"Help me out, Ann," says Barack Obama in his newest email.

"Ann -- Nothing has ever been more important than fighting for folks like you. You are my priority."

Me? Really? What about those people in Ferguson? What about the Yazidis? ISIS cut off a reporter's head yesterday.

"And right now, a focus of that fight has to be getting people who really care about making things better for you elected."

What fight? Oh... the fight for folks like me. You're focusing on the fight for folks like me by getting people elected who care about folks like me. Could you be anymore bland and generic?

ADDED: If he really cares about me, he should send me an invitation to stay at his compound on the Vineyard or at least to one of those 5-hour dinners served up by the hunky Sam Kass.