From "'Fiddler,' Tevye’s Daughters, and Me" by Elaine Showalter (The NY Review of Books). In "Fiddler on the Roof," Chava is the daughter who finds love outside of the Jewish faith, and her father tells her to leave and never return. He declares "Chava is dead to us! We will forget her."
In the last scene, the Jews of Anatevka have been cast out by the edict of the tsar, and Tevye is forced to leave with his neighbors and take his family to seek familiar faces in the strange new land of America. But when Chava and Fyedka come to say farewell, he will still not speak to them, although he mutters “God be with you” under his breath....You hear a lot about family love, not so much about familial estrangement.
For me, the story is personal. In June 1963, when I married a nominally Episcopalian professor of French, my parents disowned me, and so did my grandparents, all but two of my twenty-plus aunts and uncles, and all but three of my dozens of cousins. No one from my family came to our wedding, and I did not see them again for fifteen years....
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Sounds like a lot of drama in that family. The perspective is coming from one side only. I wonder how she behaved back in 1963 towards her family.
Possessive ("my") relations are reciprocal. My daughter implies my father. That particular one is dissolved by disowning.
How do these people get published? Why would any reader care about this woman's family (or non-family) life?
I surrender, Althouse.
In my old age, these issues are irrelevant to my daily life.
I live in a three generation household with my daughter and grandkids. Nobody that I encounter on a daily basis is interested in or ever talks about feminism.
I swore some years ago not to waste any of my precious remaining time on this earth fighting about things that don't concern me.
This stuff doesn't concern me.
I was estranged from my father 1968-1979. It just gets to be embarrassing after awhile and hard to initiate contact. It was ostensibly over my buying a motorcycle (unfeminine) but I had l had cheated him too and was ashamed.
Kind of an awful time it was. So much political justification available for dumb personal blunders.
I would guess the order in which she listed the things that she believes define her is misplaced.
"...atheist, feminist, professor, and liberal..."
I would bet
aethist, liberal, feminist, and professor
Or
liberal, atheist, feminist, and professor
We don't hear about it, possibly, because the definition of family is no longer limited to the traditional one (a group of people connected via DNA or some more or less formal adoption procedure where the group members have traditional roles, Mom, son, etc.). Your family is whichever group of people or, presumably, at least one other person you choose to call family. And if it doesn't work out, if there's a rift, no problem, you just go and find another family. Maybe it's not even limited to people. Maybe my family is my dog. All those people who share my DNA? Maybe they're just people I used to know.
"How do these people get published? Why would any reader care about this woman's family (or non-family) life?"
This woman?!!
I care about Elaine Showalter. She's a significant scholar that I've followed for decades.
I especially enjoyed "Sexual Anarchy" (in 1991).
And she's the mother of Michael Showalter, a comedian I have followed for many years.
Jeez.
I get the feeling, despite the estrangement, that the apple don't fall far from the tree, whether wrapped in religious tradition or the academe.
I initiated the reunion, but not because I missed my family or needed Jewish traditions to organize my life. It was because Adrienne Rich, my colleague at Douglass, had insisted to me that no woman could be an honest feminist who had not made peace with her own mother and sister. The family I rejoined was not the family I left. No one in my generation, none of my cousins, my uncles or my aunts, was untouched by those turbulent years of American history. Fifteen years is a long time, and while some of the emotional threads that were broken were mended over the years since, most were not.
She only sees change in her family, not herself? Was that change good, or was her implied stagnation better? Did she have it all figured out at an early age?
Guess I'll have to read the book - NOT!
This is peculiar to certain societies.
Others are not so xenophobic, not in this way usually.
Others are xenophobic of course, but it is a matter of degree and cases.
None of the ones with which I am intimately familiar would behave like this.
Granted, this has probably been necessary to keep Jewish identity viable for these millennia.
Its interesting how, because of their cultural position, so much of American Jewish internal cultural stress is worked out in public. This inside-baseball stuff affects the larger culture in strange ways, with the MSM often insisting on anxieties and obsessions foreign to the bulk of their audience.
Most of this disjunct is not apparent outside the US, as the rest of the world sees the US only through the MSM filters.
The theme today is almost death but nobody really dies. Toast (not dead), almost but not quite deadly space rocks, resurrected mindfulness scams, and "Oy! You are dead to me!"
I have been cast out of my family because I voted for Donald Trump.
A group of five Jewish women are eating lunch in a busy cafe. Nervously, their waiter approaches the table. “Ladies,” he says. “Is anything okay?”
An American, a Russian, and an Israeli are waiting for the subway when a reporter approaches and asks, “Excuse me please, can I get your opinion about the meat shortage?”
“What’s a shortage?” says the American.
“What’s meat?” says the Russian.
“What’s excuse me please?” says the Israeli.
Intermarriage has been a big fucking deal for Jews since they were Hebrews.
nominally Episcopalian
That means he's nominally nominally Christian.
My step-monster's Lutheran family did a lot of years of not-speaking and taking sides. She and her sister tried to get each other (and my father) arrested for theft and B&E when fighting over custody of their old father, his stuff, his $300k cash, and his USAF pension. Fortunately, the DA caught on and refrained, but my father spent a fortune on lawyers so she could video-document hours of her grievances.
When she died, her two sons hadn't had contact for years (and haven't since the funeral). One son had no contact with his college-age sons besides writing checks. He and my dad heard nothing from them after my dad had lavished gifts and trips on them when kids.
"I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
Mixed marriages usually means the children will have no religion at all. If the parents didn't take it that seriously why should they?
How do these people get published? Why would any reader care about this woman's family (or non-family) life?
Says a lot more about Ann than about her readers mostly.
The story reminds me a bit of a scenario we used in teaching medical students. It was a scenario (all of these are drawn from instructors' practices) about dying. An elderly Jewish man is dying and the family is resigned that all has been done and he is ready to go. Then the estranged daughter from New York arrives and wants to take over, get more opinions, try more treatment, etc.
Sounds like this woman.
I wonder if she demonstrates some of the vehemence and obstinacy that her relatives displayed towards her towards those of her acquaintances who are insufficiently liberal or who marry outside the one true faith of feminism.
Most of us don't give a fuck about feminism, we are just more polite about it than Shouting Thomas. I would go farther and say that I think it caused more lasting cultural damage in the United States than any other -ism of the 20th century. However, as Michael K notes, it does say more about Ann. I watched a portion of a fishing show last night because I was too lazy to get out of my chair to get the remote. They talked and were passionate about fish. They didn't obsess over every nuance about the lives of the fishermen. I feel this way about women.
If you date one of her kids, don't show up at the house wearing a MAGA hat. There will be no second date.
"You hear a lot about family love, not so much about familial estrangement."
That all depends on who it is that you listen to. Try practicing Probate Law.
If you date one of her kids, don't show up at the house wearing a MAGA hat. There will be no second date.
Won't need one, because her kid will likely suggest elopement right then and there.
Ann- it's your blog and you can clearly post what you damn well like. We all love it. We're all here everyday with our little comments, praises, and digs. And in the mixed bag of your daily posts, there is pretty much everyday a post or two that interests me, and a post or two that I could care less about. That makes sense. It's a blog about what interests you.
That said, I've never heard of Elaine Showalter (or her son Michael). Can't say I care or that her situation is the lone one in history. I try to get estranged from my family on a regular basis. But they just keep coming back.
Sorry, Ann. I'm not clued in as to feminist authors. The only ones I'm familiar with are Dworkin, Steinem and Sontag. I'm a troglodyte.
Most of us don't give a fuck about feminism, we are just more polite about it than Shouting Thomas.
I've decided to stop fighting with Althouse about it, since, as I said, it doesn't really concern me.
I will continue to be perplexed about why she's interested in this crap, but people are interested in all sort of foolish shit that doesn't concern me.
Part of living a good life is just letting go of shit that doesn't matter.
Mostly, I enjoy Althouse's writing.
My oldest daughter took two feminism classes in college. My thought was that one was enough.
We were required to take two semesters each of philosophy and theology at Creighton. My Logic class was great!
"... no woman could be an honest feminist who had not made peace with her own mother and sister."
Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.
Kind of echoes that ancient wisdom "Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
Maybe feminists could save time by not rediscovering wisdom on their own.
"Being disowned had given me the freedom to invent my life on my own terms: as an atheist, feminist, professor, and liberal."
How original. Atheist liberal feminists are really rare birds on college campuses.
She broke away from one orthodoxy and immediately adopted another.
Familial estrangement is a wonderful tool to use in dealing with family.
"not so much about familial estrangement"
Not so much about people taking their faith seriously.
Feminist posts triggered the resident lady boys. Thanks ladies, we know you are macho macho macho mans.
Some feminist. She took her husband’s name.
buwaya said...None of the ones with which I am intimately familiar would behave like this.
Granted, this has probably been necessary to keep Jewish identity viable for these millennia.
Q: What's the difference between Donald Trump and a Reform Jew?
A: Trump has Jewish grandchildren.
Jesus prophesied this splitting of families but it’s hard to believe a nominal Episcopalian would trigger such shunning. Tribalism runs deep.
I’d be mildly interested in the shorter definition of a feminist. Say, one or two succinct paragraphs. Maybe what they do believe and don’t believe.
I found it interesting that she doesn't seem to have been all that enthused to reconnect in the first place, which is probably why the reunion doesn't seem to have taken.
Of course, I always mistrust such stories told by only one side. It would be interesting if one could hear from the siblings.
In 1963 I was stuck in Paris the day before Bastille day due to an aircraft malfunction. Wandering around MontMarte (sp?) I met a beautiful American blond. We spent the next two days together. On saying goodbye, I was from Boston, she from New York, I asked her for her personal information so that when we were back in the States, I could see her again. She declined. Said she was Jewish and could never have a meaningful relationship with a non Jew. I was 18. Really opened my eyes. Wish the girl I had met had the same willingness to defy convention as the subject of this post.
AA to D. Begley: "How do these people get published? Why would any reader care about this woman's family (or non-family) life?"
This woman?!!
I care about Elaine Showalter. She's a significant scholar that I've followed for decades.
I especially enjoyed "Sexual Anarchy" (in 1991).
And she's the mother of Michael Showalter, a comedian I have followed for many years.
Jeez.
How does that answer Begley's question? The world is full of significant scholars in whose personal life (or scholarship) the NYRB has no interest. It's a legit question; I asked and answered it for myself a long time ago, when I dropped my subscription to the NYRB because it had, by my lights, gotten too parochial and trivial to interest me anymore.
I agree with buwaya's general observation here: "This inside-baseball stuff affects the larger culture in strange ways, with the MSM often insisting on anxieties and obsessions foreign to the bulk of their audience."
I disagree on the point of "their audience", however, at least for the case of the NYRB. Their audience, like the NYT's, is no longer remotely congruent with the "larger culture", but this stuff isn't foreign to the actual audience of such publications.
Of course, I always mistrust such stories told by only one side. It would be interesting if one could hear from the siblings.
Hard to know in this specific situation, but often when a Jew "marries out," the upbringing was not particularly religious, and maybe with liberal values that leave the kid indifferent to maintaining the tradition. And if the parents were really religious they would know that her kids are still Jewish by Jewish law, and would want to maintain a relationship to keep them in the fold.
"It was because Adrienne Rich... had insisted to me that no woman could be an honest feminist who had not made peace with her own mother and sister." Brothers and/or father can go hang themselves, I guess. Feminism!
The griefs of women are quiet, rustle
like crinoline or whisper like
the tearing of old silk;
hum like appliances, give off the sharp sweet smell
of burnt out motors; tap like typewriter keys.
The strengths of women are quiet,
but hardy as the weed that finds its cranny
between the concrete block of the sidewalk
and the concrete slab of the wall, and grows there,
and blooms there.
Men are bums.
We're really better than they are.
Brand X Poetry "The Griefs of Women" after Adrienne Rich
Said she was Jewish and could never have a meaningful relationship with a non Jew. I was 18. Really opened my eyes. Wish the girl I had met had the same willingness to defy convention as the subject of this post.
When I was 15, my friends and I all had Jewish girlfriends. Of course their parents never knew but we had fun and knew it would never go anywhere. Catholic boys were a sort of forbidden fruit to them. One was the daughter of a state Senator who saw us together and told her to stop seeing me. We went through their nose jobs with them. Black eyes for two weeks.
My neighborhood, South Shore, was half Jewish and half Catholic. I joined the Young Men's Jewish Council because they had a basketball court.
It is now all black and hellish.
Micheal K’s memories align with the advice my father gave me: Jewish girls are great to date but don’t fall in love because they won’t marry you.
Jewish girls, per Lenny Bruce and other comedians and commentators of the day, didn't have the "loophole" to contend with, which apparently made them popular with the Catholic boys who preferred straight to deviant sex.
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