Covid culture, year 3 — how Valentine's Day looks on the front page of the NYT.

I just wanted to share this woeful screenshot from at the NYT:

Let's see... how depressing is this? 

1. "For Valentine’s Day, Try Being Nice to Yourself/Sending love to others is easy. Being kind to yourself can be surprisingly difficult." This piece was originally published on Valentine's Day, 2019, so only the choice to resurrect it reflects the dreary spirit of 3-year-old Covid.

Use this short test developed by Dr. Neff to gain a snapshot of your own level of self-compassion. If you score low, commit to learning some self-compassion practices.... "You deserve your care and attention... Treat yourself to a delicious meal, a good book, a nice walk with a lovely view. As you would invest in the person you love, so you should invest in yourself."

2. "The Unbearable Heaviness of Clutter/A cluttered home can be a stressful home, researchers are learning." Another piece from 2019. Remember, pre-Covid, when clutter was the great plague? I can see from my Marie Kondo tag that I still blogged about her up through the end of 2020, so I guess staying at home in Year 1 overlapped with the exciting passion for de-cluttering. But it didn't carry over to Year 2, so is it ready for a comeback in Year 3? Instead of finding love out in the real world, we're supposed to keep staying home and putting ourselves — see #1, supra — and our homes in good order? Or maybe that relationship you think you want can be analogized to household clutter:

Dr. Saxbe agreed that a good way to declutter is to keep items out of the house in the first place. She urged shoppers to consider whether they truly need an item or if it will add to their home’s sense of dysfunction. “Once it’s in the house, it’s really hard to deal with. You get attached to the things you own,” she said.

Once it’s in the house, it’s really hard to deal with — see what I mean? 

3. Now, why is my eyelid twitching? This is an article from last December, and I can only think that the reason for re-elevating this issue on Valentine's Day weekend is to direct your attention away from that other body part that normally gets the attention — the heart. Why does my heart ache? No no no, why does your eyelid twitch?

Time for everyone to feel nice and warm!

Happy Valentine’s Day, my loves. You make even the coldest days feel warm. 💕 pic.twitter.com/COOIOCgVdh

— Michelle Obama (@MichelleObama) February 14, 2020

"Take your heartthrob to a small-plates place, because fasting in the Catholic Church doesn’t mean that you go without, or with just water."

Advice from Cardinal Joseph W. Tobin, the archbishop of Newark, on how to deal with the coincidence of Ash Wednesday and Valentine's Day.

But today is Fat Tuesday, so pre-eat as much as possible.

The Ash Wednesday on Valentine's Day problem.

Today is not Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is next week, on February 14th, Valentine's Day. Both days on the same day hasn't happened since 1945. Does this have any significance to you? Let me do a quick poll to see where we are in the discussion I want to begin:

Where are you vis a vis the Ash Wednesday on Valentine's Day problem:

I have a real problem figuring out how to deal with the conflict between 2 important days.

I don't do anything special for either day, so it's no problem.

Ash Wednesday will eclipse an otherwise important Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day will eclipse an otherwise important Ash Wednesday for me.

Both are important, but I see how to celebrate both and will do so.

I only care about Ash Wednesday, not Valentine's Day, so no problem.

I only care about Valentine's Day, so no problem.

 

pollcode.com free polls

Reading a few news articles, I see that practicing Catholics are supposed to fast on Ash Wednesday. I believe going out to dinner is the traditional way to observe Valentine's Day, so those 2 traditions are in stark conflict. One could easily move the restaurant dinner to another day, fast, and do something else romantic for Valentine's Day. In fact, you'd probably be better off generally on Valentine's Day by doing something other than going out to a restaurant, and the challenge to be a little creative romantically might do you some good.

Oh, but wait. I'm not Catholic. It's just sinking in for me that "fast" means don't eat meat (and eat only one "full meal"). I think! So you can do the usual restaurant meal. Just be careful what you order. But there are so many days when we skip meat. The challenging conflict here is the contrasting tone of the 2 days. Here, one woman is quoted:

"Ash Wednesday reminds us of what we're born out of. We were born out of dust and we will return to dust when we go back to our heavenly father.... I think it's difficult for some people, but for me, I think all the Lord's sufferings that He did for us, that it's just a minor sacrifice that we could do for Him to fast for that day.... I told my husband we're going to do Valentine's Day on the 13th and have our chocolate then because I love chocolate."

Some Catholics are looking at whether there will be "a dispensation.":

Bishop Robert Baker of Birmingham, Alabama, told Catholics in his diocese... “A dispensation will not be given,” he wrote, stressing that this decision was “out of respect for the importance of Ash Wednesday in the lives of so many – including our non-Catholic brethren – and the way this custom underlines the importance of the Lenten season at its outset.”...

The Archdiocese of Chicago... suggested celebrating Valentine’s Day on Mardi Gras: “A traditionally festive time before beginning our Lenten observance.”

“Catholics throughout the world recognize Ash Wednesday as the solemn beginning of a period of prayerful reflection and penance, as is evident by the large number of churchgoers on this day,” the archdiocese said, stressing that the day’s “obligation of fast and abstinence must naturally be the priority in the Catholic community.”

Aside from fasting and the solemn mood of Ash Wednesday, there is the ritual of receiving ashes. It's hard for me to picture someone taking Ash Wednesday seriously enough to receive ashes and then attempting to make something of Valentine's Day, but maybe I'm misunderstanding how people think and feel about the ashes. Perhaps you think you've done that ritual and you're good to go, as long as you don't violate any of the other rules (like eating meat). But I would think you're supposed to get into the mood symbolized by the ashes and carry it through the day and, to a lesser degree, through the entire season of Lent.

This post was inspired by the thought, on waking up this morning: I need to stay away from Facebook. Does Lent begin today? I could give up Facebook for Lent. 

"Happy Valentine's Day! Now Cut Your Losses."

Megan McArdle is pushing you to leave that guy who doesn't propose today.

I'm talking to you, 30-something woman who has been dating the same guy for a couple of years (or more)... who is anxious that her partner doesn't seem as eager as she is but is afraid to deliver an ultimatum for fear the answer will be "OK, bye."...

It's time to let go....  If you're in your 30s, both of you already pretty much know who you are. And after a couple of years, you also know whether this is someone you want to spend your life with. You're not going to get any new information by sticking around -- except "My God, I wasted five years on this man."

As you may guess from the prior paragraph, I speak from personal experience. I invested almost four years in an almost-great relationship that ended with me, shattered and tear-stained, deciding to pick up and move to Washington....

A sunk cost is, well, like a sunken ship: It's gone, and you cannot retrieve it, or you can only retrieve it at immense expense. The correct and rational way to deal with a sunk cost is to ignore it -- to make decisions without thinking about the money or time you've already invested....

I know, he's great, he's exactly what you wanted in a husband, breaking up a household and friend networks and the whole tidy life you've built as a couple is going to be shattering. And as someone who's been there, I agree: It will be shattering. All I can tell you is that it will be even worse if it happens two years from now.

Have a nice Valentine's Day/Friday the 13th combo weekend.

I'd never noticed the collision of the 2 dreaded days before 2009:

Because it's a risky place out there. For example, I was out driving, hundreds of miles from home on Friday the 13th, and I blithely made a right turn and drove a half a block before I saw the oncoming traffic in my lane. I quickly made another right turn at the corner, and immediately saw the police car lights in my rear view mirror. The cop — with his beautiful blue eyes — was very handsome — very heart-of-the-heartland handsome. I effused "I'm so sorry." He asked us where we were going. I didn't wisecrack, "the wrong way, apparently."

We said where we were going, and afterward, I wondered what the hell difference did it make where we were going? Nosy cop. Nosy handsome cop. Nosy adorable cop with brilliant blue eyes. I'm theorizing that he asked because the thing is to ask anything to get the driver talking so that words might be slurred, incoherence demonstrated, or alcohol smelled. It's not a speeding ticket he'd like to give me, it's a DUI. And maybe the whole point of making that street 1-way is to net drunk drivers. Why was the cop right there? I bet every 10 minutes, somebody goes the wrong way at that turn, each one a potential DUI, and that was a net that I slithered through. But maybe Mr. Handsome Blue-Eyed Cop let me off because he liked the place we said we were going. And I got lucky that way on Friday the 13th.

No, that was not my first post about falling in love with Meade. This was. No, actually, this. Or was it "Record nails broken in car crash." No, it was "Althouse on the road":



In the comments, AJ Lynch said: "Althouse is...looking for love in all the wrong places. Heh. Be safe!" Yes, be very careful! You never know where your next wrong turn is or who might come tromping through the brush:

"My personal favorite at this point is the 29-year-old Australian Michael Johns, who sang 'Bohemian Rhapsody' this week."

I wrote on February 14, 2008 in "Althouse eats chocolate, tweaks photographs, watches 'American Idol' and fails to keep all her body parts out of the aggressive view of the fisheye lens."



I was alone on Valentine's Day, watching TV in what was my temporary home in Brooklyn that academic year. Who knows what the future will bring — which way the wind will blow?

A year later, my Valentine's Day was not spent alone with a TV and a computer screen, but with Meade, who would materialize from my strange, half-lonely relationship with the computer. Michael Johns went on to finish 8th in the singing competition, and, yesterday he died — of a blood clot in his ankle. He was only 35.

Too late, my time has come...

The One-Sided, Out-of-Context Valentine's Dialogue now playing in its full context — Glenn Loury and I are talking about love, sex, and gender.

Here's the out-of-context, super-short tease I posted last night, and here's the fully dimensional interrelationship:



ADDED: You might particularly like this segment about the notion of women marrying "up" or "down":

One-Sided, Out-of-Context Valentine's Dialogue.

1 minute, 45 seconds, edited for fun, from a 53+ minute conversation.



At some point, soon, the full dialogue, in split screen, will be up on Bloggingheads, in case you're wondering how all this might fit together. But maybe you'll say this says it all, and what more do you even need to know? Fill in the context yourself.

Valentine's Day, the Google Doodle.

Nice!

"It's Friday the 13th. For the love of God, people, be careful."

"If you're going to take any risks, I hope it's worth it for you."

I wrote in the morning, 5 years ago, when Friday the 13th fell on Friday, and I did take risks and it was totally worth it for me, that day when I fell in love with Meade.

As the first commenter, the aptly-named Pogo, said: "Friday the 13th is even worse when it falls on a Monday."



Today, Friday the 13th comes on Thursday. Tomorrow, actual Friday, is Valentine's Day. Find love today.

ADDED: Later this morning, I happen to write a post that causes me to create a new tag — handwriting — which I apply retroactively to things in the archive and it gets me back to a post that's also from 5 years ago, 5 years and 12 days ago to be precise, with a picture of me from the 1970s that my then-husband took. In the comments, the then-husband comes in to say "Hi, Ann," and Meade — in his fabulous green-pants phase — said:

Written strangely early in the morning.

A post title that's also a tag here at Althouse.

Am I the only one up at 4 a.m.? When is Daylight Saving Time coming back? I'm pre-adapted to it, a bit ridiculously.

Here's a video Meade took of me skiing down what subjectively feels like a dangerously precipitous decline. The video makes me laugh because — again subjectively, as a viewer of a video — I can barely see that there's any decline at all.

It's surprisingly lovely to get old.

Yesterday, Meade — driving me home after a class that ended at 5:30 — asked me if it was perhaps the 5-year anniversary of our first meeting. I wasn't sure. Why mention anniversaries of things you don't remember the date of? I didn't remember what day it was either, but I was pretty sure it was earlier than January 23rd. The date I remember is February 13th, the second time we met, which was not just a more powerful meeting, but an easier date to remember, it being the day before Valentine's Day. When we got back to the house, I researched the date of the first meeting by searching my blog for "The Wrestler," because that was the movie we saw, and I knew I'd blogged it. I found "10 thoughts about 'The Wrestler,'" none of which have anything to do with Meade, though the post is updated to say: "This post memorializes my first date with Meade, on January 17, 2009."

I should be able to remember that. January 17th was the birthday of my father's father, the grandfather we called Pop.

Ah! Now, I hear Meade walking around on the floor above my work spot. I'm not the only one up anymore.

"I have completed the task the Lord hath assignedeth me of creating the templates and instructions for a simple Valentine's Day pop-up card."

"So now I am released of my duty to humankind," says Chip Ahoy in yesterday's café, The Faithful Dog:

The templates are so simple it's embarrassing.

Nevertheless, here are some 30 or so photos that show a step by step process any child can follow. The 3 little files are png files to drag and drop. They fit an 8.5 X 11 sheet of card stock, to print, but you will not need the templates, just use the idea instead. They are put there for your human comfort.

And I tell you what, if you were to take a moment and fashion such a card for your sweetie, it will be the best card they ever receive and I'm not kidding. It will be treasured, I learned, and saved. Forever. When the person dies their survivors will go through their things, and go, "no wait, what? what? this person got Valentines cards like this when they were alive? That's awesome! Man, I wish I had friends who gave me cards like this."

And it's a simple one too. Part 2 Doubles the awesomeness of this card, and Part 3 intensifies that!

The super-clear photo instructions are entertaining even for those of us who would never hand-make a card, even for those who don't send cards of any kind, and even those who have a Valentine's-equivalent-of-Scrooge-like attitude about Valentine's Day.

Valentine's...

... gifts.

"Maria would please me muchly by denying herself the Christmas frolic because it’s a fool’s day."

So wrote Jonathan Blanchard, president of Knox College, in 1858, in a letter to his wife Mary, as noted by Paddy O in the comments. Paddy O also says:

Back in the 1800s... very conservative Christians assumed that Christmas was in fact a pagan holiday and would not celebrate it.

The founder and first president of my very Evangelical college, Jonathan Blanchard, did not even want to cancel classes on that day....

Yet, Christian ritual is by its very nature adaptive. Unlike in the Torah, there's no liturgical prescriptions, so Christians are able to adapt within a culture, honoring their savior in culturally imbued ways. For our culture, a day of birth is the day we honor especially those we value. So, to honor the day of Christ's birth is to honor this man, to honor indeed the incarnation itself, making it a theological statement.

Following this analysis, we should approve of the early Christians who fell into the celebration of the Feast of the Sol Invictus. Right?

There's also an issue of theology and culture involved. Do Christians hide from the culture or do they interact with it? How do they interact with it? I very much like the transformative approach, shining light on a culture through culturally understood celebrations. 

I think your answer to my question needs to be yes. It's the old question of whether religions need to be kept pure and, if so, what counts as pure. Paddy goes on to stress "goodness, love, community, giving, peace, joy," so perhaps he would lean toward purity but define what is within that circle of purity to include a set of virtues that are not limited to Christianity or even to religion.

We celebrate that we are to be good, to live at peace, to sing and laugh and hope together. Christmas, much more than Valentine's Day, is really a celebration of the deepest reality of love. We wish each other love on this day, not sentimentality or cheap romance or egotistical lust, but actual deep, fulfilling, holistic love.

May your day be merry and full of life, full of love. On this day may we taste that fullness of love that is at the heart of God's work in this world, sending his son, to us, for us, with us, among us, seeking us out, because God first loved us.

"It's most likely an industrial-type diamond, not gem quality."

If you scorn the merchandise enough, can you get out of the felony range... if you're Lindsay Lohan?

ADDED: You know who I feel sorry for? Jewelers. Here is is, 2 days before Valentine's Day, and you know they're hoping guys will run in and pay $950 and up for something that looks like the sort of thing that might make a woman feel that he didn't fuck up. And just at that moment, the clueless males of this world are getting an insider's tip: The junk in those stores isn't worth anywhere near what you see on the price tags. Diamonds? You Valentine's Day chumps need to know there are mere industrial-type diamonds, and you have no idea what you're buying, do you?

Here, buy a diamond necklace — see how cheap they are?

"AT AMAZON, a Valentine’s Day sale on cookware," says Instapundit... but wait!

Cookware as a Valentine's Day gift? Isn't cookware a famously bad Valentine's Day gift? I say that out loud. And Meade says: "Don't you know? Everything has flipped. It's for women to give to their men — the proud men who do all the cooking now — the proud men of true Mandom, like me and Glenn. Men, who see cookware as their tools."

***

Whatever you buy, if you don't buy it through Instapundit, please start here:

At the Valentine's Café...

... you can post a love note...



... and chat up a guy who looks like George H.W. Bush...

It's all about the Valentine's love!

If you want, you can marry. If you try, maybe you can have a baby...



... or a grandniece!

"Something very important happened here."

That's the title of this picture in my Flickr photostream:



It was blogged as "Althouse on the road" a year ago:

Somewhere in America. In the heartland.

It's the Greyhouse Coffee & Supply Co. in West Lafayette — the site of the momentous second date of Althouse + Meade. We're here now, for our Valentine's Eve anniversary.



Beyond the edgy excitement, it's even more beautiful. Cozily married. A weekend in Indiana. Bliss!