Sara said:
When Ann & Meade marry, that will make 9 couples I know or that I've had some online contact with who met online and got married.Theobromophile said:
Ann, if it helps with all the naysayers, the other 8 are all happy and three have been married more than 10 years now....
Ditto to Sara. People meet online all the time. I know a bunch of eHarmony folks, and my mum met my stepdad on Match.com back in the '90s. At least a comment section of a blog presumes a common interest.Yes, we need to make a big distinction between the on-line version of what was once the personal ads in the newspaper. I think what is getting attention in my case isn't that we "met on line," because that's not unusual at all. In fact, I don't even think it would get a reaction if 2 commenters got together. (Why not email a commenter you like? You might end up in love in real life.) What is stirring people up is that a blogger is marrying one of her commenters, perhaps especially where the blogger is the woman and the commenter is the man.
Hoosier Daddy said:
I met Mrs. Hoosier in a bar while we were in college. We did a couple of tequila shots together, danced to The Fine Young Cannibals got engaged and married two years later. It's been 18 years of wedded blitz ever since.AJ Lynch said:
80-90% of married couples met in a bar. Many have trouble admitting it.Hoosier Daddy said:
Not only do I admit it, I wear it as a badge of honor and distinction. We had a rockin good time, made out in the parking lot and 20 years later we're still together.Yeah, how are you supposed to meet somebody? What is the officially approved-of way?
All those fairy tales about romantic hookups is bullshit. Two years later she's telling the judge what a cocksucker he is and she ends up with the house, car and is banging the pool boy.
Michael Hasenstab said:
Gosh, you youngsters and your interwebs, meeting online and all.Ha ha. By the way, from my experience, I'd say that the conviction that singlehood is best and I'm never getting married is, oddly enough, breaks through to the shortest path to a decision to marry.
I'm so old school that I met my wife inline. We were lined up (in person, not via computer queue), waiting to get into the same place early one Saturday morning. We talked (in person, not via some electronic thingie, this was pre-email), exchanged names (using pen and paper, this was pre-PDA) and telephone numbers (to our home phones, this was pre-cellular).
One of us called the other, then the other called one of us a few days later. Then we met once and both explained why we had no, zero, nada, bupkus, zip, nunca intentions of marrying because we both greatly preferred the single life.
We met a second time and part way through that date fell in love and decided to marry as soon as practical. And we did. And decades later remain blissfully married.
When the sparks are ignited, the method or media doesn't matter. A great match is a great match, no matter how it was achieved.
And a few friends and relatives did ask "Does he/she know the guy/girl?" Their questions didn't matter. We already had the answer.
Peter hoh said:
I like the way that "commenter" sounds a bit like "commoner."Paul Zrimsek said:
It sounds like something out of a Victorian comedy of manners. "She's marrying a commoner? Oh my!"
"She's marrying a commoner? Oh my!"
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single blogger in possession of a good vortex, must be in want of a husband.
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I met my wife in a parking lot. What the heck does that say about me/us?
I met my wife when she joined my co-ed soccer team. So there!
Interestingly, the reversal of Austen does not work as irony. Why?
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
One difference is that there is no convention; a convention that moreover may have a truth to it.
I'd go more the Cinderella route in this case.
Let's see those shoes again.
I met my husband when he came and repaired my frozen/broken plumbing and the washing machine. Because he knew that I was really broke (single mom and all), he didn't charge me any money and instead requested a chocolate cake.
I made the cake with cream cheese frosting and it was the beginning of a wonderful 17 year relationship.
Paul Zrimsek wins every thread he enters.
My wife says she knew she was going to marry me when we were freshmen in high school, before we had actually met, just strangers shaking hands down the line of 106 new classmates that early September morning. We started dating junior year. Married 25 years this summer.
But I mean, shit, man, at 15 I was so goddamned puny, homely, dorky, and uncool that there are local ordinances against showing my frosh yearbook in public. So either she could spot a diamond in that rough, or after all these years I should wonder about her taste.
I'll just stay grateful, though, that life can be such a beautiful mystery.
I'm trying to find a matching sock for you know who.
people have married penpals. If you remember truth or consequences, BB used to unite penpals at the end of the show sometimes. Imagaine when it used to take time to get exchanges back and forth by way of pony express or ship or camel.
People lie online too much. I wonder if penpals used to lie?
there is nothing special or profound about meeting anyone online or offline. If marriages aren't arranged, deferred, or rejected by parents or guardians, I am sure that the forces of nature find ways to bring people together.
If you met your wife in a parking lot, remember that dandelion seeds blow in the wind and still sprout in sidewalk seams all the time even with all that preen and roundup soaking. I made a photo of that one. I called it determination.
I was wearing a hairnet, at the time and I tell ya, you've gotta trust a guy who can see through that.
I think you're right that it's the blogger/commenter dynamic that's throwing people. I'm not sure what it all means, but think it's cool that you've both got the chutzpah to have done it.
You meet where there is a social group interraction and can see the other in action interracting with others and with you. That causes an interest that must be explored on a Date of two going somewhere to do something... more time to watch the other and learn because people are not disclosed by their actions but by observing their reactions. Finally there is the Kiss. If that is an electric experence, then it's off to the races until a full marriage seems to be the easiest way to be together. It's very natural to mate up. The internet can serve the "watching the other's reactions" in a social setting function well. The rest will require full presence and a certain courage not needed during the internet phase. Congratulations again to the latest Lovebirds.
I met my husband when he came and repaired my frozen/broken plumbing
DBQ, if it was anyone else, I'd be having a field day with that comment but being a fellow WoW player, I have decided to be merciful.
Now Trooper sees this I cannot be held responsible.
I met my date on a group hike, but I got her to call *me* for a date by shattering my femur. (No, not during the hike!) I don't recommend the approach by any means but if you're injure yourself like that you might as well milk it.
if you are not a bar person or an indoor person, it is of high probability that you would meet your spouse outdoors, somewhere on the street, parking lot, hiking trail, etc.
It's really just logical.
I was wearing a hairnet, at the time and I tell ya, you've gotta trust a guy who can see through that.
Were you perhaps also wearing a clingy t-shirt and shorts?
Things women care about more than men do: their hair and their shoes.
One thing I'm curious about, in so far as getting to know people over the internet: Didn't Meade type that he knew Althouse's ex-husband? Maybe her ex was able to give her some first-hand impressions of Meade, e.g. "creepy stalker or solid citizen?"
My wife and I answered each other's personal ad. Turned out we lived 2 blocks from each other and had a very similar family history from Louisiana.
I just thank God every day that we met and she agreed to marry me. I have been in an unhappy marriage, and in this wonderful marriage. Nothing like some heartache to make me appreciate how I am blessed.
Trey
I met my husband when he came and repaired my frozen/broken plumbing
"DBQ, if it was anyone else, I'd be having a field day with that comment but being a fellow WoW player, I have decided to be merciful."
LOL...oh....oops. Well, I guess he did do that on several levels. You can't just live on chocolate cake you know.
:-D
Well I'm pretty certain that I'm not getting married since it's not legal and won't be in my lifetime.
But I am banging a 26 year old model.
By the way, from my experience, I'd say that the conviction that singlehood is best and I'm never getting married is, oddly enough, breaks through to the shortest path to a decision to marry.
...in such cases as these, a good memory is unpardonable.
Well lookey at all the commenters lined up with tags. Ain't that fucking quaint.
i've never called Meade an anti-gay bigot, so he meets my very high standards. So tell everyone else to just shut the hell up.
The correct euphemism for
meeting online is "we met in a library."
A friend of mine in Israel once taught me that and it turns out pretty accurate - seriously, test any of your friends who claim to have met their spouses in a library. It's 99% bullshit.
garage mahal said...
Well lookey at all the commenters lined up with tags. Ain't that fucking quaint.
Oh...LOL! You are very funny, garage! A few of us will be happy when you finally get that tag!
All happy blog comment sections are alike; every unhappy comment section is unhappy in it's own way.
And DBQ, I loved your story! How incredibly romantic.
Awesome, shitty Austen joke, and soon we'll be seeing coy pictures referencing your wedding dress. I eagerly await, especially since you seem to think it's the online thing, and not your insufferable personality.
Woo hoo, Amanda's back; bitchin' and carpin' and whining still!
Once again, Amanda Marcotte proves herself an ignorant twit.
(Some might allege a typographical error in the above sentence, but I won't.)
And who wants to have a sufferable personality anyway, besides our Amazing Amanda?
Is that the sweet Amanda that "Brendan" was defending the other day?
Huh.
Pogo, I was thinking that she's desperately trolling for potential readers again. As usual, she's late to the party. Reminds me of Byran Appleyard's summation of her blog: "Antique, illiterate."
DTL - you may get married. It is legal.
Now stop hitting that young woman.
DBQ - wonderful way to meet! And so many levels to that story.
Mine can't match it. I met my husband just shy of 20 years ago at a highway rest stop.
Yeah, how are you supposed to meet somebody? What is the officially approved-of way?
There isn't one Professor and those who judge others on 'where' they met versus 'where they are' ten or twenty years from now are nothing more than pretentious jerks.
Or like Amanda, ignorant tw*ts. (insert vowel of your choice).
Is that the sweet Amanda that "Brendan" was defending the other day?
No. Our Amanda Marcotte is much more intelligent and subtle than this poser.
Also, I know its not her because I've beend doing Amanda all morning.
Since we are all sharing stories, I met Mrs. Bissage in an aerobics class. By funny coincidence she had the spot right behind me.
She was exactly my type. Shoulder length brunette hair and big brown eyes. She seemed a little bit spacey but no more so than most of the eligible women I met back in those days.
Later on, I left a message at the front counter that I’ll be in front of her uptown apartment building (at nine) to see if she wants to come down and say hello.
She was waiting outside and we hit it off right away, although she seemed not to remember that we had already met before. And come to think of it, I didn’t recall that she had a British accent.
Anyway, we had great sex the first night even though she was a virgin.
P.S. I’ve got a great butt . . . or so it’s been said.
FLS, I believe that Meade was a commenter on Richard's blog before he started to comment on the Althouse blog.
At Kos, the blogger/commenter relationship is tenuous at best. If that's your starting point for thinking about a blogger and a commenter getting married, well, then I guess a certain amount of skepticism (or derision) would make sense.
Not to say that the comment threads here are always scintillating, but they are above average, and to that I give Althouse a lot of credit. This salon is her ongoing art project. Regular commenters are integral participants in that project, but we're not the artistic director.
Speaking of falling in love after vowing not to fall in love, I was reading a Charles Mee play yesterday. I think it's very apropos of the discussion.
http://www.charlesmee.org/html/plays.html
My high school had a girl-asks-boy dance.
At the time I had two part time jobs and early college courses so I had little time for a girlfriend, and I thought they were too much trouble anyway.
As the dance got closer I noticed several girls making excuses to talk to me, although none asked me - yet. I felt like a swimmer surrounded by sharks, and I was just a math geek type, although with a cool car and some money (from working my butt off).
Finally I decided I would go with whoever asked me first, just to end the drama.
Then I was surprised to be asked by a girl who I hadn't even thought about.
This was 1969. After our third date she asked he best friend to be her maid of honor, because she was going to marry me.
I had no intention of getting married before the age of 30 or so, enjoying my independence and all that, but she was like a heat seeking missle, and in 1974 my single life ended.
So much for playing hard to get. :)
Well I'm pretty certain that I'm not getting married since it's not legal and won't be in my lifetime.
But I am banging a 26 year old model.
Right DTL. Only humans have the right to marry. So keep banging on the plastic toy model.
So keep banging on the plastic toy model.
You know I was wondering myself if it was the GI Joe with the king fu grip.
I see Amanda Marcotte, the shrill, screeching shrew of blogging has debased us with her presence.
She must be insanely jealous as no one would date her, let alone want to live with her. It would be like living in a house with ankle biting, shrieking Chihuahuas.
She should by stock in Duracell.
Dolly Llama was her name,
B-52 Shots were her game.
From the Shores of Lake Michigan to the Salty Dog Saloon.
Always love calling in the airstrikes on my own position.
Long may we be together!
And how it happened matters not, but that it happened is what matters most!
Cheers!
There are some who hold that marriage is the intermediate state between courtship and divorce. The beau ideal of such a romance is an amicable divorce.... I would be more curious to hear how some readers reached the epiphanous moment of knowing their marriage was over. Is the moment of rupture as spontaneous and sudden as the moment of connection? Or was it a slow, chafing that finally frayed the rope? Years later do you still get a thrill, like those on VJ day, who knew it was over and that they were going to survive? There should be more romantic comedies about amicable divorces.
Althouse, thanks for frontpaging my earlier post, and for the tag.
Re: Amanda - she's clearly vortex deprived.
Michael H, now that requires more explanation, don't you think?
Hoosier gets comment of the week:
"GI Joe with the Kung Fu grip"!
I am still laughing out loud.
Michael H, now that requires more explanation, don't you think?
...Or don't you? (As they used to say on the old National Lampoon Radio Hour.)
I met my wife in a bar, and it's no big secret, though she has a tendency to append that we were both there to see a band (Spooner), and a mutual friend introduced us, et cetera, so it wasn't some sort of random Wisconsin ethanol-fueled hookup. That was 29 years ago this June. (Holy crap!) There have been a lot of plumbing repairs in that period of time, you betcha.
I'm stunned at the kerfuffle this is causing. Are these seasoned bloggers actually admitting that they've never seen the online meetups turn quickly into marriage/serious relationships?
The stories I could tell.
Don't be ashamed, even if it was some sort of random Wisconsin ethanol-fueled hookup.
Well I guess it's been at least an hour, and I didn't plan to stay
I only dropped in to drink a beer, and float off on my way
It was a pale and rather plain girl over in the corner sipping wine
When I did not sit down at her table, she sat down at mine
And she's looking better every beer
Her hair is soft and shiny now, her eyes are bright and clear
How could it be I didn't notice her when I first came in here
Now she's looking better every beer
John Shine for NRPS
Sharing "how I met my spouse" stories is interesting. I met Brenda at a PCUSA Church dance for the Singles group. She was a good dancer and a good fit, and she turned out to be special in intellect and had charming social skills. Also like the Professor, she had been Single many years following her first marriage, and had raised adult sons. Time and counseling had at last gotten her ready for a new relationship, after she had first proven to herself that she could handle things on her own. There is a time for everything. By the way, what is a vortex? Is it like a tornado of love that sucks you in and then blows down everything in the way?
I see that Amanda, like Ezra, reads something a commenter writes and is rude about it.
I met my wife at a party.
I see Amanda Marcotte, the shrill, screeching shrew of blogging has debased us with her presence.
Yah, but she does this thing with her hips that is just wicked.
Company had a group cruise coming up in a few weeks (this was in 1993). I convinced a co-worker to dump his bitchy gf and I'd pay him for her fare and tag along with the group in her place. He did.
Future wife was on a reunion trip with a few college gf's. Bumped into her on the topless in Barbados, later in the ship's seedy bar, later still...
At the time, lived in MA, she in OH. Took a trip each, shacked up in the middle for a spell, now married and in ME with our boys, still can't believe how it shook out.
I'd love to thank that guy, if only I could remember his name...
This finding a spouse via commentary is a new thing to me. Afterall, I discovered my wife the old fashion way. We saw each other, thought each one was unapproachable, worked the courage up to say hello, broke the ice, started talking, went out on a couple of dates, decided it was a good thing and kept going 22 years later. Who would have thought that commenting was the new pick-up style? I didn't.
Hi, Ann. I am a 28 year old media artist living in Detroit, MI and have been reading your blog recently. For what it's worth, a few years ago, if one (purposefully or by default-i.e., prolonged exposure) dug far enough beneath the surface, one realized that almost everyone in "The Community" (urban, progressive artists+musicians+etc.) had met their (more often than not, serious) SO via myspace. Like, "that guy who is in the most popular band in -such-and-such- cultural mecca" -or- "that guy who is working with -such-and-such- European iconic auteur" (etc. and so-on) all met their SO's through myspace. Aside from the fact that with the advent of facebook, I think the 'Shopping' Factor may have gone up, the only people that thought it was strange (something it in reality really wasn't in the least) were older people and those who are less (for lack of a better term) 'forward thinking' (lack of inherent virtue in being forward thinking implied and always acknowledged.)
(Congratulations! I hope he makes lots and lots of money. I know how expensive bloggers are.)
Kroger is this week launching a food is healthy for you kick.
Here's the Cow poster.
Althouse: "(Why not email a commenter you like? You might end up in love in real life.)"
Because I'm married? If any of you commentors hear from me, remind me of this.
I corresponded via usenet and email with a nice lady for a couple of years, years ago. She even started nagging by email.
Apparently relationships follow whatever their natural course is with or without physical presence.
I was doing layout. My future wife was cutting rubyliths. It was her job to tell me when I got the photo sizing wrong. Love was inevitable.
* * *
Folks, I'm pretty sure the "Amanda Marcotte" above is a doppelganger. Check the profile. It should be deleted.
Uh, hardin,
The cow was still living. I mean, milk is nice and al that, but beef is where its at. Along with pork, lamb, chicken, venison...
Just sayin.
I could be wrong, though. Hard to tell. In which case it shouldn't be deleted.
I don't think so. It looks like a legit Amanda Marcotte account, but that doesn't mean it wasn't hijacked.
The first time I checked, the profile looked like a parody of edgy activist hipness. But after I went back and clicked through to a few of the listed blogs I began to wonder. If it is a parody, someone went to a lot of trouble. Maybe it's legitimate unconscious self parody. Thus my two posts.
Very rare trail of meme transmission:
Peter hoh said:
I like the way that "commenter" sounds a bit like "commoner."
It sounds like something out of a Victorian comedy of manners. "She's marrying a commoner? Oh my!"
1:01 A.M.
Amba, I'm certain that I read your comment in which you first made the commenter/commoner connection.
Thanks for pointing out the connection.
rhhardin said...
I corresponded via usenet and email with a nice lady for a couple of years, years ago. She even started nagging by email.
rh: Althouse wants to give you a hug. I'm almost sure of it.
My now wife and I went to the same college, at the same time. She was in a class two years after mine. We never met there.
About nine years later we were both on a social networking site, a small one called Shoutlife. She was promoting her music CD, I was promoting my book. We both were active in various forums there. I happened to notice where she went to college and shot her a note saying hi, "we have a common bond." But that was really all. Neither one of us were looking for anything, and both of us were indeed kind of resistant to something happening.
Which made it interesting. That wee note increased to more comments on each others' pages, then some emails. Phone numbers were exchanged eventually. I sort of backed off when I felt there was apparently more interest in something more, but at the same time I continued to watch her online interactions and read her blog (though didn't comment). She posted a series of posts that exposed some real depth and humor and creativity.
Emails stepped up, calling returned. We both were watching each other interact with all kinds of different people, then began more thorough conversations that were surprisingly open and honest. We weren't really dedicated to finding a relationship so we could just be ourselves. Very freeing. And it turned out ourselves were quite a good match.
At my ten year college reunion we both happened to be in Chicago, where we met for the first time in person. Fun, but no real sparks. A few months later in December she was in SoCal for a wedding and some performances. I attended one of her concerts, then we went to Santa Barbara a couple days later. No intention on my part but to have a good day. By the end of the day sparks had definitely started flying. Walks on the beach during sunset apparently have an affect.
Daily calling started. In April we figured there either was or wasn't something and that couldn't be settled by phone or email. I flew up to Portland for 10 days. On the 7th day we kissed for the first time--in a theater, at the end of Leatherheads (not a romantic movie), then on the way out of the theater, then in the car. There was something.
Just about once a month after that we visited each other. It was clear that it was utterly right. We both knew ourselves and from the intense conversations we knew each other. In July I proposed in the rose garden at the Huntington Library. In early January we got married.
Thank God (literally) for the internet, for the communication it allowed that brought two distracted people together.
Great story, Paddy O.
Peter: note that you commented right after my comment! Sorry, I didn't post that to be territorial (it's even more fun to start a meme anonymously) but because it's so rare to be able to notice when that happens. SO often I have thoughts I'm sure I didn't originate, but can't remember where I got them.
I got an Althouse tag! Yay! :)
In fact, I don't even think it would get a reaction if 2 commenters got together. (Why not email a commenter you like? You might end up in love in real life.)
The two Althouse commenters that I've gotten to know have sent me cookies during final exams and snobby European chocolate. No romance, but I'm not complaining when goodies make their way to my doorstep!
What is stirring people up is that a blogger is marrying one of her commenters, perhaps especially where the blogger is the woman and the commenter is the man.
Well, yes. It's the online version of professor/student, doctor/nurse (or MD/patient), May/December relationships: all very acceptable if the man is in the position of power, and something that makes people vaguely squeamish if the woman takes control.
Who wouldn't admit to meeting in a bar? When people ask how we met my stock response is, "the old fashioned way: drunk in a bar". Hey, it works.
I didn't get drunk, but I did go to the bar last night. Unfortunately, the only person I met was an old white guy. He wasn't nearly as hot as the Great Goddess of Blogging Ann Althouse. :'(
Well, I have to say congratulations. I met my wife at a party when two friends decided to intervene and make me go. But she had a wonderful roundhouse kick and it was love.
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