I suspected as much — I noticed a pattern of 2 or 3 incidences — and asked AI to find me some writings on the subject. There are these, all from this year:
"The stranger secret: how to talk to anyone – and why you should" (The Guardian)("A lot of people have given up taking a chance on other people: that they might want to listen, that they might want to talk. But they have also given up taking a chance on themselves: that they might be able to navigate a conversation with someone new, cope with knockbacks and steer a path through any misunderstandings....").
"The mental health benefit of striking up conversations with strangers/I realized I was focusing on the wrong thing: I worried about what to say rather than how I’d say it" (WaPo gift link)("My biggest takeaway from... my own experiment is that being social is a habit, not a trait. So I’ve been trying to resist the urge to keep to myself, even when I fear a conversation.... I facilitated a game of peek-a-boo between my toddler and a kind stranger on the Metro. I bonded with another parent over how our kids repeat everything we say...").
"A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection" (a book, so, commission earned)("Every day, we avoid opportunities to connect with strangers, neighbors, colleagues, friends, and family. By missing those moments, we miss out on all the benefits of a more social life—one that is happier and healthier for everyone").
"The ‘Gen Z stare’ — and the decline of saying things out loud/We’re speaking fewer words every year. Scientists worry what that’s doing to our brains" (WaPo gift link)("[R]esearch suggests that talking to strangers — even when it feels awkward — tends to make people happier and more connected than they expect, and spoken conversation creates a stronger sense of connection than texting.... On a recent trip to the airport... [a woman] remarked to her driver that it was a beautiful morning. The comment turned into a conversation.... On the plane, a comment about the blanket her seatmate brought aboard led her to learn that her seatmate was taking her first flight. Even an exchange at Starbucks at home in Kansas City about whether a drink should be hot or cold became a conversation about the different defaults people expect in different places").
ADDED: Obviously, these are all examples of advice to talk to strangers. They don't directly confirm the existence of the talking-to-strangers trend that I believe I am seeing out there in my little world. Are people sharing and taking advice about this practice? Let me know if you see it, or maybe just participate in getting this trend going. Because, don't you think it's a good idea? I mean, you need to do it reasonably well!
AND: Of course, my blog is 22 years of talking to strangers, but this trend is about talking to strangers in person. It's a reaction to the long trend of moving social life into the narrow wideness of social media. The idea is to branch out into the wide narrowness of your real-life neighborhood.
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62 ટિપ્પણીઓ:
Talk to strangers in smaller towns. Also in instances of shared experiences, like airport security lines. Do NOT talk to strangers in most large inner city environments, and assiduously avoid talking or making eye contact with certain people and in certain places, like a NYC Subway platform.
I've been doing this for 30 years. Most people like it.
When I was little, my dad used to conversations with the waitress. And I'd be like, "this is so embarrassing." And now I do that.
Maybe it's a Southern thing? Nobody's a stranger. I roll down my window and talk to homeless people. Even if I don't have any cash on me. It feels good, not being ignored.
This might explain why the checkout girl yesterday actually seemed interested in a story of something that happened fifty years ago and asked me questions about it. I was kind of mystified.
I always try to strike up conversations, once I was visiting a friend near NYC and tried to talk to the barista, and my friend poked me and made it clear I should shut up, there were people waiting. Small towns people aren’t that busy.
As a Southerner (Virginia), striking up conversations with strangers pretty normal behavior, especially in my small town.
"As a Southerner (Virginia), striking up conversations with strangers pretty normal behavior, especially in my small town."
Around here (the shores of Lake Mendota) it's normal among older citizens, but the trend I'm seeing is among the Gen Z people. I think they are consciously adopting a practice or doing an experiment (like: I'll go for a walk and I will make myself talk to at least one stranger).
It's shocking to me how big Charlotte is now. We're almost top 10. We've zoomed past San Francisco, Seattle, Detroit, Miami, Atlanta, Boston. And we're still growing fast.
We don't have a subway, but we do have above-ground rail into downtown. That's crowded and there's almost no talking. People looking at their phones.
Walking a dog is a super-common way to start conversations. Dogs are a great ice-breaker.
Talking to strangers is the norm in the south. Anywhere and everywhere. Not at all new here. Perhaps a leftover from the Confederacy….;)..?
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=dcBR-E0HWaE&si=P3TdrsvjEmuhsYFY
"Checking Out the Checkout Girl"
It's absolutely the norm in South Carolina. We call it "Carolina-friendly."
Touché - I'm 77 ;-)
I had a late night conversation with the checkout guy at Harris-Teeter. It was 2:00 am and I was shopping for groceries. And I asked him if he saw the Christmas lights on so-and-so street. We have this one street in Charlotte where all the houses go crazy for Christmas lights.
And he told me he didn't believe in that stuff. And I said, "Well, your kids would like it, do you have kids?" And then he was talking about why he's an atheist and it's so dumb to believe in God. And I was like, ah, I'll bet this is why he's on the night shift.
I don't know if I had the holy spirit in me, but I was very sweet to him. He was saying you can't see God, he's invisible, why do I believe in this invisible spirit? And I said, you know, love's invisible. You can't see love. But it's there all the same. You can't prove you love your kids. But I know you do. Love is faith."
I'm carrying my groceries out into the parking lot, and this guy followed me, wanting to continue the conversation.
A radio preacher in 1980, already onto AI as an apocalyptic problem, always called it A one. Mark of the beast and all that.
A guy I was talking to last week was amused by that fact, otherwise lost to history.
Yeah, you don't really want strangers latching onto you. You need tips about ending conversations too.
A stranger in a library put me onto Lee Child. This was years ago. We were talking books, and this little old lady said, "Have you read Lee Child?" I was like, no. Never heard of the guy. And she was like, "Oh, you'll like him."
Damn AI thinks I'm in the bra market for saggy breasts. They can work on that software for 100 years, and their algorithms won't catch up to this complete stranger.
When you were just a young girl and still in school
How come you never learned the golden rule
Don't talk to strange men, don't be a fool
I'm hearing stories, I don't think that's cool
-- Rick Springfield.
Helps if you worked in retail. Chatting with strangers was a big part of my job - and a big benefit oh it too
As people noted above, it's the norm here in the South. I've lived from one end of the southeast to the other, and it's true throughout, even among the younger generation. Not to say that I haven't visited friendly cities or towns outside the south; I have. But it's more pronounced here.
I only converse with strangers who text me offering shady business propositions.
Saint Croix said...
"It's shocking to me how big Charlotte is now. We're almost top 10."
We are among the transplants adding to the Charlotte metro. We moved from Long Island, NY to Mooresville (Lake Norman) during Covid.
I was at a soul food restaurant over in NYS and we had called ahead, we had just passed through Elizabethtown, when we called him, he said 'You the people coming from E-Town?" and to make conversation, I said that I had grown up in "E-Block," which I thought was a nickname for Elmira, but actually it specifically refers to the prison there, and it turned out that the proprietor had done 20 years there, and was something of a prison preacher, and for twenty minutes while I ate my fried chicken, he called me "pops" and he regaled me with stories of his time in prison, his youth in the Bronx, his nephews, etc. The one thing he didn't tell me was that there was evaporated milk in the mac and cheese, which I should have guessed, we had people staying at the house a month ago who made us soul food mac and cheese, which was also delicious, but the rest of the ride was a little, well, use your imagination. In my family, we always made it with a roux.
you don't really want strangers latching onto you
Well, fear of strangers is fear of the foreign, fear of the other. Getting over that fear is part of talking to strangers.
When I was in film school, a girl told me that she read an article, that said human beings all need to be touched nine times a day. What I should have done was touch her nine times right then. That would have been funny. Instead I asked, "Do dogs count?"
If you're alone, you're probably not getting nine touches from people every day. I only get them on Sundays at church. It's the sort of thing you get in a high-trust situation. The handshake, the pat on the back, the hug.
In low-trust societies, talking to strangers is crossing a boundary. Touching a stranger is definitely crossing a boundary. Navigating this is something humanity has had to do since the dawn of time.
What's driving the trend you're seeing is probably isolation and loneliness, from looking at screens all day. People need human connection.
Jac at 11:23. LOL. Thanks for sharing that.
"The stranger secret: how to talk to anyone – and why you should"
As long as it's not me. If you want to know where Second St. or the nearest mini-mart is, go ahead and ask. Idle chit-chat? No thanks.
Is this another 'extroverts are superior to introverts' push? Cuz it feels like another 'extroverts are superior to introverts' push.
A new trend codified by Dale Carnegie in 1936.
Dogs are a license to talk/be talked to, defeated only by the cell phone. When I lived in Northern Virginia, it seemed a rule that you were permitted to talk to strangers about real estate.
As most commenters, I also live in the South. Before Covid people in my area always spoke or at least recognized you with a nod when you met or passed someone in the street, grocery store, wherever. Then Covid happened. Since then most people do not speak anymore or acknowledge passersby. We seem to have been flooded with new people moving in since Covid. I wonder if it is people from other regions of the country who are not friendly or, even though we did not have a strict lockdown, southeners just got used to the masks and not speaking. Whatever the reason, it’s a sad thing
"Ann Althouse said...
...You need tips about ending conversations too.
9/21/26, 10:57 AM"
'Anyway, won't keep you...'
'I'll let you go...'
Some of the most interesting interchanges in my life were with strangers.
The Guardian. WaPo. A book. WaPo.
Not a trend.
People have been talking to strangers for a long time.
"Before Covid people in my area always spoke or at least recognized you with a nod when you met or passed someone in the street, grocery store, wherever."
I don't have a problem with a "Good morning" or a nod as we pass on the sidewalk but I don't want people I don't know asking me if I'm doing anything fun this weekend (Wells Fargo, I'm looking at you).
I'm not against interacting with strangers if there's a reason for it other than just making small talk to pass the time.
"This might explain why the checkout girl yesterday actually seemed interested in a story of something that happened fifty years ago and asked me questions about it. I was kind of mystified."
You forgot to take the tinfoil hat off when you left the house. It's like a magnet.
My wife will talk cheerfully to any stranger about anything they want to discuss. Ordinarily it's charming and one of the reasons I love her, but there have been a few sketchy situations when I wish she'd have kept silent.
Jaq at 11:23.
Cheese is already dairy product so why difference between roux and evaporated milk?
***
What I should have done was touch her nine times right then. That would have been funny. Instead I asked, "Do dogs count?"
***
No, you handled it exactly right. You made a funny joke and let her know you were a dog lover, so you were already more than halfway to getting her to like and trust you.
If you'd have touched her like that, even in the old days before MeToo and Title IX, most women would have found it creepy and off-putting, and of course if you did it today you'd be lucky if you weren't expelled and hauled off to jail.
does posting here count as talking to strangers?
some of the people here are mighty strange..
but it seems less like talking and more like yellying
(usually about simple misspellings :)
"22 years of talking to strangers".
Well. Huh. Maybe in another 22 years we can get elevated to distant acquaintances.
A couple of years back there was an unexplained blackout. I went out on the street after overhearing neighbors congregating and talking. I went out and introduced myself. It was a pleasant exchange, until the clockless time limit on those exchanges starts running out, and we all just walked to our respective doors.
Re-discovery: It's ok to raise your voice a little, out on a dark street, among strange neighbors.
How's the garden? All settled in for winter?
I talk to strangers and their dogs easily, but dislike non-sexual physical contact and probably don't touch or get touched nine times in a week.
Lifelong Southron, FWIW.
Ending: Nice taking to you. Have a good day! Walk away. If not nice talk, ok, I gotta go now. Later. (Even though not later!)
To answer the question posed, no, I haven't noticed the trend.
Going for a 3 mile walk gives one an opportunity to say “good morning!” to the people one encounters and perhaps make their days a little better. It costs one nothing.
When I first came to Houston, I was a kid from the Northeast and just out of university, living in a tent in a KOA campground on the north side outskirts and looking for a job. The city seemed enormous, too big, hostile. Then I went to the P.O. early on to mail a letter and, standing in line, had complete strangers on either side of me strike up conversations. It was such a friendly encounter that I knew it was going to be OK. I turned out I had a job within the next day or two, and several other offers.
For all of my adult life, it seems that strangers have a tendency to strike up conversations with me, no matter where I am in the United States. I'm not sure why. I myself do not start conversations with strangers.
"You need tips about ending conversations too."
Reach for your keys and say "welp..." in an ascending tone.
We used to call this just being part of a society (at least here in the Midwest). I cannot think of a time when I did not talk with strangers I found myself adjacent to. The fact that this is some kind of a movement is pretty good evidence that smartphones and social media have destroyed normal human behavior.
Sydney, naked under the basketballs...
For all of my adult life, it seems that strangers have a tendency to strike up conversations with me, no matter where I am in the United States. I'm not sure why.
ha ha ha ha
this ad would be hilarious
I myself do not start conversations with strangers.
"Saint Croix said...
When I was little, my dad used to conversations with the waitress. And I'd be like, "this is so embarrassing." And now I do that."
Dr. Rick, stat!
My dad (Alabama native) would talk to anyone. He struck up a conversation with a gendarme by the Arc de Triomphe, which the relations were kind of embarrassed by, but then they all got a nice tutorial on it.
I try to be friendly and chat a bit with strangers, but avoiding Dr. Rick moments.
SOP for me. If the line is long, I find something to remark upon to get some talk rolling with the person next to me. It's not hard. Been doing it since I learned how to talk. If I'm waiting for a flight, I talk to the person sitting next to me in the terminal. I know quite a bit about the salespeople I see frequently, and when I worked retail, I knew a lot about my regular customers.
And commenting here, or anywhere else, is nothing more then talking to strangers, but in bits and pieces. There is a possibility that some amongst the regulars have met each other and never knew and still don't.
Costco returns line. Investor meetings. Airport security lines. Sproul Plaza (UC Berkeley). Pickleball. Outdoor concerts. Cycling.
There's almost always something plausible to talk about. Just don't be pushy about it.
If you'd have touched her like that, even in the old days before MeToo and Title IX, most women would have found it creepy and off-putting,
I knew her, we weren't strangers. I think it would have made her laugh.
Humor can backfire, though, no question. Flirting is a skillset, anybody can pick it up.
Another one, we were in a booth at a bar, and she asked me what my sign was.
I should have said, "Slippery When Wet." And if she laughs at that, then I add, "Soft shoulder." And if she finds that funny, then in a deep voice I say, "Yield."
But I just answered her damn question. "Libra." So lame.
Small talk is definitely a skill that takes practice.
I was a waiter and bartender in college, and worked retail for a while after graduation. I can talk to anybody. But a couple of times, I'll be at the bar having a drink talking to the stranger next to me, and realize after 10 seconds that they are batshit crazy. Like, mentally insane. Doesn't happen that often, thankfully.
I also crack up when i'm in a crowded elevator and there's always that person that just can't be quite because it makes them so uncomfortable and they just end up blathering.
Cheese has the lacctose removed by bacteria. Cream is fine too, very tiny amounts of lactose.
"The stranger secret: how to talk to anyone – and why you should"
Rejected alternative headline: "Why the world will be a better place when everybody else does what I think they should"
Somebody was asking for non-fiction books to read the other day. I am usually 90% in the fiction aisle. But a great non-fiction book I read a while back is Drunk.
What made it highly unusual is that it was pro-alcohol, and it was scientific.
Drunk elegantly cuts through the tangle of urban legends and anecdotal impressions that surround our notions of intoxication to provide the first rigorous, scientifically-grounded explanation for our love of alcohol. Drawing on evidence from archaeology, history, cognitive neuroscience, psychopharmacology, social psychology, literature, and genetics, Drunk shows that our taste for chemical intoxicants is not an evolutionary mistake, as we are so often told. In fact, intoxication helps solve a number of distinctively human challenges: enhancing creativity, alleviating stress, building trust, and pulling off the miracle of getting fiercely tribal primates to cooperate with strangers.
I think the marketing exaggerates how helpful it is to be drunk (not much evidence for that). But as a social lubricant, alcohol is super helpful. It drops our inhibitions with strangers. The first miracle of Christ was to turn water into wine.
@Saint Croix - Thanks for the laugh!
Not quite the same, but I have been asked for directions in many cities I don't live in. Maybe I have a friendly, knowledgable face?
I've been noticing a bunch of "foreigners visit America and are shocked" videos since the World Cup. They tend to focus on how friendly Americans seem to be compared to their experiences at home. There are a few who seem to be traveling very widely. This couple has a few interesting videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt585W-xUKM .
This is a good topic. Casual social interactions have unwritten rules.
In Los Angeles, I play golf at the municipal courses, often as a single. The other three people in the foursome have wide discretion in their decisions to interact with their fellow golfers. I prefer interaction with the strangers i'm sharing time with. I find that most other golfers seem to feel the same way. For some reason, this is less often the case with the Asian golfers. Just my experience.
OTOH, when I'm on a plane, I prefer the exchange of friendly hellos and goodbyes, and a general rule of silence, absent some oddity.
As for elevators, everyone should just mind their own business.
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