"It described a person who is romantically involved with many people but is not seeking a committed relationship with anyone. What makes this different from casual dating is that they’re not looking for a partner, and the relationship isn’t expected to escalate to long-term commitments, like marriage or children. More important, the relationship isn’t seen as wasted time or lacking significance because it doesn’t lead to those things. I wasn’t comfortable identifying as polyamorous then. My desire for something nontraditional was a source of shame and questioning. But for once, in the vast literature on love, I felt seen. I liked how solo polyamory cherished and prioritized autonomy and the preservation of self, and I found its rejection of traditional models of romantic love freeing. When Malcolm and I first told friends and family about our open relationship, we were met with verbal lashings and gross generalizations, including that this was 'not something Black people did.'"
From "My Choice Isn’t Marriage or Loneliness/I thought I had a classic fear of commitment, but it’s more complicated than that" by Haili Blassingame (NYT). There's an excellent illustration by Brian Rea at the link.
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84 comments:
Where in the DSM does one find “overthinking”?
I liked how solo polyamory cherished and prioritized autonomy and the preservation of self, and I found its rejection of traditional models of romantic love freeing.
I am happy for her that someone thought up the expression solo polyamory.
So fucking around has a label now?
"My desire for something nontraditional"
So women do know what they want?
"this was 'not something Black people did.'"
Huh? (I take it back if all she meant was that family said that saying you're going f*** around is not something Black people did, rather than that family said that f***ing around is not something Black people did.)
Is it still possible to talk about what blacks actually do?
Now that Trump is gone, the NYT has to write about something else.
Why bother? Shoot heroin and die.
Before someone thought up the expression solo polyamory, this concept was called socializing.
How it works:
her (25 years of age): solo polyamory with men in their twenties.
him: (25 years of age): solo polyamory with women in their twenties.
Then:
him: (55 years of age): solo polyamory with women in their twenties.
her (55 years of age): solo.
I am Laslo.
I think the term used to be "dating" but that was before the Pill and everybody fucking everybody else.
An endless series of “It’s always and forever all about me”.
No one else has value apart from the “Me” such a person adores.
Isn’t narcissist such an inadequate descriptor.
Not what black people do?
Does that explain the 70+% of black children born out of wedlock?
Kind of sounds like it's exactly what black people do.
"Dating" = fucking
"My fiance" = shacking up
Should one waste one of the free trips through the NYT payroll to see whether the illustration is excellent and find out if Haili is actually solo polyamorous or just thinks she is while still in an open relationship with Malcolm? I mean, did they break up? What good is it for Althouse to read the NYT for us if she is going to dangle delicious clickbait like this?
Nice youfuckism.
Yea, the old fashioned word for that is "slut".
In awarding Threadwinner status, I am torn between Laslo and Joe Smith. And frankly other worthy contenders.
I’ll resort to a coin toss.
***flip***
***examines result***
Laslo it is!
A slut, then.
Should I just copy/paste my previous comment?
I mean, if only we had some literature, some stories, plays, poems, songs, many written by some of the greatest, most insightful minds in human history, that were inspired by thousands of years of human evolution and by hard earned experience, stories which have been told and retold around campfires, in theatres and on the silver screen, ones that have warned us about danger of using post hoc rationalization to justify ones preferred behavior.
If only...
Malcolm gets to keep having sex with Haili, now that she has realized that she is a solo polyamorist. She decided not to break up with him. Otherwise, nothing has changed.
Remember when opponents of gay marriage predicted that the next step would be normalizing polygamy/polyamory and were mocked by all "right-thinking" people?
Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Does that explain the 70+% of black children born out of wedlock?
Thus the State's compelling cause(s) to keep abortion chambers affordable and available in a neighborhood Planned Parent/hood. Is that diversitist or merely transhumane?
My advice to Malcolm is to run away right now.
The biggest problem facing Black people in the United States today is the refusal of Black men and Black women to form lasting, committed, relationships to raise their children in.
In other words: How to be a slut and not feel bad about it.
No woman must be made to feel bad about, or responsible for, anything, ever.
"Laslo it is!"
I will always bow to Laslo...no shame in losing to the best : )
free trips through the NYT payroll
I hear that's a lot smaller than it used to be--and frequently changing without warning.
Move to France. F***ing around is a way of life there.
I broke up with my boyfriend of five years during quarantine, but not because we had fallen out of love.
I sent him an email with the subject line, “My Terms,” and proceeded to outline why I wanted to be single. In an effort to impose order on my decision, I included subheadings like “Why I Need This,” “What This Change Means For You” and “What We’ll Say To the Outside World,” followed by a trail of bullet points.
Under the subheading, “What This Doesn’t Mean,” I wrote: “That I don’t love you anymore.”
Well, this one will never be a cat lady because cat's can't read memos.
Move to France. F***ing around is a way of life there.
Is it me, or has the NY Times spent the entirety of the Wuhan era featuring stories from singularly focused people singularly focused on themselves, writing about how they've found themselves and are no longer (fill in the blank): tortured, lonely, with eating disorder, with neighbor disorder, with family disorder, missing their cat/dog/partner/penis, or sad, or too happy?
Actually, as I think about it, this has been the NY Times raison d'être for some time.
Solo polyamory is a traditional model that precedes conventional models. I wonder how many times boys and girls have rebelled and reinvented themselves. Round and around.
Temujin said...
Is it me, or has the NY Times spent the entirety of the Wuhan era featuring stories from singularly focused people singularly focused on themselves, writing about how they've found themselves and are no longer (fill in the blank): tortured, lonely, with eating disorder, with neighbor disorder, with family disorder, missing their cat/dog/partner/penis, or sad, or too happy?
Nope, not just you. And you can expect more to come as the Wokies gang up and run off more of the top dog columnists and pundits at the NYT. It's much easier that writing about news.
Traditional feminists and masculinists approve. Keep women and men, girls and boys, appointed, available, and taxable. Will she rebel? One step forward, two steps backward.
I sent him an email with the subject line, “My Terms,”
I hope he sent one back with the subject line: "I'm Getting As Far Away From You As Possible, You Crazy Bint".
Rationalizing their behavior is what humans do.
Every woman must be given a six figure life time job writing her sob story.
Our national defense depends upon this.
Remember folks, masturbation is sex with someone you love.
I'm sure this would make it into the NYT if it was a man using a bunch of $2 words to explain how he's actually the enlightened one by wanting sex with a bunch of different women, but no commitment.
The “solo” part seems inappropriate and unnecessary with the context given. As for the actual feelings and behavior, I think young people ought be that way to help figure out the best traits for a longer commitment, if one is to ever happen.
She’s young, still.... and how nice for her that NYT would showcase her journey with Malcolm. None of us would’ve ever imagined the churning and bubbling that goes on in the life of a young adult.
a person who is romantically involved with many people but is not seeking a committed relationship with anyone.
What in older and saner days, this was known as whoring around. Being the town pump if you were a woman. Round heels. Not sure what the male terms is? Gigilo? Womanizer? Manslut?
300,000 of human experience has shown that the best form of relationship for human adults is a committed, lifelong marriage between a man and a woman. Any deviation from this produces suboptimal results for the individuals involved and society at large.
A casting couch for friends with "benefits". #MeToo
If a guy wrote this, he'd be called a cad. But then most men don't feel the need to publicly rationalize this, let alone in print.
"Not sure what the male terms is? Gigilo? Womanizer? Manslut?"
John Kerry, Bill Clinton, Andrew Cuomo, Hunter Biden?
Since Malcolm reminds everyone of Obama, maybe she’s actually breaking up with Obama...
The powers that be, perhaps unconsciously, hope to divide and atomize the populace as a way to keep themselves in power. Hence the mainstream corporate media, in this case the NYT, publishes stories like this. It's all about class rule.
AKA playing the field. She thinks this new. How cute.
isn't the word she's looking for
Slut? or Nympho? Tramp? Townpump? Pushover?
nttawwt
Heh. What is this modern obsession with trying to tie one's identity to some precise definition of one's current approach to dating? You are a human being, and that is enough!
It's wonderful how we can give our narcissistic navel gazing and selfishness significance by giving it a multisyllabic label.
I sent him an email with the subject line, “My Terms,” and proceeded to outline why I wanted to be single. In an effort to impose order on my decision, I included subheadings like “Why I Need This,” “What This Change Means For You” and “What We’ll Say To the Outside World,” followed by a trail of bullet points.
"For one, it means I don't have to read this email."
So she's looking for multiple short term recreational sexual experiences.
I'm sure she's be able to find them, unless she's really ugly.
I expect that, somewhere down the line, she'll discover it really sucked.
Then she's going to pull a trick from the last post, and cry "rape"
Also, if someone dumps you, there is no "what we'll say." There is no "we" and no basis for dictation of terms.
Damn, this is groundbreaking stuff.
Woman decides she wants to get more Strange D.
Stop the presses!
NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...
Nope, not just you. And you can expect more to come as the Wokies gang up and run off more of the top dog columnists and pundits at the NYT. It's much easier that writing about news.
Boom
Thank you, North!
I should have seen it on my own, but I didn't. The NYT is driving off every competent (but expensive) writer they have, to be replaced by cheap "woke" nuts fresh out of college.
Who don't actually know how to write anything interesting.
So we get these "stupid college grad writes navel gazing piece that proves stupid college grad didn't actually ever learn anything about human history" pieces.
Because that's all the pokies are capable of writing on their own, and no one is willing / able to give them adult supervision, because that's racist / agist / the patriarchy.
I’m all for it. So long as they occupy the Fun Zone or the Dating Zone on the Hot-Crazy Matrix, we need solo polyamorous women
In abundance to populate the over 5 hot area below the crazy line down to 7 crazy.
Of course, if she’s below the 5 hot line, she can play with herself all she wants since we don’t care no matter how cray cray she may or may not be.
As we all know, if she’s over 8 hot and below 5 crazy, she’s a fabled unicorn and we aren’t getting her anyway so it’s irrelevant. Everyone has their role to play
- Krumhorn
polyamorous - definition
The inability to see what's in front of you.
Uh I think there are many older words for the same thing.
There's a technical term for being slutty now?
Why does everyone assume the boyfriend is normal? Maybe he’s gay and using her as his “beard.” Maybe he’s not all that into her and subconsciously she's come up with this label for herself to avoid dealing with an obvious lack in her relationship?
Greg The Class Traitor said... [hush][hide comment]
I should have seen it on my own, but I didn't. The NYT is driving off every competent (but expensive) writer they have, to be replaced by cheap "woke" nuts fresh out of college.
I wouldn't say the NYT, more like the Woke generation that works there (aided and abetted by Dean Baquet's spinelessness). I would expect we'll be seeing attempts to cancel Brooks and MoDo soon. The same thing basically happened to Greenwald over at The Intercept.
These kind of articles used to appear in True Confession magazines. I used to know an elderly farmer who supplemented his income by writing them.
My Choice Isn’t Marriage or Loneliness
Not now, when she’s young and attractive. The loneliness starts at a later age. It culminates when she’s an elderly woman slowly dying in a hospice bed and there are no children nor grandchildren around her, no one to plan her funeral, no one who will be touched that she left a prized piece of jewelry to her in the will.
In the end we all die alone, but some passings are lonelier than others.
Me me me me me me me me me me me
They used to say that one of the things that separates man from the other animals is our ability to control our sexual behavior.
Used to.
Your joking Gahrie. Evolution makes human sexual urges very hard to control because for most of our existence women were very likely to die during childbirth. That's why women are capable of multiple orgasms and their estrus is hidden.
Your fairy tale was invented by eunuchs and child molesters (eg, priests) to control the masses with shame and guilt of our natural state of being.
Casual dating = not looking for a partner and no expectation of long-term commitment. The $10 word for this isn't solo polyamory, it's hedonism. There is nothing new under the sun.
Althouse is really getting some winners out of the NYT -- umm, lately? suddenly? all over again?? Not sure of the proper adverb to that. The one good element is the underlying tone of frustration or dissatisfaction, even when -- especially when -- the "writer" is trying to sound quite the opposite. Judging by a quick reading of her post and the excerpt, which is my personal sanity limit on these.
Good. Something is stewing in Lefter Loonwichville.
So, she wants to have a series of sexual encounters with no strings attached. Cool. Great for her. But, who cares? That is the most pointless thing I have read in a long, long time.
jvb
I rally want Haili to live how she wants and to be happy, but i am amused at people so uncomfortable with themselves that they first have to find some category with a name online and "join" up.
Does anybody else get the feeling that future geneticists are going to discover a "bottleneck" right about now?
NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...
Me:I should have seen it on my own, but I didn't. The NYT is driving off every competent (but expensive) writer they have, to be replaced by cheap "woke" nuts fresh out of college.
I wouldn't say the NYT, more like the Woke generation that works there (aided and abetted by Dean Baquet's spinelessness).
I disagree. I don't think he's spineless, I think he's letting the cheap and woke "push" him into doing exactly what he wants to do.
Because replacing fresh out of college, wet behind the ears "reporters" is the easiest thing in the world to do. So if what they were pushing for bothered him, he'd dump them and get new ones
"What's it all about... Alfie
Is it just for the moment you live
What's it all about
When you sort it out Alfie..."
Greg The Class Traitor said...
Because replacing fresh out of college, wet behind the ears "reporters" is the easiest thing in the world to do. So if what they were pushing for bothered him, he'd dump them and get new ones
True. Although, I think he's set to retire soon, so he may just not give a shit. Could be that he's nuts enough to think that he's setting up his legacy.
Big Mike said...
In the end we all die alone
Speak for yourself. I plan to take as many people as possible with me when I go.
After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +15068001647
you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS
Your joking Gahrie. Evolution makes human sexual urges very hard to control
Then why are rape and sexual assault crimes?
NorthOfTheOneOhOne
Yeah, he's building quite the legacy
"Evolution makes....because ... That's why... and [why]... "
You tell him pretty good fairy tale yourself, Howard.
Wow, Howard. You slur priests and excuse rape in the same sentence. Impressive.
Would a whore by any other name smell as slutty?
My God these people are really screwed up
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