"But this doesn’t mean you can’t meet people online — start talking on the phone, have video chats, sext or have phone sex if that’s your thing. And if someone you meet online is encouraging you to meet in person? That not only tells you how they view their own safety, but, even more important, how they view yours."
From "Coronavirus and Sex: Questions and Answers/Some of us are mating in actual captivity. Some of us not at all. The pandemic raises lots of issues around safe intimate physical contact, and what it may look like in the future" (NYT).
An "HSP" is a "household sex partner." Something about "household" makes the person seem like a utilitarian implement. Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener.
But the question is: Did you lay in your provisions or not? You should have procured a household sex partner for yourself, and now it's too late. Yes, you can order one on line, but anyone who could be delivered is not safe to use, and you'd be delivering yourself, and that would mean you're not safe to use.
You can't use people now. Unless you've got your own HSP. And you 2 are stuck with each other for the duration. So you'd better appreciate what you've got.
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88 comments:
I prefer "chaste" not "celibate".
THEOLDMAN
As a word that is, not a situation.
My FB timeline was flooded with ads for online dating sites yesterday.
But the question is: Did you lay in your provisions or not?
And: are you hoarding?
Please don't MUDA!
I'm pretty sure if I, as a man, wrote an article calling my wife and other wives "household sex partners" I would be promoting the patriarchy.
HSP is a funny term, but once our daughter was born, maintenance sex became the only kind we could have for so long that when we get that rare opportunity to slow down and enjoy the show, we’ve forgotten how.
An "HSP" is a "household sex partner."
No it's not.
Muda is a Japanese word meaning "futility; uselessness; wastefulness".
So MUDA refers to the NYT in at least two ways; the definition above as well as making up dopey acronyms.
Skinny Legs and All
Joe Tex
Say man,
Don't walk ahead of that woman like she don't belong to you
Just cause hers got them little skinny legs
You know, that ain't no way to do
You didn't act like that when you had it home behind closed doors
Alright
Now you act like you're 'shamed or somethin'
Or you don't want nobody to know she's your's
That's alright, you just walk on baby
And don't you worry about a doggone thing a'tall, huh huh
Because there's some man, somewhere, who'll take you baby, skinny legs and all
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Tex
Skinny Legs and All lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, BMG Rights Management
Blogger Marcus said...
I prefer "chaste" not "celibate".
SHE: I told you when we met that I love being chaste.
HE: I thought you meant around the room.
I saw the word celibate, and thought we might get the etymology of celibate = Abstains from marriage and sex. Which brings us to the Catholic Church, then to why priests are celibate, and ends with the meaning of immaculate conceptions. EASTER!
That, is truly the wanderings of the idling mind.
"Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener."
Add a turkey baster and an oven mitt in that drawer and the only thing you'll need after the party are moist toilettes.
I am Laslo.
Yesterday the Beverly Hills Bar Associatin held a virtual town hall and everyone checked in. A divorce lawyer was there, and said she is still very busy - lots of folks calling her dying to get divorced (pun was not intended).
Conception. Singular. It matters
Thanks Laslo ;)
HSP is funny!
If you have a pet or live on a farm in Oregon, you may be able to adapt your animal to be a sex partner.
Oh April Fools, ha ha.
Chaste and celibate... those terms bring to mind cold showers and weird contraptions to fit unruly teenagers with in bygone times...
Anyway, is DIY being 'chaste'? Surely not.
Whatever you do today, make sure that you do not Google the suspicious death of Kenneth Pinyan in rural Enumclaw, Washington.
I’m not sure why the online dating site ads showed up on my FB timeline yesterday.
I have been single since my wife’s death. I don’t subscribe to any online date sites. Tried them briefly a decade ago and hated the outcome.
All I can figure is that I’ve been conversing in Messenger with a woman who lives 2,000 miles away. We’ve been talking for 2 years and, before the epidemic hit, had talked about exchanging visits. We’re both alone and we’ve talked pretty frankly about loneliness and the desire to fine a partner.
The surveillance state is total. I suspect even Messenger is not secure. Neither, I suspect, is your cell phone.
Shouting Thomas:
"I have been single since my wife’s death. "
^ Statements like that are your problem. Google knows you're posting here, and you mentioned your single status a number of times now.
Hence the offers. Whatever you do, do not mention 'bears'.
Coronavirus porn is now a thing. In one particularly risque video, the guy LEAVES HIS HOUSE and then has sex with a woman missionarry style, such that she INHALES droplets of his breath.
I know, sick fuckers who make this stuff.
An "HSP" is a "household sex partner." Something about "household" makes the person seem like a utilitarian implement. Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener.
Yuck! Sounds almost as bad as being called a "splooge stooge"...
The woman I have tied up in the basement for my staycation says this is just like 'The Handmaid's Tale.'
Well, she doesn't actually 'say' that because of the ball-gag, but you can see it in her eyes.
Which also brings up: many Amazon deliveries take longer, as more important items take precedence in shipping.
So Amazon is saying fresh ball-gags are not important. Tell that to her, Bezos.
I am Laslo.
"Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener."
That's very good and funny, a similar image came to mind when I saw the definition of the "HSP" acronym.
I'm told there are websites you can visit for virtual partners. All shapes, sizes, ethnic groups, races, and genders are reportedly just a click away.
My advice: get a dog.
Some time ago, my friend was overweight and not getting enough tail. So he came across a simple program called Get Ripped or Get Laid. It had two rules:
1. From now on, you exercise faily and cannot drink any alcohol and only eat healthy food UNLESS you are dining with a potential mate. In which case you can eat or drink whatever you wish.
2. You are not allowed to dine with any potential mate more than three times without having sexwith him or hwr.
This guarantees that you will either get ripped, or get laid.
The Roomba -- and the way it breezily moves around the house -- is starting to look damn fine to me.
Is it any wonder people with such a worldview can’t find sufficient meaning in life on their own, placing ridiculous demands upon utilitarianism, ‘Capitalism’ (the marketplace), Sex as liberation, Science as balm, Art as personal project, the Self, the personal as political, politics, ideology etc.?
As Eric Hoffer said, this is why so many people want to mind your business, as theirs isn’t worth minding.
Reward the ideas and behavior...get more of both.
“HSP”? How about GFY.
I was thinking I'm not going to look up 'HSP'. There are too many acronyms now. Everything and everybody has an acronym, or initials. Names are now initials only. Phrases are acronyms. It's gotten to the point of just being tedious.
HSP? Holistic Serene Plant? Horribly Stained Portico? Historic Salad Preparation? Her Sexy Panties? Highest Scaling Predator? Honestly Secure Person? Hideously Simple Puzzle? Honor, Sacrifice, Pride? Having Some Pizza?
Here I was thinking HSP meant Human Sex Partner.
ST,
Machine Learning is making it cheap and easy to track and store your personalized data from an avatar build around you (your devices, your location, your search histories etc.)
Sometimes it makes for algorithmic feedback, non personalized and clunky ads etc. other times it hits close to home.
A lot of money is going into the infrastructure around machine learning, so that smaller players (non Amazon, Google) can play the adaptive AI game, and eventually this trickles down into smaller and smaller players yet who invest earlier like an HR department, a nurse in a regional hospital, a lawyer’s office with an assistive bot doing many of the automated duties built around local and personalized data.
Some of it will pan out, some won’t. Some of it is a process that will take quite a while.
"Something about 'household' makes the person seem like a utilitarian implement"
Well, if there's no cord . . .
Now on the other hand, a sex robot is a utilitarian as you can get.
I’m pretty sure a team at Google, responsible for Machine leaning data related to visual pattern recognition, uses Blogger commenters signed in through Google, as an input channel for model training. Someone in the chain sets a timer for how long before you have to confirm you identity and provide more data again if you time out.
This post (in a roundabout way) brought something to mind:
Has rhhardin made any posts recently?
I don't recall seeing one lately.
Hope he is well and on the ham radio.
I am Laslo.
"anyone who could be delivered is not safe to use, and you'd be delivering yourself, and that would mean you're not safe to use"
Depends on 1. whether you have both self-isolated effectively for two weeks -- if so, you're safe; and 2. how old you are -- if you are under 30, risk of complications and death is minimal. In fact, some brave young people could view getting infected as doing their part to advance herd immunity.
But the question is: Did you lay in your provisions or not?
That sentence right there can be read in different ways.
"Hold on to what we've got" reminds me of Jon BonJovi singing a little ditty on MSNBC yesterday to cheer us up, and making everything ten times worse and everyone more miserable. "Livin' on a prayer," indeed. I wish celebs would realize that most of them don't cheer us up, and that this isn't the time to get free publicity to revive their careers.
Laslo is in top form today.
Hold On to What You Got
You'd better hold on, hold on to what you've got
You'd better hold on, hold on to what you've got
'Cause if you think nobody wants it
Just throw it away and you will see
Someone will have it before you can count one, two, three
Yes they will, yes they will
Listen fellows, you know it's not all the time
That a man can have a good woman
A women he can call his very own
A woman who will stay right there at home
And mind the children while he's gone to work
A woman who will have his dinner cooked
When he comes home
Where some men make mistakes is
When they go out and stay because they feel
That no other man wants his woman but him
But listen,
If you think no other man wants her
Just throw her away and you will see
Some men will have her before you can count one, two, three
Yes he will, yes he will
Listen girls, this goes for you too
Because you know I've seen so many women who've had so many good men in life
Men who would stand by them through thick and thin
Men who'd go to work everyday and
Bring home their hard earned pay
Men who'd give their woman anything
That their little hearts desired
Where some women make mistakes is
When their men go out and let 'em play they would stay
Because they felt that no other woman wanted him but her
Listen,
If you think no other woman wants him
Just pitch him out in the street and you will see
Some woman will have your man
Before you can count one, two, three
Yes she will, yes she will
Also, I have a 2013 used HSP with highway miles. Easy care. 10K obo.
Also, give me money or political power to make my life meaningful by validating my current political goals/identity/philosophy
An "HSP" is a "household sex partner." Something about "household" makes the person seem like a utilitarian implement. Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener.
Duh!
Laslo, rhhardin posted yesterday afternoon.
Happy Shiny People
Yesterday, the experts were saying they expect that the deaths in the United States will now be limited to 100,000 to 200,000
They explicitly said the 100-200K projection assumes the states currently suppressing transmission suddenly SPIKE like NY and NJ, but that data from CA and WA are showing excellent results (we started distancing at the beginning of March) and likely would NOT spike. Our current slope is only steep because the aggregate includes the outliers NY and NJ. There is no reason to think there will be a spike in most other states. My hunch is the 80K figure from the analysts in WA is more likely to be accurate.
Still the fear-mongers running Fox are promoting “AT LEAST 100 THOUSAND DEAD!”
Horrible crappy media we have.
Wow. HSP sure takes the sexy out of sex.
Me? I'm happy I'm happily married.
Many people have an HSP attached to their body.
What ever happened to POSSLQ? (Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters, for the benefit of you youngsters)
They better hurry up with those sex robots!
"What ever happened to POSSLQ? (Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters, for the benefit of you youngsters)"
Went out with DINKS.
People who want casual sex, can't, and are having a hard time with this.
Forgive me if I have no sympathy, but you choose your path in life, and don't be surprised if your path that you decide is not like the path other people have decided to travel.
There are three of us in my lockdown facility. But things haven’t quite worked out as you would expect. It reminds me of one of Laslo’s Hot Mess Girls stories with the strap on.
Good times.
- Krumhorn
Oh goody, my two favorite topics viruses and sex!
I promise to be serious when commentating on virus-only related threads. But this is not one of them!
Work with me on this one:
1. There's 8 Billion people on plant earth. That means there's been at least 8 Billion sex acts to procreate.
2. Most people have sex many more times then the "pro-creative" one. Let's say 100-1, to be very conservative.
3. That's 800 Billion sex acts.
4. The human body -- even when healthy - has 38 Trillion bacteria. Source: Nature 2016.
5. The human body -- even when healthy -- has 380 Trillion viruses -- even when healthy. Source: Phys.Org
So, again not to be gross (I'm not "pro-virus"), but 800 Billion sex acts between folks with 380 Trillion viruses means -- y'all humans are spreading a gazillion germs, during good times and bad.
6. And when you don't have symptoms (50 weeks out of the year for most folks), nobody thinks about it.
How do you interpret these facts?
Now they're incels. Rapists get more respect, and more pussy.
Sebastian said...
"anyone who could be delivered is not safe to use, and you'd be delivering yourself, and that would mean you're not safe to use"
Depends on 1. whether you have both self-isolated effectively for two weeks -- if so, you're safe;
Really? CA stopped making it a felony, a couple years back, for a person who knows that he's HIV+ to have unprotected sex with someone he hasn't warned.
You think the people who supported that aren't going to lie to you about how long they've "effectively self isolated"?
Unless you store them in your own version of Laslo's dungeon for 14 days, you should assume they haven't self-isolated at all.
in fact, you should assume you'r at least his / her second non-household SP that day
iowan2: I saw the word celibate, and thought we might get the etymology of celibate = Abstains from marriage and sex. Which brings us to the Catholic Church, then to why priests are celibate, and ends with the meaning of immaculate conceptions. EASTER!
Since I'm unaware of any Church teaching that Mary's mother was celibate (nor chaste), I'm not sure how you get from that to the concept of the Immaculate Conception.
Actually, I think I do know, but I don't want to spoil the fun.
If AIDS emerged today, they would lockdown us all from having any kind of sex -- so that "asymptomatic carriers" wouldn't spread the virus.
There's a lot dangerous, highly educated morons, running things.
This is nothing compared to those dying with the disease, forcibly separated from loved ones. I can't get my head around this. Why not let family members be there in the last moments, then quarantine? We can fix the economy. You can't bring back a loved one for a 'do over' deathbed good bye.
Curious as to what others think about this.
With social progress, a girlfriend or wife has been reduced to a "friend with benefits" or "household partner", respectively, sometimes more than one.
If I am slipping the maid a hundred bucks a week for services above and beyond, does that count? Maybe now I can write her checks, I will just write “HSP” for Household Sexual Provider in the memo.
Are promiscuous people really going to stop having sex except with people they are already living with? For months? There are those (and I am not limiting this to gay men) who seem to think that any sex act, anytime, anywhere, with anyone (consenting) is as vital to them as food and drink. See, e.g., the non-closure of bath houses despite the guaranteed death sentence and high rate of transmission.
Show me a man that’s got a good woman, show me
—- Joe Tex
Ah good fucking grief. If you find a partner without a fever, the odds of catching COVID-19 during a fuck are vanishingly small. You are more likely to die of a heart attack during the act.
So, again not to be gross (I'm not "pro-virus"), but 800 Billion sex acts between folks with 380 Trillion viruses means -- y'all humans are spreading a gazillion germs, during good times and bad.
Well, goddamit, fuck all y’all!
ALP said...
This is nothing ...
It's NYT clickbait, which is very close to nothing.
30 days to stop the spread.
Mary is The Immaculate Conception--born without Original Sin. You should have paid attention.
Yancey Ward said...
Ah good f'ing grief. If you find a partner without a fever
"I don't have a fever baby, I'm just hot for you!"
"It's NYT clickbait, which is very close to nothing."
It is the NYTimes' spike protein. Althouse is our angiotensin II receptor.
ALP said...
This is nothing compared to those dying with the disease, forcibly separated from loved ones. I can't get my head around this. Why not let family members be there in the last moments, then quarantine? We can fix the economy. You can't bring back a loved one for a 'do over' deathbed good bye.
Curious as to what others think about this.
The family members should all be in quarantine, at least any who were living with the person. So they would need to be in Tyvek suit with oxygen providing face mask in order to come into the hospital in the first place (you can't have a simple "Chinese Coronavirus entrance". Only some of the coming family members will be sick. Funneling all of them through the same place mens a lot more get sick).
IOW, I think it sucks. But the logic of the quarantine says it's a bad idea to let family members come in
Love the one you're with is not a new concept.
From one of my favorite ballads by Ireland's Thomas Moore (1779-1852):
O 'tis sweet to think that where'ere we roam
We're sure to find something lovely and dear,
And to know when far from the lips we love
We have but to make love to the lips that are near.
The heart like a tendril, accustomed to cling,
Let it grow where it will--cannot flourish alone.
It will lean to the nearest and loveliest thing
It can twine with itself and make closely its own.
It's lots of fun to sing this sprightly tune; I use it as a way to practice good breath control.
My cousin in Ohio just posted on Facebook with a story about a couple who both were hospitalized with Covid and their adult son came to visit. Now all 3 are dead.
Something about "household" makes the person seem like a utilitarian implement. Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener.
More likely, something one keeps in the bedside drawer between the sleeping pills and the cold cream.
Yeah, what Greg said. A funeral is responsible for something like 24 deaths due to Coronavirus in South Georgia. Family members in close proximity to each other is a bad idea.
Something about "household" makes the person seem like a utilitarian implement. Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener.
A friend with "benefits"... barren, available, and taxable colorful clump... commodity.
Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener.
NTTAWWT.
Now, once we get enough of the "13 minutes to prove you're not infected with the Chinese Coronavirus" tests, we can do a "drive up, get tested, park, stay in your car, we'll let you know the results" setup to let family members who aren't sick come see family members who are dying.
But that won't work in NYC, where they don't drive, and don't have the parking.
Blogger RigelDog said...
My cousin in Ohio just posted on Facebook with a story about ...
True story, bro.
"Ah good fucking grief. If you find a partner without a fever, the odds of catching COVID-19 during a fuck are vanishingly small. You are more likely to die of a heart attack during the act."
Exhibit A: Governor Nelson Rockefeller!
Canadian group - Stars performing "Hold On When You Get Love And Let Go When You Give It" live on KCRW -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BtaApuxi7U
There's 8 Billion people on plant earth. That means there's been at least 8 Billion sex acts to procreate.
You're forgetting parthenogenesis.
This is how I want to die
HSP Dangers
fuck or not to fuck?
die coughing and wheezing or
Buried in Beaver?
Bay Area Guy said...
"Ah good fucking grief. If you find a partner without a fever, the odds of catching COVID-19 during a fuck are vanishingly small. You are more likely to die of a heart attack during the act."
Exhibit A: Governor Nelson Rockefeller!
*****************
In an attempt to cover up the circumstance's of Rocky's demise, the paramour and the friend who came to her aid put his shoes on backwards.
Dead giveaway.
Something about "household" makes the person seem like a utilitarian implement. Like something you'd keep in a drawer next to the tongs and the can opener.
But the question is: Did you lay in your provisions or not?
Droll, I must say, especially Did you lay in your provisions.
Read part of this post to the Mrs (she's Salvadoran) and she immediately replied, "Sounds like the plot of Love in the Time of Cholera."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_in_the_Time_of_Cholera
Long-time listener, first-time caller
If the Corps had wanted me to have a household sex partner, they would have assigned me one.
;-)
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