"... loneliness is a 'personal, societal, economic, and politica' condition—not just 'feeling bereft of love, company, or intimacy' but also “feeling unsupported and uncared for by our fellow citizens, our employers, our community, our government.'... Sociologists who are skeptical about whether loneliness is a growing problem argue that much modern aloneness is a happy, chosen condition.... Ironically... celebrating single women as avatars of modern female empowerment has made things harder, not easier, for lonely women, by encouraging the view that their unhappiness is of their own making.... [T]he plight of lonely, sexless men tends to inspire more public concern and compassion than that of women. The term 'incel' was invented by a woman hoping to commiserate with other unhappily celibate women, but it didn’t get much traction until it was appropriated by men and became a byword for sexual rage."
From "How Everyone Got So Lonely/The recent decline in rates of sexual activity has been attributed variously to sexism, neoliberalism, and women’s increased economic independence. How fair are those claims—and will we be saved by the advent of the sex robot?" by Zoë Heller (NY Magazine).
If there's more concern about "lonely, sexless men," it's not because there's more empathy for them. It's because we're afraid that — unpaired with women and thus untamed — they'll do destructive things.
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People forget that Polygomy was gotten rid of by men. Women don't have a problem with it. They're perfectly happy being the 2nd or 3rd wife of some successful man. Or just living with some other middle aged woman and drinking tea and going for hikes.
Ironically... celebrating single women as avatars of modern female empowerment has made things harder, not easier, for lonely women.. Since it discourages them from finding mates
fify!
"Ironically... celebrating single women as avatars of modern female empowerment has made things harder, not easier, for lonely women, by encouraging the view that their unhappiness is of their own making"
They made their choices as feminism instructed. Turns out, the phony empowerment is not the path to happiness. A rethink of the feminist program would seem in order. But no, can't have that.
"[T]he plight of lonely, sexless men tends to inspire more public concern and compassion than that of women."
Evidence? I think it elicits contempt, except when it provokes fear, as Althouse suggests. Bunch of losers, unworthy of all those refined single female college grads.
"we're afraid that — unpaired with women and thus untamed — they'll do destructive things."
Correct. Fear of "untamed" men is the last refuge of sexists. Who are sometimes right, of course. But acknowledging their rightness is dangerous: what if the old sexual order, far from being patriarchal, put men in their place by putting them in a definite place, assigning responsibility for the greater good as a way of directing their potentially destructive energies?
Sexbots a la Futurama. The only solution.
The sociologists fear isolated men. I guess they skipped the statistics classes. The vast, vast majority of violent men are ensconced in extended families with histories of intergenerational dysfunction: not loneliness but dysfunctional, extremely intertwined social and familial relationships are the norm for producing violent men. Of course the writers are appealing to their readers' biases. But they and their experts couldn't find a pig's snout in a slop bin.
Another NY "journalist's" bullshit opinion about the world is bullshit. Stop the presses!
"they and their experts couldn't find a pig's snout in a slop bin."
Maybe not. But I'd pay to see them try. Because...me so lonely.
Great article. But it’s from the New Yorker, not New York Magazine. I’ve seen this small error made on this blog and many others, and wonder why it happens.
Play feminist games, win feminist prizes.
If that leaves large numbers of women alone, lonely, and unfulfilled - well, it's a small price to pay.
@This Person
The way I edited this passage, it does seem as though it's all the article-writer's opinion, but she's passing along ideas from various books. So it is journalism. She's reporting on what various intellectuals have come up with recently. I don't think it's right at all to accuse her of bullshitting. Maybe the intellectuals are bullshitting. Anyway, I'm sorry my aggressive elision made you think of it that way.
Narr said...Sexbots a la Futurama. The only solution.
It has crossed my mind that when I'm 80, I'll finally be able to land 20-year-old Winona Ryder.
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