"When hers became one of the first personal websites to accept display advertising, she faced vitriol from readers.... Anonymous members of the site [GOMI (Get Off My Internets)] criticized Armstrong about her parenting, hairstyles and weight loss. They mocked her mental health struggles, and more recently, her relationship with Pete Ashdown, a successful Utah businessman and former U.S. Senate candidate, with whom she shared a home from August 2018 until her death this week.
In an interview yesterday, Ashdown said he blamed the hatred and a sea change in the blogging landscape for Armstrong’s descent into depression in 2015. She took a break from the blog because, as she said at the time, she was tired of the harsh comments and of the need to create artificial situations in which her children could highlight sponsors’ products."
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Very sad. Large numbers of people who comment on the internet are full of hate, envy, and want to tear anyone down who accomplishes anything. I'm not sure why she allowed comments. Or if she didn't allow comments, read criticism of her site by internet losers.
I’ve got to say, Ann, that some people here have said harsh and unfair things to you that have been personal in nature. But I think your dedication to Free Speech means you still publish the comments. But, then again, we don’t see the comments you screen out.
Suicide is a terrible thing. Very, very sad. I always think of that line from The Big Chill, “Where did hope go?”
I’m saddened to hear of another death by someone’s own hand.
May the Angels be her guide… &may she be at peace.
She monetized her life. There are consequences to that. More people need to realize that before they put their whole life on the internet. She allowed comments because she needed engagement for money.
She seems to have been unstable.
The internet is cruel to unstable people.
Well, let's look on the bright side. She had a very successful career. Pretty much a triumph for feminism. It just gets better!
News events like this pull at your emotions without really giving you the sense that you understand. I guess we have some instinct to inform ourselves about stuff that we don't comprehend.
When you sell yourself as the product people are going to critique you. Not nice or good. She wasn’t exactly selling nice or good though, was she? She was selling ugly. What some people like to claim is “harsh truths or reality”, but when you base your life around sharing your negative thoughts about being a mother and wife you are creating a doom loop in your own reality. I am sorry she suffered mental illness and I am sorry for her children but she inspired other women to wallow in their worst thoughts on motherhood and life with her. Not a good legacy. Not a good life. I hope her children can forgive her.
"...Pete Ashdown, a successful Utah businessman and former U.S. Senate candidate..."
Why not unsuccessful U.S. Senate candidate rather than former...candidate? A few clicks reveal what should be obvious, he's a Democrat. And we all know how quick the Democrats are to cast blame and hurl calumnies. He could have said something truthful and ennobling, something like I regret I did not appreciate the depth of her anguish until it was too late. Instead, he blames trollery and by extension those who value free expression and reject censorship. How typical.
Anyone who writes must grow a thick skin.
"But just as [Heather] Armstrong created possibility for women on the internet, she collided early with its dark side."
She created no new possibilities, the same ones that existed following her rise to fame existed prior to it as well.
She had a husband for most of the blog’s life. It’s too bad she couldn’t work something out where he (or later, someone else) couldn’t screen the comments and just pass on the good faith ones.
Still, though, suicidal depression is it's own thing. What it fixates on is just what it fixates on. If not internet hate, it would have been something else. From what I’ve read, postpartum depression is a big villain in this story.
she was tired of the harsh comments and of the need to create artificial situations in which her children could highlight sponsors’ products.
Those are two very different complaints and one was entirely her choice.
I knew a woman who was an early mommyblogger. At the time when I knew her, she was already receiving lots of great perks - vacations, goods, services - and was starting to receive decent revenue from her blog. Her kids were little - elementary school and preschool - and would still readily cooperate when she needed them to play with something so she could review it. I haven't checked up on her in years to see how she's doing.
Related: recently we were watching a bunch of YouTube videos about cruises in preparation for a cruise we were taking my in-laws on, and one YouTuber couple was traveling with their older teenagers. Every time the kids were in the frame, they looked surly and sullen. They were all on the cruise for free as a promotion, I gathered.
Very rough go, to make your family life the ficus of public scrutiny.
"Ashdown said he blamed the hatred and a sea change in the blogging landscape for Armstrong’s descent into depression in 2015. She took a break from the blog because, as she said at the time, she was tired of the harsh comments and of the need to create artificial situations in which her children could highlight sponsors’ products."
2015 was 8 years ago.
I think that the nastiness of much of the anonymous commentary is a huge problem, and that Ms. Armstrong's suicide is a terrible tragedy.
But there is obviously a lot more going on here.
suicidal depression is it's own thing. What it fixates on is just what it fixates on.
I'm very fortunate to have only one relative and, as far as I know, no friends who have committed suicide, and the one relative took his life when I was too young to know him well. But two things: first, the quote above is well said. Second, from everything I've ever heard, suicide tends to leave behind a lot of anger; as one of the left behind, it can be very hard to get through that anger, and the accompanying guilt because you aren't sure it's ok to be angry at someone who was so deeply and, in retrospect obviously, depressed, to find forgiveness both for the person who committed suicide and for yourself, in case you played any part in their action.
What's the new formulation? People don't commit suicide (because that phrasing criminalizes the act) but are simply "victims" of it (which pushes the responsibility elsewhere)? I don't like it. It could be taken to mean that circumstances are to blame, but I would bet that the left behind would have a hard time not taking it as "It's your fault that X is dead."
When I first read about this it was in reference to her skepticism about trans activism and "gender affirming care" re her own daughter.
Wasn't she fighting her daughter's transition and catching holy hell from the AGP demons and their female dupes? I mean, among other things in her life.
Still, at that age I was just getting started! What the hell is wrong with people?
Suicide by Blog. She was a sensitive soul.
In the past three years, since Covid began, I've lost two friends to suicide. Both of them were people who seemed to have it all together. Both of them, I found out, were struggling with chronic mental illness (one was bipolar; I don't know the details on the other). The isolation from the Covid lockdowns most likely exacerbated their depression and loneliness. One was married, the other divorced. Both left children behind.
If you had asked me three years ago to list, of all the people I knew throughout my life, who were the happiest, both of these friends would have made the top ten.
In both cases, I felt a sense of guilt and remorse. "I should have stayed in touch." "I should have sensed something was wrong." "I should have been a better friend." Not realistic, but it's part of the grieving process.
I don't know the details with the woman in this post, but I have nothing but sadness and sympathy for her and her family. Suicide is a selfish act, but it is done from a very dark place. It is not a rational decision, and our minds can deceive us.
May her family find grace and peace. May her children forgive her when they can.
One never knows where anxiety/depression will direct itself. Mine went into a general fear of everything, though mostly in the employment realm (feeling very out of place and inferior at work), while the Spousal Unit's went into something like hypschondria (neither of us has had really serious issues, such as suicidal thoughts or self-harm).
I think we (generally) have to re-learn the private/public dichotomy again. The Internets made us think we could Put It All Out There and all would be fine, but it's not, at least not always. Plus, direct commenting brings out the s**theads who try to tear down everyone else to make themselves feel good.
Self-abortion. A life deemed unworthy of life. It was her Choice. RIP
Thank you for saying it openly: she KILLED herself.
Maybe if there was less misguided sympathy and more rightful condemnation of people who kill themselves then we would have fewer people doing it. Instead, using passive language "she died" only encourages those on the edge to jump. Which is why we have an increase in suicides.
I've warned my stepdaughter in law about the down side of being an influencer but she is happy being on #RHOD for now. I hope she avoids the trouble this poor woman went through
Dave Begley said...
"I’ve got to say, Ann, that some people here have said harsh and unfair things to you that have been personal in nature. But I think your dedication to Free Speech means you still publish the comments. But, then again, we don’t see the comments you screen out.
Suicide is a terrible thing. Very, very sad. I always think of that line from The Big Chill, “Where did hope go?” "
For those left behind. For the person who left their particular pain is over. We don't know the road they were on. We didn't have to travel on it. But you can bet that it was never just one spur of the moment thing but an accumulation of hurts that never got shared. I'm sorry for the family and friends she left behind who now have to make some sense of what she did. I hope she found peace.
Dave Begley said...
"I’ve got to say, Ann, that some people here have said harsh and unfair things to you that have been personal in nature. But I think your dedication to Free Speech means you still publish the comments. But, then again, we don’t see the comments you screen out.
Suicide is a terrible thing. Very, very sad. I always think of that line from The Big Chill, “Where did hope go?” "
For those left behind. For the person who left their particular pain is over. We don't know the road they were on. We didn't have to travel on it. But you can bet that it was never just one spur of the moment thing but an accumulation of hurts that never got shared. I'm sorry for the family and friends she left behind who now have to make some sense of what she did. I hope she found peace.
"But just as [Heather] Armstrong created possibility for women on the internet, she collided early with its dark side."
The Internet is a Faustian Bargain. It lays the World at your feet as it steals your soul.
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