Gwyneth Paltrow's dress was my favorite Oscars look when I saw it from the front in the NYT.

So well-fitted, elegant, and simple. But now, I'm seeing the side and the effect is entirely different. It's trending on X, and people aren't sure that it's not a complete accident or an accidentally-on-purpose "accident":

Gwyneth Paltrow is facing backlash after wearing this dress at the Oscars pic.twitter.com/8y7e7ynG0j

— USA NEWS 🇺🇸 (@usanewshq) March 16, 2026

My prompt to Grok: Do non-stupid people seriously think this might have been an accident? And: I think if an opening that extensive happened by accident, the dress would have fallen off (unless she'd quickly grabbed the whole thing, which she didn't).

I'm seeing some dummies using the cliché "wardrobe malfunction." Let's remember that the first use of that expression was in an accidentally-on-purpose nonaccident. 

MEANWHILE: Gwyneth is auctioning off a lot of her old clothes — clothes that are so normal and un-expensive you might want to just wear them.

Janet Jackson's breast!

Back in the news, thanks to the Supreme Court.

"Best Performance by an Inanimate Object."

That's my favorite category in the voting for the 2004 Tubey Awards at Television Without Pity. Among the many nominees are:

Drywall, The Apprentice

Janet Jackson's Boob, Superbowl

Paula's Finger Bandage, American Idol

Thing Made out of Stuff, Joan of Arcadia

I voted for "Thing made out of stuff."

Mammary government.

After the Janet Jackson nipple hoopla, it's nice to see the Brits having their own little media nipple problem. The Guardian reports:

For free-loving Eurocrats, an image of a breastfeeding baby seemed the perfect way to promote the joy of voting in the European elections.

But a glimpse of an exposed nipple in the soft-focus advertisement has proved too much for flustered British censors to bear: the image has been cut from the production before it could outrage cinemagoers across the UK.

The new EU states made no objection to the uncut version, a montage of images depicting people making choices, including an opening shot of a baby deciding which nipple to feed from.

Prudish British censors felt differently. While the British Board of Film Classification gave the short film a "U" certificate, the Cinema Advertising Association ordered that the nipple must go.

In an edited version approved for British audiences, the baby's hand at first obscures the nipple, while a second brief shot of the child's mouth closing around the nipple has been completely axed.

I just have two things to say about this (other than that's a jarring use of the word "axed.")

1. The Janet Jackson nipple exposure was in much better taste because it connected the viewer's sexual interest to actual adult sexuality, whereas the EU ad exploits the viewer's interest in sex by showing a breast in a context that isn't sexual at all.

2. Portraying the voter as a suckling infant and government as the mother's breast really says something about the European conception of government!

The dreadful Oscars show. The Oscars show was even duller than the SAG Awards. Was there even a single surprise? Billy Crystal's return reminded me of some of the sad returns Lucille Ball made to TV in her waning years: she was doing the same sorts of things that used to be so funny, but now it just seemed wrong for her to strain herself to do it. Crystal seemed to want to throw out lines about current movie happenings, but how much comic traction can you really get out of "The Passion of the Christ"? Everyone seemed afraid of offending, as if they were all massively overshadowed by Janet Jackson's epic breast. Only Errol Morris said anything with any political sting, and his speech revealed that his true outrage really lay more in the area of the way the Academy has been slighting him all these years. (Of course, he was right about that, but it wasn't all that lovely for him to be the one saying it.) Tim Robbins restricted his politics to concern about child abuse, and Sean Penn only made an oblique reference to WMD. Nearly everyone just thanked people endlessly, tediously. Then more time had to be wasted, lamely, by having Jack Black and Will Ferrell sing about how the thank you speeches are boring. And, oh, the songs, those songs-non-songs that extend the already horrible longueurs of the show's midsection.

I had to read about Sean Penn's statement, because I bailed out before he appeared, somewhere in the show's fourth hour, when I calculated all the awards that had yet to be given, and how long I would need to wait for the big four awards. The show was quite simply torture--impossibility of making "The Passion" quips noted--the least entertaining Oscars show in memory. I enjoyed some of the early red carpet stuff: Jennifer Garner had a lovely tangerine dress and Renee Zellweger looked painfully swaddled in white cardboardish cloth. But it was pretty much downhill from there.