The OkCupid notification said "About me... I’m a feminist. I respect women while simultaneously enjoy dominating them," and she thought "Great... I was appalled, of course..."

"... so I kept reading. 'Favorite things: Sending you to work with marks, the fragrance of your hair lingering on my hands, photography and Dan Savage.' I slammed shut my laptop. I was, well, turned on.... One week and dozens of emails later, Dan and I agreed to meet... His aura of calm control was a revelation for me... Though Dan wouldn’t admit it, he was a sadist. He would leave me with bite marks and bruises that lasted for weeks. And I was not a masochist. I hated the pain but found catharsis in how undeterred Dan was by my outbursts... I had found a strange liberation in submitting to Dan, but it was only a first step. I wanted the domination, but I needed lazy Sundays and walks in the park, too. I wasn’t sure what that kind of relationship would look like... So I went back on OkCupid and created a new profile. 'I’m looking for a monogamous long-term partner whose natural dominant qualities complement my submissive,' I wrote...."

From "I Wanted to Be Dominated. But Not Quite Like That" (NYT).