"Over the years, she dated several younger men, including a Russian 25 years her junior whom she met in the parking lot of a grocery store..."

"... where she found him admiring her Porsche Boxster. A month into the relationship, he casually mentioned that the last woman he dated paid him $1,000 a month. That’s when she implemented a new rule: 'I said, "From now on, they have to have been born when Kennedy was shot."'"

From "Boomer women are dating after divorce. Men don’t always meet their standards. In the 1990s, baby boomer women set records for divorce. Thirty years later, how’s their love life?" (WaPo)(gift link).

It's interesting — isn't it? — the rules people make as they try to guard against making the same mistake again. I would have thought: Get rid of that Porsche. Or at least: Don't trust anything that starts with him admiring your Porsche Boxster in a grocery store parking lot.

No, I don't remember.

"Do you remember the 'fruity boyfriend' discourse a few years ago in which young women online confessed their desire for men with painted nails and emotional fluency?"

That's the question from the Washington Post advice columnist as she addresses the problem, "I’m a bisexual man. Why don’t women want to date me?"

Straight women in droves [were] saying they wanted to date a guy who was “a little gay,” something of a metrosexual. They called these men “fruity,” but actual bisexuality wasn’t material to the categorization. They never got that far. A recent YouGov poll of Brits showed that two-thirds of straight women wouldn’t date a bisexual man, and even among women who had a “very positive” view of the group, almost half were still unwilling to date bi men....

Wait. Half were. That's a lot!

Anyway, the columnist decides that the problem is geographical. He needs to relocate to a major city — a place "where the guys are acting fruity, the women are acting butch, and no one is so sure of anyone else’s sexuality."

So people are saying "fruity" in a positive way now... or a few years ago? Here's some poor lady in 2025 anguishing over her inability to make her boyfriend "fruity":

"Musk offered to donate his sperm to Zilis to conceive children through IVF in 2020, she testified, and the pair had twins in secret in 2021."

I'm reading "Elon Musk splits with longtime business confidante, co-parent 'with no warning'/Shivon Zilis, the mother of four children with Musk, said their breakup was sudden but wished him the best" (WaPo).

I don't understand what the "split" was from.

A new addition to the OED: "will-they-won't-they."

Why did we have to wait so long for that?

Definition: "Relating to or characterized by prolonged uncertainty about whether something is going to take place; spec. relating to whether a romantic relationship will develop between two people."

I see it counts as a TV trope:

This is a Fan Speak term used to describe any relationship that is obviously filled with Unresolved Sexual Tension but the characters resist going into a full blown relationship for a rather long time. Usually the two characters will be presented so that "they will" is the conclusion to root for; only rarely is the question of whether the writers think they should is in any real doubt....

"Will-they-won't-they" reminds me of "The Mock Turtle's Song": “Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?”

"My wife and I have been married over sixty years.... Like most we struggled with intimacy from time to time but being best friends forever we journeyed on...."

"Then it happened. My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and we were devastated by thoughts and fears of what might be ahead.... I finally began to appreciate this unconditionally loving person I'd lived with for all these years in ways undreamed of. We found more intimacy than we'd known by sitting close and talking about our day, by holding hands as we took our walks, walks that became increasingly slow. Caretaking for my wife has allowed me to see and experience the depth of her caring and kindness and humility in allowing me to care for her. I have discovered, too late in some ways, the marvelous intimacy of simply giving to the other without measuring or thinking of what may be in it for self...."

From the top-rated comment — by far — on "The Best Sex Advice Might Also Be the Hardest to Follow/Some couples would rather get divorced than talk openly about their intimate lives" (NYT gift link).

The advice that's hard to follow is — big surprise — you're supposed to talk to each other.

Have you noticed the talking-to-strangers trend?

People are adopting a deliberate practice of making themselves talk to strangers.

I suspected as much — I noticed a pattern of 2 or 3 incidences — and asked AI to find me some writings on the subject. There are these, all from this year:

"Dating older women wasn’t a conscious decision — it was more a symptom of success in the dating market overall..."

"... than any particular urge to see someone ten or more years my senior. Being tall, combined with being one of the last Gen Z men to have read a book, meant I was very successful, especially on Hinge.... I would go on two or more dates a week from the apps. My Hinge age range... was set from 18 to 40. But despite my open-mindedness, the dating app algorithm rarely showed me anyone beyond 30 and my dates from Hinge were almost exclusively 22-year-old trainee lawyers who went to Oxford. So I met most of the older women outside dating apps.... The biggest difference is perhaps that older women are more relaxed. I don’t have to worry about them behaving like the 22-year-old lawyer who untucked my shirt and escorted me around Uniqlo until I 'looked sufficiently left-wing'...."

From "I’m 24 and I date older women: ‘In bed, age brings simplicity’/No-strings sex, real-life hook-ups and grown-up conversation — Jack Davey has discovered the joys of dating women in their thirties and forties. So is there no going back to girlfriends of his own age?" (London Times).

Uniqlo is just a store. I looked around at their Instagram. When I got to this, it renewed my mournfulness over the death of Peter Max:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by UNIQLO Global (@uniqlo)

"I am a virgin. I grew up with no friends. I didn't have anyone growing up besides my two girlfriends that I'm still very close with today...."

"And I didn't like like I didn't do extracurricular activities. Like I didn't go out. I didn't have fun. Like I was just school home school home. So like I never had a relationship with anyone. And then I started working. I was serving for about four years at a mom and pop restaurant. I was a waitress.... And then now I'm here and I'm just waiting for the right person. But now everyone knows me and it's like weird. So like I'm trying to date but it's going to be a little weird now. It's hard. It's hard now. So I'm just waiting for the right person. Worth it. You know I'm waiting. Worth 100 million...."

Said Sophie Rain, the 21-year-old biggest moneymaker on "Only Fans," talking to the 70-year-old Bill Maher for nearly 2 hours. Creepy? Or is this helpful insight into a business you ought to understand? She's made $100 million. And yet: lonely! 

But you know the answer when people are so remote and loveless. Animals! She's all:

I love animals. That's what I want to do is I just want to live on a farm. That's that's the goal for me is to own a lot of land and just rescue animals. That's all I want to do....

Maher is all Me too. I love animals too. I'd just love to live on a farm too.

Animals are easy. People are hard. But what do you want from people? If you have 2 very close girlfriends, why would you say I grew up with no friends? 2 is so much more than zero. 2 very close friends seems like more than any number of remote friends. Or do you love remote friends... in social media?

IN THE COMMENTS: Leland writes: "Successful farms don't 'rescue' animals. They raise them, grow them, and then sell them..."

That's true for the restricted meaning of "farm," but there is an extended version of "farm" — watch and see who uses it — that's just a home in the heart of the country.

I want a horse/I want a sheep/I wanna get me a good night's sleep...

"Not everyone at the Anti-Capitalist Co-Working Club is an actual anti-capitalist...."

"The club isn’t for debating Marxist theory or organizing labor unions. For many, the name simply signified a set of values they believe are missing from modern work culture: rest, community and self-actualization.The club, which operates on Fridays out of a recently opened arts space called Living Room in Mount Pleasant and costs $20 per day, was founded last month as an alternative to the sort of co-working spaces that gained popularity after the pandemic — such as WeWork and Industrious that allowed remote workers a quiet place to log in outside of their homes. Unlike these spots, the Anti-Capitalist Co-Working Club explicitly rejects the 'grindset.'"

From "Even anti-capitalists need to work. Enter a different kind of co-working space. In a response to D.C. work culture, the Anti-Capitalist Co-Working Club invites people to spend their 9 to 5 in ways that reject the grind" (WaPo)(gift link).

$20 per day! Somebody's trying to make money. But who would join? You pay someone else to brand your doing your own work as anti-capitalist. But you're working! Maybe it's a way to get a sense of community with other women who are on the left. But you're working!

“Let’s all take a big breath together,” club organizer Sarah Stern said in a firm, gentle voice. The 20 or so people in the airy room inhaled slowly in unison, after a long stretch of silent work time....

In case you wondered why I said "women."

A typical session involves 90 minutes of independent work time followed by a lunch break, where Stern invites attendees to chat with neighbors by using prompt cards with questions like “What’s something you’ve unlearned about ‘hustle’ culture?” and “What’s your go-to ritual when you need to recharge?” Ninety more minutes include reminders to stretch and an art break....  An “art library” has supplies to paint, embroider or sew, including a jar filled with real cicada wings. The soft instrumental songs are akin to what one might hear in a yoga class....

How embarrassing! Credit to Stern for getting the Washington Post to write an article about her little capitalistic anti-capitalistic scheme for extracting $20 bills from ladies who long for a chance to make friends. 

"We’re like Adam and Eve trying to build the futuristic garden of Eden where you can just exist and your world takes better care of you than you could yourself."

Said Kate Tolo, 30, quoted in "My extreme life with Bryan Johnson, multimillionaire biohacker/He’s the Silicon Valley entrepreneur who famously injected his teenage son’s blood in a bid to reverse his biological age to 18. Kate Tolo is his collaborator and girlfriend. So what’s it like to be in a relationship with a man who has an obsession with staying young?" (London Times).

Johnson is 49.

I don't think 49 and 30 is such a bad age gap, but she does sound kind of naive... as presented to the public. Who knows what they are really like or how they're collaborating? How do I know they even have a sexual relationship? Well, there's this:

"Unfortunately for [Jeff] Bezos and [Lauren] Sánchez, the very fact of their obscene wealth and fame may be keeping the gates of membership closed to them thus far."

"As the [Wall Street] Journal reported, 'As with many private country clubs, admission often comes down to hitting it off with existing members.... In fact, too much wealth or notoriety has become a deterrent, as wealthy new applicants arriving in Florida are learning.' In fact, 'old guard' members are apparently so turned off by what they see as 'billionaire interlopers' that they are said to be 'mounting a last stand' and refusing to 'offer membership to just anyone who has struck it rich.'... Bezos and Sánchez are not the only deep-pocketed duo living on the Miami island — known as the 'Billionaire Bunker' — who have yet to score an invite for membership. There’s also Mark Zuckerberg, who dropped $170 million on a waterfront estate last year; the Qatari royal family; and one Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump...."

From "Jeff Bezos, Javanka Have Yet to Score Invites to ‘Billionaire Bunker’ Club" (NY Magazine).

Well, this is an old old story, the story of old money socially shunning the newly rich. Those upstarts.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by lulu (@retrofilmglow)

"A few years ago, Charlotte, which is not her real name, was referred to the Select Date Society, which then offered services starting at $35,000..."

"... (due to high demand, the fee rose to $75,000 shortly after, with a top tier that started at $150,000). Charlotte, 38 at the time, worked for a successful business that had just gone public, so the money wasn’t a huge issue for her. 'No one I know would ever do this, I know that,' she says of her thinking at the time. 'But you know what? I could use some help, so I’m raising my hand here — I could use some help. And I’ll be honest, I’m lonely.' An M.B.A. with a blistering career trajectory that had taken her to companies like Goldman Sachs and Google, she was mainly occupied renovating a townhouse she’d recently purchased. She was in a position where, she says, 'I can use a friend. I can use someone who’s like my best friend.'..."

I'm reading "The Good-Man Shortage Has Gotten Exponentially Worse/The crisis is both a boon and a challenge for high-end matchmakers helping women find love" (NY Magazine).

It used to seem like a joke — a prank — to get A.I. talking to A.I.

But these days:

"Students are writing essays with ChatGPT, and teachers are using A.I. to grade them. Workers are sending lengthy A.I.-generated emails to colleagues, who are responding with walls of chatbot text of their own. A.I podcast hosts are holding forth with A.I. podcast guests on topics like gas prices, the Iran war — and artificial intelligence.... In March, Meta acquired a social network designed for bots to talk to one another.... There was a telecom executive who had noticed customers sending A.I. voice agents to argue with his company’s A.I. customer service system. There was a man who used a chatbot to draft messages on a dating app to a woman who seemed to be doing the exact same thing...."

From "Chatbots Are Pushing Us Toward a Post-Human Internet/In matters of work, school and even romance, we turn to A.I. chatbots. But what happens when the bots begin talking to one another?" (NYT gift link).

The Amish method of dating makes sense to me.

Ex-Amish social media creator Lovina Hershberger Zook, who has amassed some six million followers sharing Amish recipes and stories, explains the traditions of dating in the community she grew up in, one of the most conservative among the Amish.

The 23-year-old tells @faithsalie… pic.twitter.com/tRylTEwCZm

— CBS Sunday Morning 🌞 (@CBSSunday) August 14, 2026

They get in bed together from 9 p.m. to 4 a.m. and talk or sleep. If it goes well they do it again 2 weeks later. This seems more likely to find what you need in a life partner than sitting across a table in a bar or restaurant. More likely to lead to a rewarding and deep or amusing conversation. 

That made me think of this "Modern Love" discussion in the NYT: "Am I Too Anxious for Love? Jenny Singer worried the deep, loving relationship she wanted wasn’t something her brain would let her have" (gift link).

"Hobbies have helped Kimura feel more secure and find her voice, partly because many of her hobbies end with a finished product..."

"... giving her a feeling of accomplishment. Unlike the women in previous generations in her family, whose lives were centered on marriage and raising children, she feels empowered to pursue the activities that bring her happiness. 'I feel like I can design my future,' she said. As for romantic relationships, Kimura said she’s not closed off to dating indefinitely. 'I just don’t feel like I’m in such a rush anymore.'"

From "For Some Singles, ‘Hobbyamory’ Has Replaced Hookups/Is a packed social calendar the new relationship goals?" (NYT gift link).

"After kissing my husband and dog good night and putting them to bed in a separate room, I put magnesium lotion on my feet, do my Duolingo lesson, pull up my meditation app and, of course, go to the bathroom one last time."

From "The Little Rituals That Prepare You for Sleep/Origami, cleaning countertops, talking to plants — here are some ways readers wind down for the evening" (NYT gift link).

"I am QTBIPOC and an immigrant, he is cis-white-straight/ish citizen, a decade older than me and didn’t even know what queer or BIPOC meant before meeting me...."

"The question is: How do I know I am not only doing this 'under the influence' of love?..."

A nutty question to a WaPo advice columnist, in "I planned to always be a queer, single cat-mom aunt. Then I met him. How does she know she’s not changing her life plan 'under the influence of love'?"

If love is the wrong reason, what is the right reason?

"My father worked in a rock quarry. My mother was a kindergarten teacher. And I, anticipating a life of motherhood and Christianity..."

"... was engaged at 16. I had planned to marry after I turned 18, but my engagement ended shortly before our wedding day when my fiancé was arrested and charged with possessing child pornography. When that dream evaporated, I needed a new dream, so I decided to go to college, something my fiancé had discouraged. Partly out of spite for his low opinion of me, I applied to Harvard and was somehow accepted. Off I went, but the culture shock was extreme. I struggled but graduated, unsure of what was next."

Writes Emilee Hackney, in "I Hadn’t Planned on a Love Triangle/Bring on the ticks, bears and ice storms, but don’t make me choose between two men" (NYT gift link).

She was hiking the Appalachian Trail with the idea of being alone — a good trick for finding romance.

"California hits the brakes on the drive-thru boom/The American institution faces bans designed to stop people eating in their cars so much."

A headline in The London Times.

“Hopefully this will help encourage people to just, you know, socialise more, too, because drive-thrus, you’re just like waiting,” Commissioner Beverly Shotwell told The San Francisco Chronicle. “There’s not a lot of human interaction.”

That's what we need, more lines snaking around indoors. People will get to know each other. We'll chit chat and flourish.

Or everyone will order and pay on their iPhone then park and some person or robot comes out and hands them a bag and they drive off. 

You don't have to look, and you don't have to look and see anything other than a bodyguard.

Link to Instagram.