Camilla and Melania look at tiny books.

Well, the women had to do something. Something that will read as something on camera. Something metaphorical. There's the grand literary tradition of England, as represented by the bust of Shakespeare overseeing the ladies' encounter with literature of the miniature kind. The feminine kind. Look how dutifully the 2 women enact intimacy through the fingering of tiny books. Such meaningful nonsense!

I would love to have a transcript of Melania's internal monologue. Outwardly, she says things like, "Oh, beautiful. Very nice." What choice does she have?

May I have more information about her outfit? What was the thinking? Encase her in leather! Yes, she will embody the experience of a book — bound in leather. But she's so insanely large next to the teeny-tiny books. Any human would look ungainly next to these dainty objects.

Soon they address the gigantic book that had been looming in the background, exaggerating the tininess of the tiny books. Don't dare touch it! They'd been woman-handling the tiny books — without gloves — but they are warned off touching the humongous bird book. It's a first edition of John J. Audubon's "Birds of America." The ladies stand back in awe. 

"The women have historically served as a combination of brood mares and mannequins. Their job is to stay thin, say little..."

"... look good in clothes, and produce heirs who will stay thin, say little and look good in clothes. (Prince Philip was said to have approved of Diana’s entry into the family because she would 'breed in some height.') When something threatens the reputation of a more senior, male Windsor, the women have another essential role: human shield. Has King Edward VIII abdicated and run off to France to be with Wallis Simpson? Let’s be sure to blame the American divorcée. Has Prince Charles taken a mistress? Blame his mom for not letting her son marry his true love; blame his wife for not keeping him faithful — oh, and call the mistress ugly. Has Prince Harry declined to perform his family duties and decamped for sunny California? Let’s blame his 'narcissistic' wife for ensorcelling him!"

Writes Jennifer Weiner, in "How the Windsor Women Became Human Shields" (NYT).

It had seemed, until recently, that "Catherine might become the rule-proving exception, the single privileged Windsor wife allowed to float above the fray." But then something popped in her abdomen.

"No one is a greater believer in artistic freedom than I, but this cannot go unchallenged."

"Despite this week stating publicly that The Crown has always been a ‘fictionalized drama,’ the program makers have resisted all calls for them to carry a disclaimer at the start of each episode.... Given some of the wounding suggestions apparently contained in the new series—that King Charles plotted for his mother to abdicate, for example, or once suggested his mother’s parenting was so deficient that she might have deserved a jail sentence—this is both cruelly unjust to the individuals and damaging to the institution they represent."

Said Judi Dench, quoted in "Dame Judi Dench Accuses The Crown of 'Crude Sensationalism'/The friend of Queen Consort Camilla and frequent royal portrayer says the Netflix series 'cannot go unchallenged'" (Vanity Fair).

Dame Judi Dench.

She has played the role of Elizabeth I once and Victoria twice — in movies that contained any amount of fictionalization — and she is personal friends with Queen Camilla — whose implication in the demise of Diana will come up in the new season of "The Crown."

Here are Judi and Camilla delighting themselves with the favorite dessert of oppressors and villains the world over:

 

Art — unlike ice cream — is not about making people comfortable.

All these complaints about "The Crown" are only reminding me that the new season is about to begin. Having recently watched every episode of "How to with John Wilson" and "Joe Pera Talks with You" twice (almost), I am ready to get back to this old favorite show.

"Shand's body was carried out the church in a biodegradable coffin as 'The Elephant Song' from the film The Jungle Book played in the background."

At the conservationist's funeral.

Is "The Elephant Song" "The Jungle Book" this?

Hup 2, 3, 4
Keep it up 2, 3, 4
Company sound off!
Oh, the aim of our patrol
Is a question rather droll
For to march and drill
over field and hill
Is a military goal!
Is a military goal!

That would be an oddly funny thing to sing while carrying a coffin, even a biodegradable coffin.

What would Camille Paglia say about Camilla the Duchess's brother?

1. Here's Camille Paglia singing the praises of alcohol. Specifically, she's arguing for lowering the drinking age from 21, which I completely agree with, and I even agree with most of what she says about alcohol's superiority to marijuana (because of its long tradition and its enrichment of the great pleasures of food and conversation). But Paglia goes pretty far. ("Exhilaration, ecstasy and communal vision are the gifts of Dionysus, god of wine. Alcohol’s enhancement of direct face-to-face dialogue is precisely what is needed by today’s technologically agile generation....") It's not that she says nothing about drunkenness. (In fact, she stresses the big problem with the 21-year drinking age: It pushes young people into destructive house-party drinking.) In fact, I've got to say, I pretty much agree with everything she says — including the worry that marijuana "saps energy and willpower and can produce physiological feminization in men."

2. Here's Mark Shand, brother of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, dead from a door — dead as a doornail, nailed by a door. He was drinking in the posh bar of the Gramercy Park Hotel, which he had to exit, through a revolving door, to smoke a cigarette — the long history of drinking and smoking having been disrupted by the demand that smokers take their disapproved-of habit outdoors. Having left through the revolving door and smoked, it was time to return to his drink, and he never got back in. Somehow the drinking and smoking and door revolving sent him falling onto the sidewalk, forever separated from that drink, gone for good. Is drinking to blame? The law that separates drinking from smoking? The revolution of the door? One more British death in an American revolution. Whatever happened to American freedom, within which a man with a drink and needing a smoke could stay put in his chair and not have to test his alcohol-laden skills in the dangerous door?

Slate article about John and Sarah that makes me think of Charles and Diana.

The Slate article, by Bill Gifford, is called "McCain's Visit to Palin Country: I Went to a Sarah Palin Rally, But All I Got Was a Lousy Handshake from John McCain":

The fire marshals have said no more people can be allowed into the gym....

Inside, the rally has already started.... [T]he screen flashes on, and there they are: Palin in her blood-red power suit, McCain standing next to her. She goes first, launching into a remixed version of her convention speech; in her squeaky, cheerleader-mom voice, its harsh sentiments come off as almost saucy. The crowd hoots and claps at the screen....

We can't really hear too well, the sound's been turned down so low, but still people clap and cheer. We're happy at last because we've realized we're going to get something far more precious: Palin and McCain will be coming out this side door, and we'll have our own private audience! ....

We wait some more. Finally McCain comes striding around from the back of the building, with a huge grin. But no Palin. The crowd cheers anyway....

McCain and Palin are doing rallies as a team, and it is too obvious that the crowd is genuinely thrilled about her. She is the one they've been waiting for (to vary a phrase).

There's a scene in Tina Brown's "Diana Chronicles." (You can read the passage if you go to that link and use the "search inside" function with "spina bifida" -- trust me -- and read forward.)

It's shortly after the wedding, and Charles and Diana are making an appearance in Wales. Charles, who's been the Prince of Wales all his life and expects the usual adoration, goes down one side of a crowded street and greets people in his usual style and Diana, the new Princess, proceeds down the other side glowing and touching and crouching in her distinctive new way. Occasionally, the couple switch sides, which means that the people waiting their turn are never sure if they are going to get personal contact with Charles or Diana. And every time the switch is made, the side of the street that is about to get Charles sighs with audible disappointment.

As Tina Brown tells it, Diana's superior popularity gets to Charles. It's not the only thing that wrecks the marriage, which was never on solid ground, but it's one of the many things.

What is it like for a man to suddenly find himself conspicuously upstaged and outloved by a woman that he picked out of near-obscurity to stand by him? Can he see it as his own great good fortune and benefit from the positive value, or does it eat at him, sour him, and ruin everything?

Charles, we know, blew it. He retreated into the arms of his comfortable old friend, Camilla Parker-Bowles, the woman he'd wanted all along, whom the family would not allow him to marry.

We don't know how John McCain will handle the country's dazzling, out-of-proportion love for Sarah Palin... other than that we can be quite sure that he won't retreat into the comfortable arms of Joe Lieberman.

"Charles is very dismissive of Camilla's views and lifestyle."

"He is ever more fussy, ratty and irascible."

Ugh! The royals! I can't stand royalty. I went to see "The Lion King" — the Broadway show — on Saturday, and I was rooting for Scar. Great puppets, sets, and costumes — but I don't like the characters and the story. I'll say the same for the British royal family: Great puppets, sets, and costumes — but I don't like the characters and the story.

"Standing alone, Mrs. Bush looked lovely."

"But next to Camilla, whose Robinson Valentino blazer and skirt made her look like a large rectangle, the first lady reminded one of a radiant bride shining brightly next to a dutifully bland bridesmaid." That's the description from WaPo's Robin Givhan, who also takes note of the President: "The president looked handsome in his tuxedo. For once he didn't have the body language of a kid with a bad sunburn forced to wear a wool suit."

Camilla and Charles.

I see from my referral records that someone just visited here after Googling "camilla parker bowles 'horse face.'" Look, this post of mine comes up fourth for that search. I guess that means Camilla's face is not made fun of as much as I'd thought.

Turning on the TV yesterday morning meant sudden immersion in a funeral. Today, it plunges us into a wedding.

Poor Charles, spending a lifetime dedicated to one woman, yet doomed to look for that whole life like the biggest cheater in the world. The Prince of Paradox. So, a shred of pity for the man. Now, get off my TV.

I did enjoy all the ladies' hats. There was something cool to photograph, and the cable news channels homed in on it nicely.

"My great-grandmother was your great-great-grandfather's mistress, so how about it?"

So said Camilla Parker Bowles when she first met Prince Charles thirty years ago. I've always been pro-Camilla. Charles was in love with her when he was -- wasn't he? -- pressured into his marriage with Diana. Everyone always loved and deified Diana and ridiculed Camilla for her looks.

Actually, the two women share the basic horse-face look, though Diana pulled it off more daintily. Obviously, Charles finds horse-faced women appealing, so why shouldn't he think the horsier of the two was more beautiful? It's good for people to have different beauty standards, because it increases the total amount of happiness in the world, making it more likely that people will be able to mate with a person whose looks they love.

Their love is a tribute to horses, in fact. The two met over horses:

The Prince of Wales and Camilla Shand, as she was then, hit it off from the first time they met, at a polo match in 1970. But Charles was something of a playboy, and when he dithered and went abroad with the navy, Camilla married a longtime suitor, Andrew Parker Bowles. The two remained friends with the prince. Mr. Parker Bowles even took on the ludicrously named ceremonial post of Silver Stick in Waiting to the prince, while his wife took another traditional role - that of the prince's mistress.

Silver Stick in Waiting? The ways of the English are mysterious! But good luck to couple, presumably happy at last.