his intellectual peers and Marilyn read it, she wrote, 'I guess I have always been deeply terrified to really be someone’s wife since I know from life one cannot love another, ever, really.' Like everyone else, Miller was mesmerized by his wife’s power of enchantment. 'Glamour is a bird that for dark and largely unknowable reasons decides to light on this branch rather than another,' he once wrote...."

From Maureen Dowd's new column, "Norma Jeane’s Still Got It!" (NYT).

You know what's embarrassing? 1. Writing down that your wife is embarrassing — can't you just remember it and squirm silently in your dark and unknowable mind? — and leaving your journal open to the page where she'll see it, 2. Writing "Glamour is a bird that for dark and largely unknowable reasons decides to light on this branch rather than another." Birds don't have dark reasons.

IN THE COMMENTS: Bob Boyd provides this:

"A friggin' bird will swoop down from a bough and peck your eyes out as you lie helpless and half frozen in the snow without ever having felt sorry for you." 

— Thought to be an early, rough draft of 'Self-Pity' scribbled in the margin of A Field Guide to the Dark Thoughts of North American Birds found in D.H. Lawrence's library after his death.

BY THE WAY: When I was writing this post, I wanted an illustration and asked Grok to give me an image of "a bird that for dark and largely unknowable reasons decides to light on this branch." I didn't say Arthur Miller wrote those words.

Grok gave me an image that was too dull to use, but it also added this ridiculous caption: "A solitary bird, wings half-folded in that decisive instant of landing, perches on a gnarled, ancient branch silhouetted against a brooding twilight sky. The air feels heavy with unspoken intent—shadows pool beneath the feathers like secrets, and the bird’s eye catches a glint of something ancient and unknowable. Dark pines loom in the distance, mist curls low, and the branch itself seems to have been waiting for this exact, inscrutable visitor."

So I was all: "Yeah it's purple prose isn't it? I got it from Arthur Miller."

Well, by all means, cater to their sensitive feelings.

"N.Y.U. Students Object to Speaker Who Calls Their Generation Coddled."

That's a NYT headline, and of course, I suspect it of being intended to provoke the kind of sarcasm I put up there in the post title.

The person the students "object to" is Jonathan Haidt, who's been selected as the speaker at their graduation. As the NYT puts it: "the choice reflects a dismissal of their values at a moment they should cherish." He's getting the platform of their graduation ceremony.

In his breakout book, “The Coddling of the American Mind,” he and his co-author, Greg Lukianoff, argued that schools cultivated a mentality of fragility, making personal safety paramount, while de-emphasizing problem-solving skills. Students, they concluded, were insulated from encountering uncomfortable situations and upsetting ideas, leaving them ill-prepared to handle difficulty as adults....

“Many students have reported feelings of disappointment, disgust, unenthusiasm, defeat, and embarrassment,” the letter went on, expressing regret that their celebratory moment had instead “become another instance of being misunderstood.”

The students' letter noted that a recent NYU graduating class got Taylor Swift as their speaker. Another got Sonia Sotomayor. Haidt is a professor at N.Y.U. Maybe the students wanted more of an exciting personality, but certainly not a scold! You can understand the disappointment, disgust, unenthusiasm, defeat, and embarrassment. You're asking your family to come to this big event for you, one where students 4 years ahead of you got Taylor Swift, and you have to tell them it's a business school professor who writes about how Americans are too fragile these days. Yeah, I see how "embarrassment" got on that list of feelings. 

"'It’s called charcoal,' Trump told reporters Thursday, touting the contrast with the White House’s white walls."

"The renovation project was begun last month, with the president eager to replace decades-old beige Tennessee flagstone with his handpicked dark granite slabs before the royal visit, said two people who spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe White House operations.... The president has personally inspected the renovations and offered feedback to workers, drawing on his experience as a builder, say current and former officials. He has interrupted policy meetings to extol the changes — a phenomenon captured on camera Thursday, when he repeatedly encouraged reporters attending a drug price announcement in the Oval Office to look at the new granite floor outside. 'It’s a beautiful job, and it’s going up nice,' the president said."

From "Trump eager to show off latest White House project to King Charles/The president’s black granite path is the newest change to the West Wing, following gold lettering, Oval Office gilding and a 'Presidential Walk of Fame'" (WaPo).

Some of us might feel — if we were to have installed a differently colored floor and kept pointing it out to visitors — embarrassed.

President Trump speaks about the tariff case in terms of shame and pride.

It was a legal opinion about the meaning of words in a statute and 6 justices went one way and 3 went the other. Trump would have us think of the Justices as children within our family, 6 of whom brought embarrassment to us and 3 of whom made us proud. I find such talk inane, but it might influence some people, that is, it might work as propaganda.

Have a listen:

Excerpt: "I'm ashamed of certain members of the Court — absolutely ashamed — for not having the courage to do what's right for our country. I'd like to thank and congratulate Justices Thomas, Alito, and Kavanaugh for their strength and wisdom, and love of our country — which is right now very proud of those justices.... The Democrats on the Court are... frankly, a disgrace to our nation, those justices. They're an automatic no no matter how good a case you have — it's a no. You can't knock their loyalty. It's one thing you can do with some of our people.... What a shame.... They are very unpatriotic and disloyal to our Constitution. It's my opinion that the Court has been swayed by foreign interests...."

He made it about shame and pride and loyalty. What evidence does he have that the Court has been swayed by foreign interests?

Mickey Rourke doesn't want your charity.

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A post shared by MICKEY ROURKE (@mickey_rourke_)

Background: "Mickey Rourke Declines $100,000 in Donations After His Eviction/Rourke’s landlord said in court documents that the actor owed nearly $60,000 in rent. Rourke said he had opted not to pay rent after the home became uninhabitable" (NYT).

"Nobody got angry. You were angry at people that didn't want to get vaccinated and you didn't get angry at the person who used science..."

"... to create a horrible disease that was completely avoidable. And that killed who knows how many people. That didn't make you mad."

Said Joe Rogan, on his recent podcast with Adam Carolla.

Carolla: "Where's the anger over finding out that it was made in China at a lab... and then where's the anger over being forced or being vaxxed or all this misinformation being used?... I realized they don't want to say anything 'cause they're ashamed

Let's take a look at that "Major Events Timeline" on the whitehouse.gov webpage.

My screengrab from the page:

Click the little arrow... there's more:

And there's one more panel:

Check the details. I'm sure "upgrading the historic 1902 structure" is wrong. I agree that the "main residence" is preserved, but there seems to be nothing left of "the historic 1902 structure," the old East Wing. Maybe the underground part? And though Obama may have met with "members of the Muslim Brotherhood" in the White House, that photograph of him was taken in Kenya, not at the White House. As for the famous photo of Hunter Biden enjoying a bath, that was not a White House bathtub. Was it?

Anyway, highlighting the lowlights of Democratic administrations — replete with semi-nudity — that's rich. "Major events" ≈ most embarrassing events.

This is a good example of Donald Trump always moving forward, always fighting back. Oppose him, and this is what you get. 

"Even brands are acknowledging the stakes of putting yourself out there — a hallmark of cringe — when things could turn out poorly."

"Earlier this month, Nike reworked its longtime tagline 'Just Do It' into a new campaign called 'Why Do It?' The ad, narrated by Tyler, the Creator, depicts athletes, many of them mid-game, as he asks why they are trying if failure is an option.... Reflecting on how her phrase, cringe mountain, had spread, [creator consultant Erin] Mallett said it was already a common feeling that was in need of a name. 'I gave them a personal mantra and maybe just an opposing excuse,' she said. 'If someone goes, "Oh, but you shouldn’t do that." Now my excuse is, "But I can, because it’s OK." You can’t get to the land of cool without first climbing cringe mountain.'"

From "Climbing Cringe Mountain With Gen Z/Raised online and under constant scrutiny, young adults are leaning into embarrassment as a necessary part of growing up" (NYT).

"And I’m still amazed by how quickly I got used to being naked in front of others, how little I cared, how little notice others took."

"I thought I would be stared at, regarded as an embarrassing old woman showing off in public. Pottering in my garden this morning, deadheading geraniums and hanging out the washing, I was itching to take off my nightie and stand there in the altogether, but I have close neighbours; even next door’s cat was giving me the side-eye. Living with my 40-year-old son, I certainly don’t intend to parade around top and bottomless indoors any time soon, but I have invited a friend to join me on Brighton’s nudist beach, which is very near where I live. Swimwear seems so unnecessary to me these days...."

Writes Elaine Kingett, in "I’m 75 and hate my body. Will my first naturist holiday help? The writer Elaine Kingett used to love her body but that changed after a heart attack, breast cancer and the death of her husband. Can a ‘clothes optional’ break in Crete kickstart a reconciliation?" (London Times).

"But the fact of the matter is, I had expected by now you would hear harsher rhetoric and seeing more missile attacks. "

"Why would the Iranians be downplaying the amount of damage done? Well, they're probably wildly embarrassed about this. Here was the national treasure of Iran, right? The nuclear program was the symbol of its strength and its resistance to the United States. The caretakers of the nuclear program, both the mullahs and the military, and the civilian president and administration had no higher responsibility than protecting this as the ultimate defense for the Iranian state. And here they've now lost that ability, at least for a while. And there's another possible explanation... which is they could be downplaying it so that it doesn't force their hand into a massive response, one that would put them on an escalation ladder with the United States...."

Said David Sanger — on today's episode of the NYT podcast "The Daily," "The U.S. Bombed Iran. Now What?" (Podscribe) — answering the question "What has been the response from the Iranians so far?"

People don't want to shout out their own name, but Kamala Harris seems to have thought it would be a cool way to demonstrate that "It's about all of us."

They were loudly chanting her name, and she instructed them to shout out their own name, the idea being, I think, to unleash a hilarious, heartwarming cacophony:

This might be the most awkward moment ever, the second-hand embarassment is real pic.twitter.com/ObaMKPR9c3

— TaraBull (@TaraBull808) October 29, 2024

But she got silence. She still pretended she'd received the desired response, and declared the conclusion to be derived from the demonstration that hadn't happened: "It's about all of us."

Apparently, individualism is not in vogue... or not something her people feel good about expressing loud and proud.

If I followed the method of the elite media and the Democratic Party, I would call it fascistic. The crowd showed that it only wanted to be unified behind the identity of the adored leader.

ADDED: I feel the strong need to republish a post I wrote in September 2018:

"My husband and I are white. I bought our daughter several dolls of different races with skin colors..."

"... that reflect the diversity of our community. Her absolute favorite is a Black baby doll. She carries him everywhere. My partner feels uncomfortable with this when we are in public, though. He worries that her doll seems like appropriation or virtue signaling. Your thoughts?"

A question asked of the NYT "Social Q's" adviser, Philip Galanes.

The question got my attention because I had a black baby doll back when I was a little girl in the 1950s. But I didn't have it because my mother (or father) chose it for diversity purposes. I had it because I saw it in the store and enthusiastically requested it. I doubt if "diversity," "appropriation," or "virtue signaling" was anything my parents thought about back then, and it certainly had nothing to do with my request. I didn't even understand who this doll was supposed to represent. It was just something amazing because I'd never seen anything like that before. I've always appreciated that my parents never said anything like, "That's not for you" or "Don't you want a little doll who looks more like you?"

But about this girl whose mother chose the doll and composes the letter? She's displaying pride in her own choice and in her success conveying her message of diversity to the little girl, and she wants her husband to bolster her pride, not be embarrassed. But virtue signaling is embarrassing. Let the poor man be embarrassed. And, of course, let the little girl keep her doll. Too late now! You can't take it away. It's her "absolute favorite." 

"Adult friendship is touchy.... Everyone wants to be effortlessly surrounded by loved ones, so putting work into making friends can be embarrassing."

"While the search for romance feels normal, and even noble, actively seeking friends as an adult — and saying that openly on apps or social media — still carries stigma, friend-seekers said.... Making adult friends requires work and vulnerability, which is a lot to ask from people who are lonely, different or tired, [31-year old, self-described loner Greg] Walton said, blinking back tears.... You won’t make a friend the first time you show up [to a group meetup arranged through an app], Walton said, or even the second, because friendship requires revealing yourself over time. But real friends are out there, and the fear and ambiguity are worth it. 'Yeah, you might feel like a creep, but hopefully somebody will help you,' they said. 'First, you have to show that you’re trying.'" 

 
From "Loneliness is taking friend-making apps mainstream/American adults are lonely — and done waiting on friendship to find them IRL" (WaPo).

"I think we’re probably going to be embarrassed by the pandemic, every kind of reaction to it and the way it’s sort of defined our time."

"To me, it’s already sort of becoming an embarrassing topic, and you can feel people not wanting to talk about it.... I feel embarrassed about being a little irrational about certain topics and the politicization of every single thing that happened in that whole time period, where how people handled their own health was a political topic. And that just doesn’t make rational sense. Also, how every single thing in our lives — even what music we listen to and what art we see — you have to align yourself with a certain political agenda. I think that will eventually feel embarrassing, or it’ll hopefully turn into something else, because I feel like there’s no end to that thought process. It makes people go a little crazy and become conspiracy theorists or just totally isolated from all of their friends."

Writes the essayist/novelist Natasha Stagg, one of many contributors to "Future Cringe/One day we’ll look back on this moment and wonder: What were we thinking?" (NYT).

I love the big question, what are we doing now that we are going to be embarrassed/ashamed of in the future? I noticed this question when I was a child and heard things said about people in the past, as if those people were benighted and ridiculous. We are those people to people somewhere out there in the future. How can I avoid being looked at by them the way people today are looking at the people of the past?

"This is speed metal without the embarrassment of Spandex and junior high school devil worship."

Writes Bob Dylan, in "The Philosophy of Modern Song."

What recorded performance is he talking about? This:

"In the first episode of Archetypes released since the Queen’s death, Meghan recalled her 'adolescent embarrassment' at being naked at a Korean spa with her mother as a teenager."

I'm reading "Meghan podcast hits out at films’ ‘toxic’ Asian stereotypes" (London Times).

She may have suffered "adolescent embarrassment" long ago, but she's far beyond embarrassment now. She's got a very popular podcast, and now, championing Asian women, she's citing her experience on "a trip to a Korean spa with her mother where swimwear was not allowed.

"I don’t take things very hard. Death, for example. People die, and I sidestep the moment in some way. Or if you just say something embarrassingly dumb to someone..."

"... or you think you’re talking to one person but he’s actually somebody else. I’m vaguely aware that I have a capacity not to dwell on this. I can see that there’s another way to live where you’re lying awake about it. I just think, 'Move on and to hell with it.'"

Said Tom Stoppard, quoted in "Tom Stoppard Finally Looks Into His Shadow/After years of living 'as if without history,' the playwright belatedly reckons with his Jewish roots, and his guilt, in 'Leopoldstadt,' his most autobiographical play" by Maureen Dowd (NYT).

He describes how he felt when his cousin, Sarka Gauglitz, got in touch with him when he was 56, and  she "told him how his four grandparents had perished at the hands of the Nazis and how his mother’s three sisters had died in Auschwitz and another camp": 

"I was totally poleaxed. I was in my 50s. I’d had this entire life. I couldn’t change it retroactively even in my mind. So it wasn’t like some kind of new start. I just carried on being the person I was.”

 He also has this to say about politics:

"I have many kind friends with wonderful attributes, but one horrible thing they all have in common is a compulsion to come up and talk to me when they see me arrive on my bike."

"There, they find me at my worst, both physically and emotionally. I am damp from the ride and must now take off my helmet and redo my oddly compressed hair. It is possible that the breeze, once a source of my power, blew something gross — an insect, the torn corner of a Snapple label — onto my face. Using only the two hands that the Lord gave me, I must rearrange myself, smooth my rough edges, and prepare to rejoin society. All while also securing my bike to one of the city’s O-racks, or, more likely, a street-sign post with another bike already chained to it. This takes time and focus; I am essentially completing a physical equivalent of a Kumon worksheet. Inevitably, something drops to the ground. This is both embarrassing and part of my process."

From "Never Look at Someone While They’re Locking Their Bike" by Clio Chang (NY Magazine).

Things I spent time doing this morning: