"Then it happened. My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and we were devastated by thoughts and fears of what might be ahead.... I finally began to appreciate this unconditionally loving person I'd lived with for all these years in ways undreamed of. We found more intimacy than we'd known by sitting close and talking about our day, by holding hands as we took our walks, walks that became increasingly slow. Caretaking for my wife has allowed me to see and experience the depth of her caring and kindness and humility in allowing me to care for her. I have discovered, too late in some ways, the marvelous intimacy of simply giving to the other without measuring or thinking of what may be in it for self...."
The advice that's hard to follow is — big surprise — you're supposed to talk to each other.
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12 comments:
Solution: when your wife develops Alzheimer's, constantly remind her that she really LOVES sex.
My wife and I passed our 61st wedding anniversary this month. I'd argue that the best long marriages are true partnerships. Sex has or at least had something to do with it--but mutual respect between equals has more to offer over the long run.
I'm watching a version of this play out right now as I help out with a man in hospice care: a wife tending to her husband in the most intimate ways possible, having to care for him as if he's physically not much more than a newborn, but still making sure that when (for instance) she's putting Vaseline on his dry lips, she tells him she's doing it to keep them kissable, and then kissing him with as much tenderness as she showed him early in their marriage. I am moved many times a day by this couple's continuing love and commitment to one another in the most extreme circumstances - not just by the many loving services this wife is providing, but also by the way the husband gives her whatever he's got at the moment: his smile, a look straight into her eyes, a whisper of her name. I love my husband and he loves me, but I don't know what we would be for one another in the same situation.
No comment.
Life imperfect reveals character.
We found more intimacy than we'd known by sitting close and talking about our day...
So... did it get you laid?
That comment is the only worthwhile thing I have seen from NYT in some time. Lovely.
I've seen a few videos recently that call out people for constantly going online to vent about their partners. It demonstrates two severe relationship problems: The first is that they're not communicating directly with their partner. The second is that they are publicly criticizing their partners to total strangers on the internet.
"Struggled with intimacy" sets us up for a sex story. Does it pay off in the end? Is it disappointing?
--- The advice that's hard to follow is — big surprise — you're supposed to talk to each other. [AA]
The post seemed quite tender up until the closing comment there. "Big surprise. You're supposed to...... "
Apparently not to someone's taste or not up to her standards. LOL.
Clearly not to someone's liking.
Agreed! Oral sex IS great.
My sister’s husband acceded from dementia during the last couple years of his life. It was very hard for her but I never heard her complain. I hope I’m in full possession of my faculties up to the time I pass on.
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