November 25, 2018

"His place is dark and has a large workbench in the living room for projects. Hers, light and brightly decorated..."

"... has plenty of room for pet birds. That’s right: She lives with parakeets, but she won’t live with him. And he’s cool with that.... [S]ociologists call it Living Apart Together (LAT).... In order to explore the world and develop as individuals, we need independence. But we also have a need to be firmly tethered to another person for the safety that that provides, according to Stan Tatkin, Psy.D., a psychobiology-focused couples therapist in Calabasas, California. Our individual tolerance for space and closeness—and whether we tend to feel smothered or abandoned—goes back to how attached we were to our caregivers as infants and has been influenced by all of our past romantic relationships.... Doing stuff alone may stoke your passion for each other.... 'It takes lots of communication so that no one feels insecure or gets neglected,' [said the man who doesn't live with the parakeet woman]."

From "Why Living Apart Could Save Your Relationship/The oldest breakup line in the book could be the newest secret to staying together" (Men's Health).

Parakeet woman... wasn't that a Rolling Stones song?

38 comments:

Not an oldster. said...

People in long term committed relationships can live together but sharing separate parts of the house ie his workshop, her hobby or sewing room. In their 70s and 80s and 90s for health and sleep reasons, sometimes even separate bedrooms. Where there is a will to keep a relationship and family intact, there is a way. Cheaper to live together in the family home than living seperately

Mountain Maven said...

Children hardest hit

Not an oldster. said...

We call these long term committed family relationships marriages.

RK said...

My ideal living arrangement would be to share a duplex with my partner. The two master bedrooms would connect via a secret passage.

Meade said...

"[said the man who doesn't live with the parakeet woman]"

I want to live
with the [parakeet] girl
I could be happy
the rest of my life
with the [parakeet] girl

https://youtu.be/fb3tkqbMBPA

Ann Althouse said...

I wonder how many parakeets she has. And what's his project in the living room and why is he doing them in the dark? This relationship is so specific -- how are we to extract general principles?

tcrosse said...

The two master bedrooms would connect via a secret passage.

Maybe with a firepole.

Not an oldster. said...

Especially if the parakeet girl is paying the full $17k tax bill, eh Meade😀

Yancey Ward said...

It might be hot to live with a paratroop girl.

RK said...

"And what's his project in the living room and why is he doing them in the dark?"

My guess is that he rebuilds small gas engines by touch & feel alone. I can't blame her for not wanting to live there.

Yancey Ward said...

What about a paralegal girl? A parasitical girl? A paranormal girl?

jaydub said...

Never take seriously anything a psychobiology-focused couples therapist from California has to say. I doubt he takes himself seriously either.

Not an oldster. said...

How bout a pair a girls? They could keep each other company when you are done playin with em.

Fernandinande said...

French sociologists have a word for it.

Not an oldster. said...

Is this the same publication running the headline, I'm getting a girl vagina next week but don't expect me to be happy about it. ? They are taking in big dollars for these stories, I hear.

Fernandinande said...

rebuilds small gas engines by touch & feel alone.

A bat farm.

Meade said...

I could be happy
the rest of my life
with the rat-sketching girl

Iowan2 said...

Have a close friend that was married 8 years to a girl and they rarely socialized together. Took separate vacations. They admitted they just met up a couple times a week for sex. He rebuilt his Harley in the winter in the living room. They finally decided to divorce. No kids. Then went on vacation together for the first time. They each remarried someone new. Takes all kinds. Hardly a how to guide for the masses

Dave Begley said...

"Stan Tatkin, Psy.D., a psychobiology-focused couples therapist in Calabasas, California. Our individual tolerance for space and closeness—and whether we tend to feel smothered or abandoned—goes back to how attached we were to our caregivers as infants and has been influenced by all of our past romantic relationships..."

How much any one want to bet this guy is the therapist for CBF?

Dave Begley said...

Meade:

And the two of you could be RICH making and selling Althouse Aprons. Or at least enough to put a dent in that property tax bill.


Wince said...

"And what I think we have on our hands is a dead parakeet." - Alvy SInger (Woody Allen)

Parakeet

You wake up in the morning
And fall out of your bed
Mean cats eat parakeets
And this one's nearly dead

You dearly wish the wind would shift
And greasy window slide
Open for the parakeet
Who's colored bitter lime

Open the window
To lift into your dreams
Baby, baby
You can barely breathe

Meade said...

DB: That's what I keep telling her. Oh well. Here's another one for your collection. (Collect all 17!)

Ann Althouse said...

And then there's the parakeet that whistles the theme from The Andy Griffith Show.

Dave Begley said...

Meade:

Ann needs to do a poll. We haven't seen a poll in a while. Consider it to be market testing.

Q: Should Althouse and Meade make and sell Althouse Aprons?

1. Yes. A great way to diffuse and proliferate the underappreciated artistic genius of Ann Althouse.

2. No. No one buys and uses aprons any more.

3. Yes. A great and fun project. Ann's fans want more than the blog; a tangible piece of Althouse is worth something.

4. No. Too much work. Would have to get a sales tax permit.

5. Yes. Sell now before sales tax gets way more complicated due to that wrongly decided SCOTUS case.

6. Yes. By putting those old canvas paintings on aprons then the originals become more valuable and can be sold for BIG BUCKS.

7. Yes. Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Pursue your rational self-interest in a narrow area of commerce and the world benefits. The Gordon Gecko meets Adam Smith option.

8. Yes. This is a sly way to get revenge on MN for the loss of Paul Bunyan's Axe. Think of the sales for MN blog readers. Big bucks!

9. Yes. Other seemingly crazy things have sold many items. Little down side here. Low startup costs.

10. Yes. It really is the artist's imperative to get her creations out into the public.

11. No. Caving into THE MAN.

12. Yes. The net proceeds can be used to fund the Ann Althouse Professor of Constitutional Law at the University of Wisconsin. First hire? John Althouse Cohen.

13. Yes. If Paul Newman can live forever via spaghetti sauce, Ann Althouse can live forever via aprons.

14. No. License the name and artwork to Begley and he'll do it.

Seeing Red said...

Who picks up most of the tab?

Ice Nine said...

So Joey and Laurel have decided to hook up, then. Well, OK.

Ann Althouse said...

@Dave Begley

The one word that makes it all too un-fun: tax.

Meade said...

Begley: LOL. Good job.

Dave Begley said...

15. Yes. Disney made billions with a mouse. Althouse should be able to clear a couple million with some rats.

Ann:

Think about taxes like Warren Buffett does. He doesn't care! He's always been agnostic and disinterested in taxes. It is just a cost of doing business. All he cares about is cash flow.

If you two won't do it, I'll do it. I'll bear that tax burden. I'll pay you 7% of the gross for your name and your artwork.

D 2 said...

When a man loves a woman
He won't spend his last dime on his re-upholstering needs
He'd give up all his comforts and sleep out in the rain
If she says "the fucking birds stay"
and that's the way it ought to be

Bruce Hayden said...

“My ideal living arrangement would be to share a duplex with my partner. The two master bedrooms would connect via a secret passage.”

Friends of mine had a weird setup after they were divorced. She had the front of the house, and he had the back. They didn’t connect directly. The two kids were upstairs, that connected to both.

For the last 30+ years, I have routinely woken up in the middle of the night for a couple hours. I got through law school studying then. My waking up and getting out of bed wakes her up, and she doesn’t go back to sleep. Making it worse, she only naps a handful of days a year. Mostly she just gets more and more grumpy as her sleep deprivation builds up. The compromise is two bedrooms, at opposite ends of the house. So, I can get up at maybe 2, go into my office and work until 4 or 5, and then go back to bed for a couple hours. It seems to work quite well. Our kids think that we are crazy, but they are still in the feeding each other stage with their respective significant others, so figure they will understand in another couple decades.

Josephbleau said...

I remember that song, “Parakeet Woman, Parakeet tribe, So proud to live, So proud to ...”

Howard said...

Rattadoodle

Tom T. said...

Somehow I think this would get reported differently if it were the man wanting to live alone and the woman having to be "cool with that."

Dave Begley, Warren Buffett makes a show of being disinterested in taxes to seem statesman-like and distract people from the fact that he sells life insurance, a tax avoidance product, for a living.

Meade said...

"Rattadoodle"

.

Freeman Hunt said...

I do not want a separate living space from my husband, but I might if he wanted to fill our living space with parakeets. Then I might indeed.

Dave Begley said...

Buffett sells very little life insurance. Mostly property and casulty and reinsurance. I’m a Buffett expert. I lived in his neighborhood and down the street from his grade school.

BJM said...

Whatever works. Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo had adjoining houses.

btw-another architectural treasure to see in Mexico City is Casa Barragan, designed by Luis Barragan, the godfather of modern architecture in Latin American.

I live in a house designed by a Barragan acolyte and the form verses light amazes me everyday.